"Where are we going, Randa?" asked Shepard as he looked around as they passed by the multiple shops on the Citadel. Having grown up on a colony, Shepard had never been on the Citadel before and was interested in the different places and alien races that surrounded him.
"We're getting you some clothes. We can't just have you running around in nothing but a shirt." said Miranda. "We should also pick you up some toys."
"TOYS!? I WANT TOYS!" Shepard was jumping up and down. "I want a..."
"Quiet, John." said Miranda putting her finger to her lips. "Use your inside voice."
"I DON'T WANNA! I WANNA GO HOME!" said a young asari around Shepard's age.
"Dear, please settle down." The asari's human father said trying to shush her. "We just need to go into one more store and..."
"I DON'T WANNA!"
"Drake, please do something!" his wife said looking tired.
"We'll go for ice cream!" he said. She looked up at him tearfully.
"Promise?"
"Promise."
Shepard looked up at Miranda. "Don't even try it. We're on a busy schedule. I'll take you later or have someone..."
"I suggest you give me some right now or else..."
"Are you threatening me?"
"I bet I could scream louder than her." said Shepard with a serious expression on his face.
"You wouldn't..."
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Shepard screamed. Everyone nearby covered up their ears, trying not to go deaf from the little boy's shrieking.
"Okay, we'll get you some ice cream...right after you put some proper clothes on." said Miranda.
"Okay."
Miranda rolled her eyes and took into a children's clothing store. Unlike some children who had their parents shopping for them, Shepard knew what he wanted. This made her job a lot easier. Shepard chose what he wanted, changed into one of his outfits, and got some shoes.
"Okay, now for the toys..."
"Ice cream first." said Shepard.
"Right." With how fast Shepard got his clothes and shoes, there was some time for something to eat.
Shepard got chocolate while Miranda got vanilla. Shepard neatly ate his ice cream which was kind of odd to Miranda. Most kids were pretty messy with ice cream at his age. Thank goodness though. She didn't want him ruining his new clothes already. Next she took him to get some toys to preoccupy the little boy. Miranda looked around a bit with Shepard running off to find what he liked. When she found him, he had gathered up a cart full of dinosaur toys, cars, clay, paint, coloring crayons, markers, finger paint, coloring books, building blocks, action figures, and 2 dolls.
'Hm, I never knew Shepard liked dinosaurs. Then again turians and krogans do look like them.' said Miranda looking through the toys. She picked up the two dolls Shepard had gotten. "John, I think you picked up the wrong things."
"They're necessary." said Shepard grinning. "I'mma have them be sacrifices."
"I have a feeling I don't want to know why." said Miranda.
"To my dinosaurs! That's why I got these too!" Shepard took out some buff soldier toys. "They've got more meat!"
"Oh boy." Miranda shook her head. "Come on. Let's get to the check out and..."
"What's this?" asked the little boy picking up one of the boxes that Miranda had placed in the cart. "A clock?"
"Yes. It'll help you tell time. And this one will help you count and this one will teach you your ABCs and..."
"You got school toys?!" Shepard scowled. "My teacher has some of these in her classroom!"
"They'll help you learn." Shepard just placed the box into the cart.
After purchasing the toys, Miranda told Shepard it was time to head back to the Normandy. However the little boy was ready to go get some books. The woman looked at the time. Going to the book store sounded fine. They were ahead of schedule anyways. Besides, there was a book she had her eyes on the extranet. Perhaps they had it in there. Miranda looked through the shelf while Shepard scooted off. Shepard found a bunch of dinosaur books he liked.
He noticed a play area and placed the books on the side in a chair. Miranda would find him when she was ready. There was young asari there with an overweight man in a nearby chair sleeping and snoring. Shepard sat down next to her.
"Hi."
"Hi." she said stacking up the blocks she was playing with. "You wanna play?"
"Yeah!" said Shepard as he picked up a block and placed it on top of one of the blocks she had put down.
"'My name's Amanda. What's your name?"
"I'm John."
"Where's your mommy?"
"Somewhere." Shepard rubbed his chin. "My Auntie Randa is going to take care of me."
"I see...you're cute."
"C-cute?" Shepard stared at her. "Are you c-calling me...CUTE?"
"Maybe." she giggled.
"Girls have cooties!"
"I don't have cooties...I don't think..." Amanda tapped her chin. "You wanna be my boyfriend?"
"I think you're too young to have a boyfriend." said Shepard quickly. "I-I'm too young!"
"Arianna has one and so does Sofia, Gretchen, and..."
"I don't want a girlfriend!" said Shepard.
"You're gay then." she looked disgusted.
"I am very happy, thank you." said Shepard getting up and grabbing his books. "But uh I don't want a girlfriend. I'm only..."
"Come on. You shouldn't be ashamed to have a girlfriend." she stroked his cheek. "I'll make a good wife..."
"Uh please don't touch me!" he slapped away her hand and rubbed his cheek using his yellow dinosaur sweater to wipe off his cheek. "You have cooties!"
"I don't!" she looked frustrated.
"Cooooootiiiiieeees!" John threw a block at her face.
"Ow!" she glared at him and threw a block at him.
The two of them engaged in block warfare, throwing blocks at each other. The young children continued throwing blocks at each other only stopping when John threw one at the fat man sleeping in his chair. He jumped and looked around. Amanda then burst out crying after her and Shepard exchanged looks. She ran over to the fat man.
"He was throwing blocks at me!" she sobbed in his arms.
"Who?"
"HIM!" she pointed at the little boy.
"What the heck do you think you're doing, boy?" asked the chubby man.
"She started it!"
"I'd ought to ring your neck for messing with my baby!" said the fat man.
"You couldn't ring my neck if you tried!" said the raven glaring at the man. "And at least I have a neck!"
He moved his neck around, showing off his neck in all its glory. The man turned red in the face. "You have a lot of nerve..."
"And you have a lot of nerve putting your fat butt in that chair!" said Shepard. "I'm surprised it hasn't broke yet underneath you!"
"You...you..."
"Frank, come on. I've got a recipe I wanna try out of this book!" said an asari coming over to him.
"This little punk was throwing blocks at our baby!"
"What?!"
"YOU WANNA GO OLD LADY!?" said Shepard block in hand.
"I'm only 145, thank you very much." said the asari. "And you're messing with my child! Where's your mother, you rude little boy?"
"Uh..." he threw the block at her and ran off with his books. He saw Miranda flipping through a book and grabbed her arm. "I wanna go now!"
"Just a..."
"NOW! WE GOTTA GO! I...I uh...oh! I gotta pee!" Shepard began dancing.
"Oh! Come on then." she lead Shepard to the check out counter. The young man at the counter was taking his sweet time, irritating Shepard.
"Hurry up! I gotta pee, you punk!" said Shepard.
"Shepard, don't be rude." said Miranda.
"I'm sorry." he apologized. He just wanted to leave before that asari and her fat ass husband found him. Finally they had gotten their purchase paid for just as the man peeked around the shelf and saw him. Shepard took off out of the store with Miranda yelling for him to come back. Shepard had run off until he reached the elevator. Once Miranda caught up to him, she lectured him on running off without her. After all, someone could kidnap him or worse.
"I have to pee though!" Miranda crossed her arms and tapped her foot with an irritated look on her face. "But I'm sorry though for running off."
"Do it again and you're getting a child leash next time." said Miranda grabbing his hand.
"Okay."
Once they got back to the Normandy, Shepard wanted to go play with his toys while Miranda wanted to tell the rest of the crew about Shepard, although they may have heard already. The little boy wasn't eager about being able to play, but the sooner he met these people the sooner he could play dinosaurs. First off was Joker. When Miranda introducedhim to child Shepard, Shepard had a strange look on his face.
"What's wrong with him?" asked Joker. "He looks like he just ate some bad candy or something."
"Cuz I just farted."
"Oh god! I smell it! Geez! What did you eat?!" Joker covered up his nose.
"Can I sit on your lap?"asked Shepard. "I wanna see you fly the ship!"
"Sorry. I've got brittle bones." said Joker.
"What does that mean?"
"He has fragile bones. They break easily."
"Oh! You poor baby." Shepard gave Joker a hug. "You want me to kiss your boo-boos all better?"
Before Joker could answer, Shepard kissed him on the cheek and asked him if he was all better. Miranda couldn't help but to smile. "Looks like he likes you."
"Can I back and see you?" asked Shepard.
"Yeah, sure if you want."
Once they left from the front, Miranda complimented Shepard on what he did was nice of him. Then Shepard ruined it. "I'mma cut his legs off and hold them hostage."
"Why would you say that?!"
"He wouldn't let me sit in his lap!"
"That's no reason to...never mind. Let's just get down to the lower part of the ship."
Once down on the lower part of the ship, Shepard ran off again going into the area where Ken, Gabby, and Tali were while Miranda was taking a call. As long as Shepard didn't run down where Jack or Grunt were, he'd be fine. However Tali had left the room, so it was only Ken and Gabby. Shepard grabbed Gabby's shirt and pulled.
"You ain't go no butt." said Shepard. "You got man hands too. Are you secretly a man? It's okay if you are!"
"Excuse me?" Ken laughed at Gabby. She glared at him.
"He's got you there! Hahaha!" he laughed.
"Well you've got hands like a woman!"
"You're just mad because he has a lot of girlfriends with his sexy voice!" said Shepard. "You don't have anybody because you're mean and ugly!"
"Who even are you?" asked Gabby.
"DEEZ NUTZ!" said Shepard.
"Got 'em!" said Ken.
"If I was a man, which I'm not, they'd be bigger than your's!" she snapped.
"Your chest is flatter than your back!" said Shepard.
"You little..."
"Sorry I took so long." said Miranda. "I had a call. Anyways, this is Commander Shepard. The collectors turned him into a child."
"For real?" said Ken looking surprised.
"Yes. We're working on a way to reverse it." explained Miranda. "Where's Tali?"
"She went off to Dr. Chakwas."
"Can we go back and see her?" asked Shepard.
"Not right now." said Miranda. "We've got to go see Grunt, then Garrus, and then we'll see her next."
"Okay. Bye man hands and womanizer!" said Shepard waving goodbye.
Miranda took the little boy to Grunt next with Shepard being intrigued by the krogan. Shepard wanted to pet Grunt's head. Shepard ran his small fingers over his hard, but smooth head. "Oh he's so cute, Miranda! Can he sleep in my room on my bed? I've always wanted a baby turtle!"
"Turtle?! I'm not a damn turtle!" said Grunt insulted. "I'm a krogan."
"You don't look like one." said Shepard. "Maybe you're a fake one! FAKER!"
"He's not as old as the one's we've seen on the Citadel." explained Miranda while Grunt glared at the little boy "He'll look like those when he gets older."
"How old are you, Grunt?"
"About 5 months."
"OH! He's a baby!" said Shepard.
"I'm not a baby! If anything, you're the baby!"
"You big baby! You want a bottle you big fat baby?!" said Shepard.
"Alright, that's enough John!" said Miranda quickly covering up the commander's mouth. "Let's not make him even madder."
"BABY!" shouted Shepard as Miranda dragged him away.