Into the Grey

Mr. and Mrs. Collins were on opposite sides of the room. She thought it best for when she worked up the courage to tell him. "I'm pregnant, Grant." there she had said it. She had finally gotten the words out of her mouth.

The room grew eerily silent. And she waited. Waited for her husband's reaction to her news. And time seemed to be dragging by.

"How far along?" he finally asked.

Erin raised her eyes to meet his. "About eight weeks."

Grant nodded, running his hand through silver locks. "Are you sure you're not more like eleven or twelve weeks?"

"The ultrasound confirmed it." she told him. "It happened the night before I checked in here."

"I see."

"I didn't plan this, Grant." she explained. "Not a one night stand and sure as hell not a pregnancy at this point in our lives. My life." she admitted. "I'm not sure where I stand anywhere right now."

"The father?"

"A colleague." she told him, honestly. There was no reason to lie. "Aaron Hotchner. I haven't decided if I'm going to have the...continue the pregnancy or not. Aaron said he would be supportive either way."

"Of course."

Erin felt like bursting into tears. She wasn't sure how Grant's reaction was going to go but his calm demeanor was almost more than she could bear. "Dammit, Grant say something." she replied. "Yell, scream, something. Anything."

"We're still married, Erin." he told her. "I may not have been the most supportive husband as of late but that doesn't mean that I don't love you. I know I should have been there more."

She narrowed her eyes at him. She couldn't quite wrap her mind around what was happening between them. She had been married to this man for almost eighteen years. And not once had he ever claimed defeat so easily. And graciously at that. "You're taking responsibility for my fuck up?" she asked, amazed. "I slept with a colleague, a subordinate at that, out of...I don't know...vulnerability and for comfort and you're standing here telling me that it's okay?"

"Now hold up, Erin." his voice raised a little. "I never said it was okay. But there's nothing we can do about it now. What's done is done. And you're pregnant. Right now we just need to focus on your sobriety and your health."

"You would support this pregnancy?"

"Would it make you feel better if I acted like a complete asshole and demanded you get an abortion?" he asked. "Would you prefer that we yell and throw things? Because we're not those people, Erin."

She exhaled, heavily. "God this is such a mess."

"Look, we're both mature, rational, people." he started. "It's not an ideal situation but we can make it through this and come out on the other side. Together. Our marriage has been a little rocky this past year, but that doesn't mean we can't get it back on track. I mean I'm mad, I'm furious, but being angry isn't going to change the situation."

"So you want to stay married?" she asked. "Really married, not this shitty charade we've been holding up?"

"It's what I want." he pulled her closer to him. "I love you, Erin. We've made mistakes in our marriage and we'll probably make more. Is this not what you want, too?"

"I don't know." she said through tears. "I just feel so incredibly guilty."

Grant pressed a kiss against her temple. "I feel guilty for a lot of things too." he confessed. "You know that fresh start you were talking about before you came here? You were right, that's what we both need. A fresh start together, not apart."

"I don't know, Grant." she confessed. "I'm not sure staying married is the right thing. I'm not sure of anything right now. Our marriage, my career, this baby. I need some time."

He nodded. "Let's get through one thing at a time for now." he suggested. "Right now your sobriety is the most important thing. You need to focus on yourself. Everything else can and will wait, Erin. The kids miss you like crazy but they know that you're going to come back stronger and healthier. So does your colleagues. As for your pregnancy this should be a decision that you and Agent Hotchner make together."

Erin knew that he was right. On all levels. But especially on the decision of the baby. It was her body but it was a decision that they would both have to live with for the rest of their lives.

/

The garden was serene. And he knew that she brought them out there for a reason. There was a calmness about it. A delicateness that she seemed to blossom in. Together they sat down on first bench they came to.

"How do you feel?" he eased into the situation. It had been eleven days since he learned of her pregnancy. And they hadn't actually spoken since he left her room that evening. A few text messages here and there but that was it. He didn't want to pressure her. Or influence her decision in any way.

"Morning sickness has come out of nowhere." she told him. "I feel like I'm on a boat most of the day."

His eyes cast down at her still flat abdomen. She was over nine weeks now. Everyday that passed gave him more hope that she would continue the pregnancy. But he knew that it was a difficult time for her. An incredibly difficult situation to be in.

"Have you talked to Grant?"

Erin nodded. "I have." she replied. "It went surprisingly well. I think he somehow feels partly responsible for my drinking. Which he shouldn't, that's all on me. He wants to stay married."

"What do you want?"

"I love Grant. I've loved him since the moment I laid eyes on him twenty years ago." she told him. "But sometimes not all the love in the world can make a relationship work. The more sober days I put behind me the more I realize that he and I need to be apart. It's healthier for us and for our children."

"I want you to be healthy and sober." he said, softly. "I don't want anything to complicate this journey for you, Erin."

"Thank you." she was sincere. "The easy thing to do would be terminate the pregnancy. You have a young son who has already been through so much. I have a husband who's a congressman and children who are going to understand all too well what happened between us."

"I take it you've made a decision?" he was bracing himself for her answer.

Erin shook her head ever so slightly. "When I was talking to Grant he told me that this was a decision that you and I should make together. And he's right, Aaron. We both need to talk this out."

He took her hand in his. "This has consumed my thoughts since you told me."

"And you think it hasn't consumed mine?" she asked. "This has been eating me alive since the moment Dr. Hansen told me."

His heart felt like it was going to pound out of his chest it was hammering so hard. "I want you to have the baby." he confessed. "I know that this wasn't planned and that the situation isn't ideal, but it's what I want. I know that I'm being selfish but we agreed to be honest with each other."

She closed her eyes in attempt to keep from crying but her body betrayed her and hot tears spilled down her cheeks. "That's what I want too." she said, softly. "Besides when have you ever known me to take the easy way out?"

"Never." he pressed a kiss into her hair. "If you did then you wouldn't be here getting help. And we wouldn't be having a baby."

Erin wiped at her tears. "Having a baby." she repeated. "God, that sounds so odd."

He retrieved the handkerchief from his pocket and handed it to her. "We have some time to get used to it."

She wiped at her eyes. "This mascara will never come out."

"That's quite alright." he smiled. "It's the least I can do."

Erin laughed. "Do you remember when I was pregnant with Olivia?"

"Mmm hmm." he nodded. "That was the year of seven assistants."

"Well this time you'll be on the opposite end." she told him. "Ben and Jerry runs at midnight. Consoling me when I burst into tears for absolutely no reason. Endless shopping for maternity clothes."

"I think I can handle that."

"You'll still get to smooth things out with the other agents when my hormones flare. Just like with my last two pregnancies."

Aaron smiled. "I think I'm up for the challenge."

"I'm going to need your support on this, Aaron." she told him, honestly. "A lot of change is happening quickly."

"I've got you." he wrapped his arm around her, pulling her closer to him. "We're in this together. A hundred and ten percent."

"My next appointment is in three weeks. They're going to do another ultrasound to look at the baby's development."

"I'll clear my schedule."

tbc...

Please review. Thanks for reading!