Chapter Three
Drivin' that cane,
Right through my brain,
Deadpool better watch your spleen;
Bullseye ahead,
Taskmaster behind,
And, you know this steel shank just crossed my mind;
Dude, seriously! You have to stop doing that!
What are you worried about now? You think the ghost of Jerry Garcia is going to sue?
No, but the rest of them are still alive. And, you've got to remember that the average age the people who might read and review this is like 14. No one is going to get the 70's song references. Don't you know anything current?
Percocets, molly, Percocets
Percocets, molly, Percocets
Rep the set, gotta rep the set
Chase a check, never chase a bitch
Mask on, fuck it, mask off
Mask on, fuck it, mask off
Percocets, molly, Percocets
Chase a check, never chase a bitch
Don't chase no bitches
Ugh! Don't. Rap. Again. Ever! And that's not a parody. It's the actual lyrics. Don't do that.
Easy, Typer Guy. It's just a sample. Like what rappers do all the time. You wanted me to be current. What's more current than The Future, baby?
It's not "The Future", it Future. And we still don't own that, he does. Just go back to the ancient songs we both know and love. Yes?
I don't know. I think this could be my new theme song. It's got everything I love and admire: money, painkillers and bitc...
Stop! I don't care what hip-hop artist do, I don't refer to females in general as bitches. Maybe its because I'm old, but I'm just not OK with that.
You would prefer some "Wang, Dang Sweet Poontang"? Remember, I know what's on your Spotify playlist. Sooo, Writer-boy, Chapter Three. That's usually where I start getting freaky in these things. Going to be a bit of an effort, what with the blade through my skull. How you going to write us out of that?
Just keep your Freak Flag furled for now. I got you covered.
Ooooo, alliteration. Let's get on with it.
Okay, I got two suped-up mercenaries on the street and Deadpool is down. Isn't he supposed to be unkillable? He sure looks pretty killed right now, what with his brains leaking all over the sidewalk. I glance over my shoulder. Bullseye is sauntering up like he's out to by a paper and a loaf of bread. Meanwhile, the other guy (I don't know him but his costume looks familiar), is just standing there. He's withdrawn his sword from Deadpool's head, flicked off the blood and gray matter and sheathed it back inside his cane.
I can hold my own in a fight, even aside from the super strength. Danny Rand taught me some Wing Chun and Jujitsu, but what I really am is a street fighter. And this is the street. Advantage – me.
"We're not here to harm you, just to take you to see your daughter and husband," Mask Guy says.
"Really? I don't think Bullseye got the memo, what with all the poison darts and plastic explosives."
"You'll have to forgive Lester, he gets a little overly excited. Plus, Wade brings out the worst in him. He brings out the worst in most people, actually." Mask Guy gestures to Deadpool and I hear him groan.
"We need to speed this up," Mask Guy continues. "I want to be gone before Wade is up and causing trouble again. Lester..."
I dive to my right and barrel-roll and another damn dart flies past. I can feel the breeze from it on my face. I crash into a garbage can and pop up to my feet. Thank God its a metal one. Don't find those around much any more. I fling it at Mask Guy as hard as I can and spin to face Bullseye with the lid as a shield just in time to deflect another dart. I spin again and smash the lid into Mask Guy's face. I hit flush and he staggers back. If not for the damn mask I'd have broken his nose, at least. As it is, it buys me a few seconds.
Back to Bullseye. He's closed the ground and now holds a knife in his left hand. "Sorry, Sweetie, I'm all outta tanq darts. Looks like we do this the fun way." He flips the knife to hold it by the blade.
I don't know what he expects me to do but it sure as hell isn't to charge him, which is exactly what I do. With a leap I plant my boot directly in Bullseye's face and down he goes. I land astride him and bash him in the face with my garbage can shield. As I do, I hear a struggle behind me and turn to see the black woman I saw earlier with her arm locked across Mask Guy's throat and he's going out. I see that Deadpool is up to his knees and he's staring at the black woman.
"Preston?" Deadpool questions and it comes out drunkenly.
The black woman ignores him and looks at me. "Get Wade the hell outta here. I'll hold these two. Go Missy!" she orders.
Missy? I want to snark, to question, but better judgment takes hold. I grab Deadpool under one arm, hoist him to his feet and drag him down the street.