Another round of thanks to my reviewers, and also to those who taken the time to read my fic!
Teoryn – Thanks for such a encouraging review, it really helped. I hope this chapter doesn't disappoint too much.
FF Demon – Bwhahaha! I am a major Donnie fan, but I love being evil to him. Is that wrong? Hee!
Windwalker – I think this chapter answers your question/ guess
I really had a hard time writing this chapter, and to be honest I'm still not sure about it. I figured I'd post and see what you guys thought. So any con crit gratefully appreciated.
Disclaimer – I wish I did, but I don't. Humph.
Pain. That was he what he was most aware of. The feeling that the top of his head had been levered open and acid had been poured into it. Even a small movement sent flashes of agony ricocheting around his skull, which meant he couldn't move, not even a little. Not without feeling like he wanted to scream and rip his own brain out with his bare hands. Never at all in his short life had he experienced an excruciating agony like this before.
He was boiling in his shell, too hot - much too hot.
On fire. That's what it felt like. Burning up. Too hot…
He knew that this was bad, very bad….
He couldn't focus - couldn't centre his mind. He felt like he was adrift from his own intelligence. It was like swimming through fog. Every time he almost got a grasp on it, it slipped away from him. He was aware, barely, vaguely, of someone sitting near him - next to him?
He heard voices, murmurs in the background; a name he thought he recognised, and then… were they addressing him?
It had taken a great effort to open his eyes; they had felt as heavy as lead. And they didn't appear to be working too good… he couldn't make out more than blurs. More murmurs… but they didn't make sense to his fractured mind… his master's voice!
He felt a moment's elation for remembering that, and then felt it ebb away as he lost the train of thought that had led him to it. Slowly, he felt himself sinking into a well of darkness and fog, but as he slipped away he could feel gentle hands brushing his forehead with a cooling cloth. Father…?
I can't sit here and do nothin'! Raphael thought to himself as he sat at the table, occasionally throwing a glance towards where April was sitting at Don's PC opposite the dining area. She had been there for an hour now, just flicking through various websites. Now and then she would make notes on a pad to her right.
For the fifth time in that hour, Raph stood and began pacing around the lair, his infuriation at the helplessness he was feeling evident in the vigorous stomping of his feet. Into the living area. Around behind April, where he tried yet again to see what she was reading about, to no avail. Across to the other side, near Master Splinter's room, where he hesitated- again.
He was wrestling with himself, trying to decide whether to stick his head in there or not. But Mikey and Master Splinter are more than capable of caring for Don. After hovering there for a minute or two, Raph let out a sigh and started his lap again.
Raph had never been one to sit back and let things take their course. This feeling of uselessness was getting to him – a lot. As he stalked around on his third lap of the lair, he found his thoughts centring on his brother lying in the next room.
Raph was trying to remember the last time Don had been ill, and he couldn't come up with anything more recent than when he had been infected with Bishop's outbreak virus. Surely that can't be it? That was almost 3 years ago. Don always was the first one to come down with all the colds 'n shit ever since we were little kids! I can't believe he's made it through 3 winters without even a sniffle! It can't be that Don is never sick.
Maybe, the idea hit Raph, he never complains about being sick. Stopping for the umpteenth time outside Splinter's door, he recalled back to before Don was in the throes of the outbreak virus, back when Don had been fighting that annoying cold for weeks. Don hadn't alluded to it after the first few days, and not one person had the consideration, or maybe just not the awareness, to question why it was taking so long to throw off. In retrospect, it was painstakingly obvious that Don had been feeling rotten the whole time. But in that present no one had noticed. Raphael hadn't noticed.
Staring at the wooden door to his master's room without actually seeing it, Raph felt a twisting in his gut as he realised that history might be repeating itself. Raph dreaded to think how long Don had been feeling rough this time, without him realising. Heaving another sigh, he tried to put off the thought, but it wouldn't stop eating away at him.
It's not my fault! He shouted in his own head, arguing with his conscience. You barely even see Don of late, him barricaded in his room! I'm not psychic! If he locks himself away… Raph was trying to avoid the niggling issue that he had been kind of staying away from Don lately.
Raph was still a little shamefaced about how he had been around Don while Leo wasn't here, and truth was he really wasn't totally sure how to go about fixing this distance between them.
Don had kind of retreated since, well since about a few months after Leo left. He only appeared for meals, and then only when Mikey went and practically dragged him out by his bandana. He seemed to have given up trying to lead Raph and Mike altogether. Not that we made it easy for him, Raph grimaced, and then shook his head trying to rid himself of the guilt trip. Anyway, it was easier to get angry at Don.
Hell, it's his problem not mine! He's the one that shut himself off, acting all aloof and stand-offish, and too damn good to lead us! Why should I make the first move? Don's the fix-it guy, not me! And that thought sent another pang of guilt shooting into his gut as it made him recall the reason Don had been late to practice this morning.
Shit! He probably stayed up the rest of the night fixin' my damn bike! Oh, hell, Don I didn't mean for ya to slog ya' self to death!
Scowling, he mentally tried to shrug off this feeling of self-reproach. This wasn't his fault! No! It's stupid! It's your fault Don, for not taking care of ya' self better. Some genius! Staying up all night, working ya' self to exhaustion. And for what! Making a martyr of ya' self? So we'll all feel sorry for ya?… So we feel bad…. His mind was ranting again; working himself up into a rage to attempt to block out the misgivings that Don and his illness was giving him, but that hot feeling of guilt still plagued him. He knew in his heart that Don would never intentionally play the martyr card.
Shifting his weight from one foot to the other, Raph recollected back to Don's room this morning, when he had walked in and realised Don had fallen asleep at his desk – again. What had Raph done? Not woken Don up and pushed him towards his bed. Not picked his sleeping brother up and placed him in bed. No, he had made Don jump awake and start fixing that damned shell cycle when it could have easily waited till after breakfast.
Yeah, okay, that would have meant Leo finding out about mine and Casey's little run-in with the Purple Dragons, but so friggin' what…
Here Raph's train of thought jumped the tracks and began bearing down on another little niggle that wouldn't stay squashed. Raph closed his eyes for a second at his own obliviousness. Don must have known things still weren't 100 percent perfect with Raph and Leo. Could Don have tried to cover up Raph's 'indiscretion' so two of his brothers wouldn't fall out again? Lord knows he must be fed up to the back teeth with Raph's attitude problems with his brothers.
Raph remembered some of the 'conversations' (read: full blown shouting matches) between Raph and Don while Leo was out of the picture. He recalled how defeated Don would look after Raph blatantly ignored him and went topside, or when Mikey laughed and made fun of his leader shtick - maybe Don'd got to thinking he'd do anything for a quiet life?
Raph sighed, and dragged a hand down his face. Who knows what's going on in that head of his sometimes?
Though he would never admit it, especially to Don, Raph was more than a little in awe of Don's capacity for picking up on small details, such as Raph's problem with Leo. He definitely hadn't said anything to him regarding that.
In fact, and here Raph gave a derisive laugh, I haven't said anything to Don about anything much recently.
Raph and Leo were kind of stuck in a holding pattern which neither of them wanted to break. But Don must have figured it out.
Consciously, he steered his mind away from the whirlwind of thoughts and emotions he was experiencing, and fingered his sai.
Raph idly reflected just how much Don saw, and never spoke about. Still waters run deep, Master Splinter declared occasionally, and Raph had to wonder just how deep Donatello's thoughts really went.
"You going in, or are you gonna stand there all morning?" Leo's voice cut through his thoughts. Damn, he's gotten even better at that ninja stealth thing since he's been gone.
Trying not to show he'd been taken by surprise, he turned around to face his elder brother standing behind him. Leo gave him a half-smile, and sneaked a glance over to the wall where April sat.
"Dunno yet. You finished meditating already?" Raph somehow wasn't that amazed. It was hard to keep your mind focused when your brother is lying unconscious in the other room.
"Yeah, can't really concentrate. I keep thinking-" Leo sighed, and looked down at his hands. "Guilty conscious, I guess. I do tend to… forget about him recently" He turned away from Raph abruptly and moved to the dining area, where he sat and placed his head in his hands. Raph looked at him quizzically, and following him sat down in the opposite chair.
"What are you talking about?"
"It's just… He is always so quiet-" Leo began, but Raph interrupted with a smirk "He's always been quiet, Leo! He's Don." Leo shook his head while still resting it in his hands, looking at the table top.
"Since I came back, it's like he isn't here. He spends all his time alone in his room working on that darn tech line, or on some project; he barely appears for meals even! When was the last time you saw him?"
"Last night, actually…" But Leo had started; a damn had broken, and the flood wasn't going to finish until he had got what was on his mind off his chest.
"Don't think I haven't noticed that he has been avoiding you and Mikey! And, yeah okay he does talk to me, but politely, like I'm a person on the other end of his phone line, not his brother!" Leo looked at Raph, and Raph saw the guilty expression on his face.
"Do you think he hates me for leaving? He never said anything… when I came back late."
Raph looked at his eldest brother with barely concealed astonishment. He had never seen Leo act like this before. Worried? Of course he'd seen him worried, but still he'd always had a plan of action, and a veneer of confidence. Now, his face looked so pleading, so vulnerable and ashamed.
Who knew Fearless was thinking the same thoughts as Raph? Leo thought he was the reason Don had all but withdrawn from the whole family. Little does he know…
Raph couldn't voice that thought, obviously. He couldn't let Leo know how awful he had been to Don, and Mikey too while he'd been away. He didn't want to fall out with Leo again, not so soon after finally putting all… those problems behind them.
"No." He said eventually. "Don doesn't hate you. You know Don, he don't bare grudges." Leo didn't look convinced.
"I don't know. I don't know what's been going through his mind-"
"Who does? Really?" Raph interrupted, but this time in all seriousness, however Leo was still ignoring his interruptions.
"It's just been easier, really, to let things go on as they have been. And Don kinda got put out of my thoughts. Who knows how long he's been feeling like that, and not told anyone? Wait a minute-" Leo backtracked "You saw him last night? What was he doing?"
"Raph? Leo?" April's voice interrupted them. They turned to face her, and Raph was not encouraged by the look on her face. Making his way over to the PC, he came to stand next to her right shoulder, and took a look at the screen. She seemed to be accessing an online medical encyclopaedia. Without meeting Raph's eyes, April gestured for him to read what was on the screen.
Symptoms and Diagnosis
No matter what the cause, the symptoms of meningitis are always similar and usually develop rapidly, often over the course of a few hours. Nearly all patients with meningitis experience vomiting, high fever, and a stiff neck. Meningitis may also cause severe headache, back pain, muscle aches, sensitivity of the eyes to light, drowsiness, confusion, and even loss of consciousness. Some children have convulsions. In infants, the symptoms of meningitis are often more difficult to detect and may include irritability, lethargy, and loss of appetite. Most patients with meningococcal meningitis develop a rash of red, pinprick spots on the skin. The spots do not turn white when pressed, and they quickly grow to look like purple bruises.
"Meningitis? But… but that's really… bad. Isn't it?" Raph looked sideways at April, internally begging her to contradict him. Leo had taken a stance the other side of April and was just finishing reading what was on the screen.
"Yes, it can be. But there are different types, and without a-" Here April broke off and looked at her notes. "A lumber puncture, we can't know for sure which version Don might have. Viral and Bacteria are the most common and Viral isn't usually fatal…" April finally met Raph's eyes.
"Why do I feel a 'but' comin' on" Raph felt his throat constricting, making it hard to swallow. He concentrated on his right arm, which was leaning on the workstation, and fiddled with the wristband, not trusting himself to look at anyone else.
"The bacterial version can be… fatal. Especially if not treated straight away."
Raph took a deep breath, and let it out. Then took another. And another. He looked up at April finally "Okay, okay. What do we need to do again? To see if Don's got that …bad one"
He couldn't say fatal. He couldn't. The possibility that Don could… die? No way in hell. Don would never let a little bug get the better of him. Raph thought with conviction.
"Umm. Well, usually bacterial meningitis is confirmed by a lumber puncture, as I said. Er, it's a spinal tap. A doctor sticks a needle into your spine and draws out fluid, which they test for bacteria and other things. Unfortunately, it's not something available to you guys" April inwardly cursed the fact that her best friends were denied the standard medical care that she herself was eligible to. She spared a worried glance to Leo, who hadn't said anything yet, just stood there studying the screen, apparently thinking.
"There are clues though. The symptoms are fairly similar for each version, but a few of the websites agree that the symptoms for meningococcal meningitis include a rash of red pinprick spots on the skin, which don't turn white when pressed" At Raph's blank look she realised he hadn't seen her examination of Don.
"Don has a rash" Leo spoke up, and looked intently at April, who was flicking through her notes, seemingly from a need to do something with her hands rather than a need to check facts.
"Um, a brownish-purple rash, I guess because of the difference in skin colour" She inhaled deeply, and said sadly "Meningococcal meningitis is a form of bacterial meningitis. It means Don has to be started on antibiotics right away, or else… "
She couldn't continue. She had searched and double-checked, hoping, praying that if it had to, if it had to turn out that Don was ill that it was the lesser of two evils, but it wasn't to be. "I'm sorry, I'm really sorry…" Tears were filling her eyes and spilling down her cheeks. Raph abruptly turned and stomped off, out of the living area, leaving Leo alone with April.
"Raph! Wait a minute-" He gave up almost immediately, knowing his brother just needed to run off some steam, and Leo couldn't deal him right now. He had to get the help Don needed.