Here's the next chapter of Solstice. Sorry it took me nearly 3 weeks to update. I promise chapters will be coming more frequently from now on, since I've written all the way up to Chapter Nine and am looking to finish this story within 13, 14 chapters. Updates will be posted every Friday afternoon, about 1pm my time so for those who live in America, roughly late Thursday night for you.

Disclaimer: I, unfortunately, am not Stephenie Meyer and thus I do not own the Twilight saga. All characters and the plot belong solely to her.

Chapter Two: Aftermath

"Pain is the feeling. Suffering is the effect the pain inflicts. If one can endure pain, one can live without suffering. If one can withstand pain, one can withstand anything. If one can learn to control pain, one can learn to control oneself." -James Frey

This was my own personal hell, I was sure of it.

Poor Bella!

So good…

Stupid human.

The future's changing so quickly… what are you thinking, Edward?

Man, Jasper's lost it.

Get Jasper out.

I willed myself not to focus on their thoughts.

Carlisle was the calmest of us all. 'Emmett, Rose, get Jasper outside,' he said.

For the first time in a long time, Emmett wasn't smiling. He pulled Jasper roughly in the direction of the door, his arms still locked in his vise-like grip. Jasper struggled fruitlessly, his eyes still wild and blank and focused on my Bella. Automatically, I crouched in front of her, snarling. If he wanted her, he'd have to get past me first. He was no longer my brother now; he was the enemy.

I forced myself not to breathe – if I breathed, then I'd smell Bella. The monster in me had never quite been satisfied in Phoenix, and I knew if I breathed now, I'd become my own enemy.

Rosalie looked far too smug for my liking. I resisted another growl as she stepped in front of Jasper and wrangled him through the glass door that Esme held open.

Esme's thoughts were filled with guilt. I wish I could help but it's too much… she smells lovely, and I haven't… No, Esme!

'I'm so sorry, Bella!' she barely cried before she had flown out of the room.

'Let me by, Edward,' Carlisle said and I stared at him for half a minute before I remembered that this was Carlisle, my own compassionate father, and he would not hurt my Bella and I relaxed.

Alice handed him a towel. 'Here, Carlisle.'

He shook his head. 'Too much glass in the wound,' he murmured, ripping off part of a tablecloth and making a tourniquet. My heart fisted – too much glass in the wound. I could only imagine how much pain Bella was in, all because of me.

'Bella, do you want me to drive you to the hospital, or would you like me to take care of it here?'

'Here, please,' she whispered urgently.

'I'll get your bag,' Alice said.

'Let's take her to the kitchen table,' Carlisle instructed, and I lifted her up easily, careful not to touch her arm, as Carlisle kept the pressure steady.

'How are you doing, Bella?'

'I'm fine,' she replied. I sighed – could she not lie, for once? There was plenty of glass in her arm and even more blood. She sure as hell wasn't fine.

I set her gently in a chair, while Carlisle pulled up another, beginning to work immediately. Now that there was only the four of us in the room, her scent had intensified multiple times. It was almost unbearable but I refused to leave. No, not when Bella was in pain like this, bleeding and struck by glass.

But the scent… it was beautiful, powerful, overwhelming. Freesia, strawberry, and a myriad of others. It was unlike anything I had ever smelled, and there would never be anything on this earth for me that tempted me as much as she did.

So I continued to hold my breath. I'd rather I be uncomfortable than slip and lose control and attack her – again. I sighed.

'Just go, Edward,' Bella said.

'I can handle it,' I asserted, careful not to inhale too much air.

'You don't need to be a hero,' she countered. 'Carlisle can fix me up without your help. Get some fresh air.'

'I'll stay,' I insisted.

'Why are you so masochistic?' she mumbled, defeated.

Carlisle looked up from Bella's arm. 'Edward, you may as well go find Jasper before he gets too far,' he suggested. We don't need him running away. 'I'm sure he's upset with himself, and I doubt he'll listen to anyone but you right now.'

'Yes,' Bella agreed. 'Go find Jasper.'

'You might as well do something useful,' Alice added.

I felt my eyes narrow. Were they really going to gang up on me? I really did have no chance, though, with three of the most stubborn people I knew. I nodded once and left the room.

When I was out in the open, I was glad to have left. The air was crisp and cool and free of my biggest weakness. I took in big lungfuls, almost gasping as I struggled to cleanse my system. The scent was all too fresh in my mind and I knew the fresh air would dull it some.

Not too soon after, Alice was out, too.

She smells so good, she thought longingly. But I'm proud I resisted so long! I wonder how's Jasper doing… Oh, Edward, don't look at me like that.

'Alice, what do I do now?' I whispered desperately, even though there was no need for it.

She rolled her eyes. 'Can we do that later, Edward? The both of us need to hunt right now and we need to find the others and Jasper.'

I sighed, defeated again. She broke off into a run into the forest, obviously knowing where Jasper and the others were, and I followed.

It was exhilarating to run, feeling the forest around me remain untouched even as I moved so quickly. I remembered when Bella had climbed onto my back and we had gone to our mead – no, don't go there, Edward.

I knew we had to leave now. First the James fiasco then this. We had put Bella in too much danger and we had to leave before we caused her anymore harm. I wasn't good for her and I would never be. It pained me to leave her but it had to be done. It was for her own good, and I could only pray that she would forgive me one day.

I carefully kept my mind blank as we neared the rest. I didn't want to think about that, at least not yet. Distractions were no good during a hunt.

We caught up with the others. Esme, Emmett and Rosalie had finished their quick hunt, but Emmett was off with Jasper as he was still hunting.

Esme bounded up to me, cradling my face in her hands. 'Oh, Edward,' she cried. 'I'm so sorry!'

'So am I, Mom,' I whispered sadly.

'What do we do now?' Rosalie asked hesitantly.

'We leave,' I said flatly. Her eyes blazed as she glared at me.

'We don't have to, Edward,' Esme said gently. 'We can stay.'

I shook my head. 'I'm no good for her,' I whispered and even I knew I sounded broken.

'Edward–,' Esme said, coming to hug me but I cut her off with another shake of my head, taking off south to find something to drink.

Eventually I caught a buck. My lips easily found its pulse point and my sharp teeth cut through it effortlessly and as I drank, I tried to fool myself that this was Bella, in hope to appease my thirst further, but I only repulsed myself. I would never, ever drink from Bella.

I downed another two deer, another buck and one doe, before I felt full, but not sated.

I ran back to where the others were, and I saw that Emmett and Jasper had joined them.

'I'm sorry,' he said sincerely, guilt tangible in his voice. His head was swimming with apology but I didn't want to hear it. I didn't need any reminders of what had just happened. Sure, I was mad at Jasper, but I didn't have the energy to deal with it now. I needed Bella, I needed her to tell me she still loved me, despite everything I had put her through, though it was absurd.

The others stared at me as they waited for me to respond. The tension was thick enough to slice through it with a knife.

'So am I,' I repeated the same thing I had said to Esme. 'So am I.'

And then I turned and ran back to the house.

Esme wasn't far behind me, and she and Alice started to clean up the living room, both of them holding their breath. Emmett, Rosalie and Jasper were in the woods, and had elected to stay there till Bella had left for the night.

I went to the living room, where Bella was talking to Carlisle, who was telling her about his history. I had heard the story countless times before yet it never ceased to amaze me how resilient Carlisle was, remaining compassionate even after what others had put him through. His selflessness was truly admirable and it was a trait I longed to have.

Finally he ended his story. 'I suppose I should take you home now.'

'I'll do that,' I interrupted, stepping out of the shadows.

'Carlisle can take me,' Bella said softly, glancing down at the bloodied bandage. Still so selfless, I thought.

I tried my hardest to keep any emotion out of my voice; I didn't want Bella to become upset. 'I'm fine. You'll need to change anyway. You'd give Charlie a heart attack the way you look. I'll have Alice get you something,' I said, walking out.

I went to find Alice, who was more than happy to get Bella another shirt. I reminded her that it had to be similar, or Charlie would get suspicious. She ran in to fetch a shirt from Esme's closet while I waited outside.

We returned to the living room. Esme had finished mopping up the blood and now it reeked of bleach, though if I concentrated hard enough I could still detect the faintest trace of Bella. Or maybe I was hallucinating.

Alice bounded up to Bella. 'Come on, I'll get you something less macabre to wear.' The two of them returned minutes later, with Bella in a shirt only a shade lighter from her own. Still, she looked far too lovely, and far too tempting. It was hard to believe that this angel was mine.

Not for much longer, the monster in me taunted. You think she'll still want you after this? Please!

I held the door open for her, as Alice cried, 'Take your things!' She pressed them into Bella's good arm. 'You can thank me later, when you've opened them.' Bella nodded, but she was looking at me. I gazed back at her, impassive.

My parents for all intents and purposes bid her goodnight, and they too were stealing glances at me. Bella hurried outside to her truck and I followed. When I opened the passenger side of the cab, she climbed in silently. I sighed in relief.

When I climbed in, I noticed that she had pulled off the ribbon from the brand new stereo and thrown it on the floor. I could still glimpse a sliver of satin red on the floor.

As we drove down the drive, I caught sight of Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie sitting on a high tree branch.

Tell her I'm sorry, Jasper begged me in his mind. I nodded once, even though he and I knew I wouldn't say it. I'm sorry, Edward. It's all my fault. I nodded again.

The silence hung heavy between Bella and I, a thick, dense cloud that was almost suffocating. I had so much to say and I was sure she did too, but neither of us knew how to go about it.

Either way, it was final. We would leave, I decided. Even if Bella told me that despite everything had happened she still loved me, we would have to leave. I had put her in too much danger already, both times she had nearly lost her life. I wasn't going to risk the third time being the charm – no way in hell. I had been far too selfish already, making her mine even though it meant she was possibly in harm's way. And with Bella's destructive luck, she always was in harm's way.

Ah, her luck. Was it unlucky that she smelled so lovely and so tempting? Was it unlucky that she had attracted a vampire, even a 'vegetarian'? Was it unlucky that the vampire of whom she had caught their attention was a tracker? Was it unlucky that she had almost been killed by her boyfriend's brother?

As I had said to her, if we could bottle her luck, we'd have a weapon of mass destruction on our hands. Inside, I laughed, darkly, mirthlessly.

Still, we had to leave. I reiterated that in my head: we had to leave. No matter how much I or anybody else wanted to stay. I had been selfish enough as it was.

She broke the silence first. 'Say something,' she begged.

I was careful to keep any emotion out of my voice again. 'What do you want me to say?

I thought I saw her cringe and mentally, I berated myself, having offended her one way or another. 'Tell me you forgive me.'

Forgive her? Forgive her? She thought she was in the wrong? 'Forgive you? For what?' I half-spat. None of this was her fault, it was solely mine.

'If I'd been more careful, nothing would've happened.'

I sighed. 'Bella, you gave yourself a paper cut,' I replied. 'That hardly deserves the death penalty.'

'It's still my fault.'

Was she being serious right now?

'Your fault?' I couldn't keep the anger out of my voice. 'If you'd cut yourself at Mike Newton's house, with Jessica there and Angela and your other normal friends, the worst that could have possibly happened would be what? Maybe they couldn't find you a bandage? If you'd tripped and knocked over a pile of glass plates on your own – without someone throwing you into them – even then, what's the worst?' I said bitterly. 'You'd get blood on the seats when they drove you to the emergency room? Mike Newton could have held your hand while they stitched you up – and he wouldn't be righting the urge to kill you the whole time he was there! Don't try to take any of this on yourself, Bella. It will only make me more disgusted with myself.'

'How the hell did Mike Newton end up in this conversation?'

'Mike Newton ended up in this conversation because Mike Newton would be a hell of a lot healthier for you to be with,' I growled out.

'I'd rather die than be with Mike Newton!' she protested. Oh, Bella, you don't know what you're saying. 'I'd rather die than be with anyone but you.'

'Don't be melodramatic, please,' I scolded.

'Well, then, don't you be ridiculous,' she retorted, crossing her arms.

I glared angrily at the road against her. She really had no sense of self-preservation, didn't she? Did she not grasp the concept that even though she was immensely good for me, I was equally bad for her? I was dangerous; I was a monster. I was unworthy of her.

When we pulled up outside the house, I cut the engine, the sudden ending of the constant roar emphasizing the silence that had yet again descended on us. I made no move to get out and neither did she.

'Will you stay tonight?' she asked.

I frowned. It wouldn't be prudent to be in an enclosed area with her for so long. Even if I opened the window, her scent was still to concentrated. After what had happened earlier tonight, I didn't want to take risks. 'I should go home,' I said finally.

'For my birthday,' she pressed.

I groaned. 'You can't have it both ways – either you want people to ignore your birthday or you don't. One or the other,' I said firmly.

'Okay. I've decided that I don't want you to ignore my birthday. I'll see you upstairs,' she said, hopping out and reaching to take her gifts.

'You don't have to take those,' I told her.

'I want them.'

'No, you don't. Carlisle and Esme spent money on you.'

'I'll live,' she replied. So the double standard – my parents were allowed to buy her gifts but I wasn't. She tucked the gifts under her good arm and slammed the door.

I was next to her in less than a second. 'Let me carry them, at least. I'll be in your room.'

For the first time in what seemed like ages, she smiled beautifully, though it was sad. 'Thanks.'

'Happy birthday,' I said, and leaned down to press my lips to hers once. I would make it quick; I couldn't tempt myself now.

I couldn't help but smile when she stood up on her toes to make the kiss last longer – she still wanted me. Now I was sure she had no self-preservation… Those lips… I shook my head to clear it and disappeared to the side of the house. I used the spruce that was near her window as leverage and slid through the frame into her room easily.

I was bombarded by her scent instantly. The entire room was drenched in it and I felt like I was drowning but I would die happy, surrounded by her.

I went to sit on the center of her bed, wincing slightly when the sheets moved as I sat, releasing more of her scent into the air. It was so potent, so deadly…

I laughed at the irony of that. I was the monster, yet something so simple as her scent could kill me. I was the monster and she was the innocent and not-so-unsuspecting human. And despite all that I had done to her, she still loved me, she still wanted me – at least I hoped.

I wished with everything in me that I was human. I wished that I could keep her safe and happy and be worthy of somebody as good, as loving, as kind, as selfless as her. But I wasn't. No matter how much I tried to change that fact or how much I willed it to be true, I would remain the same: a monster without a soul, selfish and unworthy.

And even if she loved me, even if she still wanted me. I could not stay; I simply couldn't. She deserved far better than me, she deserved a man who could love her and care for her and want her as much as she did for him. She deserved a man, not a monster. She deserved a man who she could have children with, who she could have a family with. She deserved a man that she could be with without putting herself into grave danger.

I was brought out of my thoughts when Bella entered the room.

'Hi,' I said.

She moved to the bed and took the present that I had been fiddling with without noticing from my hands and climbed onto my lap. I sighed – this was both heaven and hell.

'Hi. Can I open my presents now?'

'Where did the enthusiasm come from?' I wondered idly.

'You made me curious,' she said simply, picking up the gift from Carlisle and Esme.

I took it from her. 'Allow me.' God forbid we had a repeat of earlier, I added in my head. I tore off the wrapping and handed her the plain box.

'Are you sure I can handle lifting the lid?'

I rolled my eyes but she couldn't see. She took a minute to read over the fine print on the sheet of paper.

'We're going to Jacksonville?' she said excitedly.

'That's the idea,' I responded.

'I can't believe it. Renee is going to flip! You don't mind, do you?' she babbled. 'It's sunny, you'll have to stay inside all day.'

'I think I can handle it,' I said sweetly, buoyed by her positive response to the gift. If only she could receive all gifts like this. 'If I had any idea you could respond to a gift this appropriately, I would have made you open it in front of Carlisle and Esme. I thought you'd complain,' I admitted.

'Well, of course it's too much! But I get to take you with me,' she said happily.

I chuckled. 'Now I wish I'd spent money on your present. I didn't realize that you were capable of being reasonable,' I teased.

She took the present but I took it from her again, ripping the wrapping paper off. I handed back to her the clear CD jewel case.

She eyed the blank silver CD inside curiously. 'What is it?'

Instead of responding, I took the case from her, pulling out the CD and slipping it into the player. I hit play and we waited in silence for the first strains of music.

The first track was my Bella's lullaby. I remembered writing it vividly – the melody flowing out of my fingers without so much as a second thought, the chords leaving the darkness of my prior compositions and entering the light she radiated. No piece had ever meant so much to me.

Only then did I notice that she was crying, possibly from the pain. I scolded myself silently – I should've paid more attention to her.

'Does your arm hurt?' I asked.

'No, it's not my arm,' she said quickly. 'It's beautiful, Edward. You couldn't have given me anything I would love more. I can't believe it.'

I breathed a sigh of relief. I was glad she liked it – Esme had to talk me out of buying a piano just so I could play it for her. I thought the CD paled in comparison to a baby grand, but she loved it nonetheless. Any worries I had were all put to rest.

'I didn't think you'd let me get a piano so I could play for you here,' I said wistfully. I could imagine it – perched on the bench, my fingers dancing on the ebony and ivory, eyes transfixed on her sleeping figure…

'You're right.'

'How does your arm feel?' I asked, concerned. Even if she hadn't been crying because of the pain, it must've hurt.

'Just fine.' She eyed my hand inexplicably.

I didn't believe her. 'I'll get you some Tylenol.'

'I don't need anything,' she protested but I ignored her, moving her gently to rest on the bed and heading for the door.

'Charlie,' she hissed, one last attempt to stop me.

I almost rolled my eyes. Charlie and Bella were polar opposites here: while she was incredibly perceptive, he equally unobservant. Bella had gotten it from Renee.

'He won't catch me,' I promised as I slipped out of the door.

Charlie had fallen asleep on the sofa, his body sprawled awkwardly over an afghan. His chest rose and fell with every breath he took and a quick glimpse into his mind proved that he was deep in sleep and far from waking any time soon. I quickly grabbed the pills from the cabinet and stopped by the bathroom to get a glass. And I had kept my promise: he didn't catch me.

I handed the pills to Bella, who looked like she wanted to protest but thought better of it. I'd win, anyway.

'It's late,' I said quietly, taking the glass from her. Gently, I scooped her off the bed and pulled back her quilt. I set her back down and tucked the quilt around her tightly – I knew she'd insist on me lying with her and I didn't want her to get cold.

I moved my arm over her and she leaned into my shoulder. I could feel her heat through the thin cotton of my shirt and it literally warmed me.

She sighed, happy. 'Thanks again.'

'You're welcome,' I said and then there was silence. The last of her lullaby faded away, morphing into the beginning bars of Esme's piece. This piece wasn't as personal as her lullaby had been but meaningful nonetheless. It was a testament to my parents' love, a form of a thank-you for accepting my so wholeheartedly, especially after my rebellion. I had done so much wrong, not just to them but in the eye of humanity. Yet they had taken me back in like the prodigal son, loving me and caring for me unconditionally. Since then I had tried so hard to do right, more for them than for myself. But I had failed, again – I had put the family in danger. We'd have to move, now, because of what had happened to Bella tonight. I'd wronged her twice already, both of which she was nearly killed. I certainly wasn't going for third time's the charm. She deserved much better than me: not a shell, not a husk of a man, not a monster. She deserved a man who was good and not a killer. No, definitely not a killer. That was the only requirement I had – as long as after I left, she didn't date somebody who was a killer, like me. Somebody who had done more wrongs than rights in their life.

Wrong v right. That was what it was all about, no? I had done too many wrongs to deserve her, and she had done more than enough rights to deserve someone better than me. It wasn't fair. She thought of me far too kindly: a man who was good. I almost scoffed at the idea. Me and good were two words that didn't go together. Surely, there had to be a point where 'good' was no longer qualified to describe a number of wrongs?

'What are you thinking about?' Bella whispered. It was soft, but so abrupt I was half-startled.

Should I tell her? Or should I lie?

'I was thinking about right and wrong, actually,' I admitted and I felt her shiver.

'Remember how I decided that I wanted you to not ignore my birthday?' she said quickly, in an obvious, poorly-veiled attempt to distract me.

I eyed her carefully. 'Yes.'

'Well, I was thinking, since it's still my birthday, that I'd like you to kiss me again.'

'You're greedy tonight,' I remarked.

'Yes, I am – but please, don't do anything you don't want to do,' she half-joked.

I barked out a short laugh – that was exactly what I was going to do: leave her. I didn't want to, but I had to. 'Heaven forbid that I should do anything that I don't want to do,' I replied sadly, as I gently tugged at her chin and pressed my lips to hers.

As always, her lips were soft and warm. It was always so obvious, when I kissed her, how different we were, how good she was for me, and how bad I was for her. And the degree of my negative impact on her very existence was pushing me to leave. For all I knew, this was the last time I'd get to kiss her like this. Her fingers threaded themselves into my hair – the most heavenly feeling. The way she gripped me proved that she wanted me as much as I wanted her. I couldn't help but reciprocate and all I thought was, more. More, more, more. I wanted more, I needed more. I needed all of her. I caught a glimpse of the alabaster length of her neck, so soft, so satin. I could see the blood under her translucent skin and I felt venom pool in my mouth. So tempting... I knew I had to stop soon, or her life would be in danger for the third time since she had met me and for the second time tonight.

I pushed her away, gasping for air, even though I didn't need it. It was a very human thing to do – something that Bella gave me, a small slice of humanity. With every gulp I took in, I was assaulted by her scent.

'Sorry,' I apologized. 'That was out of line.'

It pleased me greatly to see that she was panting too. 'I don't mind.'

I frowned, catching the red numbers flashing on the clock sitting on her wooden desk. 'Try to sleep, Bella.'

'No, I want you to kiss me again.'

I frowned again. 'You're overestimating my self-control.'

'Which is tempting you more? My blood or my body?' she challenged.

Now, that was a hard question. Her blood was the sole thing I lived for, to keep it pumping through her veins, to keep her alive. Yet her body was so perfect and so flawless in my eyes that I wanted to do nothing but worship her. 'It's a tie,' I grinned, till I remembered how close I had been to allowing myself to just bite on her neck and sobered up. 'Now, why don't you stop pushing your luck and go to sleep, hmm?'

'Fine,' she grumbled, curving herself so she was infinitesimally closer to me. She pressed her injured arm into my shoulder and I felt her relax at once. My cold skin finally was beneficial in some way.

'Sleep, my Bella,' I murmured once she had fallen off the precipice and into sleep.

I'd stay, tonight, at least. I could stay with her one more day. After all, I had spent, what, a year with her? And I'd successfully managed not to kill her. And I wouldn't, not tonight.

But only if I ignored the blood on the bandage.

That's all for today, folks!

I hoped you like it, and, as always, please review!

Clara