"Aw you missed me." The grumpy hermit peered between the nailed up boards in his top window to see the lanky youth brushing the dirt off his t-shirt on the ground below.
"What?" the kid sputtered.
"You're back already. Clearly you missed me... a little, right?" The old man clung onto a feeling he hadn't entertained since God knows when: hope.
"No, I didn't. I just- I'm here to hear the rest of the story." Ted Wiggins hoped this wouldn't take too long. He considered explaining the not-so-secret door and how someone like O'Hare could easily shut him out of Thneedville forever. But that would just take up even more time.
"Why are you so interested in trees, anyway?" the old fellow grumbled. "Why aren't you like other kids, break-dancing and wearing bell-bottoms and playing the Donkey Kongs?"
"Yeah right, right...yeah, I don't know," Ted replied coolly. "I just thought it would be cool to have one, you know."
"Ah, it's a girl, isn't it?"
"What? No."
"Really? Because when a guy does something stupid once, well, that's because he's a guy. But if he does the same stupid thing twice, that's usually to impress some girl," the aging man said, smiling through his mustache.
"Hey, she is not some girl!" Ted took to Audrey's defense. "She's a woman. In high school. And she loves trees. And I'm gonna get her one."
"Aw, how nice to someone so undeterred by things like, reality," the Once-ler commented dryly.
Reality, a sly mean old snake. It reminded of his mother, like this overly optimistic whippersnapper brought back old memories of his younger self. And her...
"I don't think this is a good idea." Once tightened the knotted rope. "The cord won't hold."
"Maybe not for you, but for me it will." Norma tugged the leather strap connected by a rubber cord to two handles. "You'll see."
"Norma, I found you half-dead once. I don't want to find you all the way dead today."
"Once, don't worry. That was five years ago. I haven't gotten into any life threatening situations since."
"Yeah right."
"Don't 'yeah right' me."
"What about the time we went swimming in the water hole alone when we were nine? Or jumping off the roof with parachutes I made? Or riding Melvin while standing up? You think that wasn't life threatening?"
"We survived."
"Let's be realistic. How many times can you get lucky?"
"As many times as you want with me." Sporting a daredevil grin, Norma slung the leather over the thick rope cable Once had fastened to the bulky tree bough. "Get to the other side. You'll have to catch me or I'll slam into the trunk."
"What if you're too heavy?"
"You making fun of my weight?"
"No, no, I'm going, I'm going." Once hopped down from the cottonwood tree they'd been crouching in and scampered down the grassy hill to a tree standing halfway to the base. With great reluctance Once had fastened the rope's other end at this tree.
"Hurry up, I wanna go!"
"Alright, alright. Hold your horses." Once like Norma well enough- more than 'well enough' if he were being totally honest- but damn, she overwhelmed him at times. Utilizing his lean build, he shimmied up the narrow trunk with ease. He positioned himself in the heart of the gnarled branches, arms stretched out to catch his best friend if -when, he corrected himself- she reached the other side.
"Ready!"
"Here I come!" Whooping, Norma launched herself off the uphill tree. Thank God, that cord held as she zipped down, cackling madly all the way.
Curly red hair flying, dark eyes glinting in glee, magenta cheeks radiating a childish charm. Once felt a slight flutter in his chest, but shoved it to the back of his mind as a hundred and twenty pound girl slammed into him.
"Ugh!" he grunted before the bloody cord snapped in two. The teenagers went flying backwards, crashing through a veil of cottonwood leaves into the open air. Once barely had time to register they were falling before his back smacked onto the ground.
"Ahhhhh!" The pair screamed in agony mixed with exhilaration as they rolled through the tall grass. Each gray stone or hard lump of earth jostled them further, creating a most uncomfortable ride for Once.
"I. Told. You. This. Was A. Bad. Idea!" he managed to say between tortured groans. Like a barrel on its side, they tumbled, one of top of another, until they hit the bottom. The ordeal finally over, Once moaned. The earth spinning like the globe in history class, a gigantic bump burgeoning on his head, his stomach...oh God. He hardly crawled an yard or two away when his lunch emptied into the pale green grass.
He would've felt self conscious about throwing up, especially around Norma, but she fared no better than him, so why be embarrassed?
"I thought we were gonna die," she confessed after her stomach finished emptying itself. "You were right."
"Yeah, I'm always right." Once broke out in a big grin. "But do you know what this means?"
"We're never gonna do this again." She wiped her mouth in disgust. "Gross."
"What? No way! My invention actually works! It works! And you just proved it!" Once began dancing a jig in spite of his previous doubt. "I made something that works! This is amazing!"
"I need water to wash my mouth. Let's go, Once." Now the roles had been reversed. Oh well.
"Just a few modifications, then mankind can fly like a bird! I feel like singing!"
"Please don't."
"I won't, since my mouth tastes terrible, but after I get some water I sure as hell will."
Unable to resist his charming optimism, Norma playfully punched him in the arm. "I guess we got something to sing about. We're alive after falling out of a tree and rolling down a hill. We've defied reality."
"Yes, yes, we've defied reality!" Once crowed. "Take that reality!"
"Save your breath. It can't hear you."
"I don't care!" Saying this never got old.
The old Once-ler sighed as Ted sped away on his scooter again. I don't care...after using that beloved phrase to lessen the guilt he felt for the forest, it got old fast. Maybe reality heard him say it too many times.