AN: Wow! Now I'm up to three-hundred people in three days. These kinds of hits are rivalling my more serious Harry Potter stuff. Thanks so much for reading, guys (and it would make me even more happy if you left a nice review! ) )
Muchos thankos go out to suzako, kristina-16, Amberley and sailorchick22 for the awesome reviews. Thanks also go out to ILuvKibaAndShino, ShinobiHunter181 and kristina-16 (again!) for the faves.
Thanks for sticking with this! Now onto TEH PARTAAAAAAAY!
It was three in the morning and Naruto's party was in full-swing. About an hour ago Kiba had made a tearful apology to Akamaru, hugging him and saying all sorts of things like "Y-you're my best friend, man! Seriously. My bestest, bestest friend and... and I don't want you to ever leave me. EVER! You're my best... Man... I just don't know what I'd do without you—" Blah, blah, etc. etc. You all know how it goes. So after Kiba had smashed the door down and cheerfully ignored Sasuke's death threats, he met up with Shikamaru again, who was in the bathroom with Shino, holding Naruto upside down over the toilet and dunking his head in it.
"Errr... guys," Kiba began, a tad weirded out.
"h1 k1b4," Shino said in his Agent Smith costume without looking round. "w3're lukin 4fter N4rut0. h3 isnt f33ling 2 gud right now. Dunno whut hppnd."
Kiba blinked, having not understood a word his team mate had said and turned to Shikamaru and looked expectantly at him, because the newly promoted Chunnin was a total genius and just knew general stuff. Seeing it coming, Shikamaru sighed and took it upon himself to explain.
"He's speaking in l33t," he said, giving Naruto another dunk. "You know he's on that computer 24/7. He was playing Starcraft with that Britney Spears dude before Naruto fell out of the bedroom with his Superman pants on his head and fainted."
"Oh. Right," Kiba said, as if this explained everything perfectly. "But why are you dunking Naruto in the toilet bowl?"
"h3 wont w4ke up," Shino said, shrugging his shoulders.
"We think he's been drugged, but we have no idea who did it," Shikamaru added. "Not that anyone really cares, mind you."
"Oh. Right," Kiba said, scratching his chin and pondering for a moment. Then he added, with an evil grin, because this sort of opportunity came up only once in a lifetime, "Care for a hand, then?"
Back out in the Main Party Area...
"Right, Jiraiya, Chuck..." Gaara barked, swaying dangerously on his feet. "We're gonna have a... but? Bet? Yeah... bet. We're gonna have a bet."
Oro-Chuck and Jiraiya had been doing shot after shot of Aftershock to see who could outdo the other, and both were looking distinctly red-eyed and the worse for wear. They stopped and looked up at Gaara. Oro-Chuck hiccupped and giggled.
"Whussthebet?" Jiraiya asked, slipping an arm around Oro-Chuck, who muttered something incoherent and sniggered to himself.
Gaara looked over to where Neji and Choji were playing catch (in the loosest sense of the word, because both of them were too drunk to catch anything), hurling a football back and forth and tripping over every two seconds. Then, the Sand shinobi grinned evilly and whipped out a sand tendril and snatched the football away.
"Heyyyyyyyyyyyy!" he head Neji complaining, but Gaara ignored him completely.
"Right, ladies," Gaara said, spinning round and brandishing the football. "I bet you four-thousand Yen that none of you... can swallow this football."
The man dressed as Chuck Norris snorted. "Hah?" he said. "Are you serious? Give it here!"
Both Gaara and Jiraiya watched in horror as the man they had known as Chuck extended a freakishly large, long tongue from his mouth, and, dislocating his lower jaw, curled his tongue around it and forced it down his throat, swallowing it bit-by-bit like a snake. The two other ninja gazed in open-mouthed horror.
"O-Oro, is that you?" Jiraiya said eventually.
"I am afraid so," the Man Formerly Known As Chuck Norris said, smiling a creepy smile.
"HOT FUCKING DAMN!" Jiraiya yelled, slapping Orochimaru on the back, rivalling Naruto in his drunken enthusiasm. "It's about time you showed up. These lot are lightweights," he added, jerking his thumb in the general direction of the dance floor. "Come on, man," he said, grabbing Orochimaru by the collar. "Let's do something totally wild! It'll be like old times!"
Orochimaru sighed and rolled his creepy snake eyes. "Don't be ridiculous. I gave up on that childish nonsense a long time ago, Jiraiya."
There was an awkward pause. Jiraiya's eyes shifted from side to side before he said, in a low voice, "Is it because of what happened at that last party? Because I told you that it didn't mean anything and that Tsunade hasn't told anyone either." There was another pause before he added, muttering, "though I haven't been able to go near handcuffs, whipped cream or face paint ever since..."
"You said we would never, ever talk about that again, Jiraiya," Orochimaru said, through gritted teeth, determined to not let anyone hear their conversation. But Gaara was standing there listening to every word the older ninjas were saying.
"You guys got drunk at a party and did something kinky, didn't you?" he sniggered, swigging from his wine bottle, before the smirk was wiped off his face as Orochimaru's snakey pupils dilated and Gaara fell to the floor, whimpering.
"That was a bit harsh, Oro," Jiraiya said, finishing his sake and prodding Gaara with his foot.
"He deserved it," the Snake Sannin snapped, ripping off Chuck Norris's face and shaking his long, black hair out moodily. Then he added, after a pause, "Alright, Jiraiya. I concede. In lieu of tradition, together, at this party, we shall do something truly, truly diabolical!"
Jiraiya grinned and rubbed his hands together with evil glee. "So what's the plan, Oro?"
Orochimaru smiled his creepy smile and licked his lips in that creepy way of his.
"Meet me outside in five minutes," he said. "And bring that lightweight Sand shinobi with you, for we will need him to wear the plant-pot," he added, jerking his head at the still whimpering Gaara, who was twitching and muttering, "Cobras! Cobras! Auuuuugh!"
Later, on the Dance Floor...
Half an hour later, the dancing had subsided because they were running out of drink and the partygoers had sobered up slightly. Kakashi had woken up, too, and had decided that he wanted to tell ghost stories, since it was Halloween. With Shino, Kiba and Shikamaru's help, Naruto had come round too, and he was escorted back into the party room, totally unable to remember what had happened to him. Hinata had offered to take care of him and Kiba and the others handed him over. So it was that they were all sat round in a circle (except Sasuke, who had refused to join in) listening to Kakashi's story about an avenging, undead skeleton shinobi.
"And then the young Gennin turned around... but there was no one there," Kakashi breathed, eyeballing each individual member of his captive audience. "But he swore he could hear the sound of bone... scrape... scrape... scrape... and the pound of skeletal footsteps coming slowly up the stairs..."
Neji whimpered and grabbed at Tenten and Lee. Lee, however, wasn't any help because he was having flashbacks to episodes 127-128, and was twitching alarmingly.
Over in his corner, Sasuke smirked and shook his head. He'd heard that story before. Orochimaru-sama had told it to him twice already. They guy who was telling it would say: "And do you know why I know this story?" And the audience, if they were a bunch of big, hairy, dribbling mongoloids, would shake their heads and then totally freak out as the guy telling the story screamed "BECAUSE I WAS THE BONE NINJA!" It was so stupid...
Then, Sasuke had an idea. Perhaps he had been around Orochimaru-sama for too long, because it was quite diabolical (it was only quite, not truly diabolical, for he wasn't at that level of supreme evilness yet). He smirked to himself and stealthily crept over to the door and sneaked outside to find the fuse box. Yes, this party was just about to get interesting.
Meanwhile, outside with Orochimaru, Jiraiya and Gaara...
"Are you sure I have to balance on the stick like this, Orochimaru-sama?" Gaara said, wobbling slightly.
"Yes, Gaara-kun," Orochimaru answered impatiently as he read from an old leather, bound book and waved an ethnic-looking rattle.
On Orochimaru's orders, Jiraiya had made a circle of fire around Gaara and had stripped down to his underpants. He was dancing around the circle and yodelling wildly.
"A-And are you sure I have to wear this plant pot on my head?" Gaara asked uncertainly.
"Yes, Gaara-kun," Orochimaru snapped, squinting at the book, trying to focus. "Now, I order you to shut your pie hole so that I may concentrate on successfully executing my diabolical plan. I am really quite, quite drunk, and it's making reading very difficult."
Gaara, however, had one more question. "B-but, Orochimaru-sama," he said, wincing. "Did you have to take off my pants?"
"DO NOT QUESTION MY AUTHORITY, YOU LOATHSOME LITTLE BUTT-BISCUIT!" Orochimaru roared, before realising that he wouldn't be able to lure Gaara back to his lair after the party if he shouted at him. He coughed and then forced a horrible smile, saying quite sweetly, "Now, little boy, I would like you to start spinning around in a counter-clockwise motion, if you would be so kind."
Gaara rolled his eyes and muttered something mutinous as he began to pirouette on the end of the stick, fighting to keep his balance and hold the plant pot on his head. As he did so, Orochimaru rattled his ethnic rattle and shouted "ITCHYNUTZ!". There was a blinding flash of lightning, and Orochimaru smirked, his creepy snake eyes locked on the ground.
Gaara's brows knitted together in puzzlement. Then he looked down and screamed as a pair of familiar and distinctly bony hands burst out from the earth. Jiraiya jogged over to his old team mate and slapped him on the back, grinning from ear to ear.
"Heh, what do you know, you evil-eyed bastard, it totally worked!" Jiraiya chuckled, as Gaara continued to point and scream in a blood-curdling fashion.
The horrifying, bone-creature dragged itself from the earth and stood upright, looking from left to right, before its pale blue eyes settled upon Orochimaru.
"Welcome back, Kimimaro-kun," Orochimaru said, caressing the young ninja's cheek with a creepy smile.
Kimimaro blushed. Gaara stopped screaming and both he and Jiraiya looked at each other significantly, suddenly feeling quite ill, though it was nothing to do with the drink.
Can things get any worse? Jiraiya thought to himself. My best friend leaves the village for ten years and comes back a total paedo. I think I need another drink...
"Now, my little Kimimaro-kun," Orochimaru began, grinning evilly. "I have an extra special task for you to carry out..."
Back in the Main Party Room...
"And then the bone ninja slowly walked towards little Jimmy and raised his blood-covered bone sword over his head, " Kakashi breathed, creating further suspense by doing a spooky, wiggly hand movement. "And he brought it crashing down, slicing right through the heart of the innocent, young Gennin..."
Kakashi looked round at his audience, who were all looking at him, catatonic with horror. Hinata had found Naruto a blanket, which he had pulled up to his chin and was chewing on for comfort. Neji was actually hiding behind Tenten, who was clutching at Kabuto, who didn't really seem to be all that bothered, but that was fine. He'd probably heard it before. But it was going diabolically well. Everyone was scared out of their wits (well, everyone but Kabuto). So that was fine. The time was right to drop the bombshell. He only hoped he could do it the same way Orochimaru-sama had done back in the day he'd first told him it when he was a Gennin. Man, that was scary. The way his eyes had kind of popped out and—
No. Don't think about that, or your night-terrors will come back, Kakashi, you douche. Just get back to the story...
Little did Kakashi know that his night-terrors were just beginning. Outside at the end of the corridor, Sasuke was just about to put his Only Quite Diabolical Plan into action. With a torch in hand, Sasuke picked the lock on the fuse box and threw away the protective cover. He grinned evilly and let his finger hover over the power switch.
"I'll show them," he cackled to himself. "I'll show them how a real Halloween party should go..."
Inside in the main party room, Kakashi had created the sense of creeping terror so incredibly well, that Choji and Shikamaru were clinging onto one another, looking as though they were actually about to pee their pants. Therefore, he decided, the time was right. The threat of imminent pee was always the deciding factor. So he lowered his head and paused, letting the suspense build, before he spoke again, so quietly that everyone had to lean in to hear him...
"And do you know why I know this story?" he said, making his voice artfully hoarse.
No one answered.
Kakashi let a psychotic grin creep over his face and let his head snap upwards, and, taking a deep breath, he pulled out a katana from nowhere and screamed at the top of his lungs, "BECAUSE I WAS THE BONE NINJA!"
Then, outside at exactly the same time, Sasuke began to laugh maniacally and threw the fuse. Inside, everyone screamed as the lights cut out and a bolt of lightning revealed, in a dark corner, a lone ninja holding a long, bone sword covered in blood.
TO BE CONTINUED...
AN: Man... I bet everyone so knew that was coming. (snigger)
Reviews, please, people!