disclaimer, etc., in part 1

Part Three

He walked into the locker room without knocking, glancing around to find the man he was looking for, then slumped down on the nearest bench. "So... Do you have any crazy person repellent?" CM Punk asked, and Kofi Kingston arched a brow at his friend, shaking his head with a snort.

"Man, my tag team partner is a full grown man that takes advice from his imaginary friend Little Jimmy. If I have any crazy person repellent... Obviously, it's not working," one-half of the tag team champions said, and Punk had to admit that reasoning was sound. After all, even if R-Truth had become a fairly harmless version of crazy... Well, there was definitely something not quite right with the guy. Maybe the Little Jimmy thing was just an elaborate hoax.. And maybe it wasn't. Maybe R-Truth really was a few fries short of a Happy Meal.

"Okay, I see your point. Do you know anyone else that might have any crazy person repellent?" he asked, and Kofi rolled his eyes.

"I'm pretty sure that they don't make that. You might be able to pick up some zombie repellent somewhere, though."

"Now why would I want to repel zombies?" the WWE champion wanted to know, and Kofi shook his head slightly, the man standing up and going to grab a bottle of water.

"Oh, I don't know. Maybe because they snack on your brains."

"Yeah, well, I'm a little worried that someone else might want to snack on another part of me. Hence the need for the crazy person repellent."

"Snack on another part of you. Okay, man, that can just be taken in a way that is... gross and too much information. Way too much information. I'm guessin' we're talkin' about AJ, right?"

"Has another diva given me creepy eyes lately?"

Kofi shrugged. "I don't know. Have they?"

"No, they haven't. And AJ came up to me tonight. Again. Last week on RAW, last night at Over the Limit... and tonight. Three shows, and three times she came up to me. It's like I have my own miniature stalker or something," he said, and Kofi smirked.

"It could be worse. It could be Hornswoggle."

"Funny. Very much so. See... I thought she was just trying to piss off Daniel Bryan by coming up to me the first time. And I still think that was her original motivation, but after I brushed her off a couple of times... It's like she sees me as a challenge or something."

"So, what you're sayin' is... in this scenario, she's Zack Ryder, and you're Eve Torres."

"I did not say that. I am not a hot-yet-bitchy Latina chick."

"True enough... But you have your very own stalker. Although AJ's probably more crazy than Zack is."

"Zack's not crazy. He wasn't a stalker, either. She used him-"

Kofi snorted. "Dude, he's the one that hounded her on Twitter for a date and kept making his youtube videos about her. Maybe she turned the tables on him in the end, but he's the one that started it." Seeing the look that Punk was giving him, the man shrugged. "Eve's the one that booked the match that Truth and I won the tag team titles in. She said we earned it since we'd already won a non-title match against them. Laurinaitis had no intention of giving us a shot. I'm still not sure she didn't get yelled at for it. She also booked Layla against Beth at Over the Limit, making sure that Beth got a title shot since she'd had to step down from her rematch due to injury. And when Sheamus and Orton wanted to go after each other after Randy's match on RAW a couple of weeks ago, she's the one that gave them a match against each other on SmackDown."

"And your point?"

"Point is... Maybe she's part of the bad guys now, working for Laurinaitis and all. But the matches she's made have been pretty fair. She's not throwing people she doesn't like into handicap matches and stuff like that. But that ain't why you're here. You came here asking for crazy person repellent, which I'm pretty sure hasn't been invented yet. What happened when AJ came up to you tonight?"

"She offered to help me celebrate my win last night. And she gave me crazy eyes when she said it. If she weren't five-foot-nothing and maybe a hundred pounds on a bad day, then I might be a little scared of her. As it is... I'm still a little weirded out that she keeps showing up wherever I am and seems to be fixated on me. Girl's unstable, and pretty screwed up. If she wasn't following me around giving me crazy eyes, then I'd feel sorry for her."

"I kind of feel sorry for her anyway. I'm guessing you turned down her offer to help you celebrate?"

"Yeah, I did, and she didn't like it." Punk shifted uncomfortably. "I kind of lied to her."

"What'd you do?"

"I... uh... I kind of told her I'm seeing someone right now and that my girlfriend wouldn't appreciate it if I went out with her. I thought... Maybe that would make her back off, if she thought I was seeing someone. I mean... After how hard she tried to keep stuff together with Daniel Bryan - though I have no idea why - I figured maybe she'd understand other people trying to keep it together. Even if she is unbalanced at the moment." The WWE champion made a face. "But then she wanted to know who my girlfriend was."

"You didn't."

"Didn't what?"

"Say some random name of one of the divas," Kofi said, then took in the look on Punk's face. He shook his head. "You did, didn't you? Damn it, man. I hope you picked someone capable of taking care of herself... And maybe warned her that a crazy girl may come after her."

"AJ wouldn't..."

"She made Natalya bleed when she got DQ'd against her. She slapped Kaitlyn to the ground not once, but twice. Girl is unstable and could be dangerous. I don't care that Kelly's half a foot taller than her or whatever. She could rip her to shreds if she went off."

"It wasn't Kelly. I just happened to see someone heading down the hallway, and it slipped out. And she can take care of herself. And if AJ wants to keep her job, then... It's highly unlikely that AJ will attack this particular diva," Punk said, and Kofi's eyes widened as he realized exactly who the other man was referring to.

"Eve? You told her you were dating Eve? Okay, well, apparently, AJ and my tag team partner aren't the only crazy people in the company."

"Hey-"

"You want to be on the wrong end of some handicap matches? Because if Eve finds out what you did, fairness be damned. She'll be making you face multiple people at once."

"She's not going to find out. Everything's going to be fine," Punk said.

He only wished he could be as certain as he sounded.