Lily couldn't believe she was here. But she had spent the last few days up late, bawling her eyes out. This was not okay. None of this was okay. That's why she was here. Severus had helped her to try to justify her stupid actions, because he was a good friend that way… But that's all he could ever be, a friend. And she couldn't have a friend help her raise a baby, she needed a husband. She deserved that, and so did a baby.

This realization hadn't come all at once, not by any means. She had left that night in the potions room feeling like everything was going to be just fine, but as soon as she got back to her room, she knew otherwise. It seemed from there, everything had slowly begun to fall down. She just kept replaying the life she wanted in her head, and saw there was no room for a baby. Not now. She didn't want to disappoint her parents, her teachers, but most especially, herself.

She had been struggling with the decision for days, and had been trying to avoid Severus, because as much as she cared about him, this was her body, her choice. She didn't want his feelings to affect her decision. Maybe that wasn't fair. Well, none of this was fair… Lily had been a virgin that night, and she was so uneducated. Hogwarts didn't offer sex ed, and she had hung out with goody-two-shoes her whole life. She didn't know where babies came from until she was 13, so the idea of condoms, birth control, sex spells and the like, eluded her for the most part. She was so naive. So naive.

But she knew that she was at least being smart about this. Before she'd gotten to the clinic, her mom had called to tell her that he father had lost his job. There was no way they could support a baby, and Lily wouldn't be able to get a decent enough job to afford daycare for when she was working. Her mother had been a young Mum, but she had at least graduated. She always said that Lily was the best thing to ever happen to her, but that Lily should try to wait so that she can experience more, see more, feel more; that way when the time came, she wouldn't just be a better witch, but a better mother. This sentiment had echoed in her brain for hours at a time, and Lily didn't feel like she would be a very good mother right now. She would always resent the child for taking away her future. God, that was awful.

And so after going back and forth forever, she'd finally decided that an abortion was the only route she could take and feel okay about. Even if she'd given the baby up for adoption, she still would have had to leave Hogwarts for shame of her protruding stomach. This was the only way. No one ever had to know about that night. She had been drunk, Severus had been drinking… they weren't thinking clearly. That night… it was a mistake for both of them. He must have known that. He must have known that this was all a mistake. The night where Lily let very old feelings return. She'd had a crush on Severus growing up, but once she got to be older, she realized they could never be more than friends, even if he wanted something else. She was regretful to have let Sev think otherwise, but keeping this baby would make him think that even further, and it wasn't fair to lie to him like that. Lily would not allow herself to live a lie. This would be the hardest thing she'd ever have to do, but she was going to do it. They had made a mistake. They got drunk and hooked up. Severus had to have realized that. He was probably saying all of those lovely things the other just to be a good guy, just so Lily wouldn't feel so badly. He couldn't possibly have meant everything he said. He'd never said them before, so it must have just been his attempt to comfort her. He was such a good friend. But after all that, telling him none of it was going to happen? Maybe he would be relieved? Still, she didn't want to tell him after she had made such a big deal about it…

She sat up straight in the clinic's uncomfortable chairs with her book bag perched on her lap. She always carried her book bag with her, it had all of her muggle money, wizard money, books, even her pet rat on occasion. She clicked her heels together as she waited for her name to be called. She watched as a woman picked up a magazine from the coffee table in the middle of the room. She looked over all of the magazines, with strange names. Seventeen, Cosmopolitan, Vogue. They were just random adjectives. They appeared to be similar to newspapers, but with a lot more pictures and glossy. She looked over the words on the covers. Sentences like "How to lost 10 pounds in 10 days!", "How to get him to notice you - today!" and "Find your PERFECT jeans!"

Is this really what Muggles worry about? She thought to herself.

Clearly this reading material was a bit silly and more suited for Muggles. So Lily reached in her bag and took out her large Herbology book. She went to open it, and a note fell onto the floor. She looked around the room to see if anyone had noticed, and leaned down to grab it. She unfolded the paper, and began to read:

Hey Evans ~ You seemed a bit off lately, so I thought I'd just leave a little note in your book… Just to let you know that, you're kind of awesome. I mean, not as awesome as me, but still pretty great. You have so much ahead of you, so don't let whatever is getting you down drag it off. And I don't know, if you wanted, maybe we could go to the Yuleball together? That is, if you weren't busy or anything… If you are, I'm sure I could easily find another date, but, I doubt they would be able to carry on a witty conversation quite like you, Lil. I guess I'll talk to you soon.

- James Potter

Lily smiled big. James was always joking around and poking fun at her, but she knew that he was just flirting. He didn't really flirt with any other girls, though they were often flirting with him. It seemed like he really liked him, and although she wouldn't admit it, she really liked him too. He wouldn't have bothered sneaking the note in her school book if he didn't care. His words were sweet, and oddly comforting in this moment.

She subconsciously put her hand on her stomach. If you hadn't known Lily, you wouldn't have thought anything of it. It looked as though she'd had a large lunch. She was only about 10 weeks along, but she could feel the difference. Her stomach protruded from her lithe frame in the slightest little way, giving her abdomen a tiny curve. Luckily, as it was winter, her little belly was well hidden under layers.

"Lily Evans?" called a woman from the open door in the corner of the room.

Lily put her book back in her bag, stuffed the note in her pocket, and walked to her fate. Her heart pounded in her ears, and she morbidly realized that she'd be leaving with one less heart beat. Here we go…

*Note: I am neither condemning nor promoting abortion. This was just a story, and does not reflect any sort of views that I may or may not have. No hate mail, please. It's just the way I felt the story needed to be told*