Neil doesn't see her small silver car as he passes it to pull into his driveway, in his rear-view mirror the late afternoon sun glints off her paintwork. Neil steps out of his car staring across the street, she's starting back at him. He activates the automatic locking mechanism and crosses the street.
He doesn't have to battle to communicate; she's rolls down her window as he approaches.
"Philippa's in the USA come inside."
"Your neighbours?"
"Will be more suspicious if I stay out here talking to you," there's less reluctance than he expected as Andrea stays a step behind him.
Neil has to encourage Andrea inside, the house seems so full of Philippa and she almost feels like the devil stepping into a church.
She doesn't follow him into the kitchen, absorbing the formal dining and sitting area, the display of family photos. She sees his back turned and heads upstairs, the wall lined with more family photos. Andrea tries to picture herself here but she doesn't fit, she doesn't snoop in the rooms – the personal things of no interest to her, it's about the feel of the house, the small mementos and photos that adorn the walls, the family stuff.
At the top of the stairs Andrea finds Neil at the bottom, he nods once as if giving her permission to do what she's already done. He's gone out of sight before she hits the middle stair.
Downstairs Andrea stands in the middle of the living room, her eyes casting over the sofa where Neil spent so many hours after coming home from her.
"I've been such a fool, a blind fool." Andrea sounds disappointed in herself. "You're still not committed to me."
Neil opens his mouth in protest but the look on her face stops him.
"God, I should have known in Brighton, no before then…in your office before we left you were crashing then. It's easier to go back to Philippa."
"No, it's right." As soon as he's said it he knows he doesn't mean it and the look of utter devastation on Andrea's face punishes him. She's shocked and stunned, her mouth open. "I didn't mean that." He says quickly.
"You've said it now." Some things can be forgiven but not forgotten.
"It's not an option she won't have me back."
"Oh so I'm second prize, great." Neil's reminded that not long ago he felt the same way about his son. "I did know I just didn't want to believe it. You were thinking about all the things you won't have if you don't have her…this house." Andrea pauses shaking her head. "You told me you never wanted me to be like her but you can't have me and all the things you have with her."
"It was never about Philippa, it was Colin." Small comfort to Andrea.
"When you said you were coming…Colin's had enough trauma for one year, without finding out I moved on from Philippa a long time ago."
"So you thought continuing to lie to him would be better." Andrea's words register with him; he knows whatever happens he'll need to come clean.
"I don't know, I…"
"You devastated me when I said I'd pick up and go with you, do you realise what that took?"
"Yes." Neil says barely but there's nothing else he can tell her, he's still angry with Philippa and he can't begin to sort things with Andrea till he's gotten Colin back.
"You…" She starts and then gathers her thoughts. "Don't call me for a while, if you're still in the country."
It's not nasty, angry or petty; she doesn't slam doors or call him names. She's just gone. Colin arrives home Sunday night without Philippa who's stayed to secure payment on a flat. Neil watches his son walk through the arrivals gate confidant he won't have to say goodbye to him too many times more.
Philippa hadn't called to say she'd be home, that alone hardly surprises Neil as he pins her in the driveway Tuesday afternoon. The front yard suits him; he no longer cares about how their marriage appears.
"I'm on my way to the bank." Philippa says when Neil appears at her door.
"Nice of you to call and say you're back." Neil reaches for the keys in the ignition and tosses them as far as he can into their neighbours overgrown yard.
"Neil!" Philippa exclaims opening the car door and getting out.
"You knew I respected Colin's choice and never told him my plans before Friday."
"So?"
"He was easy to manipulate and I wasn't around to stick up for myself and then I didn't want to make him a pawn so I didn't tell him I wanted him to stay. I didn't want him to feel in the middle and to have to make a hard choice because he told me it would be hard for him to be fair to both of us." Neil shakes his head in disgust. "What'd you tell him, that I didn't want him to stay? Thought he'd be better off with you, but oh dad still loves you, you'll just cramp his style, he'll never be around always off working."
Philippa pales but has nothing to say.
"You get him for three months, he comes back and finishes school here, you get every holiday and we share Christmas and birthdays, we'll be lucky if he wants to know either of us in a few years." Philippa starts to protest the conditions.
"I will fight you for every last gift I gave you, every last piece of silverware in that house; I'll drag this out for years."
"I'm not the one who wants to remarry." Neil involuntarily flinches.
"You have no proof of that and no court in this land wouldn't listen to my case, what with my hours being less, my attendance at things like soccer matches and parent teacher interviews and the holidays I've taken you both on."
Still she has nothing.
"Why did you never take my name, was it because you were always going in a different direction from me? Maybe you didn't want to be associated with me. Then again it was probably the total and utter no questions asked devotion you have to your father, no matter what." Neil studies her face for clues.
"He has nothing to do with this." Philippa protests.
"How could you ignore it, it made me sick and it made me wonder about the type of person you are. But then you're all about outward appearances aren't you and there not being a scandal and having everything material that you need." Neil accuses.
"He's my father." Philippa protests again and this time her strong exterior starts to break. "You had a tumultuous relationship with your own."
"He was saving young boys lives not having sex with them." Neil near yells.
"Using my maiden name made questions of bias in my job disappear. My father might have been in the MET but he wasn't actively involved in cases."
"You just keep on defending him." Neil says disbelieving.
"He's family; it's what you do for family."
"Goodbye Philippa."
Neil backs his car out and parks it on the street, she's free to leave except for her missing keys that Neil tossed – symbolic of the fact they'll always be connected, through Colin. It's not a hard decision to make, it's not one he has to beat himself up for hours over, it's one he feels free of guilt from. In the end it's Philippa's career focus that seals it, always before family. He hates that she resorted to lying and manipulation of Colin but then he's just gone and done the same thing to her. Neil knows it's selfish and he is all the things she is too – what you hate in the other you see in yourself – but he's getting better.
He needs Andrea to know.
A fortnight later, just before applications close Neil asks to be considered for the position. He concedes leaving Sun Hill probably won't be a bad thing, too much conflict with Jack Meadows and too much meddling from Jo Masters, time to make a fresh start.
It doesn't escape him that a move would allow him to be with Andrea in the open. Separated from Sun Hill and his wife would lessen the gossip and what there would be he'd cope with like the rumours about his promotions courtesy of the DAC.
Fleetingly he wonders what Philippa's parents will think. He knows whose side they will take but he also knows they won't get involved.
But no promotion to DCI would be as sweet as it would if Andrea was by his side.
He decides then and there to stop looking for a tenant and move into the flat, it's not that the house holds bad memories, as many good as bad; it's just too big for one person.
Neil picks up the phone and dials the now familiar number; he lets it ring until the message service answers. The same happens on her home phone, he dials again leaving identical messages.
"Please call me, I need to talk to you, to explain but I don't want to do it over the phone."
A week later when he takes Philippa and Colin to the airport she hasn't called back.
"Be good, have fun and call me anytime." Neil swears his son has grown taller in the last month, inching ever closer to overtaking his father.
"I'll see you dad." Neil watches him walk towards the departure gate giving him some space with Philippa.
Neil hands over the carry on luggage he'd been holding. He doesn't let go of the handle when her hand lands next to his.
"I want you to know I'm not angry or bitter and I didn't mean those things I said." Philippa gives him a grateful look. "I loved you." The words no matter how honest are hard.
"I loved you too."
"I couldn't have asked for more in a wife, all those times in uniform when I came home and you were there for me." Neil lets go of the bag. "I know why you did what you did with Colin, he's the best thing we ever did and I'd have wanted him with me full time as well." Tears well in both of their eyes.
"We got successful you and me, we got busy Neil and lazy, we've grown apart and we haven't bothered to fight."
"I don't know if there's anything left to fight for." Philippa nods once looking over her shoulder at Colin.
"Let's make this amicable, you should start proceedings, I won't fight them." Neil feels sick at the request to file for divorce.
"There's no rush." And something in Philippa's eyes says she knows he's no longer with Andrea.
"Good luck with the new job, I hope you find happiness…" The bag drops from Philippa's hand as she throws her arms around his neck, Neil allows a few tears to shed. The whole situation feels strange and uncomfortable and he has to dig for the feeling that its right…but it's there.
"I never could be where I am today without your support, even if you don't think I ever needed it." Neil pulls her tighter with the words. When Philippa gradually releases herself from his embrace he kisses her one last time.
"Good luck with the DCI's job, we'll call you when we get there." Neil breaks down as he watches them blur into departures. In the empty airport lounge he cries with his head in his hands.
He feels strange and he thinks he'd have preferred an estranged and bitter parting. It's difficult to be so grateful for one another and to wish the other well. It feels almost more difficult than it would be if they'd argued to the bitter end.
In the car on the way back to work, sunglasses firmly over his eyes he feels empty. No wife, no son for three months and no Andrea… and friends who haven't always been loyal to him. He delays the station and heads home, it's quiet without the rock music, the study is his again, the fridge still sparse. Neil realises he'll never be comfortable here again.
He sees her through the rectangle of reinforced glass of the automatically locking door at the front desk. The code slows him up and she's gone when he accesses the corridors of the station.
He takes the long way to his office, head turning in ever direction and into every room. He doesn't find her but it's as if she's haunting him.
In his office he ignores the blinking message light and calls her mobile, when her recorded voice asks him to leave a message he obliges. "I have to talk to you, Philippa's gone, this is just a misunderstanding, please."
He ends the call praying that one of the messages is from her; he'll even take a rebuff of his advances at this point, anything to have some contact.
The first is from a DS looking for information on a criminal known to Sun Hill, the second is disappointing.
It's always a lowly secretary, given a list of names and numbers to call with the instructions of being polite but firm.
The DCI's job isn't his.
He's not surprised there's at least one person in the building with enough sway and desire to see him fail. Even if that means he'll still be at Sun Hill and many more who have the influential officer's ear.
The more he thinks about it the less it really worries him. Five years ago he'd want to know why and in detail and what he could do about it, now he wants Andrea back, top priority.
In his diary he marks the day, separation an easier word to scribe than divorce. He can't ignore the connotations of failure that come with this day, no more marriage, no more promotion. He can't remember ever failing at anything this major before, but then again he'd never taken such risks in life. Neil tells himself he's going to need to get used to picking himself up and trying again. Somehow it just makes him more determined.
Neil reaches for the brown paper bag sitting innocently and inconspicuously on his desk. He turns it upside down, its sole content rolling across the desk.
He'd paid extra for the box because it was velvet, he'd paid careful attention to the fact she wears white gold and had feigned a passing interest when she looked in jeweller's windows as they'd shopped one time.
He knew it was the right thing for her to have and sometimes when they were talking he'd catch himself looking at it on her hand. She knew one day he wanted to buy something for the finger next to it.
There's no note or explanation, just the most precious material thing he'd given her that paled in comparison to the other, his heart, resting in a generic paper bag.
Inside the box the ring rests snugly in its material covered cardboard holder. It looks as lonely as he feels.
Somewhere between work and home Andrea admits it to herself. That was the hard part, the realisation was easy. She knows she has her finger on the self-destruct button, slowly pushing it down. It's a bitter pill that she's probably self destructing the relationship over Philippa and Colin when really it saves her from exposing herself as a journalist and all the hurt and betrayal that goes with it.
Six weeks apart, five hand written notes of explanation, four phone calls a day to her home and mobile, three long emails explaining he wants her back, two bunches or roses numbering two dozen, one heart, his, broken and alone…No Andrea.
Pause. To be continued in the next story. Story ID - 2891564