I'm a get down low so I can lift you higher
They free-fall into an unexpected dynamic.
It happens fast, as it always has with them. If Ikkebukuro is their warzone, Shizuo's tiny apartment has become the calm within the storm.
Izaya built his operations center in the small table in Shizuo's living room, where he spends most of the day while Shizuo's at work. When the monster returns, he always brings a box of Russia Sushi with him.
"You seem to be feeling better." Shizuo points out one night, as they eat on the kitchen aisle.
"Don't be fooled, Shizu-chan. As much as it pains me to admit it, I am still not completely myself."
Shizuo seems pensive for a moment.
"I know that." He says finally. "You seem to feel better physically. But aside from that, you're…"
"Are you trying to analyze me?" Izaya scoffs and stands up, moving to the other side of the aisle to make himself a cup of tea. "Don't flatter yourself, protozoan, your brain cannot possibly process so much information."
Shizuo sighs and starts picking up the empty sushi boxes.
"I'm just saying." He says, voice soft and low. "You haven't even tried to leave the house, and it's already been a week." He drops the boxes in the trashcan and takes a cigarette from the package on his pocket. "I dunno, I thought It'd drive you even more insane than you already are."
Izaya turns to look at him while the water boils, and studies him, arms crossed over his chest. The monster has taken to doing that, lately. Whenever Izaya tries to provoke him, he'll just sigh and light a cigarette, not even raising his voice.
"You know what drives me insane, Shizu-chan?" He spats, suddenly. "You. You and your fucking calmness about this whole situation. I've been here a week, sleeping on your bed, eating in your kitchen, showering in your bathroom. What the fuck is wrong with you?"
The situation would be comical, if Izaya wasn't so pissed; Ikkebukuro's most dangerous men, crammed in a tiny apartment during an undefined period of time – like a twisted reality show.
"Something's off with you." Shizuo shrugs. The kitchen is too small and they're too close, when he exhales, he turns his head to the side so the smoke won't hit Izaya. "You said so yourself. You have a huge fucking apartment in Shinjuku, you could have hired a shit ton of protection, and yet you're here, living with the man you hate the most." He drops his gaze to the floor for a moment, as if pondering what to say next. When he looks at Izaya again, his eyes are soft like melting caramel. "So, you tell me, Izaya-kun, what the fuck is wrong with you?"
Izaya throws him the scalding contents of his cup and stomps to the bedroom. As far as dramatic exits go, Izaya knows it would have been a lot more effective if the house had any doors.
Shizuo just walks to the bathroom silently, and after a while, Izaya hears the water running.
Nights, as Izaya has come to learn, are the worst part; he's had the same nightmare over and over again, every night; he tries to leave the house, and as soon as he's out the door someone stabs him again, and it all comes back – the piercing pain, the fear, the realization that he's human, that he can, and probably will, die.
Usually, he wakes to the sound of the monster's soft and even breathing coming from the couch. He remains very still, staring at the cracks in the ceiling and trying to compass his breathing to Shizuo's. The monster never wakes.
Not until tonight.
"What happens?" Shizuo asks suddenly, voice soft and rough with sleep.
Izaya tries to hide the surprise and mortification from his voice.
"Elaborate, Shizu-chan. You must know how to formulate a proper question. Ne?"
"In your dream, flea. What happens in your dream?"
Izaya rolls his eyes and scoffs.
"I would hardly call it a dream."
Shizuo's silent long enough for Izaya to think he's fallen asleep again.
"No-one had ever managed to hurt me." He starts in a whisper. "Not even you."
"And then someone almost killed you." There's something in Shizuo's voice, something Izaya's heard before, but can't quite place.
The informant sighs.
"I dream that as soon as I leave through that door, someone's going to stab me."
It's almost easy, talking to the darkness in whispers. He can almost imagine that the person answering from a few feet away is not his worst enemy.
"That shouldn't be able to happen. I shouldn't be able to die. I am not like my humans. They should love me, they should adore me, I should not be able to be hurt by them, much less killed! The only one who can kill me is…"
"Me."
Izaya inhales and tries to keep his breathing even. He can feel his thoughts spiraling out of control, but that can't happen here. Not in front of the monster.
"That's fucked up, Izaya."
Izaya laughs, throaty and desperate.
"Do you think I don't know?" He takes another deep breath and forces his voice to sound as steady as he can. "I spend hours staring out the window, thinking that he'll come for me. I was not smart enough to fight him the first time, I should have known, I should have seen it coming, I should have…"
There's a rustling of blankets somewhere in the room, and suddenly the mattress dips to the side. Izaya can feel the heat from Shizuo's body as the blonde lies down next to him, far enough so they don't touch.
"No one will come." Says Shizuo in a rough whisper.
Izaya can feel his body relax in response to the sudden heat. He turns his head to the side and he can discern the monster's silhouette despite the darkness.
"How can you be so sure? He's found me before."
"I'd like to see him try a second time."
It's spoken in the same soft tone, but there's something else in Shizuo's voice, something that makes it seem like a threat – a threat far more serious than the ones he's thrown to Izaya before. For the first time in his life, Izaya understands why people are so scared of Shizuo.
Izaya turns to his side and stares at the silhouette of the man beside him.
"Would you kill him?"
He doesn't know why he asks. He doesn't know what answer he expects to get. He regrets it as soon as he says it.
"No." Shizuo turns to the side, too. Izaya can see the moonlight reflected in his eyes, that are totally focused on him. "But you would."
Would I? Izaya thinks.
When he wakes up the next morning he feels lighter than he has for a while.
Something changes in their dynamic then. They don't talk about it, they don't even seem to notice, but the next night, Shizuo lies directly on the bed, instead of on the couch.
The sunlight almost blinds him. Izaya brings his hand up to shield his eyes, and smirks. He closes the door behind him and walks down the steps three at a time. He's healed, he feels good, he's invincible.
And then, out of nowhere, a flash of silver.
Only this time, the pain never comes.
He looks down and there's a hand between the knife and his abdomen. The blade breaks to pieces when it touches the hand, but doesn't manage to even scratch it.
Izaya opens his eyes and is met with darkness and the soft sound of the monster's breathing. His waist feels incredibly warm, and when he moves, he notices that there's an arm draped over him.
"'nother nightmare?" Shizuo's voice is rough and muffled by the pillow.
"No, Shizu-chan." Izaya takes a deep breath and moves to a more comfortable position, curled on his side. "I don't think it was a nightmare."
The only answer he gets is Shizuo's arm tightening around his waist, and a new wave of heat as he presses against him from behind.