Rei and Kai: Journal and Fan Mail
Rei Entry 1
Disclaimer which applies to the whole fic: Yami Maniac does not in any way own any of the mentioned characters except her OCs Thank you.
In which Rei is called a girl and attacks person who did so and said person ends up in hospital.
yamimaniacyamimaniac
Dear weird book thing which I got on Christmas, I am Rei Kon. Yes, I am THE Rei Kon, don't you dare oppose me you inanimate object or I will rip you into pieces with Drigger. Now that the introduction is over, I will tell you the crap that is my life. Kai is missing and it is dinner time. Yes, I know that is no cause for alarm but I put effort in my cooking and I can't trust the others because they don't exactly have a fair sense of evaluation. (Yes, gaspshockomygod, I know a word like that. But I am of course, THE Rei Kon…) Tyson swallows it before he can taste it, Kenny doesn't know what he's eating half the time because he's doing only god knows what on that computer of his, (Kai once said that he could have been looking at porn and Kenny's face turned such an interesting multitude of colors. It was pink, then red, then maroon, then violet, then indigo and then it became this weird bluish color because he wasn't breathing but don't tell him I told you okay? What? You want another 'One free Hug Rei' card? Oh, fine. Here, and don't tell!) Max is too nice too say the truth even if it was bad and Hilary can't cook so she can't say nada. Yes, Kai cooks. Tala told me. Kai really needs some new friends. His friends rat on him 24/7. Like on how he's scared of those little chocolate fishes you can get in ice-cream and if you throw one at him, he'll scream like a woman. What? You accuse me of trying to make him sound like a sissy? Well, maybe. BUT I didn't do it! Instead, I told Kevin, who told Lee, who told Hilary, who told Daichi and we all watched as Daichi threw a chocolate fish at Kai while going "Heeeelp me! Don't eeeat meeee!" in this really high, squeaky voice and Kai screamed and fainted. We managed to revive him an hour later and since then, his tolerance of Daichi went beyond the negative 10000000s. That's why Daichi doesn't count when I want my cooking rated, he's in the hospital four fifths of the time. How in the world did I get this far off subject? I think I need an anti-Kai sticker on this book. Let's get back to the dinner.
"Where's Kai?" I asked, angry like hell but not showing it…much.
"Dunno," all those idiots said. Then the doorbell rang.
I laughed evilly. "I'll get it." I ran to the door. Oh, this will be good… Kai is DEAD.
I flung the door open and shouted "Kai you are a horrible person! Just for that, I will put CHOCOLATE FISH into you food! Then we'll see if…oh my- Tala! Did I hit you with the door? I'm sososososososososo sorry. Wait. Where is Kai?"
"Yes. Ow…"Tala covered his bleeding (more likely broken) nose with one hand. "He's righd behin you."
I blinked. "What? I can't understand what you're trying to say," I said. Man, I feel so guilty. Maybe I should ask him in for dinner. He could eat Kai's share. Yay! That would kill two birds with one stone!
Tala pointed one finger at something behind me. I looked around and…
"Kai?" I asked quietly. He was too busy glaring at his 'friend' over my shoulder.
"I can explain," Tala offered. What lousy timing. Hm, must remind myself to ask him why he's got sticks and leaves in his hair. After I've punished Kai sufficiently, that is. Wait a second, those leaves look familiar. I picked one out of the uncontrollable red bush that Tala claims is his hair and stared at it. And sniffed it too be sure. Yep, it was. Tala was in MY tree. MY tree. The one right outside the bedroom I am forced to share with the evil captain. My sacred space. The place I can escape to if Tyson or Daichi cross the line, or Hilary PMS's or Max goes on high or if something bad happens in general. Okay, now I must restrain myself. I don't think some people would like it if I put Tala in the hospital. Oh wait, I know!
"Rei, what are you doing?" Tala asked. Kai raised one eyebrow. I laughed evilly.
I pushed them both out the door and locked it. The door, I mean.
"Rei, open the door! Lemme in! I don't want to be stuck out here with HIM!" Tala shouted. Suddenly, I think of the three little pigs, except I'm not a pig and my house isn't straw. Oh, Tyson can be the pig! I'll go ask him… or not.
"Now, be good and maybe I won't have to force-feed you ice-cream 'till you pass out, tie you upside-down to a streetlamp and use you as a punching bag. I might even give you dinner. Later!" I said evilly. Bwahahahahahaha! Ooh, I am turning evil. Must be Kai's influence. Anyway, I'm not hungry so I decide to go to the room which I don't have to share tonight. Yay! Progress! Ooh, I sound immature. Something is pounding on the window. I better take a look. I didn't manage to catch all of the evil squirrels in my tree and cook them yet. Joking, just joking, who would honestly want to eat those things? They're too hairy. Bleh. I open the window and see Kai on my tree. He will pay but first I want to know how he got five bottles of vodka when his wallets lying on the table inside. Wait a minute, I didn't know Kai drinks. I know Tala does. Oh wait, I see the connection.
That's Tala's drink. And Kai's forcing Tala to do something stupid and is using the alcohol as bait. When did he get so evil.
"FINE! I'll say it! Rei looks like a girl! Happy now Kai you evil beep?! Now give me my vodka!" the red-head yells. Oh, how he will pay.
"Kai, if you answer correctly I'll let you come inside without serious injury like what SOMEONE'S going to get soon. Should I force-feed him those packs of 64 Non-toxic crayons in Max's room and flog him with a 2 by 4 until he's unconscious or tie him upside-down blindfolded in the path of a speeding truck?" I said angrily.
"How about the first one? And when did you become evil?" he asked.
I shook my head. "Influence is a powerful thing."
(Scene is removed due to extreme violence)
Kai called the paramedics while I refused to let him into MY room. I'm not going let him in after sounding like a ten-year old.
I am writing this as he bangs on the door. Hehe. This is the great one you may address as Rei Kon.
Sincerely,
The one and only and best in the world,
Rei Kon.
Rei Kon Rei Kon
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