Chapter 3: Ruin
Kylo Ren was thrown back against the panels of his barracks with all of force of being ejected from a fighter craft. His head spun as he slid down the wall, and he dug his fingers into his temple to try sooth the white hot pain resulting from that girl's assault. It was not she who had so powerfully flung him against the walls of his own ship. No, he had moved all by himself, but it was the raw, branding pain of his resistance to her onslaught- and the aggressive emotion she had so fitfully thrashed at him with- that had caused Kylo Ren to react in such a volatile manner.
Force damn her, Kylo snarled as he clutched his head tighter. It gave him no satisfaction to be aware that this was the pain that she had felt when she had actively resisted him, and it enraged him to no end when he felt honest guilt seep from that realisation.
The wound she had caused burned sharply at the pressure, but Kylo Ren did not mind. In fact, he relished it. He found relief in it.
Monster.
Her belief echoed around in his mind, and Kylo felt his rage subside, replaced with a vaguely unsettling sense of despondency.
Kylo had been allowed into her mind long enough to see some of the girl's more unguarded feelings, and as much as he loathed to admit it, he had only told her the truth when he had said he could only see what she wanted to show him. This notion was just as confusing as it was infuriating. Over the past few hours, Kylo Ren had found himself blocked out and let into her space rather sporadically.
At first, he had assumed she was losing her focus in barring him out, and even she had thought this was the case. But after a while, Kylo discovered the rather disturbing truth. The barrier she had erected around her mind prevented any mind trick or intrusion, this was certain. However, he and the girl had forged a Force bond when their minds had clashed, and he was no third party anymore.
If what he had read from his Master's Sith holocrons were to be believed, these bonds were exceptionally rare, and were almost exclusively between a master and their padawan. Additionally, as Kylo had come to find to be true while testing out the extent of this bond, one could only see what the other wanted them to see, and the recipient had to be listening. True, flashes of feeling or imagery were known to be sent unbidden- according to the holocron- but this was chalked up to a mutual want or need for connection between the two who shared the bond. A comfort, so to speak.
Somehow, Kylo doubted the girl would agree with this definition, and he himself was rather disquieted by the implications.
"You have compassion for her."
Kylo let his hands fall from his face, and into his lap as the earlier words of his Master stung his mind. He shied away from them, resenting them for the shame they incited in him.
Compassion…Compassion for an insignificant scavenger.
Except that's not who she was.
Insignificant.
That word could never be used to describe Rey.
And he was so bitterly sorry. So sorry.
For the second time that evening, guilt twisted ugly and contemptuously in Kylo's chest because of her, and he felt a familiar irascibility begin to rear its head.
Fitfully, he squeezed his fingers into the knot that Wookie had caused, and revelled in the far more adequate pain. Kylo pressed harder and gasped aloud as the burning agony spread from the mangled flesh and began to scorch the nerves in his chest and thighs.
Kylo closed his eyes and saw his fath- No. Han Solo- falling from his saber into the inky blackness of the shield reactor.
His whole body was aflame, but Kylo didn't mind. The pain fuelled his hunger, and reminded him of the weakness he still had to snuff out. And Kylo Ren was nothing if not determined.
More so, the sweet agony drowned out his guilt.
He lifted his hand into his blurry line of vision, and twisted his lips in a cruel smile when he saw the glistening red.
Rey wanted to make him bleed.
She got her wish, even though she wouldn't know it.
He would carve his body to pieces if it meant he wouldn't have to feel that guilt.
Kylo Ren let his head fall against the wall with a dull metallic thud.
"I want nothing to do with you."
He didn't blame her.
Hopefully, they would arrive at the old Sith temple soon. Kylo was only too eager to complete his training and break free of the bonds from his time in the light.
Compassion.
He wanted none of it.
Had he not been plagued by the Force all his life? Kylo was resolute to conquer it. He would make it his own. He would finally be free from the terrors of the Force, and instead be its master. All this and more Snoke had shown to him. Snoke, the Sith Lord who had learnt to cheat even death in the past.
Luke…His foolish Uncle had done nothing of what he promised. Luke had gone on about peace and tranquillity. He taught lessons all well and good for people looking to master only one side of the Force and merely quell the other.
Did he not realise that this was simply impossible for his young, terrified nephew?
His nephew, who had not spent a single undrugged night of his life without nightmare. His nephew, who was plagued by erratic and uncontrollable bouts of Dark-sided power. His nephew who had begged him for help because intimacy with only Light simply did not work.
But Snoke. Snoke had shown him the power he could wield, and the control that was possible. The young boy named Ben would do anything for that reprieve. The man Kylo Ren would do anything for that control.
Anything.
Had he not just proved this when he killed…?
No. Kylo Ren would not fail.
He was no fool, and he knew Han Solo spoke with some truth. Snoke was a Sith, so it was no stretch of the imagination to believe that Snoke only wanted him for his power, and would dispose of Kylo when his own agenda had been realised. This, after all, was how the Sith operated. Kylo would become a threat when he got too powerful, and then he would have to be eliminated. Until then, however, he would be an ideal pawn. Kylo Ren was not mislead, he knew this well. Moreover, he knew that the only reason his training was progressing at this point was the introduction of a new threat.
Rey.
Snoke needed Kylo to be stronger, so that Rey would be unable to interfere with his plans.
Kylo, however, could not shake the feeling that Rey would not prove as easy to nullify as Snoke thought, and this brought him some measure of unexpected comfort.
He decided it was because losing her would be a waste of potential, and nothing more.
Even this, however, caused further complications for Kylo, but he did think on that further as a knock on the door distracted him from his thoughts.
"Landing in five, sir!"
Kylo hauled himself from the floor and opened the door.
The Stormtrooper before him flinched at the sudden movement before repeating himself, seemingly startled at seeing the imposing Force User without his usual mask.
"L-Landing in five, sir."
Kylo nodded once, satisfied that even without the mask, the 'trooper still seemed scared. "Understood." He closed the door.
Perhaps it was the scar. Or the blood. Maybe the crazed look he had no doubt was frozen on his face after his most recent interaction with her.
No matter. He got the reaction he desired.
Kylo called his lightsaber to his hand, and clipped it to his belt, taking a deep breath. There was still aching across his face, and stabbing in his gut. Good. He would need it for this meeting with Snoke, the first since he had been approached to kill the younglings.
All the younglings.
Kylo Ren sighed, walking to the ramp as the ship descended.
It had been Snoke's objective to have Kylo alone, is was obvious.
And now Rey.
Kylo left the ship with an uncomfortable feeling in his gut, and in a moment of panic, he sealed off all evidence of his bond with Rey as well. Kylo was not sure of his current indispensability enough to allow Snoke this information, if he didn't know it already. Kylo would find out soon enough. He forced himself to steel his nerves when he entered the unfamiliar inner temple.
It was a new planet. It was always a new planet.
"Ren. Welcome." The seven-foot, lanky, cloaked figure in the centre of the sepulchre spoke.
"Master." Kylo knelt, quashing his rising disgrace over the events of the past few days.
Supreme Leader Snoke strode towards him with an impossible grace.
"You are right to feel humiliated. Your performance had been far less than satisfactory. Pathetic would be a compliment." His voice lacked any intonation.
"Yes, Master." Kylo kept his head bowed.
Snoke had other plans. "Rise, Kylo Ren. Let me see how that desert rat has marked you."
He obeyed, and got to his feet without hesitation, hiding his surprise at how close Snoke had come. Typically, he kept his distance, but now he was a mere meter away, and Kylo had to look up to meet his unsettling eyes.
Quicker than Kylo could breathe, he found himself on the floor again, palms flat on the stone and his forehead propped in between. There was a searing pain blazing its way across his left breast, and over his shoulder. Kylo smelt burnt flesh.
"You will not heal that wound. You will leave it till it has inflicted all it can. Neither will you treat the one on your face."
"Yes, Master."
There was a rustling of robes as Snoke swept past him, and Kylo staggered to his feet to see several non-Sensitive acolytes move towards him, pikes ready to attack. He had forgotten how unorthodox Snoke's instruction was. Be that as it may, it was far more effective than Luke's had ever been.
Kylo was not surprised to see Snoke leave. He never stayed in any one place for long, especially not if his apprentice was present.
"This will be your home till I feel you are ready to re-join the First Order and at least take care of that scavenger. I have unearthed some very particular Sith holocrons for you from Korriban. Training modules of an…Unusual variety-" The tone of Snoke's sent shivers of honest fear down Kylo's spine. "-I think you'll find them more than adequate."
"And what would you have me do with the girl when that time comes, my Master?" Kylo asked before he could stop himself, and waited with bated breath while Snoke considered it. The acolytes were rearing to attack, waiting for Snoke's departure.
"Try your hand at making her one of us," he said after a while, "Make her your plaything, as with everything else. And as with everything else-" Kylo recoiled slightly at the notion, and was enraged at his own response. "-If you cannot break her to your will, kill her. Such is our way, apprentice."
Compassion. He disgusted himself. He needed to kill something.
"Yes, Master."
When the acolytes attacked, Kylo Ren knew Snoke had left. He smiled when their weapons crossed, and blood was spilt.
It had been light when Kylo had arrived at the temple. Now, it was dark, and the stars shone brightly against the inky backdrop of space.
Nothingness.
That's what Kylo felt when he stumbled to his chambers and collapsed on the hard bed.
He was empty and spent, and had more than several new carvings on his body.
"It's your weakness."
"Monster."
"Weakness."
Kylo wrenched himself upright and got to work cleaning and scarring over his lacerations from the first training fight, carefully avoiding doing anything to mend the two that Snoke had made taboo.
Despite the pikes being what they were, they made devastating injuries whenever they so much as nicked flesh.
No matter, Kylo had left five bodies on the floor of the chamber for the other seven to take care of.
As he worked, he ever so slightly let his mind wander to the bond, and gently brushed against it, feeling the connection out.
It was warm, humming, but blank.
So, Kylo thought, she was asleep.
He jumped as a flash of fear sparked across the tether, and for a moment was actually nervous that she had caught him out. Though why this mattered to him, he could not figure out.
His chest clenched with an unfamiliar emotion when he realised that yes, she was indeed asleep, but she was having a nightmare.
No, it was more than that.
She was having a Force-inspired terror.
Kylo Ren's heart ached for her, and it caused him to rip open the gash he had been working on in anger.
Compassion.
He threw the medical kit he was using to the side and instead tried to focus on healing the freshly seeping wound with the Force, something he had been unable to do thus far.
Focus, Ren!
There was turmoil beating against his mind, and now that he had flirted with it, he could not escape.
She was calling out in her sleep, and Kylo was shaken by the familiarity of it.
The spikes of fear, anger, and hopelessness became more and more frequent, and the line between what she was projecting and what Kylo himself was feeling became increasingly blurred.
Compassion.
"Weakness."
Kylo jumped to his feet and concentrated all his scorching fury at the wound, willing it to close.
Compassion.
"I want nothing to do with you!"
He screamed, and the skin finally closed.
Kylo Ren stood in silence, panting from the exertion.
It bothered him that the act was only possible with her influence.
"Weakness."
More so, it bothered Kylo that it only made him want to protect her more.
Protect? Was protect the right word? He didn't know anymore. The prospect of her death was something that would cause more guilt than Kylo felt he had threshold for. He had been cause of enough already.
As the fog cleared from his mind it dawned on him that, for the first time, there was someone out there who would understand. But why did it have to be her.
The wound split back open, and anger bubbled afresh.
In a single motion he called his lightsaber to his outstretched hand, ignited it, and brought it crashing down on the table with a howl.
Kylo Ren hacked his chamber apart, drowning out the feeling of Rey's fear in his mind. He could do nothing about it.
"I want nothing to do with you!"
"Monster."
He didn't blame her.
Kylo fell to the desecrated floor in exhaustion, and his lightsaber clattered away from his limp hands.
The girl may have been systems away, but she was still going to be his weakness, and it pained him to be so unsure if she was a weakness he would be able to break.