Chapter 3: What's a Condom?

Written by: Kawaii-babi

Edited by: Trojan Paper

Disclaimer: Don't own Trojan Condoms… yet… hee hee…

Young Evangeline Messer went running down the halls of the New York crime lab, looking for someone to explain something to her, as usual. She soon ran into Flack.

"Uncle Flack! Uncle Flack! I found something on the floor before, but I didn't pick it up 'cause my mommy an' daddy told me never to pick something up around here because it could be dangerous!" Evangeline said quickly. Flack was confused.

"What did you find, gorgeous? Was it in a yellowish bag with red tape?" Mac asked. Evangeline shook her head.

"Nope, it was tiny, and square, and in purple wrapping. Oh, and I think it said 'Throw Jam'…" Evangeline said. Flack's eyes went wide.

"Shoot! Not my condoms!" Flack said to himself, and then slapped his hand over his mouth. Evangeline was puzzled.

"Uncle Flack, what are you doing?" Evangeline asked. Flack sighed in relief and silently thanked the gods for her not paying attention to what he said. Unfortunately, his praying was in vain.

"Uncle Flack, what's a condom?" Evangeline asked. Flack silently swore.

"It's not my place to explain… " Flack said, then walked away before the girl could ask any more questions. He was NOT going to let Danny kick his ass again for something he didn't mean to do… again. He then realized he had made a stupid mistake by not explaining to her, knowing that she's be running around the lab until someone explained to her what something was.

"SHIT!" Flack exclaimed, and then ran after Evangeline, hoping he wasn't too late. Unfortunately, he didn't see which way she went so he went to the break room to get some purple soda (I have just been informed that it's called grape crush…) and clear his mind before he got the shit kicked out of him by Danny, yet again.

"Here's to my last day as a fully able man." Flack said, as he chugged his soda, then let out a humongous burp.

CSINYCSINYCSINY

"Uncle Shelly!" Evangeline yelled, jumping into Hawkes's arms, making Stella laugh out loud. Hawkes just glared at her and then turned his attention back to the little girl in his arms.

"Hey Line! What's wrong this time?" Hawkes asked, seeing the look of confusion in Evangeline's face. Stella then walked up behind Hawkes and smiled at the little girl in his arms.

"Yeah, Eva. Tell Uncle 'Shelly' what's wrong." Stella said, emphasizing the 'Shelly'. Hawkes glared at her, and Evangeline talking interrupted their little glaring contest.

"I found something on the floor before, but I didn't pick it up 'cause my mommy an' daddy told me never to pick something up around here because it could be dangerous! I was tiny, and square, and in purple wrapping, and Uncle Flack said it was called a 'condom', but I don't know what a condom is. Can you tell me what a condom is?" Evangeline asked. Hawkes's jaw dropped to the floor and Stella reached for her cell phone.

"Flack's gonna get it, Flack's gonna get it…" Stella sang, as she dialed Danny's number. Evangeline shook her head in disappointment.

"I don't think either of you know what a condom is so I'm gonna ask someone SMARTER than you guys, especially you Auntie Stella. You're acting more immature than I do." Evangeline said as she skipped down the hall. Stella's jaw dropped and Hawkes laughed.

"Karma babe…" Hawkes said, and then resumed his laugh attack.

CSINYCSINYCSINY

"Hi Uncle Sid… wait, you're not Uncle Sid!" Evangeline said as she entered the morgue. A young woman looked at the little girl and Evangeline's eyes widened.

"AUNTIE PEYTON!" Evangeline yelled, then she ran for the older woman's legs and hugged them tight. She then looked at Peyton quizzically.

"Wait, if you're here, then where's Uncle Mac. He usually follows you around like a 'love sick puppy'. That's what my daddy says, and my daddy follows my mommy like a love sick puppy all the time… it gets really funny…" Evangeline said. Suddenly, Evangeline heard footsteps and turned around and smiled.

"I am NOT a love sick puppy… your father might be, but I'm nowhere near that," Mac said, walking up to Peyton and giving her a chaste kiss on the lips. Peyton smiled then looked down at Evangeline and gave her a knowing look.

"Uncle Mac, where's my kiss, you love sick puppy?" Evangeline asked. Mac gave her a quick kiss on the cheek then pinched her.

"HEY! WHAT WAS THAT FOR?" Evangeline whined. Mac smiled.

"Am I a love sick puppy?" Mac asked, moving his fingers in a pinching motion. Evangeline gulped.

"No… Uncle Mac…" Evangeline said. Peyton then decided to change the subject.

"Evangel, why did you come in here looking for Sid?" Peyton asked. Evangeline put her finger to her lips and looked up at the cieling like she was thinking (you know, like cute little kids do) then she smiled.

"I found something on the floor before, but I didn't pick it up 'cause my mommy an' daddy told me never to pick something up around here because it could be dangerous! I was tiny, and square, and in purple wrapping, and Uncle Flack said it was called a 'condom', but I don't know what a condom is. Can you tell me what a condom is?" Evangeline asked. Peyton dropped to the floor laughing and Mac almost dropped the cup of hot chocolate he was carrying.

"FLACK'S GONNA GET BUSTED WHEN DANNY HEARS THIS!" Peyton said through her laughter. Mac then glared at her and she immediately stopped.

"You know, Angel, you should be having this conversation with your dad… or Uncle Flack…" Mac said, then he ushered Evangeline out of the room and closed the door.

"Someone needs to learn how to control their laughter," Mac said, handing Peyton the hot chocolate.

"Thanks Mac," Peyton said, grabbing the hot chocolate out of Mac's hands.

CSINYCSINYCSINY

"DANNY! I DIDN'T MEAN TO DO IT! NO! DON'T HURT ME!" Flack yelled. Evangeline saw this and looked into her father's eyes. She was surprised that she saw calmness in his eyes instead of rage.

"You know what, Flack? I ain't gonna hurt you." Danny said calmly. Flack was shocked.

"You're not?" Flack asked shocked.

"You're not?" Lindsay echoed, equally shocked. Danny winked at her.

"Naw. I ain't gonna hurt you. Imma let you teach my daughter what a condom is, and, I'd like you to meet grandma Messer." Danny said. Suddenly, a large Italian woman walked into the lobby with a broom.

"YOU HAVE VIOLATED MY GRANDDAUGHTER'S THOUGHTS!" Grandma Messer yelled, chasing Flack through the lobby with the ginormous broom.

"MOMMY!" Flack yelled, making everyone laugh.

Review