Author's Note: Happy New Year guys! I need to tell you, you are all amazing. Thank you so much for those kinds words, you have no idea what they mean to me. This story takes a little bit ofa life of it's own here. It was originally just intened as a cute little romance and now it somehow has more plot thant expected. I hope you don't mind that and stay with me.

Reviews as always are very much appreciated.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of this, because it I would Ben Solo would get a hug.

Chapter 3

Far longer than forever

As constant as a star

I close my eye and I am where you are

Far Longer Than Forever, The Swan Princess

Her whole world went numb. Any reaction to come out of her was strictly on autopilot. Reflexes took over, but she felt as far away as if she entered a new galaxy. She heard frantic voices around her, people screaming and crying. Her comrades were carrying each other back to the Falcon. People were hurt or dead. They had no food, no weapons. She clutched to the drive he had given her. Not all hope was lost.

Poe was shouting orders, she could barely hear. She climbed into the cockpit next to him. Flying was easy. Flying was an instinct.

Finn was avoiding her, that she knew for sure. He blamed her for what happened, he was angry and confused and really, she couldn't blame him. How would she have reacted if the roles were reversed?

Her head was spinning. What would happen now? Had she just lost her best friend? Was he going to tell the others about what he had witnessed? Tell Leia? Would Ben be okay? Would the resistance use her to get to him? She didn't want to imagine that.

Back the base people were rushing towards them. Questions were asked, the wounded treated. Poe was talking to Leia.

Her hands started to shake. Everything was blurry. There was a noise inside of her ear. It was penetrant and loud and screeching.

Suddenly a hand on her shoulder brought her back to reality.

"Rey, are you alright?"

She looked into the kind eyes of Rose, who seemed seriously worried. "Are you hurt?"

She wanted to answer, but there was no sound coming out of her mouth. Instead she just moved her head in what she hope resembled a nod.

"You don't look fine."

Oh sweet, kind Rose. If only she knew. "Water. Need water." It was the only thing she managed to say.

Rose gave her a quick nod and disappeared into the crowd. Leia was approaching her, but she couldn't deal with that right now. Her feelings would certainly give her away. She could still feel an echo of Ben's lips on hers. The sweet and desperate kisses that happened not through the Force bond but for real this time. She could still feel his touch, smell him, hear his voice. Her heart ached. How much she just wanted to grab him and take him with her, even though she knew that it was impossible.

Someone handed her a glass of water. Was it Rose? Or was it C3PO? Someone else? She couldn't tell.

"We need to talk."

Finn grabbed her hand and let her through the crowd. She could sense his boiling anger, his utter disappointment.

He let her away from it all, into his room and shut the door behind them. She wasn't sure what to do next. She looked around, trying to void his gaze.

"What the hell, Rey?" He was the first one to speak. His voice shaking with anger. "Please tell me you are finally clear again and he was just messing with you to distract us."

He was still clinging to his hope that he witnessed an act of manipulation. That Ben, no Kylo Ren, went into her mind and forced her to comply, but she was sure that even Finn didn't believe it anymore. Not really. It was just his only attempt to justify her actions. He couldn't bring himself to believe that his best friend would betray him like that.

"Ben can't manipulate me. As I can't manipulate him." She barely recognized her own voice. So held back, so feebly.

He went with his hand through his hair, trying to breathe calmly, but his fury was getting the best of him. "Then why? How can you do that? Have you lost your mind? You kissed him!" He walked closer to her, forced her to face him. "Kissed him!" He hissed. "You remember what he did? All those people he hurt and killed?"

She said nothing.

"He killed Han!" Finn yelled now.

She cringed. How could she ever forget that? She would carry that around forever and so would Ben, that she was certain of. "It's so complicated." She knew how that sounded, like she was making up excuses.

"Then uncomplicate it for me." His voice was calmer now, it scared her how low it was, how filled with rage. Finn was a goofball, kind and genuine and she broke him.

"We connected through the Force bond." It was one way to start, though she knew what issue would come up next.

"That happened months ago!" he waved his arms around. She studied his face, counted the seconds until his mind put all the pieces together. He took a step backwards. "Unless it never stopped." He waited for her to make up an excuse, to debunk his theory but her silence spoke more than a thousand words. "You lied." He laughed desperately. "All this time, you lied to us. To me."

She could see his heart breaking right in front of her. He was her first real friend and she was his and now she broke his trust.

"At first, I didn't tell, because I was scared what that meant." She explained calmly. "Then I just couldn't do it anymore. I was in too deep. We both were, Ben and I."

"Stop calling him Ben! His name is Kylo Ren." In Finn's mind that man, that monster did not deserve the name he was given by his parents.

"He is Ben to me." She was surprised about her own calmness. "We tried to convince each other to join the other side. We fought a lot. And then…one night we just stopped." She closed her eyes, recalling all those moments between them that led to this very moment. "We just broke that never ending, exhausting cycle and the we just…talked." It sounded silly to explain it like that, but Finn wanted the truth and he would get it. "We got to know each other."

"You got to know Kylo Ren?" His voice was taunting, masquerading his hurt.

"I got to know Ben Solo."

He walked around his room like a caged tiger. "They are the same person."

"Yes and no. It's complicated." She hated herself for saying that again, but how could she possibly explain it? How could she explain all that they have discovered and shared and felt?

"How is this complicated? You kissed him!" Finn was losing it again, "You…did you kiss him through your…bond as well?" The spite in his voice.

She nodded.

Finn wasn't even sure why he kept asking her these questions. It was like torturing himself. But a part of him needed to know, desperate to understand. "Rey did you…" He gulped, "Did you…?" He couldn't bring himself to ask that intimate question.

"I did." She said, trying to be as steady as possible.

This was getting messier with each passing second. He couldn't think about their physical intimacy anymore. It made him feel sick. "Did you tell him about the raid?"

She knew what he was thinking. "Yes, but before you jump to conclusions –"

"Jump to conclusions?" His voice was high-pitched now, "Do you even listen to yourself? You told the Supreme Leader of the First Order we were going to rob him and look what happened, he showed up and people died!"

Now it was her turn to walk towards him. "Some supporter of the First Order contacted General Hux. Ben was only there to make sure I got out alive. We get out alive!"

Ben. Ben. Ben. That name alone almost drove him over the edge.

"And you just believe that?" He couldn't understand her sudden naivety.

"Yes." Now she sounded strong, truthful. "Ben never lied to me." That she knew in her heart. He had always been honest with her and she trusted him with her life. "He gave me this." She showed him the drive and kyber crystal.

"What is this?" Finn asked, making sure not to touch anything as if it could attack him any second.

"A plan for another facility with food and weapons."

He laughed without humor in his voice. "Another trap."

She ignored that comment. "And a kyber crystal so I can build a new lightsaber." That however caught his attention and for a brief second, she recognized her best friend and all of his enthusiasm behind those angry and sad eyes.

"Rey." He grabbed her shoulders, his voice suddenly so soft, "Why didn't you tell me?" A tear was running down his cheek, "You're like my sister. You are my family."

His tears were too much for her, her own eyes started to get wet. "I didn't know how. I was afraid how you'd react." She confessed.

"We need to tell Leia. Maybe someone else with the Force can make sure you are really not manipulated." He wasn't giving up on that last hope he had, "Or she can help you cut this connection –"

Rey stepped back. Now it was her getting angry, even if she was aware she had no right to be. "I won't tell her and it's not your decision to make."

"Rey, maybe you don't even know what he is doing –"

"Stop!"

He wasn't Force sensitive, but even he could feel the stirring electricity in the room.

"He is not manipulating me." She said one last time.

"Rey…"

Her temper was getting the best of her. "I know you are angry and hurt and worried and you have every right to be. But this is a thing between Ben and me."

"You should listen to yourself." The judgement in his voice was jarring. He thought she had lost her mind and maybe she had, but what she was feeling was the truest she had ever felt in her entire life. "He –"

"I know who he is. I know what he has done." She snapped. "I'm not excusing it. I know that this is a mess, but I can't help what I'm feeling and I won't apologize for that!"

Everything inside him told him to run. He didn't want to hear it, didn't want to get the whole truth, even though there was no denying it anymore.

Her heart beat faster. She wasn't read to admit it until now, but seeing him for real this time, touching him, it was all confirmation she needed. It went against her better judgement, it went against everything she ever expected to happen and yet it was the only truth that mattered, wasn't it?"

"I love him." All anger disappeared from her voice, there was something Finn had never heard in it before. Certainty mixed with uncertainty, strength, yet insecurity, hope and desperation. But most of all, she smiled saying it. A brilliant and bright smile, like her heart just made a whole new discovery.

"I love him." She repeated, surer of herself now. "I know there is no logic behind it, but this is the truth. I'm in love with him and I'm sure he feels the same."

Something new was added to Finn's anger and disappointment, pity. "Oh Rey…" He looked down for a moment, before searching her eyes again. "You know this can only end in tragedy, right?"

She didn't know how to answer that. Part of her was energized now that she finally admitted it to herself, full of hope and a childish need to scream it out into the world, wishing for a future together, but another part, the more realistic and war-hardened one, agreed with him.

"Probably." She confessed, the smile never leaving her face, "But I don't care. Not anymore. I just want to be with him. I want to cherish every moment we can have together and if that is all we get than at least we had it."

"I'm so mad at you." He sat down on his bed. "I'm furious. I'm disappointed. I don't know how to trust you anymore."

She nodded. She had it coming and she deserved those harsh words.

"But…" He reached out his hand and took hers, "You are my best friend, my sister." He gently squeezed it, "I want you to be happy."

"Finn…" Tears were rolling down her cheeks.

"I don't approve of this." She didn't need his approval, he was fully aware of that. "And I think all of this is insane. I can't even pretend to understand you. But I'm willing to listen. To really listen. I need time. I need it to process this. I can't promise you anything, but I…" he wasn't sure what he even wanted to say.

She wanted nothing more than to hug him, but she knew that this would be too soon. "Take all the time you need." She dried her eyes, leaving him by himself, not sure what to do next.

People saluted him, even bowed as he entered the main ship. He proved himself being a strong Leader by foiling the rebel scum's plans. Some of them were injured, some even dead. It was a big win for the First Order and his men were impressed he bothered to go and fight them by himself, something Snoke never did. Their old leader was a man behind the curtain, their new one, even if he was more temperamental, had no trouble getting his own hands dirty.

He addressed them with a few words. Talking about order and victory, trying to sound convincing when in truth he felt nothing but defeat.

He couldn't even look into Hux's smug face when he proclaimed his informant had been right. "You want a clap on the back now for doing your job?" Ben asked half-hearted, immediately shutting him up.

Rey's shocked face when her Stormtrooper friend entered the room was burned into his mind. She was so lost, so scared. He hated himself for even being there, for not watching Hux more closely, for allowing his emotions to take over.

And yet, kissing her felt like a rush. He was convinced there could be no better feeling than kissing her and touching her through the Force, but what he had just experienced was beyond his own imagination. Her soft skin against his, her lips touching him. He was hungry for more. He wanted all of her, but not like before. He needed to see her, needed to touch her, needed to feel her.

He was finally able to retreat into his chambers and when he entered he found her already sitting on his bed.

"Hey." He walked towards her and his heart sank. He kneeled in front of her, carefully taking her hands into his. Her eyes were red and puffy. She had cried.

"That bad?" He asked softly.

She nodded and gently stroke his cheek. Touching him felt different now that she had touched the real him. Still, being together through the Force was their only option at the moment.

"Even if he ever forgives me, it will never be the same." She whispered.

He kissed her knuckles. "I am so sorry. I should have known better. I shouldn't have kissed you."

"Ben." She said softly, "This is not your fault. I wanted to kiss you too." She wanted to do more than that, but she figured she didn't have to say that. They both felt the fire between them.

"Will he tell anyone?" With anyone he particularly meant his mother.

"No." She hesitated for a moment. "No, I'm sure."

He got up and climbed into bed behind her, pulling her slowly down with him. He kissed her shoulders and pressed her body closer to his. They were so far away and yet it felt so close.

"Can you just hold me tonight? Make me feel like everything will be alright?" She asked.

He put another kiss on her hair. "Of course."

Suspicion arose in Leia the moment Rey told her she found a kyber crystal by accident. Those things were too extraordinary to be just lying around. Yet there were pieces of a puzzle missing. Her thoughts were running wild, yet she couldn't place them. Something was going on behind her back and she didn't like it.

One thing she was certain of was that Finn now knew more than before. Something happened during that mission that strained his friendship with Rey. The two of them had always been as thick as thieves and now they could barely look at each other. She asked Chewie about it who just shrugged it off and she was sure that neither Poe nor Rose knew more either.

Finn had been worried about Rey before, now it was mixed with something else. She tried to read his feelings. Anger. Hurt. Disappointment.

But why?

That was the question she had no answer too. She was contemplating using the Force on him and just making him tell, but she wasn't that kind of a general. That kind of a person. She wouldn't invade his mind, she would wait until one of them was ready to talk or be careless enough to give themselves away.

Rey sat alone trying to eat something. Her lightsaber was dangling beside her, she finally finished it and couldn't wait to test it with Ben by her side.

She looked at the empty seat next to her. Finn was away with Poe on a scouting mission for the Facility Ben had given her the plans to. It gave her a little bit of hope that Finn was going along with it despite his previous assumptions it could be a trap. On the other hand, his hunger was getting the best off him. Food was getting rare. They also needed new munition for weapons.

He still wouldn't talk to her. It made her feel like an outsider. Of course, there were Poe and Chewie and BB-8, but she barely could stand their questioning looks when Finn walked away whenever she entered a room.

"May I sit here?" She looked up and saw Rose smiling down on her. She gave her a quick nod. "Sure."

Rose smiled that bright smile of hers and joined her. Rey liked Rose a lot, but she was on alert not to say anything around her. It was an open secret that Rose was in love with Finn and the last thing she needed right now was getting her involved in their problems.

"He wouldn't tell me why you two are fighting." Rose said almost causally.

Rey twitched. She didn't want to have this conversation.

"Don't worry, I'm not going to ask you what happened." Rose said quickly, sensing Rey's uncomfortableness. "I just want you to know that I'm here for you too. I'm not just his friend, you know?" Her voice was filled with compassion, compassion Rey felt she didn't deserve.

"Thanks."

"I'm sure whatever it is, you guys will fix it." Rose said comforting.

Rey smiled sadly. "I'm not so sure." One thing she was sure about however was that Rose wouldn't be as sympathetic if she knew what caused the fight in the first place. That girl had lost her entire family to the First Order, if even she could understand she wouldn't want to.

"Rey?" Rose asked carefully.

"Yes?" Rey felt terribly awkward. She couldn't help it. Rose was so kind and sweet, but right now she couldn't exactly deal with that.

"I'm just…I'm worried. Not just because of you and Finn, but because you seem so sad." She said almost bluntly. "Your eyes always look light years away and you barely eat. What can I do to help you?"

Her directness surprised Rey. A part of her whispered inside of her mind to just tell her everything. Tell her why she is fighting with Finn, about the Force bond, how she fell in love with Ben, how she just wants to end the war and be with him and how their physical separation gets harder and harder to endure.

"How do you think this all will end?" She asked instead.

That seemed to take Rose by surprise. "I don't know. Hopefully with the First Order destroyed and us still alive."

"Do you think it will ever end?"

Rose smiled sadly. "I hope so."

"Me too." She put her plate aside. "Thank you, Rose. Just for asking."

"I'm here for you."

Rey nodded. "I know. I'm here for you too."

Ben watched a couple of Stormtroopers training. He was standing on the bridge, hands folded behind his back, looking down on them.

Ever since his encounter with Rey's Stormtrooper friend, the individual now calling himself Finn, there was one thought that never left his mind, what if there were more like him?

What if more Stormtroopers questioned the methods and beliefs of the First Order and wanted to get away from them? Not to join the rebels, but just to live their own lives. If he understood correctly that was what Finn originally wanted, until he met Rey and that droid and became loyal to her. If that was the case, maybe that was what they truly needed to end this. No final fight between First Order and Resistance, but dismantling it from the inside. He couldn't believe he of all people got that thought, but did those Stormtroopers deserve to die for a cause that was thrust upon them?

"Supreme Leader."

He rolled his eyes and didn't bother to turn around. "What do you want, General?"

Hux took his place beside him, looking down at the troops. "Our latest victory seems to motivate them." He said grinning. "Maybe we should plan our next move."

Ben wasn't foolish, Hux was trying to bait him, to force him into action to prove himself. That weasel just waited for him to make a mistake.

"Without knowing the rebel's location, we can only wait for their next move and meanwhile strengthen our men and keep our allies." He said in a stoic voice. He had to keep his posture, no matter how much he hated it. If it were up to him he would just grab Rey and run away with her to the end of the galaxy, but that unfortunately wasn't an option.

"How is it we don't know the rebels' location yet again?" Hux had his suspicions that Kylo Ren was hiding something from him. He wasn't exactly sure what it was, but he wouldn't rest until he uncovered it. Ever since Snoke's death by the hand of that lowlife scavenger he suspected something was not right, he just had no evidence to prove it. Yet.

"They keep moving." The Force bond was now so strong it allowed Ben and Rey to see full locations, so he had an idea where the resistance was hiding. He was simply not going to say a word. As long as Hux was busy searching he was out of his way.

"Shouldn't a powerful Sith as your highness be able to sense the girl? Or General Organa?" Ben didn't know what he hated more. Being called a Sith, the mocking your highness or Hux daring to talk about Rey or his mother. His blood started to boil up again and it took all of his willpower not to throw him across the room.

He turned around. "If you have something important to discuss, General, you know where to find me." He left without another word, keeping a satisfied smile to himself.

Hux clenched his fists. He had to do something about that man. Kylo Ren was unpredictable and dangerous and not fit to lead the First Order, so much was clear. He was also hiding something and Hux started to get some sort of an idea what that was.

"Lieutenant." He called one of his underlings.

"Yes, sir?" A tall, slender guy with light brown her appeared next to him.

"I want you to do something for me." If Ren was keeping secrets from him, so could he. He only had to stay out of his way for a while or his thoughts would give him away. How much he hated those Jedi and their mind-tricks.

Leia woke in the middle of a meadow. The sun was shining brightly, the air was fresh and everything seemed oddly peaceful.

She immediately recognized it as a dream. She smiled. What a pleasant dream it was. She looked around and recognized the place. She visited it before during happier times. It was her birth mother's home planet, Naboo. There was not another planet in the Galaxy with such beautiful meadows.

Leia wondered why her dreams would take her there. She hadn't visited that planet in ages. Too many hurtful memories of days gone by.

A giggle suddenly caught her attention. She curiously followed the sound and found a little girl picking flowers not too far away.

The girl wore a bright blue dress, her brown her was long and curly and her voice reminded her of a bell. She couldn't have been older than six or seven.

She turned around and ran towards Leia. "For you." She handed her a coronal she made.

Leia smiled at her. "Oh, thank you, dear."

The girl responded with a toothy grin, missing two front teeth. There was something so familiar about her.

"Can you tell me why I'm here?" Leia sat down on the grass and gestured the girl to sit down next to her.

"I thought you were here to visit me." The girl said, still smiling. "I'm your favorite, right?" She laughed whole heartedly.

Leia was confused. "My favorite?"

The girl pulled out her little finger. "I won't tell him, pinky promise."

Leia wrapped her finger around the little girl's one and wondered who she meant by him. "Pinky promise."

The dream started to feel weird, a little bit too real for her taste. "Is this a dream?" She asked.

The girl shrugged. "Do you think it's a dream?"

Leia hesitated. "Not really." But what else could it be? A vision perhaps? Was the Force trying to show her something?

"You have to go." The girl suddenly sprang to her feet. "I hope we will meet again. It's in your hand." She said cryptically before hugging Leia.

Before she could ask another question, she woke up in her own bed. There was no coronal in her hand anymore, but she could still smell those flowers.

It was distracting when he wasn't wearing shirt. He didn't understand that and it drove her up a wall. He had no sense of his own beauty for some reason. Her eyes stayed on his bare chest. She was trying to stay smooth despite every part of her body reacting to him. But now wasn't the time for that.

He leaned against the wall, arms crossed. She loved his arms. A blush crept over her face. Not the time. She had to remind herself again.

"You know I can sense your feelings, right?" He said with a cocky grin.

She picked up her pillow and threw it at him. "Don't do that!"

They usually avoided reading each other's emotions, but sometimes they couldn't help it. "You are…intense today."

"Then stop it!"

"Stop what?" Oh, he knew what she meant, he just had fun teasing her. It was the first night since they were discovered that she was cheerful and relaxed and he missed that smile on her face.

"Standing there shirtless, all handsome and showing off those arms…I'm trying to focus."

He laughed. It was still new to him to have an effect on people that was neither intimidation nor irritation and he enjoyed it immensely. "Go ahead then."

She held her new lightsaber in her hands. That was it, the moment of truth. If this wasn't going to work, she had to personally find the mysterious Knights of Ren and steal one. "Here goes nothing." She said and activated it. The light started to shine and for the first time in a while she held a functioning lightsaber in her hands, only that this one wasn't as blue as the one she lost. "Purple." She said surprised. "Does that mean anything?"

"Well, mostly that it's an original crystal and not a synthetic one. Snoke only kept a few of them."

She wielded the sword around, careful not to destroy anything in her small room.

"It suits you." He said, "The color."

She smiled at him. "I like it, too." She kept moving through the room. "It feels different in my hands then Luke's." She confessed. "Somehow heavier."

He walked towards her until he was right behind her and softly placed his hand over hers. They moved the sword together. "It's like that with every new weapon." He explained, "You need to get a feel for it. The lightsaber and you need to become one."

She didn't had trouble feeling it when she first used the original Skywalker sword, but maybe that happened because it somehow decided that she was going to be its next user. Like it also complied to Ben's will when he used it to kill Snoke. This lightsaber however was different, it was her own creation and didn't have that strange own will yet.

He put his other hand around her waist and softly guided her movements. "Careful." He whispered into her ear. "Take it slow, give it time to adjust to it."

"Alright. I will practice. Thanks."

He shrugged. "Told you I would be a good teacher."

She chuckled and deactivated the lightsaber, using the Force to transport it to her nightstand. Then she turned around and wrapped her arms around his neck. She got on her tip toes and pulled him into a long, passionate kiss.

He pulled her body closer and lifted her up bridal style, carrying her to the bed. She giggled, never really stopping to kiss him.

He gently put her down, slowly pulling her shirt over her head. "I'm glad you are smiling."

She started to undo his belt. "I needed that tiny bit of success."

He started kiss her neck, gently massaging one of her breasts while she hastily pulled his pants down. "I want to be with you, really be with you." He pulled her pants and underwear down.

"I know." She moaned quietly. "I want to be with you, too." She wrapped her legs around his waist. "Let's just enjoy what we have for now."

There was nothing else they could do.

Leia couldn't sleep anymore. That strange dream, or vision, stirred her up. At first, she thought the Force was showing her images of the past and that the little girl had been her mother as a child, but she had seen pictures of Padmé Amidala to know that this wasn't her.

And what about those cryptic parting words? What was in her hands now?

"You are giving me a headache and I'm dead."

She jumped around. "I was wondering when you would visit me."

He brother set crossed-legged on her bed, grinning a grin she hadn't seen in years. "Believe it or not Master Yoda an Obi-Wan made it look easier than it actually is."

She wanted to hug him, but she knew she would just reach into thin air. So, she just sat down next to him, trying to feel as close to him as possible. "You are here for a reason."

His expression turned serious. "Leia, I think we need to talk."

"General?" Hux was staring out of the window, into the dark of space when one of his men approached him.

"Lieutenant." He said, "Back so soon?"

The man nodded. "I was doing as you said, I was looking again through Supreme Leader Snoke's Throne room and I found something." He handed Hux a small, round device.

Hux grinned. That was the mistake he had been waiting for. If he was right, then the days of Supreme Leader Kylo Ren would be over soon and he would finally be unmasked as the traitor Hux always believed him to be.

"General? May I ask what that is?"

Hux put his hand on the Lieutenant's shoulder. "That is a very specific camera from the Old Empire. Most people don't even know it exists anymore." He said, his eyes never leaving the small device.