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* * * * * *
(The Razielim Clan Territories. Guardian walks into view. She is wearing a bathrobe.)
GoT: Welcome to the humble abode of my beloved. I can't talk long because I left the man in question in the bath. Welcome to part three of my Harry Potter Out Takes. This is starting to turn into a little story isn't it? Us against Hogwarts. Hehehehe. This reel is called 'Potter's Vengeance'. I got this one, I had to route round Melchiah's insides to get at. Hence the need for a bath. The boy tried to stop me from finding it by swallowing it. Then he got himself mashed up. So he really needn't had bothered giving himself indigestion.
Raziel: (Off screen) Guardian! Are you coming?
GoT: Just a sec! (Runs over to the camera and starts the clips.)
Beep-beep
* * * * * *
Why do the Pillars keep falling?
(The LoK crew are trying to film a pillar scene, with out much luck.)
Kain: What I have made, I can also destr- Oh! For the love of the dark gods!
(The Pillar of Nature has just fallen over.)
Raziel: That's the 65th time this week! What the hell is wrong with these Pillars!
GoT: (Teleports into the room and is now sitting on top of a camera, she begins to sing to the tune of 'London Bridge') 'Nosgoth pillars are falling down, falling down, falling down. Nosgoth pillars are falling down, my fair lady!
SR Director: Shut Up! (Guardian falls of the camera.)
Raziel: What are you doing here, oh moon of my delight?
GoT: I came to see why you are so later home. (Pouts) I made dinner for us.
Raziel: Sorry sweetheart but we haven't finished filming.
SR Director: While you're here why don't you make yourself useful and see what's the matter with those damn pillars!
GoT: Faulty equipment?
SR Props Manager: I don't think so! I've checked these pillars a zillion times, these nothing wrong with them technically.
SR Stagehand: We think it may be something magical.
SR Director: And you're our magic person.
Raziel: Come on honey. The sooner we finish this scene, the sooner we can go home and have dinner.
GoT: Well, since it's you. (Climes down off her camera and walks over to the pillars. The crew watch in silence as she inspects each pillar in turn, muttering to herself. She comes to the pillar of balance last.) Aha! (Everyone cranes forward to see what she's found.)
Kain: What is it?
SR Director: What have you found?
(Guardian ducks to the floor and holds something aloft. A small, red badge with letters on it.)
Steve the Cameraman: (Reads the writing on badge.) Spew?
GoT: No! S. P. E. W. I think I know whose behind all this. Everyone pack up! Go home! Raz, Kain, all the vampires in fact. Stay here with me, you too Ariel and you Steve. We're gonna get to the bottom of this!
Beep-beep
* * * * * *
The Pillars of Nosgoth-nighttime
(All the vampires, with Guardian, Steve & Ariel, have waited for five hours at the pillars. Guardian refuses to tell them what's going on or what their waiting for. She's just told Steve to keep the camera running. In is now coming towards midnight.)
Dumah: (As a clock strikes midnight.) The witching hour.
(All look at Guardian.)
GoT: What? (For those that don't understand this, Guardian is a witch goddess.)
Kain: Shut up! I think I can hear something!
(Voices are heard in the corridor outside.)
Unknown Voice 1: Are you sure this is a good idea?
Unknown Voice 2: Of course it is!
Unknown Voice 1: But it's vindictive
Unknown Voice 3: No it's not! She's the one whose vindictive
Unknown Voice 4: Well I think...
Unknown Voices 2&3: NO ONE CARES WHAT YOU THINK!
(The doors of the room open to reveal four figures)
Melchiah: Who is it?
GoT: Shush!
(The figures walk over to the pillars. The only female crouches on the floor and mutters something.)
Unknown Voice 3: Collapiscus!
GoT: Hiya, all you happy people!
(The lights come on revealing Harry, Ron, Hermione and the HP director)
Hermione & HP Director: Oh bugger!
Harry: Just to let you know...
Ron: We were against this from the start!
Harry: Both of us!
Ron: Run for it!
(The run out of the room as if the hounds of hell are after them. This could very soon be a reality, considering the company present. Hermione and the HP Director make for the door.)
Ariel: No you don't!
(The doors slam shut.)
Hermione & HP Director: CRAP!
Raziel: Nice piece of magic Guardian.
GoT: Err, it wasn't me.
Raziel: Huh?
Ariel: Ahem...
(All look at her.)
Just because i'm dead doesn't mean I lost the ability to perform magic!
All: Wow!
Kain: (Sulkily) You could have told us.
Rahab: That is irrelevant. The most pressing matter is, What are we going to do with these unfortunate cattle?
GoT: I knew it was them. That badge I found was Hermione's. S.P.E.W. The Society for the Promotion of Elvish Welfare. She founded it.
(To Hermoine.)
So, you've been performing weak human magic on these pillars. Making them fall. Someone could have been killed.
(Pulls out her axe. The vampires bare their fangs.)
Hermione: No! You wouldn't!
Ariel & Steve: I don't want to watch this!
(They run out, or in Ariel's case, float out.)
Raziel; It's ok, we can get Mortanius to resurrect you afterwards.
GoT: So that means you can't devour their souls Raz.
Raziel: It that case I shall leave. See you later.
(Raziel exits, leaving Hermione and the HP director to their fate. As Kain walks past the camera, he turns it off.)
Beep-beep
* * * * * *
Owls, Argh!
(Raziel approaches the Santurary of the Clans for the first time.)
Raziel: My God...
(The SR Director nods and tells Steve to pan the camera round the courtyard. Showing just how decimated and derelict the world has become. However.)
SR Producer: Hey! Why is that raven white!?
(Everyone looks to where she is pointing. Instead of ravens perched on top of the Santurary, there are...)
Raziel: Owls?
(Thousands upon thousands of owls are perched all over the set. Think 'The Birds' and you've got the picture.)
SR Director: What the hell is going on?
(At that instant all the owls launch of their perches and start to do what birds do best.)
All: Arghhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Every one begins to run for cover.)
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Raziel: (Pounding on the Clan Sanctuary door.) Kain! Kain! Let us in! LET US IN!!!!!!!!
Kain: (From inside) What?
SR Producer: LET US IN NOW!!!!!!!!!
Steve: PRONTO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SR Director: THAT'S AN ORDER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(The doors open and everyone runs in.)
Kain: Yuk! What the hell happened to you!?
Raziel: Nasty! Where's the water?
Kain: You're not immune to water yet.
Raziel: DAMN!!!!!!!!!!!
Beep-Beep.
* * * * * *
(Five hours later)
SR Producer: Are they gone?
Kain: Dunno. Raziel, you go out and see.
Raziel: Why me!?
SR Director: Because someone has to!
Raziel: Ooh, all right.
(Walks outside.)
Raziel: (Calls from outside.) Looks all clear......Ahh!
(Splat!)
Kain: Raziel! Are you ok!?
(Raziel walks in and wipes white gunk from his face.)
Raziel: This. Means. War!
Beep-beep
* * * * * *
(Raziel and Guardian walk on screen.)
GoT: Ooh! This doesn't look good dose it? What going to happen to the Harry Potter people? Well you're gonna have to wait because Mrs. Weasly got that tape and she's hidden it somewhere.
However I do have a tip from 'anonymous' informant.....
Raziel: Ahem.
GoT: That a reel called 'There's a very good reason why there are no Unicorns in Nosgoth' is hidden near Zephon's Cathedral. So if you don't mind, we're off to do a little treasure hunting.
Kain: (Off screen) In the name of all that's unholy, you aren't going to show that one!?
GoT: Of course I am! Muhahahahaha!!!!!!!!
Reviews please.
* * * * * *
(The Razielim Clan Territories. Guardian walks into view. She is wearing a bathrobe.)
GoT: Welcome to the humble abode of my beloved. I can't talk long because I left the man in question in the bath. Welcome to part three of my Harry Potter Out Takes. This is starting to turn into a little story isn't it? Us against Hogwarts. Hehehehe. This reel is called 'Potter's Vengeance'. I got this one, I had to route round Melchiah's insides to get at. Hence the need for a bath. The boy tried to stop me from finding it by swallowing it. Then he got himself mashed up. So he really needn't had bothered giving himself indigestion.
Raziel: (Off screen) Guardian! Are you coming?
GoT: Just a sec! (Runs over to the camera and starts the clips.)
Beep-beep
* * * * * *
Why do the Pillars keep falling?
(The LoK crew are trying to film a pillar scene, with out much luck.)
Kain: What I have made, I can also destr- Oh! For the love of the dark gods!
(The Pillar of Nature has just fallen over.)
Raziel: That's the 65th time this week! What the hell is wrong with these Pillars!
GoT: (Teleports into the room and is now sitting on top of a camera, she begins to sing to the tune of 'London Bridge') 'Nosgoth pillars are falling down, falling down, falling down. Nosgoth pillars are falling down, my fair lady!
SR Director: Shut Up! (Guardian falls of the camera.)
Raziel: What are you doing here, oh moon of my delight?
GoT: I came to see why you are so later home. (Pouts) I made dinner for us.
Raziel: Sorry sweetheart but we haven't finished filming.
SR Director: While you're here why don't you make yourself useful and see what's the matter with those damn pillars!
GoT: Faulty equipment?
SR Props Manager: I don't think so! I've checked these pillars a zillion times, these nothing wrong with them technically.
SR Stagehand: We think it may be something magical.
SR Director: And you're our magic person.
Raziel: Come on honey. The sooner we finish this scene, the sooner we can go home and have dinner.
GoT: Well, since it's you. (Climes down off her camera and walks over to the pillars. The crew watch in silence as she inspects each pillar in turn, muttering to herself. She comes to the pillar of balance last.) Aha! (Everyone cranes forward to see what she's found.)
Kain: What is it?
SR Director: What have you found?
(Guardian ducks to the floor and holds something aloft. A small, red badge with letters on it.)
Steve the Cameraman: (Reads the writing on badge.) Spew?
GoT: No! S. P. E. W. I think I know whose behind all this. Everyone pack up! Go home! Raz, Kain, all the vampires in fact. Stay here with me, you too Ariel and you Steve. We're gonna get to the bottom of this!
Beep-beep
* * * * * *
The Pillars of Nosgoth-nighttime
(All the vampires, with Guardian, Steve & Ariel, have waited for five hours at the pillars. Guardian refuses to tell them what's going on or what their waiting for. She's just told Steve to keep the camera running. In is now coming towards midnight.)
Dumah: (As a clock strikes midnight.) The witching hour.
(All look at Guardian.)
GoT: What? (For those that don't understand this, Guardian is a witch goddess.)
Kain: Shut up! I think I can hear something!
(Voices are heard in the corridor outside.)
Unknown Voice 1: Are you sure this is a good idea?
Unknown Voice 2: Of course it is!
Unknown Voice 1: But it's vindictive
Unknown Voice 3: No it's not! She's the one whose vindictive
Unknown Voice 4: Well I think...
Unknown Voices 2&3: NO ONE CARES WHAT YOU THINK!
(The doors of the room open to reveal four figures)
Melchiah: Who is it?
GoT: Shush!
(The figures walk over to the pillars. The only female crouches on the floor and mutters something.)
Unknown Voice 3: Collapiscus!
GoT: Hiya, all you happy people!
(The lights come on revealing Harry, Ron, Hermione and the HP director)
Hermione & HP Director: Oh bugger!
Harry: Just to let you know...
Ron: We were against this from the start!
Harry: Both of us!
Ron: Run for it!
(The run out of the room as if the hounds of hell are after them. This could very soon be a reality, considering the company present. Hermione and the HP Director make for the door.)
Ariel: No you don't!
(The doors slam shut.)
Hermione & HP Director: CRAP!
Raziel: Nice piece of magic Guardian.
GoT: Err, it wasn't me.
Raziel: Huh?
Ariel: Ahem...
(All look at her.)
Just because i'm dead doesn't mean I lost the ability to perform magic!
All: Wow!
Kain: (Sulkily) You could have told us.
Rahab: That is irrelevant. The most pressing matter is, What are we going to do with these unfortunate cattle?
GoT: I knew it was them. That badge I found was Hermione's. S.P.E.W. The Society for the Promotion of Elvish Welfare. She founded it.
(To Hermoine.)
So, you've been performing weak human magic on these pillars. Making them fall. Someone could have been killed.
(Pulls out her axe. The vampires bare their fangs.)
Hermione: No! You wouldn't!
Ariel & Steve: I don't want to watch this!
(They run out, or in Ariel's case, float out.)
Raziel; It's ok, we can get Mortanius to resurrect you afterwards.
GoT: So that means you can't devour their souls Raz.
Raziel: It that case I shall leave. See you later.
(Raziel exits, leaving Hermione and the HP director to their fate. As Kain walks past the camera, he turns it off.)
Beep-beep
* * * * * *
Owls, Argh!
(Raziel approaches the Santurary of the Clans for the first time.)
Raziel: My God...
(The SR Director nods and tells Steve to pan the camera round the courtyard. Showing just how decimated and derelict the world has become. However.)
SR Producer: Hey! Why is that raven white!?
(Everyone looks to where she is pointing. Instead of ravens perched on top of the Santurary, there are...)
Raziel: Owls?
(Thousands upon thousands of owls are perched all over the set. Think 'The Birds' and you've got the picture.)
SR Director: What the hell is going on?
(At that instant all the owls launch of their perches and start to do what birds do best.)
All: Arghhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Every one begins to run for cover.)
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Raziel: (Pounding on the Clan Sanctuary door.) Kain! Kain! Let us in! LET US IN!!!!!!!!
Kain: (From inside) What?
SR Producer: LET US IN NOW!!!!!!!!!
Steve: PRONTO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SR Director: THAT'S AN ORDER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(The doors open and everyone runs in.)
Kain: Yuk! What the hell happened to you!?
Raziel: Nasty! Where's the water?
Kain: You're not immune to water yet.
Raziel: DAMN!!!!!!!!!!!
Beep-Beep.
* * * * * *
(Five hours later)
SR Producer: Are they gone?
Kain: Dunno. Raziel, you go out and see.
Raziel: Why me!?
SR Director: Because someone has to!
Raziel: Ooh, all right.
(Walks outside.)
Raziel: (Calls from outside.) Looks all clear......Ahh!
(Splat!)
Kain: Raziel! Are you ok!?
(Raziel walks in and wipes white gunk from his face.)
Raziel: This. Means. War!
Beep-beep
* * * * * *
(Raziel and Guardian walk on screen.)
GoT: Ooh! This doesn't look good dose it? What going to happen to the Harry Potter people? Well you're gonna have to wait because Mrs. Weasly got that tape and she's hidden it somewhere.
However I do have a tip from 'anonymous' informant.....
Raziel: Ahem.
GoT: That a reel called 'There's a very good reason why there are no Unicorns in Nosgoth' is hidden near Zephon's Cathedral. So if you don't mind, we're off to do a little treasure hunting.
Kain: (Off screen) In the name of all that's unholy, you aren't going to show that one!?
GoT: Of course I am! Muhahahahaha!!!!!!!!
Reviews please.