Chapter 3

Abby beat Tim home and she got out of the car, looking around the small neighborhood in which they lived. It wasn't in DC because, even with their combined income, they didn't really have enough for a house of any size in DC. So they were living in Maryland in a small two-bedroom (plus den) house. Tim's Porsche and Abby's vintage car were a little out of the ordinary...but then, so were they. Not too many Goths in this area and not too many special agents. Still, most of the neighbors had been welcoming and friendly, and once they had gotten over Abby's predilection for avoiding direct sunlight, they had been more than happy to include the two of them in neighborhood parties.

She had never thought she'd end up in a place like this. She'd never thought herself the type to want the house, the settled life.

Maybe you really don't. Maybe that's what all this is really about.

That treacherous voice inside her made her wince. Was it true? ...but she loved Tim. She knew that, and she had known exactly what she was getting when she had started dating him again, when he had proposed, when they got married...even when they moved here. She had chosen the house, of course. Tim had wanted one in another area, but Abby had marshaled the troops at NCIS in her favor and Tim had given in with a laugh, saying that as long as she was happy with it...

Tim always wants me to be happy.

He had given in on the house. He had given in on the date of the wedding, on much of the decorating of the house, on their honeymoon. Was he just too much of doormat? Was that the problem?

...but no, that couldn't be it, because when things mattered to him, he insisted. He put his foot down... like their bed. It was a bed, not her coffin. The coffin was currently residing in the spare room. Tim had said that he was not going to try and squash the two of them into the coffin night after night. Abby had pouted, but Tim had been firm on that.

...and then had given in on the black satin sheets. ...and the blood red pillow cases (although he also had a couple of regular white cotton pillow cases that he preferred to sleep on. They were hidden at the bottom of the pillows during the day.)

So no, Tim didn't always give in, only when he didn't care. ...and a lot of the things that Abby insisted on didn't matter to him. He had argued about the house location, but even that, in the end, didn't matter. The neighborhoods were comparable, the costs similar. So he had given in...but only under the onslaught of everyone at NCIS being on her side.

That thought made her wince. She knew that Tim was being blamed because people usually took her side...or else she made them take her side. It was an automatic reaction. ...and Tim...he was giving in to that, too.

"Abby!"

Abby jumped a little and looked over. Their old neighbor was out in her garden as usual.

"Hi, June."

"Where's your husband?"

"We had crazy schedules today and weren't sure we'd be done at the same time. So we went separately."

Wow...the lie was so easy. Where had it even come from? Sure, it had happened before, but it wasn't happening this time.

"You two...always gallivanting around."

"That's us."

"But you're so wonderfully matched, for all that you're different." June sighed. "Makes me long for the days when my Harry was alive. He was as perfect for me as Tim is for you."

Abby smiled and nodded and then quickly ended the conversation and went inside to set the table...a ritual that made her smile even as it hurt. On days when they did have to go separately, Tim usually got dinner and Abby set the table...and on days when it was a surprise, she guessed on which utensils would be appropriate. The rule was that they had to use whatever she set out. It didn't usually matter, except for the time she had guessed chopsticks and Tim had brought home soup.

She didn't try to be creative today. Just plates, glasses, knife, fork, spoon. The usual. ...and as usual, she had timed it almost perfectly. She heard Tim's car pull into the driveway just as she was putting out the napkins.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

Tim got out of his car and stared at the house for a long moment. It was a lovely little house in a quiet neighborhood. The people were friendly, and the potential for permanency enticing. Abby had made a good choice. He could admit that, and after all, he had wanted her to be happy.

...and as it had over and over on the drive home, the thought repeated.

Why wasn't it good enough? Why wasn't I good enough for her?

Perhaps he'd be angry later, but right now, he was still mostly hurt and confused by the sudden dissolution of all the happiness he'd thought he had. It was as if he had been living in a blissful dream up to this moment and now painful reality was insisting that he wake up.

His parents had told him that the honeymoon period wore off eventually. ...but they had never said that the way it wore off was through adultery.

"Planning to remodel, Tim?"

Tim blinked and looked over.

"No, June," he said smiling at their neighbor. "Just thinking. It's been a long day."

"Well, I just saw Abby go inside a few minutes ago. I was just telling her how wonderful you two are together."

Tim smiled. "Thanks, June."

"I'm not just saying that, either. You two are the strangest, most perfect couple I know. ...and I'm old! I know a lot of couples."

Tim laughed. "Well, she's probably ready for dinner; so I'd better get inside."

"Yes, you do that."

June waved and Tim struggled not to show the pain that came from her simple observations. She was a wonderful old lady, but she had no idea of what was happening in this "perfect" marriage. He walked in and called out.

"Abby, I'm home."

"Hey, Tim. I've got the table set."

He hadn't tried to be creative today. There was a wonderful Indian restaurant which they both liked on the way and so he had stopped there and picked up some of his favorites and some of Abby's favorites.

Abby came into the hall to take the food from him while he put his work stuff away. Again, all part of the routine. Was that what had caused this? Too much routine? It wasn't exciting enough for her? She had denied it...but maybe that was it.

"I thought you'd beat me home," Abby said, smiling tentatively.

"I...took the long way home. More time to think."

She nodded quietly and then paused.

"Tim...we can..."

"Let's eat, first, Abbs. No sense in discussing something like this over dinner."

"Are you sure? Because..."

Tim shook his head. "After dinner."

She acquiesced and they ate...in a silence that was awkward, punctuated by equally-awkward attempts at conversation. Still, Tim thought it was best. If they started talking about all this now, they wouldn't really eat anything...and they needed to.

After dinner, Tim got up to take the dishes into the kitchen.

"No, Tim. I'll clean up."

Tim smiled. "Abby..."

"No, really! I want to!"

He laughed. "No, you don't. You feel guilty and you think this will help."

Abby reached out to take a plate and Tim grabbed her hand.

"Abby...a lifetime's worth of doing the dishes isn't going to make this go away. Let's just clean up together like always. Okay?"

Abby's eyes teared up and she nodded.

"Okay, Tim."

They cleaned up and went into the living room and sat down.

"What are we going to do, Tim?" Abby asked.

On the one hand, Tim was glad that Abby was recognizing that he was the injured party and should have a large say in what happened...but on the other hand, he had no idea. He didn't have any experience with being the husband of a cheating spouse. He didn't know what to do.

"We're going to talk...a lot. We're going to see if we can figure out what the best way to go about all this is. We're going to get to the bottom of why it happened."

"I told you what happened, Tim. I wasn't lying about that," Abby said.

"I know...Abbs. I believe you...but..." Tim hesitated. He didn't want to say this, didn't want to believe it, but... "...there has to be something else. I can't fathom drinking a little too much and sleeping with someone just because I was a little miffed at you."

Abby winced and tears ran down her cheeks.

"I'm sorry, Abbs, but I can't...and I can't figure out why that was your thought. Why you decided, even with too much to drink, that having sex with another man was the proper response to my not answering my phone."

"I don't know, Tim. I really don't!" Abby said, crying. "I wish I did."

"That's why we're going to talk. We can't let this turn into silence. It's not going to work that way. If we just try to ignore it, it'll eat...me alive. It won't work. I need to understand because I can't, not right now."

"Do you forgive me?" Abby asked.

Tim felt his heart clench painfully again. "Abby..." The words stuck in his throat and he had to try again. "Abby...I just found out this morning that my wife cheated on me. You can't ask me to forgive you yet. ...maybe a better man could...but I'm not that man. I can't forgive you yet and you have to give me time to deal with it. So...please don't ask me."

Abby's head dropped and the tears which had mixed with her mascara dripped onto her hands, making black designs on her fingers. Carefully, Tim reached out with a tissue and wiped away the tears on her cheeks. She laughed and took it from him.

"Now, there's one more thing. We're not going to tell anyone."

Abby lifted her head. "Tim, that's not fair for you."

"No, but I'm used it. They tease me all the time. They always take your side. Give it a few days and they'll forget like they always do. Abby, I don't want you to face that kind of stigma. What happens between us outside NCIS has nothing to do with anyone else. It's about you. It's about me. It's not about Gibbs, Tony or Ziva. It's not about anyone but us. We need to deal with it, not them. Do you want to tell Gibbs that you slept with someone else?"

Abby shook her head silently. Tim had known she wouldn't, but he had to drive the point home.

"I don't want them to know. I don't want this to become something that people gossip about. I don't want you to be gossiped about. Okay?"

"Tim, why aren't you mad at me?"

"I don't know, Abbs. ...because I love you so much? Because I hurt too much to be angry? I don't know."

Abby reached out and wrapped her arms around Tim's neck and hugged him.

"I don't deserve you, Tim."

Part of Tim couldn't help agreeing, but he didn't say that.

"It's not about me deserving you or you deserving me. It's about getting through...our first major bump as a married couple. ...and we'll see if we can. Okay?"

"Okay."

"Good. I'm tired. How about you?"

Abby nodded and they headed to bed. They went through the same routine as they always did, and when they got into bed, Tim carefully removed all the satin pillows and stacked them on the floor, leaving his white cotton pillows beside Abby's red pillows.

The lights went out and they lay there, side by side...but a million miles apart.

"Tim?"

"Yeah?"

"Will you still hold me?"

Tim felt his throat close up but he nodded. "Yeah. Come on over."

He heard Abby slide carefully across the bed and into his arms. He held her, feeling her body slowly relax as she fell asleep. He had lain like this so many nights...and tonight it was like a dagger piercing his heart. He waited until Abby was truly asleep and then he gently released her and slid out of bed. He walked to the kitchen, to the table, sitting in the same place where, just that morning, his world had fallen to pieces.

...and finally, Tim started to cry.