My Crazy 'Ole Sis
By: remnantsofsanity
Summary: I'm back guys! Ch3: Temari gives a guest a makeover. If you guys like comedy, COM right in! (;
A/N: Yeaa it's been like 3 yrs since I last updated, but it wasn't my fault I swear!! I no longer have a thirst for naruto fanfiction nor any other, but I decided I left you guys hangin for too god damn long. Plus, I just gotta give you guys SOMETHING. Anyways, on with the fic!
--
Hey you. Yea you. What, forgot my name already? Geez, you non-shinobi freaks have such bad memory.
-subordinate whispers in ear-
Oh, oops! It's been that long already?
…
Well, I wouldn't know, being TIED TO A CHAIR IN A BIKINI FOR 365 DAYS!
Make that 366.
-awkward silence-
Especially with my doll – er, I mean puppet – shoved up my ass behind me. Geez, if Temari says she's a size zero, that must have been years ago. Did I ever tell you I was allergic to hardwood? Before I knew it, huge red swellings started appearing all over my body, and no it wasn't pretty!
Anyways, I have no intention of showing you my nearly nude body, to do both you and me a favor…SO let's see what my sis been up to…
-pulls out a mirror-
Oh Kanky you look good in this! Oh yes you do! Yes you do!
-turns around and stares blankly at crowd-
Y-you didn't see anything!
--
Meanwhile…
A certain mentally unstable creature wanders about the Konoha marketplace wearing fishnets and a huge ass fan sticking out of her back. Yep, you guessed it. 'Twas the crazy Temari.
Said girl grins wildly.
"Now, now narrator, you wouldn't want to be tied to a tree again, would you?"
No, no I wouldn't.
Anyways, Temari was just checking the area for any whiff of dumb blond when she accidentally walked into a tree.
"Ow, what the hell! Who plants a BUSH in the middle of nowhe- ohh ah!"
Mister plant stares at our crazy protagonist with a weird expression on his face.
"Greetings! I am Rock Lee, and I must say, your beauty burns hot with the intensity of a thousand suns! Will you be my girlfriend?"
"Greetings! I am Temari, and I must say, you're BUTT ASS ugly! And NO, I will not be your girlfriend, nor would any other girl in the vicinity!"
Tsk, tsk. Now that wasn't very nice Tem-tem. Why don't you apologize to the poor lad?
"Why don't I shove a stick up your ass?"
Sigh. Don't you have any feelings? You are so mean.
"Thanks, I was born like that!"
"SOB! WHAAAA!"
Temari turn around.
"What's wrong with you, Ugly freak?"
"Nobody likes me! –sniff– I wanna be a real boy!"
"There, there Pinocchio. We'll find the blue fai – what the HELL? Who's scripts are these?"
Hehe. Sorry 'bout that (:
Anywho, back to the story. Feeling a jab of guilt, pity, and strangely, constipation, our heroine agrees to aid Lee in finding a friend.
"Back straight – no slouching! And quit it with the green, you're giving me a seizure."
"Alright, alright Temari-san! But I can't help it if I have bad taste in fashion!"
Our protagonist grins madly.
"Ok, first thing we gotta do is shave your head. Even shiny bald is better than greasy bowl cut."
Mister plant sweatdrops.
"B-but I like my greasy bowl cut! Master Gai says it shows off my eternal youth!"
"Well, your Master Gai is an idiot then. 'Cause you look even more like a freak than ever. We gotta wax your unibrow too."
"I don't have a unibrow."
-takes out a chainsaw-
"What did you say? Did I just hear you don't have a unibrow?"
Smart old Lee shakes his head.
"No, no of course not! It's right here! It's all thick and uni."
"Good. Now let's get cracka lackin."
"HEY ROCK LEE! WATS UP DATTEBAYO!"
Oh, shit.
Author's final comments:
Ok, hope you guys are not as mad now. Umm, next chapter would come in a matter of weeks, maybe if I've got the time (
Until then, don't kill me. It's kinda hard to write this story now since I really don't have a big interest in writing anymore, but I'll do it just for the awesome reviewers. You guys rock!