CHAPTER THREE
Jack turned away from the medical bay and walked to the centre of the main hub, looking up towards Myfanwy's nest when she screeched. He closed his eyes and placed his hands on his hips, trying to stay calm as a storm of fury brewed in his chest. It was difficult to accomplish.
For the past three months, from the moment he was told that his lover was pregnant, he knew termination of the sac was the best way to go. There were too many factors at play, too many possibilities that could happen. A baby didn't belong in Torchwood and that was proven time and time again over his long history at Torchwood Three. There had been only three Torchwood operatives who had attempted to combine Torchwood and parenthood, and two of them met with disastrous results. One had her baby kidnapped and she had spent the rest of her life trying to find her son. The other had died in the line of duty when an alien had managed to sneak into the hub while the rest of the team had been out. She had been six months pregnant. As for the third . . . Well, Jack didn't want to think about that one.
If that wasn't enough to convince him that the sac needed to be terminated, there was also the glaring fact that Ianto was a man. Pregnancies in men were risky, with a high percentage of miscarriages and deaths even during the fifty-first century when pregnant men were more common.
Jack had trusted Ianto to be pragmatic about the situation.
"You're mad."
Jack opened his eyes and lowered his head, but didn't turn around yet. "Logical deduction, Ianto Jones. Two months ago we agreed that termination was the best option for us. And now you tell me you want to keep the sac."
"It's not a sac anymore, Jack. It's a baby."
"Two weeks ago you asked me about a family. You said it had nothing to do with us. Was that a lie?"
"No." There was a pregnant pause. "Mostly not a lie. I was . . . struggling with the decision—"
"We had already decided!" Jack turned around to glare at Ianto. "We talked—"
"No, we didn't." Ianto lifted his chin. "We didn't talk at all. You told me to get rid of it and I agreed, and you never spoke about it again."
Jack stared. "You're making it sound like I was forcing you to terminate it."
"That's not my intention. I'm just saying that we never really talked about it. I was in shock, Jack, afraid because I had something in me that shouldn't have been there in the first place. You come to me with a solution, telling me it's the practical thing to do, and of course I'm going to agree with you because all I can think about is that there's a way for this thing to be taken out, but now I realize it isn't a thing. It's a baby. It's my baby. It's our baby."
"Ianto, do you know what could happen to you?"
"Yes, of course I do. The baby could die. I could die. I know all the risks, I asked Terry."
Jack scowled at Terry, who was hovering with Gwen behind Ianto. The redhead looked away with a guilty expression.
"Jack." He looked at Ianto again. His lover exuded confidence, but his eyes were filled with desperation and a need for Jack to understand. "We go through hell and back every day to save lives. What's the point in all that if I don't allow this one single child a chance to live? What's the point of Torchwood and making sure aliens and humans get a chance at life if I go around and kill the life that's inside me?"
It was a feasible argument. After everything they've gone through, after evolving from cold-hearted agents to understanding human beings, for all intents and purposes he should give this child a chance, especially when the child was a part of Ianto, a part of himself. But he couldn't give in. He would give Ianto almost anything he wanted, but not this. A baby didn't belong in their world, and a pregnant man belonged even less.
Jack shook his head. "Ianto, I can't give you my approval or my support in this. Terminate the pregnancy."
Ianto tightened his lips, but he didn't back down. Jack knew that stubborn look, and he knew he wasn't going to like the next words that came out of Ianto's mouth.
"I'm not asking for your approval." He inhaled sharply. "And I would like your support, but if you can't give me that then I don't need it either."
They stared at each other for several seconds before Jack turned and stalked out of the hub.
He slammed the door open of the tourist centre, letting the cool air of the night settle his nerves. This couldn't be happening. Ianto couldn't possibly be thinking clearly.
The worst thing about all of this was that Jack had known—he had fucking known—that this could happen. Just because Ianto was a man didn't mean that he wouldn't form a sort of maternal bond. He supposed it would be more appropriate to label it as a paternal bond, but the sentiment was the same. He had seen the tiny hints that showed Ianto starting to waver in his decision to remove the sac: a gentle brush against his stomach, the switch from 'sac' to 'baby' whenever Ianto spoke about it. Ianto had grown attached, just like Jack had suspected, and he should've sat Ianto down and explain that the sac needed to be removed as soon as possible, but he had thought Ianto's twenty-first century ideas would override any sort of emotional sentiment he held for the sac.
He was half way across the Plass when he heard Gwen shout his name. He ignored it, not wanting to deal with her. He didn't want to deal with anyone. He wanted to find a nice roof away from the hub and brood about the new complication, because that was what it was: a complication. An unnecessary complication that they couldn't deal with now. Despite Terry joining the team, they were still broken, held together only by the cheapest of glues. They didn't need another potential death.
"Jack!"
Jack reluctantly stopped when Gwen grabbed his arm. She moved until she was in front of him, face flushed and breathing heavily. "You can't leave like that."
"I believe I can and just did."
"You know what I mean. Ianto needs you."
Jack snorted. "You heard him, Gwen. Doesn't need my approval, doesn't need my support. He's determined to go through with this all on his own."
"And whose fault is that?" She glared up at him.
He glared right back. "This isn't a simple matter. This is bigger than that."
"Would you be saying the same thing if I were pregnant?"
"It's different and you damn well know it." He jerked out of her hold and continued on his march, faintly annoyed when Gwen followed. "You're not pregnant, and even if you were you aren't a man. You aren't Ianto, so don't compare yourself to him."
"I'm not comparing myself to him. I'm just saying, Ianto knows the risks and he's willing to take them."
"It's worse than that." Jack stopped and looked at Gwen. "The baby isn't going to survive. We don't have the technology that would ensure its survival. If it died, Ianto will break. He's barely holding himself together. There's also the fact that the chances of Ianto surviving the pregnancy is slim to none in this century. I don't want another death, okay? No matter what we do or how hard we try, this pregnancy isn't going to end well." He tossed his hands up in the air. "Why the fuck isn't anyone understanding that?"
Gwen closed her eyes for a moment before she reopened them. "I see your point. Losing Tosh and Owen was hard and it's too soon to lose anyone else. I get that, that's why I told Ianto that I didn't agree with his decision. I don't want to lose him either." Her eyes darkened with determination. "But Ianto made his choice, and it's my job, our job, to stand by him when he needs us most."
"I know." His anger simmered. "But I can't agree with him. I can't accept it and I can't support it."
"But Ianto can't do this by himself."
Jack looked away. He wasn't changing his stance on the situation. He didn't want anything to do with the baby, didn't want to get attached to something that could die—or something that could kill his lover.
Perhaps some of his morose thoughts appeared on his face because Gwen suddenly hugged him, her slim arms wrapping around him while her head rested on his shoulder. He took comfort from her hold, returning the hug. He inhaled her scent. This would have been so much easier if Gwen had been the one to get pregnant. A pregnant Gwen would have caused problems as well, but not like the problems that came with Ianto.
"Jack?"
Hearing Ianto's voice, he pulled back and looked around, but didn't see him. It took him a moment to realize that Ianto had spoken through the comm. He pressed his comm. "What?" He couldn't help the snap in his word.
There was a pause before Ianto carefully replied, "There's rift activity across the city."
Calm and professional. Despite their argument, despite their disagreement over the pregnancy, Jack could always depend on Ianto to put Torchwood first. Well, almost always.
Jack forced himself to be professional as well. Wasn't that one of the big conversations they had? To not let what they had together interfere with Torchwood matters and vice versa? "How big?" He was quite proud with how steady his voice came out.
"Nothing major, from the looks of it. Terry and I are going through the CCTV now to see what we got. Weevil, perhaps. I doubt we'll need more than two people to investigate."
When it involved Weevils, Jack usually took Ianto. They knew each other's signals by now, knew what to do to handle a Weevil, and knew how to resolve any Weevil situation as quickly and quietly as possible, which was almost always followed by a quick romp in the SUV or whatever car they took. But after today, he wasn't in the mood to have Ianto as a partner.
"I'll take Terry," he said abruptly. "He needs the fieldwork practice anyway."
There was another pause. "Of course, sir."
Sir. Ianto was distancing himself now. He always called Jack "sir" with that stiff tone of voice whenever Ianto wanted distance between them, similar to the way Jack called Ianto "Mr. Jones" with that same tone of stiffness. Maybe it was for the best. Maybe they needed distance. Ianto clearly made his choice about the pregnancy. It was Jack's turn to figure out what to do, how much he wanted to get involved.
If he wanted to get involved at all.
"Tell Terry to meet me at the SUV."
"Already did, sir."
The comm clicked off and Jack smiled at a concerned Gwen. She wasn't ignorant. She knew that Weevil capturing was solely a Jack-and-Ianto thing. She may fancy Jack, and he may fancy her in return, but she wasn't blind to the relationship between Jack and Ianto and what that relationship entailed.
He could feel the strain in his lips. "Looks like its Weevil time. I'll see you later."
"What about—?"
"I need time to think about things, Gwen." He walked back across the Plass, making his way to the underground parking lot where the SUV sat. "By the way," he called over his shoulder, "let Ianto know that he could go on home. I don't want to see him for the rest of the night."
In fact, Jack really didn't want to see Ianto for quite a long while.
Ianto returned home and slipped off his shoes, still smarting by the blatant dismissal via Gwen. Jack was a coward. The decent thing he could have done was tell him to go home to his face.
For a moment, he stood in the middle of his living room, unsure of what to do. He didn't want to clean, he wasn't hungry, and he wasn't in the mood to watch TV. He thought about doing some work, but quickly banished the thought. He didn't have any files with him from Torchwood, and in all honesty, Ianto didn't want anything to do with Torchwood at the moment. Torchwood was intertwined with Jack, and Ianto really didn't want to think about Jack and his reaction to Ianto's decision to keep the baby.
Ianto had been prepared for a less-than-pleasant reaction from Jack, but it hadn't hurt any less to see the man walk out on him. He wondered if this was the end of their relationship, and Ianto laughed at the irony. How many women had experienced this same feeling of abandonment by a lover because they carried a baby? Ianto had never thought he'd be in this kind of position, left alone because he refused to terminate his pregnancy. Oh, both Gwen and Terry would be there to help him, but neither one was Jack.
"It's okay," he announced to the empty flat. "I can do this."
He hadn't lied when he had said he didn't need Jack's support. He was fully prepared to do this on his own. He had survived the downfall of Torchwood London, the death of Lisa, cannibals, John Hart's bombs, and a Dalek. If he had to go through the pregnancy on his own, no matter if the baby died or if he died himself, he would do it. He needed to give this baby a chance to live. It may not belong inside of him, but it was still a human baby that was a part of him.
"We'll be just fine." Ianto patted his belly. He still wasn't completely comfortable with the idea of a baby growing inside of him, but he was at peace with his decision. "We'll be just fine."
When a mug of coffee was placed on his desk, Jack expected to see Ianto. He was surprised when he saw Terry instead.
"Not as good as Ianto's, but decent enough." Terry smiled.
Jack smiled in return. "Thanks." He took the mug and tasted the brew. Terry was right, it wasn't as good as Ianto's, but no one's coffee would ever taste as good as his lover's. Ianto saw coffee as an art to be appreciated and carefully created, not something to be ruined with burned coffee beans or unnecessary additions that many coffee shops loved to include in their coffees. Terry's attempt was a lot better than Jack's or Gwen's, though. It would do for now.
"Ianto phoned, said not to expect him for a few days."
Jack wasn't surprised. "Staying away from me, right?"
"He didn't mention a reason, but he figured you would give him the time."
Yes, he would. Ianto knew Jack better than anyone else. Distance was what Jack needed—what they both needed.
"For what it's worth, I did try to persuade him to change his mind about the baby."
"I know." Jack leaned back in his chair and took another sip of his coffee. "Is Gwen still here?"
"Went out for some lunch."
Gwen was still disappointed in him for his knee-jerk reaction to Ianto's decision. She took every chance she got to remind him that Ianto needed all their support right now and that Jack should be there for him. God, when that woman got an idea in her head she never let it go until she got her way or learned her lesson, but Jack liked that about her. She was determined, driven to strive because of her compassionate nature. She kept him on some pedestal and Jack liked being perched up there, and that was why he hated disappointing her.
"Do you think I'm a bastard?" At Terry's confused expression Jack explained, "For disagreeing with Ianto about the sac, for my reaction. Am I a bastard?"
"I wouldn't say a bastard." Terry rocked on his heels. "Cautious, I would say. I won't deny that you act like a bit of jerk, though."
Jack smirked. "No longer blinded by hero worship, huh?"
Terry grinned. "Nope. Not since I found out you and Ianto are together." He lost his smile. "Or should I say were together?"
"I have no idea anymore." Jack placed the mug back down. "In my time—the fifty-first century—men can have babies, but if there is one thing that hasn't changed, it's that a human man cannot naturally conceive with another human man. Someone who has alien DNA, maybe, and if they use advanced technology, they can definitely get pregnant. But the risks remain high. That's why most male same-sex couples opted for the safer albeit more expensive method of sending their sperm to an incubating factory."
Terry wrinkled his nose. "Incubating factory?"
"Using artificial eggs and the couple's combined sperm to make a baby that biologically belongs to both men."
"Sounds kind of clinical."
"It is. Parents can see their babies through incubators and, for an extra fee, they can make what people today call designer babies." When Terry made a face that spoke of disapproval, Jack shrugged. He didn't see anything wrong with parents wanting perfect children. "But like you, some couples thought that it was too clinical. Those are the ones who opted for male pregnancy."
Jack paused, remembering the few men in his colony who tried to make a family, leaving the villages by the sea to venture into the cities inland to get the proper technology that would give them the family they craved with their husbands. "But it was hard. Artificial wombs can fall apart and cause miscarriages, or labour can occur too prematurely. By the time a doctor arrives, both baby and father are already dead, the doctor too late to prevent any of it from happening. So many things can go wrong." He took another sip of the coffee. "If things can go wrong in the fifty-first century with all the advanced technology available, then it's inevitable that something will go wrong with Ianto's pregnancy."
"You're scared." Terry sounded surprised.
"My lover can die. Of course I'm scared."
"No, I know that. It's just that . . ." He trailed off. Jack gave him a curious arched eyebrow, silently telling him to continue. Terry waved his hand. "The way you reacted—one would think that your main reason for not wanting the baby is precisely that. You don't want it. At least, that's what it sounds like."
"I don't give a damn about the baby." Jack's blunt honesty made the doctor wince. "All I care about is Ianto." He took stock of what Terry said, remembering his exchange with Ianto, and sighed. "But I can see your point."
They were quiet for several minutes while Jack considered the circumstances. He didn't want the baby, that was a given, but it wasn't because of selfish reasons. He had done his best to not get attached because he didn't want to see it as anything more than a parasite that could kill Ianto. It was easier to think that way when all these negative and fatal possibilities floated around in his head. If the baby survived but killed Ianto, Jack wasn't sure he could feel anything more than loathing. The baby would serve as a reminder of what Jack lost. If Ianto survived but the baby did not, Jack knew it would shatter his lover. Ianto was stoic, true, but he was fragile and there were cracks in his armour. A miscarriage or a stillbirth could shatter him completely and Jack didn't want to see the progress they've made be for nothing.
Ianto's decision gave Jack a new purpose to find the culprit behind the conception, but it was driving him mad that he couldn't figure out how Ianto got pregnant in the first place. If it was an alien's doing, Jack would gladly squeeze its long-short-fat-thin-if-it-even-had-one neck! If it was alien tech, Jack would take great joy in crushing it under his foot. It wouldn't solve the issue, but at least the source of the issue would be taken care of and would do much to soothe Jack's anger.
Terry sat on one of the chairs in front of Jack's desk. "You know, when I learned that you and Ianto were shagging, I thought you and Ianto were a committed couple. Then he tells me you aren't even a couple, just two people who shag and go out. Friends with benefits type of a thing. Now I'm starting to think it's a little more serious than that."
Jack smiled. "I don't do labels."
"And you flirt like hell." Terry crossed his arms, looking slightly peeved. "You know you were leading me on, right? When I was flirting with you?"
"I tend to do that." Jack felt no guilt, either. It was just who he was. "But I would have never crossed that line with you. I'm not the monogamous sort of guy, but I can be monogamous when the occasion calls for it. With my long life, I can spare a few decades committed to one person."
"And Ianto is an occasion that calls for it?"
"Most definitely." Jack's smile widened. "He pretends he doesn't care, but I see the bursts of jealousy he gets now and again."
"Which explains why you turned down my propositions."
"Sorry, Doc. You're not worth losing Ianto over." And Jack would have lost him in some kind of fashion.
Even if Ianto chose to forgive his indiscretion and forget about it, Jack knew that his infidelity, despite the lack of any kind of commitment, would've hurt Ianto to the point where the young man would've withdrawn into himself so he wouldn't get hurt again. Jack would've lost a huge part of Ianto, never to regain it again, and he came to appreciate every single piece that Ianto gave him.
Terry didn't seem offended by the blunt words. "And your fear that Ianto could die," he said, "is that worth losing him?"
Jack rubbed at his chin. The question was a tricky one to answer. Jack was scared to be with Ianto just as much as he was scared of losing him.
It had taken him great courage to even ask Ianto out, knowing that dating Ianto would take their relationship to a whole different level. He didn't regret doing so, but on occasion he kicked himself for getting deeply involved with a man who would eventually die. It was going to hurt losing him, and sometimes he told himself that he should end what they have, to give Ianto a chance at a normal life outside of Torchwood, but what held him back was how much he didn't want to lose the relationship he had with him. They needed each other in some way and Jack was selfish. He didn't want to lose that.
"Look, just don't let your anger and your fears rule your choices over Ianto and the baby." Terry stood up. "If I'm not worth losing Ianto over, then the other things are worth it even less."
Terry walked out, leaving Jack alone with his thoughts.
When Ianto realized that his trousers were a bit more snug than usual, he knew it was time to do a bit of shopping. After buying three new pairs of trousers and four new sets of shirts, he made his way back home, making just one stop to buy fish and chips. He was almost home when a mop of blond hair caught his eye in the middle of the street.
He froze.
It was the little girl he had spied at the bakery window a couple of weeks ago, the exact same one. She was peeking around the corner of a building, not exactly trying to be seen, but not exactly hiding either, because she didn't move once his eyes landed on her. He was almost sure that she was looking at him, but there were people walking up and down the street. She might be looking at someone else. He glanced around, making sure there was no other person standing in the middle of the street and looking in the little girl's direction. Nope, there was no one else.
He turned back, but the little girl was no longer peeking. Frowning, he closed the distance between himself and the street corner, but she wasn't there when he turned the corner. He looked up the street, across the street, even inside the building to see if she was close by, but she was nowhere to be seen.
If Ianto was an ordinary bloke, he would have put it down as coincidence. A very strange and unusual coincidence, certainly, but it was human nature to find explanations for even the strangest of occurrences. How else could the earth's population still deny the existence of aliens despite all the events that take place around here?
But Ianto wasn't an ordinary bloke, he was a well-trained Torchwood agent who made contact with aliens on an almost daily basis, and who currently had a human foetus growing inside of him. Seeing the girl twice in a short span of time and seeing her eyes locked on him told him that she was following him.
As he continued home, he kept a watchful eye out for her. She looked like a child, but Ianto had encountered aliens in the shape of children quite a few times for him not to be on guard. Looking innocent didn't necessarily mean that they actually were innocent.
It was driving him crazy that he couldn't figure out where he first saw her. She looked familiar, but it was that sense of familiarity that remained elusive. He didn't think he actually knew her, he just knew her face. Perhaps he saw her in passing beforehand, a face that he noted but paid little attention to.
His thoughts occupied him for the rest of the trip home, but any lingering thoughts of the girl vanished when he entered his flat and saw Jack standing in front of the large windows on the other side of the living room. Jack's back was to him, but no one could mistake the owner of that RAF coat for anyone other than Jack Harkness.
He faltered in the doorway as Jack turned to face him. They stared at each other for several seconds. Jack's face was closed-off, revealing nothing. Ianto found himself shuffling his feet a little and forced himself to remain still.
"Aren't you going to enter your own home?"
Jack's words were void of any emotion, but it was enough to make Ianto's feet move. He placed his shopping bags on the ground and turned to close the door, using his momentary respite to take a breath and relax. The tension in his body made it difficult to do so. He carefully removed his shoes, and was faintly surprised to find Jack's boots placed neatly by the door. That meant Jack planned to stay awhile.
Ianto left his shopping bags but did remember to grab the bag containing his fish and chips. He carried it into the kitchen, glancing at Jack to see the man had returned to looking out the windows. He placed the bag on the kitchen table, his craving dampened by tension and confusion over Jack's presence in his home. He couldn't even scrounge up a tad of annoyance over Jack taking liberties with the key to his flat, considering that the last time they spoke to each other had been filled with anger.
He began to get agitated as the silence extended between them. He struggled for an appropriate ice-breaker, but his brain failed to deliver anything. When he could take no more, he finally blurted, "What are you doing here?"
Jack looked at him. "I did a lot of thinking." He approached the counter and placed his hands on top. "Is this what you truly want to do? Do you really want to follow through with the pregnancy?" Ianto swallowed and nodded slowly. Jack stared at him with such intensity that Ianto struggled to keep eye contact. "And you know all the risks? You understand that the pregnancy might never produce a living child? You understand that you might die?"
Again, Ianto nodded. "I understand the risks. I'm willing to take them." Ianto was no stranger to taking risks. He risked his life every day, and the pregnancy was one more risk he was glad to take.
Jack stared at him for an extra moment before giving him one short nod. "I don't want this baby. I'm not going to lie and I'm not going to sugarcoat it."
It wasn't a surprise, but it didn't keep away the hurt. "You made that perfectly clear the other day, Jack." He lifted his chin and stiffened his spine. "Is it because you don't want children in general or because you don't want any children with me?" He braced himself for the answer.
"I don't want this baby because it can kill you. It's as simple as that."
Oh. Well, that certainly took some of the sting out of Jack's rejection. He had thought Jack simply hadn't wanted any child with Ianto. A baby was one sure way of creating a bond between parents, a permanent connection. He had figured that was what Jack had been rebelling against, having something that will keep him tied to Ianto. It was reassuring to learn that it wasn't that at all.
"I have to try," Ianto said. "If it wasn't human I would've terminated it as soon as possible. I don't think I would've had any desire to have an alien growing inside of me. But it's human, Jack. I lost so much—we've lost so much. It seems like every time we save one life, ten more have to die." He huffed and shrugged. "I don't want to add to that death tally."
Jack bowed his head and heaved a heavy sigh. "Fine." He looked up. "Fine, have your baby. I'm not going to stop you." He crossed his arms on the countertop. "But I'm not going to let you go through this alone." Before Ianto's hopes could rise, they were quickly crushed with Jack's next words. "I want nothing to do with the baby. Don't talk to me about anything related to it. Gender, growth, health, scans, all of that I want no part of." Jack reached out to grasp the hand Ianto had placed on the counter. "But I don't want us to end, Ianto. I'm not letting the baby do that to us after all we went through to reach this point."
Ianto wasn't sure how Jack was supposed to be there for a pregnant man but not want anything to do with the baby. He knew that his life from here on out was mostly going to revolve around the baby, to ensure it makes it as close to its due date as possible. Right now he wasn't showing, but soon he would grow bigger, and that would be a physical reminder of what he was carrying. How was Jack going to support him about something he wanted nothing to do with? He didn't need financial support and he didn't need physical support. What he needed was emotional support, and that was the one thing Jack was going to deny him.
"And what happens when it's born?" he asked quietly.
Jack didn't answer. It took a long moment for Ianto to realize he already had his answer. Jack didn't think the baby would survive the pregnancy. He had no hope whatsoever. It was disconcerting because Ianto was struggling to not let pessimistic thoughts rule his head about the baby. Jack's lack of faith wasn't going to help.
"Let's deal with that if it happens," Jack eventually said.
If. Ianto noted the word of choice.
He nibbled on his lower lip, struggling on what to do. He wasn't strong, Ianto knew that for certain. Torchwood was his life, Jack was his life, and Ianto was loath to lose either one. To force Jack to accept something he obviously refused to deal with might bring about consequences Ianto didn't want to think about. Jack might decide to break off their relationship after all or maybe send Ianto away—Torchwood Two would probably be the only other place where a pregnant man could take refuge—and if the baby didn't survive, he didn't want to go through that alone.
And maybe, just maybe, Jack's curiosity would get the best of him. He might want to learn more about the baby, especially if it defied all expectations and survived.
"Ianto?" Jack circled the counter and entered the kitchen, approaching him. He ran a hand down Ianto's face. "This is all I can give you."
Ianto's breath hitched. "I don't want us to end either."
He didn't resist when Jack gathered him against his chest. He closed his eyes and simply breathed in Jack's scent. It was pathetic how easily Ianto gave in when Jack was concerned, but he hoped it would be worth it in the end. All he had was hope.
It wasn't as difficult as Ianto thought it would be to stay with Jack and avoid the subject of male pregnancies. Sitting across Jack in the noisy restaurant, it was as if nothing had changed between them. It was like every other date they'd had, using the quietness from the rift to get away and spend time together.
Their earlier attempts at dating—after Jack returned from his first trip with the Doctor—had been awkward, with conversations stilted as they danced around each other. It wasn't until they shagged in the SUV after their fourth date that the awkwardness had vanished. Ianto should've known that having sex with Jack was really the only way to truly break the ice. The ease and naturalness they felt when shagging seemed to transfer to their conversations outside of bed, and only then had their dates become much more pleasant.
Their initial attempts to move forward after Jack's rejection of the baby were just as awkward as their first dates. Jack tried too hard to make conversation that had absolutely nothing to do with babies, and Ianto kept mostly silent in his horrible attempt to not let anything related to the baby slip. Once again, sex in the SUV was enough to let them know that they didn't have to try so hard to avoid the topic of babies.
Ianto hummed at the chocolate cake he had chosen for dessert. He has always had a weakness for chocolate (one of the things he shared with Myfanwy) but his cravings for chocolate were stronger now that he was pregnant. Gwen was right. His baby would probably be born with a sweet tooth, but he did his best to be careful. No need to add on any extra weight.
Jack's chuckle caught his attention, and Ianto glanced up to find the man watching him with a half-smile. "I've never seen you look so happy over a piece of cake."
Ianto pulled back and smiled a little self-consciously. "I have a bit more of a, um, craving for it. Chocolate, I mean. Makes me happy."
"Ah. Cravings."
And there it was, the tension that filled in the moments of silence when one or both mentioned something related to Ianto's pregnancy. Ianto hated those moments.
The waiter approached their table and left them the bill. Ianto reached into his wallet to pay for his half of the meal—a compromise they had reached when they first started dating after many arguments over who should pay the bill—but Jack said, "I'll pay for it."
"But Jack—"
"Ianto, I'm paying for it." Jack took out some cash and placed it on the table.
"You don't have to."
"Yes, I do." Jack looked so serious that Ianto couldn't do anything except nod.
They put on their coats and left the restaurant. Ianto buttoned his coat and put on his gloves to protect his skin from the windy cold as they walked towards Ianto's car parked down the street.
"Jack?"
"Yeah?" Jack looked quite comfortable beside him. Of course, the man had a heavy wool coat that provided him warmth. Ianto had had the privilege to wear it a time or two, and during one of their missions Jack had held Ianto close with the coat wrapped around them both when they had been trapped in a freezing storage facility.
"Did you ever have other children?"
Jack glanced at him before looking up at the sky. It was dark, but the stars were bright. "You asked me that before."
"No, I asked if you had ever been pregnant. I want to know if you had human children before. I know you were married once."
Jack was quiet for so long Ianto thought he wouldn't answer. "Two children," Jack finally admitted. "Both born during the twentieth century, but by two different mothers."
Ianto hesitated before asking, "What happened to them?"
"Never got to see either one grow up."
How awful. It must have hurt to have two children but never see them grow up. "Sorry."
Jack shook his head as though it didn't matter, but his closed-off expression told Ianto otherwise. He regretted asking and held back any further inquiries. No need to bring up painful memories for Jack for the sake of his own curiosity, but it made him wonder if that was another reason why Jack didn't want the baby. He said that he feared losing Ianto, but what if there was more to it?
The tension was stirring between them again. He struggled for something to say. "I have a niece and a nephew." Ianto rolled his eyes as soon as the words left his mouth. Out of all the things he could've chosen to talk about, he brought up two children he barely saw. Even Jack shot him a curious look. "They don't like me much," he added. Might as well stick with it.
Jack arched a brow. "Well now, how can anyone not like Ianto Jones? He makes fantastic coffee and looks pretty damn hot in a suit."
Ianto smiled. "Somehow, I don't think those qualifications matter to them." He shivered at a gust of wind. "I didn't spend much time with them so they pretty much ignore me whenever I visit my sister."
"When was the last time you visited your sister?"
"I don't know. Before the battle in Canary Wharf." Ianto drooped a little, realizing how awful it must sound for him to admit that he couldn't remember the last time he saw Rhiannon. "I couldn't tell her what I was doing so I made myself scarce when I started working there." He shrugged. "But I started distancing myself well before then. When my father passed away, I ran."
"How did your father die?"
"His liver shut down. There was no time to find a donor."
His father had found comfort from the bottle soon after Ianto's mother started exhibiting signs of schizophrenia. It grew worse when she had been institutionalized, and by the time she had died, his father was no longer the same man. Rhiannon had tried to be there for him, but she already had a family of her own. She had her own life and that gave him the incentive to find one of his own. Torchwood had certainly provided that, and there had been no need to include his sister in his life when there wasn't much he could say.
"Nothing left for me in Wales," he continued. "I wouldn't have come back if it wasn't for the Daleks and the Cybermen destroying Torchwood London."
Jack wrapped an arm around his shoulders and brushed a kiss across his temple. The Captain was always better with actions than he was with words. Ianto smiled at his form of comfort, the reassurance that Jack was there for him.
It was when they reached Ianto's car that he felt a prickling sensation in the back of his neck just as Jack's wristband began to beep.
"Rift activity," Jack muttered.
Ianto glanced over his shoulder and gripped at the wrist Jack lifted to check the coordinates of the activity. "And I know where it is."
It was tall, midnight black, and ugly. It stood on two hind legs and had two sets of arms, with one set having two large claw-like hands that nearly touched the ground while the other set was more human-sized. Its torso was skeletal, its bones distinct and easily seen through the thin skin that covered it, and its head was elongated, the jaw and mouth with sharp teeth sticking out further than its forehead. It had small pointy ears, and its eyes were glowing red. If that wasn't enough, it also had wings that were currently stretched out. The wingspan had to be at least ten feet.
"What is that?" Ianto asked as he carefully removed his gun from his holster. Jack had already grabbed his Webley and was aiming at it.
"A Wendigo."
Ianto's brows shot up even as he kept his eyes on the thing. "A what?"
"Technically the name is a bit more complicated, but the closest humans can get to pronouncing it is Wendigo. It's a bad alien who likes to feast on human flesh. The Native Americans have a myth revolving around the Wendigo, and it's one of the few myths in existence that is pretty close to accurate to the real thing in both description and actions."
It screeched, making Ianto wince as his ears suffered under the sharp sound. He resisted the urge to cover his ears. Glass shattered from nearby buildings and Ianto could hear a few people screaming. A large purple tongue slipped out of the creature's mouth and curled in the air, its eyes pinned right on them.
"Ianto, get to the car."
He shot Jack a confused look. "Why?"
"It's using its tongue to scent the air for food. We're the closest to it."
"I can't leave you alone." He took a step back when the Wendigo moved forward, tongue still out. "It'll kill you."
"I come back."
Ianto wasn't sure how Jack planned to come back if he became completely devoured. "But Jack—"
"Ianto, I'll come back. I always come back. You don't." Jack paused. "And you have a certain passenger you fought to look after."
Ianto swallowed at the quiet reminder of what he carried inside of him. He was torn between standing at Jack's side to fight and running to ensure that he didn't get himself killed so the baby could continue to grow. After the stand he made to follow through with the pregnancy, it would be foolish of him to risk his life for a man who couldn't stay dead.
Still, he hesitated. He was a fighter, not a coward. And leaving Jack alone to deal with the Wendigo by himself seemed like a cowardly move despite Jack's insistence that he run to the safety of the car.
After one quick glance at Jack, he made a decision and turned to run to his car. The Wendigo screeched again and Ianto flinched as he heard the unmistakable flapping of wings and the sound of Jack's gun firing. He struggled to get his keys out of his pocket even as he held onto his gun as he ran. Just as he reached the car, he heard Jack snarl, "Oh, no you don't," and Ianto was suddenly on the ground with a heavy weight on top of him as a sharp gust of air hit his face, the alien's screech disturbingly close. He lost his grip on his keys and his gun as Jack covered him.
Jack climbed to his feet and helped Ianto stand, keeping him close to his side. "Get in the car, hurry! Bullets are just pissing it off."
Ianto frantically glanced around for his car keys. "I need to find my keys." He looked up and found the creature hovering above them. Other people had walked out into the streets to see what was going on, but the Wendigo seemed fully focused on them, circling in much the same way a vulture circled the remains of dead animal. A glint of metal on the pavement revealed his keys' location, but it was several feet away.
"I'll open it." Jack lifted his wrist to tap his Vortex Manipulator, but the Wendigo chose that moment to swoop down. Jack pushed Ianto down while Jack fired his Webley as he put distance between himself and Ianto. The Wendigo screeched again, now fully focused on Jack. "That's right, you mother fucker! Come get me. I've been told I taste pretty damn good, and I'm inclined to believe them. If I look good, I taste good."
Only Jack would shout something so egotistical to an alien that wanted to eat him.
His actions did leave Ianto free to crawl to his keys. He swept his eyes across the grey cement to see if his gun was close by, but when his eyes found his gun it was already in the shaky hands of a man who was pointing the gun towards the alien. "Don't—"
The gun fired and Ianto scrambled up to his feet to take his gun back. The man was a scared bystander, thinking he was doing the right thing, but Ianto couldn't help inwardly cursing the stupidity of some people. The Wendigo was screeching again, but through the screeching he heard Jack shouting his name.
Ianto spun around to see the alien flying right at him, its jaws opened and claws extended. People were screaming all around him, but he didn't have time to duck or jump out of the way, it was too close. There was no time to do anything except stand there and watch what was going to be his executioner. He instinctively brought his arms up to cover his head, waiting to be killed.
Except that it burst into dust just as it reached him. He coughed from the particles that now covered him as he lowered his arms. He looked down at himself. His suit was barely recognizable under the debris. What the hell?
He looked up and his eyes widened. She was there, the little girl with the blonde pigtails standing right in front of him. This time there was no denying who she was looking at, her eyes glowing gold as she stared right at him.
"Who are you?" he demanded.
He didn't look at Jack when the man reached them, though he could see his lover out of the corner of his eyes. Jack frowned down at her, pointing his gun in her direction as he slowly circled her until he was at Ianto's side. The girl never even glanced in Jack's direction. She simply smiled and vanished.
"Anything?"
Gwen shook her head. "I'm sorry, sweetheart, but I need more than age ten, blonde pigtails, and gold eyes."
Ianto brought a thumb up to chew on his nail. "She's been following me. That was the third time I saw her. Trouble is that I'm sure I saw her before any of those times. She looks familiar."
Jack came out of the office. "The police are taking care of the street where the Wendigo appeared." He looked at Gwen. "Your friend Andy is leading the clean-up team and has already passed around rumors that it was all a hoax for an upcoming movie." Jack's eyes cut to him. He grinned slowly. "Looking good."
Ianto rolled his eyes. The clothes he wore for his date would have to be taken to the cleaners, so he had decided to dress in casual wear of jeans and shirt instead of slipping into another suit. It would've been pointless this late in the evening to put on a suit. "Not now, Jack."
"So what was the girl doing there?" Terry asked as he stood behind Gwen's chair.
"Well, we know for sure that she killed the Wendigo." Jack crossed his arms, a thoughtful look in his eyes. "The little girl materialized just in the nick of time, too. The Wendigo was only about a foot away from Ianto before it exploded." He looked at Ianto. "I think she was trying to protect you."
Ianto suspected that as well, but why? He could only figure that she wanted him alive, but for what? He wouldn't be feeling so suspicious towards his savior if she hadn't vanished without explaining herself. Besides, in his line of work, more often than not would-be saviors that weren't a part of the team usually had some sort of agenda behind their actions.
"Well, until I get more information we're at a dead end." Gwen stretched her arms over her head. "I mean, who knows if that's even how she looks."
"True. For all we know she's wearing a skin suit." Jack rubbed his jaw. "But I don't like this."
"How do you think I feel?" Ianto grumbled. "I have a stalker."
"Look, right now we don't even know if she's a threat." Terry looked at him. "She might be a guardian of sorts, couldn't she?"
"I'm pessimistic. I rather think that she's dangerous so I can be on-guard than hope that she's an angel only to get stabbed in the back."
"Is that what Torchwood does to you? Strip you of any optimism?"
Terry's question only showed how green he was. They've all felt optimism at one point only to be horribly let down. Even Gwen, with all her compassion and determination to see the good in everyone, never looked at any situation without wariness and caution.
"We're not saying you can't be optimistic." Gwen spun her chair around so she could look at Terry. "Actually, it's kind of good that you have that. But us three," she made a circular motion with her hand to encompass Ianto, Jack, and herself, "have gone through a lot of shit. We take every situation that seems good with a grain of salt."
Ianto met Jack's eyes briefly to see sorrow in his eyes that echoed the sorrow in Ianto's heart. Though the pain from Tosh's and Owen's deaths was muted now after several months, their absence had left a void that Ianto was sure would never be filled.
There was a moment of silence before Jack clapped his hands. "All right, kids. Let's call it a day. Ianto, I'm taking you home."
While Gwen and Terry cleared up their workstations, Ianto followed Jack to his office. He grabbed Jack's coat and held it out for him. "Jack, what do you think she wanted? The girl."
Jack slipped his arms into the offered sleeves. "You. Alive."
"I know that, but I can't get her smile out of my head." It hadn't been sinister, but it hadn't been sweet. It had been a knowing smile, a smile that told him that she knew something and was keeping it to herself. For now, at any rate. "I just worry about the why."
"Me too, which is why you're going to have me, Gwen, or Terry at your side every time you leave this hub or your flat."
Ianto groaned. "But Jack—"
"No buts." He grabbed Ianto's hand as he heard the sound of the cogwheel opening and closing, marking the exits of Gwen and Terry. "If she appears again, I would rather have someone with you in case she decides to hurt you."
His heart squeezed at the concern and protectiveness Jack's words radiated. Jack could be egotistical, idiotic, and a jerk, but he did have a good heart whenever he decided to use it. Jack may not love him, but he cared about him, and if Ianto had any sense he would listen to Jack's orders. He would listen not just for his own safety, but for the safety of his unborn child.
Ianto squeezed Jack's hand. "All right."
Jack narrowed his eyes. "That was easy."
He lowered his gaze. "Like you said, I have a passenger."
A sigh, then Jack tugged on his hand. Ianto thought he was trying to release Ianto's grip on his hand, but another tug made him realize that Jack was only urging Ianto to start moving so they could leave. Ianto hid a smile as they left.