Disclaimer: I'm sick of writing these, and I'm sure you're sick of reading them. But I do not own Twilight.
A/N: Here's the next chapter. It's not quite as long as the others before it, but I plan on writing another one very soon. I hope you like it!
Thanks to all the fans. You guys are great! And thanks for pushing me to continue this story. I feel like it's my best fanfic and I have you guys to thank for that. If you didn't ask for another chapter, I wouldn't have continued.
EPOV
The kiss was sweet and chaste, but I poured all my passion into it. I wanted Bella to know exactly how I felt about her, exactly what she meant to me. I couldn't quite bring myself to say the words to her yet, but I wanted her to feel the love I felt for her.
Soon her lips began to move urgently against mine. Her hands found their way up my chest, over my shoulders, and wound their way into my hair. The sensation of her warm fingers raking over my scalp was indescribable, and if I were a normal, human, seventeen year-old, I would have responded with vigor. But alas, I was a vampire, who at the current moment was kissing the woman whose blood sang to him.
She pushed her body flush against mine, trying to deepen the kiss. Her heart rate increased exponentially, and I was sure she would eventually pass out. Her reaction to the kiss was entirely unexpected, and although I enjoyed it very much, our current position was most definitely trying my self-control.
There was only so much of the lovely Bella Swan that I could take before my natural instincts came to the surface. As a man, I was starting to react to her, and if I gave in, I would not be able to control my actions. The outcome could be very bad, and I would not risk it.
Not wanting to scare her, I began slowing the movement of my lips, and gently grasped her wrists in my cold hands. I gingerly unclasped her hands from my hair and held them between us as I slowly, and carefully, leaned back.
I remained only a few inches away, raking my eyes over her face, scanning her angelic features. Her breathing began to even out and her eyes fluttered open. They were overflowing with passion and need. It was so strong that it nearly caused me to crash my lips back into hers. But knowing where that might lead to, and what I might end up doing, I opted for stroking her flushed face with the back of my hand.
I had thought my control had improved drastically from my first encounter with her, but I was seriously mistaken. And if I was going to be kissing her from now on, I would have to work on it.
Once the shock of the kiss had worn off, her eyes refocused, and she looked at me. Her eyes widened a tad and her jaw opened slightly.
"Edward," she whispered, "What happened to your eyes? They're black." She paused a moment. "Are you alright?" She spoke softly, but there was no hint of fear in her voice, even though she should be afraid.
She was much braver than anyone I had ever met. She was literally staring death in the face and all she could worry about was me.
I let out the breath that I had been holding throughout our kiss, and carefully inhaled her scent. I started out with taking short, slow breaths in, not wanting to overwhelm myself. When I felt I had regained some semblance of control, I spoke.
"Bella…..you have no idea what you do to me." I smiled at her, not wanting to frighten her in any way.
She gave me a sheepish smile and asked, "Did I do something wrong?"
It wasn't her fault. It was mine. I should have warned her about my attraction to her blood. But I was a fool. I thought I was passed it, and apparently, I wasn't.
"Silly Bella. You did nothing wrong." I scooped her up, and sitting back down in the grass, I placed her in my lap.
"There is something that I need to explain to you though. I probably should have said something before, but I did not think that it was a problem anymore. I was sure I could handle it." I looked away, ashamed at myself for putting her in such danger.
"It's my blood, isn't it?" she asked.
Looking back at her I nodded.
She threw her head into her hands, an apology tumbling from her lips. "I'm so sorry, Edward. I should have known. I mean I know you don't drink human blood, but I still shouldn't have…..I'm sorry. I just got carried away. I should have realized it would still be a problem for you."
She was rambling and I couldn't help but laugh. I can't believe she was actually apologizing to me.
As I took both her hands in mine, she looked up at me. Her cheeks flushed a lovely shade of red. "Bella, you did nothing wrong." Her gaze shifted down. "Look at me, Bella," I whispered, nearly begging. I hated not being able to see her enchanting eyes.
She brought her gaze back to mine and I continued my explanation.
"Bella, it's not just because you're human that I have a difficult time being close to you." The confusion was evident on her face.
"You see, your blood calls to me like no one else's has before. I'm not sure why that is, but it takes all my self-control to deny the monster inside me." I kept my voice calm and level. I did not want to scare her too much, but I did want her to know exactly what she was getting herself into.
Her eyes widened. She understood. "Is that why you acted the way you did that first day in Biology? Because I smell good?"
Ah, that first day. I always wondered if I would ever be able to fully explain my behavior to her.
"Yes. You have no idea precisely how good you smell to me. That first day, your scent hit me like a ton of bricks. It was like nothing I have ever experienced before. I was overcome with the urge to…to…" I couldn't get the words out. They just kept getting stuck in my throat.
Bella shifted in my lap so that we were now fully facing each other. "To what, Edward? Drink my blood?" She said it so calmly that you would think she was talking about the weather.
I closed my eyes and bowed my head in shame. I can't believe I ever toyed with the notion of killing her. This woman, that against all better judgment, trusts me with her life. No matter how sweet her blood might taste, it could never compare to having her in my arms.
In a voice just above a whisper I said, "I'm ashamed to admit it, but yes. That day, your blood called to me so strongly, that I nearly massacred the entire class just to get to you."
I opened my eyes and looked up at her to gauge her reaction. There was finally some fear there. At last, I have gotten through to her, I thought. I was beginning to think that she was not normal. But I still did not want her to fear me. As much as I knew she should, I could not bear it if she ever walked away from me.
"Bella, please do not think that I would ever do that to you. I could never live with myself if I hurt you. Please, believe me." Even to me my voice was frantic. I was worried that this time I had succeeded in scaring her off. But to calm my nerves she placed her warm hand on my chest. I instantly relaxed under her touch.
"I know you wouldn't, Edward. But I have to ask…..what stopped you?" Her voice quavered a bit. I did not know if it was from the small amount of fear that was evident on her face, or my cold body against hers.
"It angered me that some girl that I didn't even know could cause me to react like that." I sighed and raked a hand through my hair. "And I refused to give in to the allure of your tantalizing blood. I had been so good for so many years, and I was not going to let myself slip. I would not allow it, no matter how wonderful you smelled. Taking your life was simply not an option."
Her face softened as I continued to speak.
"It was the most excruciating thing I have ever had to endure. Those forty-five minutes were the worst of my existence. But I could not do that to my family, and the thought of taking an innocent life kept me from succumbing to the temptation."
Her gaze never wavered as she looked at me. I never saw the disgust that I was expecting to see. I simply saw understanding. She truly did understand how difficult it must have been for me. She really was sent from God. What did I ever do to deserve her?
She took my hand and entwined our fingers. Looking down, I marveled at how small her hand was compared to mine.
"Edward, is it still that difficult for you to be around me?"
Shaking my head I answered, "No, not anymore. It's not as bad as it used to be, but I still have my moments. Like earlier, for instance."
She smiled apologetically.
"Don't feel bad, Bella. I didn't realize until we were that close that it was going to be a problem for me. I've grown accustomed to your scent. I've built up sort of a resistance, but kissing you makes it a little harder to control my natural instincts."
She scrunched her eyebrows together in confusion. "How do you mean?"
I cleared my throat, trying to find the best words to explain to her my previous predicament. "Well, umm…..Let's just say that I very much wanted to respond to your reaction during the kiss." She let a giggle escape, obviously understanding what I was inferring. "But," I continued, "I was afraid that if I gave in to those urges, that I would lose control over my other instincts, the instincts to kill."
She grimaced at the word, but nodded in understanding.
"Bella, I would never hurt you, I hope you know that, but it's in my nature to kill. I never wanted to take that risk with you, and I'm sorry that I didn't take better precautions." I was rambling now, but before I could say another word, she placed a gentle hand on my lips, halting my words.
"It's okay. I understand. I know you would never hurt me, Edward, so please stop apologizing." She was holding back a smile as she bit her lower lip, an action that called for me to kiss her again. I ignored that impulse. "We'll just have to be more careful next time."
Next time? After all of this, she wanted there to be a next time?
"I promise to be good from now on," she teased.
I gave her a crooked smile. "You're quite amazing, do you know that? I've never met anyone like you before."
"Thank you," she said, returning the smile. "I could say the same about you."
I hesitated for a second before asking my next question. The most important question.
"Are you sure this is what you want, Bella?" I asked. "Accepting a vampire into your life, as a boyfriend no less, will not be easy. We will face many obstacles throughout it all."
"Boyfriend?" she inquired.
Did I just say boyfriend? Surely, that wasn't out of line. After everything that has transpired today, this was not the most outrageous thing that I've said.
However, realizing that I was presuming a lot, I tried my best to backtrack. "I mean, unless you're uncomfortable with that label. We could take things slower if you would like."
She rolled her eyes at me and shook her head.
"You're absurd, Edward. I'd love to call you my boyfriend." And she gave me a soft peck on the cheek, trying her best to be careful.
"Although, it doesn't seem to fit our situation," she mused.
"I could call you my mate," I said, nonchalantly.
"Your what?" She had a bewildered expression on her face.
"Well, in vampire terminology, if you will, we use the term mate. When we find someone...it's forever." I spoke sincerely, trying to convey to her that there would never be anyone else for me, ever.
"Forever?" she breathed, winding her arms around my neck.
I secured my arms around her waist and pulled her slightly closer. "Forever," I promised.
A/N: It always annoyed me in the books when Edward would call Bella absurd. I don't know why but it bothered me. Well, if you hadn't noticed, I gave that line to Bella in my story. I felt like it needed to be said to Edward. Also, I know you're probably sick of the meadow scene, but I felt that there were still a few things that Edward and Bella needed to discuss. In the next chapter, Bella will be meeting the family.
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Thanks for all the support.