Summary: Somebody has a very cruel sense of humor when it comes to Christmas gifts... Pity Cloud and Tifa! PITY THEM!

Disclaimer: I don't own these characters, I don't own the song in its original form. I do, however, own this new version of it!

Queen's Quornor: Slight change here. Still funny, though.

Day Three

On the third day of Yuletide, someone evil sent to me...

"I'm starting to wonder if our phantom gift-giver is really just a kidnapper with a terrible sense of humor," Tifa commented, dicing some carrots.

"It does seem a bit weird that all he or she has sent us is people." Cloud gathered up the pieces of orange vegetables and dumped them in the crocker pot with the half-finished roast they were making for dinner. "And furthermore, how did he or she sneak up on Yuffie, Reno, and Rude? They're all trained to know when somebody's tailing them, and what to do about it..." The swordsman added some potatoes to the pot. "...Not to mention how to escape such situations."

"I knew what you mean. How on Gaia did this person do this to them?" Tifa reached for another carrot, and sighed as a loud thump echoed from upstairs. She rolled her eyes and began cutting. "And here's another great question. How much booze did he or she give to them? Reno and Rude are still drunk, and I would think that they would be halfway through the hangover by now."

"Well, maybe he or she had some Cetran booze of their own." Cloud scowled as the front door banged. "Sounds like we have another uninvited guest."

Tifa blew some hair out of her eyes tiredly. "You get it. I want to finish this roast and see what our current guests are getting into."

"Sure, Teef." Cloud wiped his hands off on a handy dishtowel and raced for the door, hoping to catch the culprit before he or she disappeared.

No such luck. The person who had knocked upon the door was gone, but there was one helluva big box on the stoop, three times bigger than the ones Reno and Rude had been encased in the previous afternoon. As before, it was wrapped in shiney gold paper with a huge silver bow on top.

Cloud, eyes wider than the wheels on Fenrir, took an incredulous step backwards. "Tifa!" he called. "Come take a look at this!"

"What is it this...time?" The martial artist had come through the door to the kitchen, stopping short when she saw the box outside. "Whoa."

"I didn't see who put it here. Maybe the camera picked it up." Cloud steadied her with a hand on her shoulder. "You ok?"

"Just wondering what could possibly be in there."

"No clue. King Kong, maybe."

"With what we've been getting lately, I wouldn't be surprised." Tifa went up to the box and tapped on it. There was no answering knock from the interior. "Guess that means there's nobody in there this time."

Cloud chewed his lip, wondering how to go about opening this thing, then knelt and cupped his hands; Tifa stepped into them, and he boosted her up on top of the box. Surprisingly, the box didn't collapse under her weight. She pulled the ribbon and opened the oversized gift.

"Holy..." She gaped down at the box's contents. "Cloud...?"

"What? What is it?"

Tifa bit her lip, wondering if she was hallucinating. Nestled within the box were Kadaj, Yazoo, and Loz, all fast asleep in each other's arms. She had to admit, they were very cute when they were not out for blood. "I think our kidnapper also moonlights as a resurrectionist."

Kadaj stirred and blinked his blue/green eyes, staring up at her, his eyes slitted against the midday sun. "Mo...ther?"

The bartender sighed and smiled. She'd always had a soft spot for orphans.

"I think I just adopted three."

...three remanents, two drunk Turks, and a clumsy little thieving brat.