2

Running. Still running from Tachyon even after leaving my son on that planet called Veldin. Thank goodness it was only his army, for now. Thank goodness that it seems the little prank I set up for them worked. Not even Pollyx will crack that nut easily, and he's a Terachnoid.

"So, you're on the run?" Qwark asked Kaden, who just stared off into the star ocean. "Lucky to be rescued, eh? Don't worry! I'll get you to Metropolis in style, and you can go from there! I just have one question, though." Kaden turned to look at Qwark.

"Er, go ahead."

"What was with the little tyke? And the name you gave him, uh, Ratchet, was it?" Kaden nodded.

"I had to leave him there. I can't let Tachyon find us both."

"I was about to say," Kaden took in a breath, "you couldn't have picked a manlier name for a future sidekick?" And promptly exhaled in a mix of relief and laughter. This really was THE Captain Qwark of the holovision shows he watched as a kid back on Fastoon.

"What? What's so funny? I mean; Qwark and Ratchet: Dynamic Duo of Daring-Do? That doesn't really sound all that cool." Kaden's laughter turned into a silent howling fit.

"Neh..." Kaden fought to catch his breath. "Not at all! Just drop the end part and it'll be much better."

"Really?"

"Sure! Corny titles were only meant for vid-comics, anyway."

"Speaking of vid-comics, have you seen the latest issue of The Random Misadventures of...? Starring yours truly." Qwark said while raising his eyebrows in an attempt of suggestive sales.

"Nah, never was a fan of Jack Allsman's work. I might have to take a look."

"Splendid! I'll see about getting you a copy half off."

----------------

"Yah, and we're going to da fitness course as soon as he gets back! No worming out of exercise with another commercial, or building opening, or book signing for him today! Hah!" Standing near 9 feet tall and half as wide, the ex-Valkyrie-now Qwark's fitness trainer, Helga-XL, slapped Darla Gratch on the back, which by the force of it knocked her to the ground. Darla would have gotten back up and dusted her pink suit dress off, except that Qwark's ship had landed on her head. "Oh, speak of da green devil, there he is!" Helga said, with a miffed look as usual for her.

Tabloid reporters and cameramen crowded around the ship hatch as it opened, and Captain Qwark stepped out, followed by Kaden, who in the shock of din and flashing lights covered his ears and squinted a bit.

"Captain Qwark, is the message of the 'Voyager' the Planetary Defense Center caught several months ago really an ancient invasion warning from a unknown planet?" Qwark looked caught off guard by that question and tried to push through, running into a reporter with a tape recorder that looked and talked like Animal.

"!" Yet another shoved a second recorder up to his face.

"Is it true that you're still a 300-pound fat kid in spandex?" That question made Qwark scowl.

"Is that a Lombax with you?" Another one asked. Last straw. Quark admired public press, yes, but he hated tabloids.

"Yes and that's the only question that I'm answering for you stool pigeons!" Qwark hoisted Kaden up onto his shoulder and stormed off, passing Helga and hopping into the hovertaxi nearby. "Stupid paparazzi and their bottomfeeding." He muttered as Helga climbed aboard.

"So, you're a Lombax, eh, girly pipsqueak?" Helga asked brusqely.

"And you're a Valkyrie-"

"EX-Valkyrie, no thanks to my husband Harry getting us both SO lost that we not only couldn't find the pilgrimage, we also somehow ended up here! That, and Cassiopea was being a bimbo and kicked me out. At least my sister Libra is still there. Hehe. I'm Helga, Qwark's personal trainer. You?"

"Kaden Koba." Kaden looked around. "Where are we going?"

"Well, first, to get you a ship and a disguise, and then-"

"To da fitness course, Lard of the Rings!"

"D'argh!"

----------------

Kaden adjusted the fake glasses and mustache, both a horrible shade of violet that clashed with his yellow and brown fur, before walking up to an available robot secretary inside the Solana Licensing Office. She looked up and spoke in a shocking three-pack-a-day voice.

"Name?" Kaden froze. He couldn't risk raising his profile here.

"Muh...Mustachio Furioso." The secretary typed it in.

"Species?"

"Kitty." She raised an eyebrow and typed it in.

"Location?"

"Flurbian Galaxyverse, Planet Kartün." The secretary put her hands on her hips.

"Sir, I'm beginning to think that you're flipping my boot switch." Kaden sighed and pushed a couple buttons on a thin device on his wrist. From it, an egg-shaped machine telescoped out of it, as though a hologram at first, but becoming solid in a split second. He took it in his hand, and fiddled with two of the three dials on top of it. Aside of those, it was impossible to tell it apart from a plain old egg.

When he finished, a small hologram with unusual coordinates popped up. "There, see? I'm not lying about where I'm from."

"Wow, an extradimensional visitor! Who woulda thought?" Qwark layered schmooze into his exclamation. "Say, what else can that egg do?"

Qwark...I'm actually surprised that you know how to read dimensional coordinates. Kaden thought to himself.

"It's just an interdimensional map based on a joint project by both religious and scientific figures in the Flurbian Galaxyverse. I was project head." Kaden winked at the secretary with a cool expression on his face. The secretary looked rather flattered at Kaden's statement and his pose.

"You must be an important scientist to come so far from a place no one here would be able to say with a straight face, and I like smart guys." The secretary finished typing up the info necessary for his documentation, as well as wielded a jackhammer-sounding machine to print out a small plastic slip, and then handed Kaden Mustachio Furioso's ship piloting license. "There you go, sweetie. Buh-bye."

Helga grabbed Qwark by the arm as the trio walked out of the building. "Now you, mine green-beer summer sausage, are coming with me!"