Chapter 3: Preparations

Esme

When I awoke for that first time after Carlisle changed me I was so lost. I had just remembered that I had jumped off a cliff. How was is it that I survived?

All I remembered was that I was so upset with the death of my newborn son, Jakey, that I knew I couldn't continue. I had to end it all. There was no one else that would love me like my son would and really there was no way I would want to live the life I was living anymore. My husband didn't love me. He was out with women every night. It was all part of his 'job'. When I found out I was pregnant I thought maybe not having a husband around for me would make up for it.

When Jakey was born I loved him from the very first moment. He had the smallest feet, the smallest fingers and the most finest curly hair on the top of his head. I loved to just put my hand on his head and know that he was mine. Event the times I would nurse him were precious. I loved that suckling noise he would make, I knew that it was because of me he got what he needed to survive. But one morning when I went to wake him up for his morning nursing he wouldn't wake up. They told me at the hospital that sometimes babies die in their sleep. I was shattered beyond repair. My heart wouldn't stop crying.

So when I awoke and I looked at Carlisle I thought if I survived my fall from the cliff, my son would have survived too. But that wasn't the case. I knew Dr. Cullen from somewhere but I couldn't figure out where. I remember seeing a Dr. Cullen when I was younger but there is no way he could still look the same ten years later. Unless he knew a secret to stay youthful.

Little did I know that I didn't even know the half of it. While I was waking up Carlisle never let go of my hand. It was reassuring to know that I had someone there for me, when most of my life no one wanted to be around me. He whispered in my ear, "Esme dear, don't be scared when you wake up. I will be here for you forever. Please, don't forget that."I was reassured to know that Carlisle wanted to be with me for the rest of my life. He really didn't mean the forever part? Like in forever, never to die? I started to relax and I realized that I wasn't breathing anymore. How could that be possible that my chest couldn't rise and fall? And I felt cold. Really cold.

My eyes snapped open and I wanted to know what was going on immediately. "Dr. Cullen. You explain what has happened to me right this instant."

Carlisle has always had this trusting look on his face. One that has reassured me so many times during my journey. I may have been mad for what he did to me initially but I love him so much now. I took two suitcases out from the walk-in closet Carlisle and I shared and put them on the bed. I loved remembering the story of how Carlisle changed my life and truly breathed life into me even though the affect was quite the opposite.

And now we were going to Isle Esme. My favorite place in the whole world. The island that was given to me by my husband. The one that loved me, that would do anything for me. There is something that has to be said about forever love.

I was waiting for Alice to come running up the stairs to help me choose what I should bring on the trip, but instead a certain someone had other things in mind.

Carlisle came up behind me, pressing himself against me. He moved my hair away from neck and gently started to nibble my neck. With his one hand he cupped my breast, and with the other he unbuttoned my jeans. With one swift movement he started moving his hand down, past the elastic of my panties and into the soft velvety skin of my womanhood. He gently started to massage me with his fingers trying to get me excited.

A low moan escaped my lips. I put my one arm behind me and grabbed at his head pushing his teeth deeper into my neck. My other hand was over top of his helping him massage me. Arching my back I tried to contain myself but I felt like I was going to explode. "Carlisle, we shouldn't be doing this right now. Alice is on her way up, and honestly…I don't want her to see us like this."

He whispered back in my ear, "Esme, my Esme, you are always so self conscience. I'm sure she will hear us at the bottom of the stairs and not come up. She knows us."

He then swiftly pulled my pants down. Darling, just a little taste and I'll go. He threw me back onto the bed and all I could do was just stare into his eyes and let him do what he wanted. He slowly separated my legs and gently inserted one finger into me. I moaned loudly. "Carlisle, don't you dare stop now," I managed to mutter.