The Tales of Geass Chapter 3: Things I Must Never Do In Britannia, a code geass fanfic

Heh, first time I've updated this collection within the span of only a couple of days but, this time, it's a humor/parody collection of drabbles that I thought up after reading so many (insert number here) Things I'm Not Allowed to do in (insert fandom place here) stories.

These are NOT meant to be taken seriously!

I cannot stress this enough. There will likely be OOCness, though I tried to keep the characters at least, somewhat, in character. But that is the reason why this is a parody.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy it and I hope that it gets at least a few laughs out of you. Reviews, as always, are much appreciated.

. . .

Things I Must Never Do In Britannia

. . .

Genre: humor/parody

Rating: PG 13 (but most likely PG)

Summary: Things one should never do in Britannia. To bad everyone's going to do them anyway.

Main Characters: varies

Setting: varies (skips quite a bit around R1 and R2)

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, Barbie Girl, Marco Polo, and Post-It Notes

. . .

I will not have Suzaku cat-sit

The Clubhouse ended up getting a little bug problem so it was decided that the place would be fumigated and everyone had to leave it for a few hours while the poison did its job. However, Milly decided that it would be too dangerous to let Arthur remain in the clubhouse and so decided that he would just have to remain with a Student Council member for the next few hours.

Unfortunately, only one person could do it.

Milly had to scare off another nobleman's son.

Lelouch and Nunnally were spending the next couple of hours with Shirley and her parents because they lived in the Clubhouse and couldn't stay there.

Shirley's parents were allergic to cats.

Rivalz was working

Nina's parents hated cats.

That meant that only Suzaku could watch Arthur.

Thankfully, Lloyd and Cecile were fine with having the feline run around the office, so long as they kept the door close and he didn't go near the machinery.

"Never again," Suzaku said to the rest of the Student Council later that day when everyone returned to the bug-free clubhouse. His face and hands were covered with several Band-Aids from the various scratches and bites and he was currently attempting to remove Arthur whose teeth were lodged in his ankle.

I will not bet against Lelouch in one of his chess matches

"Umm, is Rivalz okay?" Suzaku asked, looking at Rivalz who was curled up in the corner, an aura of depression surrounding him.

Milly glanced toward Rivalz and then shrugged. "He bet his entire paycheck that the nobleman who challenged Lelouch to a chess match would win," she said.

Suzaku sweatdropped and shook his head. Even he knew not to do something like that.

Likewise, I will not bet against Schneizel in one of his chess matches

"What the heck's wrong with him?" Luciano asked, pointing at Gino who was curled in the corner, surrounded by a thick aura of depression.

Anya looked up from her phone and looked over at the moping Gino and shrugged. "He bet a large chunk of his family's fortune that Prince Schneizel would lose his chess match against Lord Hartman earlier today," she said indifferently.

"Tch, moron," Luciano huffed.

I will not ask Luciano Bradley why he doesn't sparkle in the sunlight

"Gah, just because I'm called the Vampire of Britannia does not mean that I'm one of them gay sparkly Cullens!" Luciano shouted angrily, glaring around the room and at the brown-haired culprit who had asked that question.

Said brown-haired culprit was currently flattened against the wall, eyeing the furious Vampire of Britannia, and mentally cursing the terms of the bet he lost to Gino.

Speaking of Gino, the blonde Knight of Three was snickering as he watched the enraged Luciano curse and rage that he wasn't a gay sparkly vampire.

I will not call V.V. a brocon

Schneizel eyed the man that was curled in a fetal position nearby, sobbing and trembling violently, mumbling apologies over and over again. He then turned his gaze to the Emperor and raised an eyebrow. "Do I want to know?"

Emperor Charles just sweatdropped. "No, no you do not."

I will not introduce Euphemia to the Internet

"So you can find anything out on the Internet?" Euphie asked as she logged on to her personal laptop. Her Knight of Honor, Suzaku Kururugi, nodded as he stood at her side.

"Yeah, well, pretty much anything anyway," he said.

"Cool. Then I can finally figure out what hentai means. I mean, I overheard some of the Numbers mention it and I've been curious about it for a while now," Euphie said and began to type in the term in the search engine.

"Yeah, wait, Euphie, no you don't..." Suzaku began, eyes wide in panic but it was too late and the search engine had already started turning out results.

Euphie went bright red, slammed the lid of her laptop shut and shoved it away from her on the desk. She turned to stare at Suzaku who was also bright red.

"..."

"I am never going on the Internet again," Euphie decided, still as red as a tomato.

I will not introduce Lelouch and Suzaku to the Suza/Lulu pairing

"Why did we get stuck cleaning up?" Suzaku asked as he and Lelouch walked around the meeting room, picking up loose pieces of paper and the like.

"Because, in Milly's words, 'you were late so you have to stay later and clean up'," Lelouch said simply, handing Suzaku another piece of paper. "Oh, Nina forgot to turn off her computer."

He walked over to the computer and was about to turn it off when he noticed his name and Suzaku's on the screen. Suzaku had come to his side and both of them read the first paragraph of what was on the screen.

Almost as soon as they did, they both went beet red and Lelouch jammed his finger against the power button of the computer in a hurry.

He and Suzaku avoided the other's eyes.

"Ah...this never happened," Lelouch decided firmly.

"Agreed," Suzaku said.

I will not give Jeremiah a gift basket filled with oranges

"Jeremiah!"

Jeremiah turned to find Villetta jogging over to join him, carrying a covered gift basket in her hands. "Yeah, Villetta?" he said.

"This was on the front desk. It said it's for you," Villetta said, holding out the gift basket. "It came with this card." She also handed him the card.

Frowning, Jeremiah took the card and opened it.

Dear Orange-boy,

Hope you like the gift.

Sincerely,

Zero

Throwing the card away, Jeremiah ripped the covering over the gift basket and his eyes went wide with outrage and fury when he saw that it was filled to the brim with oranges.

Jeremiah's screech of "ZERO!" could be heard all the way at Ashford Academy.

Lelouch, hearing it, snickered quietly to himself as he went back to working on dinner for Nunnally, reassuring Nunnally that it was probably nothing when she questioned why someone was yelling for the masked terrorist.

I will not paint the Lancelot pink

"Oh the horror! Who could do this to you, my poor, poor baby?" Lloyd cried, staring aghast at the hot-pink Lancelot that stood in all its pink glory in the hangar bay.

The Knight of Three, Suzaku, stared at the knightmare and then turned to Cecile. "Um, we can get it off, right?" he asked.

"Unfortunately, we've tried. It won't come off," Cecile said with a sweatdrop.

Suzaku's head thudded hard against the wall.

As a result of this, Suzaku's moniker of White Knight had been changed to Pink Knight.

He silently cursed the bastard who somehow managed to paint the Lancelot pink.

I will never steal C.C.'s pizza

Zero made his way into the conference room of the Black Knight's headquarters on Hokai Island and looked around, frowning when he noticed that he was missing a member of his Core. "Where's Tamaki?" he asked.

"Ah..." Ohgi pointed out the window and Zero walked over to the window, sweatdropping when he saw Tamaki tied to a pole in nothing both his polka dot boxers with a sign hanging over his head that read: Don't touch my pizza!

Zero sighed as he turned to the rest of his Core. "C.C. certainly can be very creative when it comes to payback," he mused

I will not give Charles a "Worst Father of the Year/Millennium" award

"So, we meet again, Lelouch," Charles said as Suzaku slammed Lelouch down, pinning him before the Emperor.

"Hey, dear ol' pops," Lelouch greeted him. "By the way, before we go on, there's something I want to give you."

"Oh?" Charles raised an eyebrow as he gazed at his son, who also happened to be an incredibly dangerous and annoying obstacle at the moment. "And what is that?"

"Well, if you'd let Suzaku let me up, I'd give it to you," Lelouch said.

Suzaku glared at him, as if to tell him that he wasn't going to let him up. Tch, it was as if he was afraid Lelouch would run.

Even if Lelouch could run, he had virtually no stamina whatsoever so Suzaku really wouldn't be hard-pressed to catch him.

"Fine, fine," Charles said, apparently his curiosity got the better of him. "Let him up."

Still eyeing him, Suzaku did as he was told and Lelouch sat up before removing the card he'd made a long time ago—and had on him on the off chance that he would get to meet up with the Emperor—and held it to the Emperor.

Charles frowned but got up and walked over to take it. He opened it up and read it, eyes widening in outrage.

It read:

"Award for Worst Father of the Millennium goes to Charles "the Bastard" zi Britannia."

"That's it! You are so getting Geassed! Kururugi, cover his left eye," Charles shouted, throwing the card away and glaring at Lelouch.

"It was so worth it," Lelouch said with a grin right before he was Geassed by the Emperor.

I will not introduce Cornelia to the Suzaku/Euphemia pairing

Cecile blinked in confusion when she pulled the chair away from Lloyd's desk only to find Suzaku curled up beneath there, shivering in terror. "Um, Suzaku, are you okay?" she asked.

"Warrant Officer Kururugi!" A screech of fury sounded nearby and Cecile glanced up to find a furious Princess Cornelia with her sidearm in her hands and a murderous look in her eyes. "If you so much as look at Euphie the wrong way, I will personally tear you to pieces with my knightmare!"

A little whimper escaped the lips of the terrified Lancelot pilot.

Taking pity on the poor boy, Cecile pushed the chair back in front of the desk to hide the poor boy out of sight and, when asked by Princess Cornelia, told her that she hadn't seen him.

Likewise, I will not introduce Lelouch to the Suzaku/Nunnally pairing

When Lelouch stumbled upon a link to a story involving Suzaku and Nunnally in a romantic sense, it took all of the Student Council dogpiling him to keep him from ripping Suzaku's head off, or try to anyway since he lacked the strength necessary to actually pull something like that off. That didn't stop the vicious death glares he was giving Suzaku from terrifying the brunet Japanese boy.

Said brunet was curled up in the corner, trembling violently at the death glares he was receiving from his friend, thinking Overprotective Older Sibling Syndrome must really become a genuine genetic disorder.

I will not think the "I know a song that gets on your nerves" song in Mao's presence

I know a song that gets on your nerves, gets on your nerves, gets on your nerves. I know a song that gets on your nerves and this is how it goes. I know a song that gets on your nerves, gets on your nerves, gets on your nerves. I know a song that gets on your nerves and this is how it goes.

"GAH! STOP IT! STOP THINKING THAT SONG!" Mao shrieked, clutching at his head as he backed away from Lelouch who was smirking demonically as he continued to think the lyrics to that annoying song.

Eventually, Mao couldn't take it anymore and bolted out of the chapel, screaming.

"Do I wanna know?" Suzaku asked, glancing at Lelouch who just smirked, which answered Suzaku's question very well.

I will not dye Jeremiah's hair orange

Yawning, Jeremiah stumbled out of the shower, grabbing a towel and beginning to dry his hair, pausing when he noticed something was off. He looked at the towel to find that it was covered in what looked like orange hair dye.

Starting, he turned to look at the mirror and stared when he found that his turquoise hair had been dyed orange.

Swearing, he grabbed the shampoo bottle, only to find that it had been replaced by orange hair dye and there was a note tied to it.

Yanking the note off the bottle, he read it to himself, shaking with rage at what was written on the piece of paper.

Dear Orange-boy,

I felt this look suited you better, Orange-boy.

Sincerely,

Zero

Jeremiah's screech of "ZERO" was, naturally, heard all the way at Ashford Academy.

Lelouch, who was in the middle of cooking breakfast for Nunnally, openly laughed at the yell while Nunnally tilted her head to the side. "Why's someone yelling for Zero again, Big Brother?" she asked.

Calming his laughter down, Lelouch reached over to ruffle Nunnally's hair. "It's probably nothing like last time," he said, still grinning in amusement to himself.

Likewise, I will not dye Suzaku's hair pink

Suzaku stepped out of the shower and grabbed the nearest towel, drying his face and going on to dry his hair. He blinked when he noticed something was off and removed the towel from his head, staring at the pink hair dye that stained it.

Whirling around to the mirror behind him, he stared at his hair, which had been dyed a very hot pink—matching the new paint job on his knightmare—and quickly reached for the shampoo bottle. He glanced at it, or rather the hot pink hair dye that had replaced it, and at the paper that was attached to it.

He removed it and read it to himself, eye twitching as he did so.

Dear Suzaku, a.k.a the Pink Knight

I figured that it would suit you better if you matched your knightmare frame.

Sincerely,

Zero

Suzaku's screech of "ZERO!" could be heard all the way at Ashford Academy.

C.C. turned to Lelouch at the scream and saw him laughing as he happily sorted through the papers on his desk. "...Why?" C.C. asked finally.

"Revenge," Lelouch said with large demonic grin dominating his face.

I will not e-mail pictures of Villetta in that skimpy silver bikini to Ohgi

It was during the daily meeting with the rest of the Core that Ohgi decided to check his e-mail while they waited for everyone to show up. Zero was already there, seated at the head of the table and looking at some papers and they were just waiting for Kallen, Tohdoh, and Tamaki to show up.

Blinking when he noticed an e-mail from an unknown sender, Ohgi warily clicked on it, since it hadn't gone to junk so it might be important.

Of course, he was unprepared for the picture that met his eyes.

He quickly covered his nose when it started to bleed and darted out of the room at breakneck speed, running Tamaki over as he did so.

"What was that about?" Tohdoh wondered, watching Ohgi take off.

"No idea," Kallen said.

"Owwww!" Tamaki, who was on the ground with footprints on his face from where Ohgi had stepped on him in his haste to get out of the meeting room, groaned.

I will not play soccer in the hangar bay of the Black Knights' headquarters

Crash!

"Ow! What the hell?!" Lelouch exclaimed, clutching at his head since he was unmasked while in the safety of his office at the Black Knight's headquarters. He glared at the soccer ball that had come sailing through his office's window and, grabbing both the soccer ball and his helmet, he slipped on the latter and poked his head out the remains of the window to glare at the guilty party gathered below him.

"Who did it?" he demanded.

"Tamaki!" Everyone shouted, pointing at Tamaki.

"Tamaki! You're demoted to bathroom duty for a month," Lelouch ordered.

"Not again," Tamaki whined.

Likewise, I will not play soccer in the Viceroy's Palace

Everyone winced when the soccer ball slammed right into Cornelia's face before falling to the ground. The shock on Cornelia's face morphed into fury. "Who kicked that ball?" she demanded.

There was a long moment of silence as everyone stared in terror at the furious Witch of Britannia.

"Claudio did it!" Alfred Darlton shouted, pointing at Claudio.

"You traitor!" Claudio Darlton cried.

I will not have the "Barbie Girl" song as my ringtone

"I'm a Barbie girl, in a Barbie world. Life is plastic, it's fantastic..."

The instant that song started blaring out of someone's phone, a loud series of thudswas heard and the entire class turned to find Lelouch banging his head against his desk.

"Not again! I just got that damn song out my head!" he exclaimed in frustration.

I will not see how many people can fit into a knightmare cockpit

Andreas Darlton resisted the urge to facepalm as he stared at the mass of humans that occupied the cockpit of his son Edgar's knightmare. He noticed that not only where all five of his adopted sons in there but also the Knight of Three Gino Weinberg and the Knight of Seven Suzaku Kururugi.

"The answer's seven," Edgar's voice sounded somewhere in the mass of humans.

"...I don't even want to know how seven of you managed to get in there," Andreas said finally.

"What I want to know is how are we all gonna get out?" Suzaku, who sounded like he was somewhere near the back of the entire group, said.

I will not play Marco Polo on the Avalon

"Marco!" Gino shouted, darting around the Avalon while blindfolded.

"Polo!" The person who called 'Polo' was to the right of him and Gino darted in the direction but the person who'd called Polo had already darted out of his way.

"Marco," he called again as he turned around.

"Polo!"

Gino darted in the direction, only to yelp as he found himself slipping on the top step of a flight of stairs and he ended up tumbling down the flight of stairs to land in a heap on top of someone.

"I suppose this means I'm it," Anya's disinterested voice sounded beneath him. "Now get off."

"Oh, ah, right," Gino said rapidly and scrambled off the pink-haired Knight of Six.

I will not lose a bet to Milly

Kallen hated this. She really did.

She was currently dressed in a cat costume, complete with paws, a tail attached to her rear, and cat ears on her head, and was crawling around the ballroom floor, meowing and pretending that she was a cat. And this was only because she'd lost a bet to Milly.

She still had no idea how Milly managed to convince Lelouch to dress up as a princess for the annual Cross Dressing Ball that she held.

She also had no idea why Milly decided that she would do this. No, wait, it was probably just to gather blackmail.

"Aww, look at the pretty kitty," Milly said with a grin as she snapped a few pictures.

You suck was what Kallen wanted to say but she just growled very convincingly.

Milly just laughed.

"I'm not even going to ask why Kallen's pretending to be a cat. She does make a convincing cat though," Lelouch's voice said and Kallen, still crawling around, cast a look over her shoulder to find the exiled prince, her leader, and also fellow Student Council member, standing in the doorway watching in bemusement.

I swear, if you laugh...She thought.

Lelouch's lips quirked and he snickered in amusement.

Oh that does it! Kallen crawled over to Lelouch and meowed at him.

Lelouch's eyebrows rose but he then smirked and patted her head as if he was petting a cat.

How did she react?

She bit him...hard!

"Ow!" Lelouch exclaimed, yanking his hand back and glaring at her but she just smiled sweetly back at him and meowed.

That was for laughing, Lelouch, she thought.

I will not have silly string fights in the middle of the Black Knights' headquarters

"What is going on here?" Zero demanded as he swept into the hangar of the Black Knights' headquarters to find that a large chunk of his Core were covered in silly string, holding cans of silly string, and spraying them at each other.

Almost everyone stopped as soon as Zero made an appearance.

Except Tamaki who attempted to hit Kallen with silly string, only for Kallen to dodge and the silly string crashed into Zero's mask.

Tamaki gulped. "Oh, uh, whoops?" he said with a nervous laugh.

If anyone could see Zero's face, they would see his eye twitching before the demonic smirk crossed his lips. He calmly walked over to where the cans of silly string had been placed, picked up two of them, and proceeded to unleash both cans on Tamaki in an instant.

I will not look up at the ceiling just to see if everyone will do it as well

Suzaku lowered his head and walked off, snickering quietly to himself when he noticed that every member of the Glaston Knights, Euphie, Major Nu, and even Cornelia were all looking at the ceiling in puzzlement.

Lelouch owes me fifty bucks, he thought as he walked away.

I will not lock Lelouch in the same room as his fangirls

It was days like these that Lelouch was extremely thankful that he had his Geass.

He smirked over his shoulder when the door opened and Milly poked her head in. "Hello Milly," he said.

"Where are the fangirls?" Milly asked.

Lelouch pointed and Milly turned to find all the fangirls were happily braiding each other's hair and completely ignoring Lelouch.

I will not say Code Yellow to the guards in the Viceroy's Palace just to see what will happen

In Gino's defense, how was he to know that meant there was an assassin in the palace? He really should've refreshed his memory on what the color-coded codes meant before he'd come to Area 11.

I will not hide an alarm clock in Lelouch's room set to go off every five minutes

"Gah, will you shut that damn thing off?!" C.C. shouted as the alarm started ringing loudly throughout the room again.

"I'm trying! I don't know where the hell it is," Lelouch shouted back as he continued to search through his room for the annoying alarm clock.

He didn't find the alarm clock.

He did find a note though.

Zero,

Payback for dying my hair pink.

Sincerely,

Suzaku

Lelouch crumpled the note and threw it away, huffing. "Well played, Suzaku, well played," he said and went back to searching for the elusive alarm clock that continued to ring loudly every five minutes.

I will not hide catnip in the Lancelot's cockpit

Suzaku did not know what to make of this.

He stared at the cockpit of the, still unfortunately pink, Lancelot that was currently filled with a large score of cats all purring and rolling around in a large quantity of catnip. "How the hell did this happen?" he exclaimed.

"Oh, this was on the Lancelot by the way. It's addressed to you," Cecile said, holding out an envelope.

Tearing his eyes away from the large group of cats, Suzaku took the envelope and pulled out the letter, reading it to himself, his lips pressed together tightly.

Pink Knight,

You do realize that this means war, right?

Sincerely,

Zero

"Grrr," Suzaku growled, crumpling the letter in his fist. "Oh you are on."

I will not tell Lelouch's fangirls that he will give a kiss to the first person who catches him

When he neared the Student Council Clubhouse, Rivalz was greeted by the rather amusing sight of Lelouch hiding in the branches of a tall tree, looking terrified out of his mind. "Ah, what're you doing up there?" he asked smiling.

Lelouch shuddered. "Fangirls," he said.

"Ahhh." Rivalz nodded in agreement. Fangirls were scary.

"Damn you, Suzaku," Lelouch growled under his breath after Rivalz left.

I will not ask Guinevere if she's having an affair with a guy named Lancelot

"How did you know?" Guinevere asked in confusion.

"Wait, you are?" Cornelia echoed in shock.

Guinevere shrugged. "Well, I wouldn't exactly call it an affair considering I'm not married but he's a nice guy and noble so it works out," she said.

Everyone just blinked as Guinevere walked off.

I will not dance in the rain in nothing but my boxers

In Jeremiah's defense, he was incredibly drunk at the time.

Not to mention, the weatherman never mentioned anything about a rainstorm. He said it would be clear skies all day.

Stupid weatherman.

I will not videotape someone dancing in the rain in their boxers and post it on the Internet

"Kewell!" A shriek sounded and Kewell and Villetta looked up to find a furious Jeremiah charging toward them.

"I think he found out about the video you posted of him online," Villetta said. "I would run."

Kewell didn't need to be told twice and bolted as fast as he possibly could in the opposite direction with a furious Jeremiah running after him, shouting curses.

I will not slide down the staircase railings in the Viceroy's Palace

Euphie thought it would be fun and it was, right up until she slid off and crashed into her Knight. "Oops, sorry, Suzaku," she said brightly.

"It's okay, my princess," Suzaku said with a light blush on his cheeks since Euphie was straddling him.

"Suzaku Kururugi!" Cornelia, who had just stepped into the entrance hall, shrieked upon seeing the position her sister and her sister's knight were in. Cornelia yanked out her sidearm and Suzaku, as soon as Euphie got off him, bolted in the opposite direction with the Witch of Britannia running after him.

I will not post Post-It Notes with random words all over the Lancelot

"Why must my poor baby be tortured so?" Lloyd cried, staring at the pink Lancelot that was now covered in Post-It Notes, each with a different word on it like pink, knight—these two were close together—moron, pizza, hated, by, cats—these were also close together—and so many others.

Suzaku glared at the number of Post-It notes, clenching the letter in his hands. The letter read:

Pink Knight,

Fangirls? Really? You suck, you know that, moron? Good luck getting all the Post-It Notes off.

Sincerely,

Zero

"Grrr," Suzaku growled again.

I will not dump pink paint on Kallen

"Tamaki! You're dead!" A shriek sounded.

"I'm sorry! I was aiming for Yoshida!" Tamaki cried.

Zero watched in bemusement as a terrified Tamaki ran past with a furious Kallen, who was also covered in pink paint, running after him. "Ohgi," he said and Ohgi stepped out of the meeting room to join him.

"Yeah, Zero?" he asked.

"Please go make sure Kallen doesn't kill Tamaki, would you?"

"Ah, sure," Ohgi said and ran after the two.

I will not build a fort of pillows in the middle of the Student Council meeting room

Lelouch blinked as he walked into the meeting room, wheeling Nunnally in front of him, when he spotted the fort of pillows that was at the other end of the room, surrounding Nina's computer. "Ah, Nina?" he said uncertainly.

One of the pillows moved and Nina's head poked out. "Oh, hello Lelouch," she greeted him and then vanished back into her fort of pillows.

Lelouch blinked again. "Well, at least I know why yesterday's budget included fifty pillows," he mused.

Nunnally giggled.

Likewise, I will not build a fort of pillows in the Imperial Palace's throne room

Bismarck stepped into the throne room and blinked when he spotted the fort of pillows that dominated the corner of the room by the door. He turned to Emperor Charles who was eyeing the pillow fort with exasperation in his eyes. "Ah, may I ask what happened, Your Majesty?" he asked.

"V.V. and Sir Weinberg decided to build a pillow fort and I have no idea why," Charles said.

"I see."

I will not play hokey in the Black Knights' headquarters

Crash!

Lelouch's eye twitched as a hockey puck sailed through the recently replaced window and collided with his head. Grabbing the puck, he put his helmet back on and poked his head out of the window. "Tamaki!" he shouted.

"This time, it wasn't me!" Tamaki cried. "It was Yoshida! I swear it!"

"It's not like I meant to hit it that hard," Yoshida protested.

"Grr, Yoshida, you're paying to replace this broke window," Lelouch said firmly.

"With what? We don't get paid doing this," Yoshida said in confusion.

"That's not my problem."

Likewise, I will not play hokey in the Viceroy's Palace

Cornelia's eye twitched when the hokey puck collided with it before falling to the floor. "Claudio!" She growled, glaring at the Glaston Knights, and Kururugi, who were gathered in front of her.

"That time, it wasn't me," Claudio exclaimed, holding up his hands.

"Well, who was it?!"

Kururugi was, suspiciously, edging away from the rest of the group.

"Kururugi did it," Claudio said, jamming his finger at Kururugi.

"Kururugi!"

Kururugi was already bolting out of there out of fear for his life.

I will not fill the Student Council meeting room with stuffed animals

There were so many stuffed animals in the meeting room that it was impossible to get into the room. Milly just stared at the amount of stuffed animals and then at the council members behind her. "Okay, which one of you did it?" she asked, planting her fists on her hands as she glared at them.

Everyone just looked at her, looking just as confused as she did, except one.

Shirley was trying hard to keep it in but, suddenly, she burst out laughing hysterically.

"Shirley! You did it?" Milly exclaimed.

Shirley was too busy laughing to answer.

Likewise, I will not fill the Viceroy's Office with stuffed animals

Cornelia stared at the wall of stuffed animals that was preventing her from getting into the office. "What in the world…?" she said and scowled, whirling around. "Who did this? I want to know who did this now."

Euphie, who was standing at Cornelia's side, could not hide her amusement at the stunned look on her sister's face and started laughing.

"Euphie, you did this?" Cornelia exclaimed.

Euphie wiped the tears of laughter that fell from her eyes. "I just wanted to see what your reaction would be," she said and started laughing again.

Cornelia sighed.

I will not tape pictures of the Emperor of Britannia all around Lelouch's room

Lelouch snarled as he glared at the man he hated whose picture covered all the walls of his room, including the ceiling. How the person managed to do that, he will never know.

"Well, this is going to take a while for you to clean up," C.C. commented, slipping past Lelouch into the room. "Oh and this was on the door." She handed him the note.

Lelouch took the note, unfolded it, and read it to himself.

Dear Zero,

Payback's a bitch, isn't it?

Sincerely,

Suzaku

Lelouch crumpled the note in his hands and immediately began tearing down the pictures while planning his own payback.

I will not tape pictures of a cross-dressing Suzaku all around the A.S.E.E.C.'s hangar bay

"Um, Suzaku?" Cecile said warily when Suzaku walked over to join her outside the door to the hangar where the Lancelot was kept.

"Yes, Miss Cecile?" Suzaku asked.

"Er, why were you wearing a dress?" Cecile asked, holding up the picture.

Suzaku sputtered, eyes wide when he saw the picture Milly had taken during the annual Cross-Dressing Ball she'd insisted he take part in the year before. "Where'd you get that?" he exclaimed.

"See for yourself," Cecile said and opened the door before leading the way into the hangar bay.

Suzaku followed and stared. The entire hangar bay, and the Lancelot itself, was covered with photocopied pictures of that same picture Cecile was holding in her hands. "What the…? How…?"

He had a sinking feeling he already knew.

"This was on Lloyd's desk. It's for you," Cecile said, holding out the folded letter.

Suzaku took the letter and opened it, glaring when his suspicions were confirmed.

Dear Pink Knight,

Who knew Milly's blackmail material would come in handy?

Sincerely,

Zero

Suzaku gripped the letter tightly and he growled out a curse.

I will not fill the Imperial Palace's throne room with balloons

Emperor Charles stared as he opened the grand doors to the throne room only for a large amount of balloons to spill out. He blinked as he opened the doors all the way and more balloons spilled out. It was clear that the entire throne room must have been filled since he couldn't even seen his throne.

"What the…?" Schneizel said in confusion.

"Who. Did. This?" Charles demanded, glaring at the two guards that stood on either side of the doors.

"Ah, we're not sure, Your Majesty. We didn't see anyone," the first guard admitted.

"Yeah. You two are the first to arrive this morning, Your Majesty," the second guard admitted.

"Clear it out now," Charles barked.

"Yes, Your Majesty," the two guards said and went to do just that.

Meanwhile, all the way back in Area 11, Lelouch grinned as he relaxed back against his seat, watching the incident through the camera he'd had the Geassed soldier he'd sent to Pendragon install right in front of the throne room's doors.

C.C. raised an eyebrow. "What was the point of Geassing those soldiers to go back to Pendragon and do that?" she asked.

"My own amusement," Lelouch said with a laugh.

I will not skateboard around the Avalon

Gino whooped as he skated around the corner, only to crash into the large group of people that were in the hallway, taking everyone down. Those unfortunate enough to be at the back of the group—i.e. Schneizel, Suzaku, Andreas Darlton, and Guilford—just so happened to be at the top of a staircase.

Gino cringed as he watched as Schneizel, Suzaku, Andreas Darlton, and Guilford were all sent tumbling down the staircase to landed in a tangled heap of limbs and bodies at the bottom. "Umm, sorry?" he offered, walking around the knocked down people to peer down the staircase.

All he got were four angry glares.

I will not attach an airhorn to the bottom of Cornelia's office chair

Cornelia walked into the office after a long day of attempting to find Zero and the Black Knights and, sighing, sat down on her chair, only to jump up with a cry—she would never admit that she did this to anyone—of surprise when an airhorn sounded. "What the…?"

She peered under her office chair and scowled when she saw the airhorn that was taped under it.

"Um, my princess?" Guilford said uncertainly.

"Who did this?" Cornelia demanded, holding up the airhorn after she pried it off.

Guilford shrugged. "I don't know," he said.

A light giggle sounded in the doorway and Cornelia turned to find Euphie giggling, her eyes dancing with amusement. "Euphie!"

"It was too good to resist, Sister," Euphie said around her giggles.

I will not use a hallway of the Imperial Palace as a slip-and-slide

"Weee!" Gino cried as he slide down the hall and crashed into a large pile of pillows at the other end of the hallway. "That was fun! Suzaku, your turn." He quickly scrambled out of the pile of pillows just in time to avoid getting hit by Suzaku.

"That was fun," Suzaku exclaimed.

"I know, right? I told you it would be," Gino said happily.

Anya sighed. "I can't believe Suzaku actually did it," she murmured.

"What in the world is going on here?" Luciano demanded, moving to stand by Anya in the doorway and staring at both the oil covered floor and the mass of pillows at the other end.

"Hallway slip-and-slide," Gino said.

Luciano scowled. "What are you? Five years old? Why the hell…?"

"Wee!"

Luciano broke off, staring wide-eyed when Nonette Enneagram slid past him to crash into the large mass of pillows with Suzaku and Gino just barely getting out of the way in time.

"That was fun!" Nonette shouted happily as her head poked out of the pile of pillows.

"Tch, you three are so childish," Luciano snorted. "Why in the world…?"

"Wee!"

Luciano's jaw dropped as he watched Bismarck Waldstein slide past and crash into the mass of pillows, Nonette scrambling to get out of the way just barely in time.

"That is fun," Bismarck commented, poking his head out of the mass of pillows.

Thud. Luciano's head made contact with the doorframe.

I will not dress up as a gorilla and give random hugs to everyone I see

The majority of the Core of the Black Knights, minus Tamaki and, strangely enough, Asahina, in the Black Knights' Headquarters stared at the gorilla that had just walked into the hangar bay where they were all gathered. The gorilla then walked forward and engulfed the person closest to him, who just so happened to be Zero, in a bear hug.

Zero was too dumbfounded to say anything, let alone try to break free.

The rest of the Core snickered, at least until the gorilla released Zero and immediately began hugging everyone else before walking off, not once saying a word.

There was a long moment of silence, then: "What. The. Hell?" Kallen pretty much summed up what everyone was thinking.

I will not paint the Imperial Palace's throne room neon pink

Emperor Charles opened the door to the throne room and was immediately assaulted by a bright pink color. Blinking, he stared, his jaw unhinging at his throne room, which was pink...entirely! The throne, the walls, the pillars, even the paintings on the wall—though he didn't know it, those had just been turned around before their backs were painted pink—were pink.

"What. The. Hell?" Charles exclaimed.

"Who had enough time on their hands to even do this?" Schneizel wondered from Charles's side.

"I don't care how they did it. I want to know who did it!" Charles exclaimed.

Meanwhile, all the way back in Area 11, Lelouch chuckled at Charles's reaction to his new, pink throne room.

"...Why?" C.C. asked finally.

"His reactions amuse me," Lelouch said with a snicker.

C.C. sighed and shook her head. Who knew your son was a prankster, Marianne, she thought.

. . .

A/n what do you think?

Blaze: as it says in the beginning note, this was not mean to be taken seriously. It was just something I thought of last night, after reading a lot of other 100/333/444 (whatever the number) I'm Not Allowed To Do In (insert fandom place here) stories, and I decided to get it down. I hope you find some of these funny. Which one's your favorite? I'd have to say mine's the prank war between Lelouch and Suzaku, though I honestly liked all of them.

Bakura: and…?

Blaze: and, if I come up with more ideas, I may continue this but it probably won't happen anytime soon. Reviews, as always, are much appreciated.