Five days later, Serena sat staring at the little heap of copper and silver coins in her lap. It did not matter how many times she counted it, there was not enough. Not enough to even feed me for a week, let alone pay the rent. And if she did not pay the rent by Friday – then she would find herself out on the streets. Friday, I got three days in which to make five shilling. By some miracle she had managed so far to get some work that was not controlled by Diamond, she considered herself lucky so far.
There has to be something I could do! But her mind was clouded with panic as she glanced outside from her attic window. She looked down below the street and her heart twisted at the sight she saw, a small girl snuggled close to her mother for warm, sat huddled next to a pile of rubbish. Her heart tore as she saw how firmly the little girl's arm was wrapped around the rather dirty rag doll. At her age she would not have given it a second glance. But then at that time she had a pony, books, dolls with wax heads and silken gowns, a garden to play in….
A clatter of hooves in the street below brought her to her feet in a sudden desperate hope. She ran to the window, the coins falling from her lap and rolling across the boards about her feet. An answer, oh please let it be an answer from Darien….
Her hope died as quickly as it formed – it was only the coal cart. She stayed at the window, staring out of the flawed glass. Five days since the last time she had seen him. It felt more like a year as she had waited for him to reply to her letter, running out to the landing, her heart thudding against her chest at every knock upon the door, every footsteps in the hall.
He is not going to answer Serena. It had taken her until this moment to finally admit that to herself she thought numbly, why do I have such a ridiculous deep faith in a man who already betrayed my trust! She made a sound that was half-laugh and half-sob. He would hardly wish to continue the acquaintance five years ago, probably a few minutes of my reflection had him thanking the good fortune and judgement which made him cut all connection with me and my family.
A glimpse of movement in the alleyway below sent a stab of fear slicing through her despair and anger. Tyson, one of Diamond's cronies again, he was lounging against the wall staring up at her window. Her stomach knotted painfully. These last few days she had not been able to take a step without one of Diamond's men a pace or two behind her – they had followed her as she had trudged mile after mile looking for work of any kind, but when she couldn't get a job, that piece of information would always report back to Diamond himself.
"Try running," he had warned her two days ago, "and I'll have you in the King's Bench faster than a lighter goes under Tower Bridge." She had always planned to run away but she could never do it as she was always watched like a hawk. She put a hand to her forehead and pushed back a strand of pale hair from her face. There has to be some way out, there has to be! To think of Diamond even touching me so much as a fingertip makes me sick.
She turned to her narrow bed where her white silk ball gown with blue lace, which she had failed to sell to the brokers, lay glowing in the small room, looking as out of place as she had felt in Raye Carteret's silk drawing-room. She ran her fingertips over the luxurious fabrics as her other clothes had been sold a long time ago, or washed and made over until they fell apart.
The ball gown she had kept till last for a certain reason. She picked up the rustling gown and touched the soft fabric to her cheek. This she had kept because Darien Haldane had thought her beautiful in it – and she had worn it on the happiest night of her life. It had seemed impossible now that she had once been naïve or so happy – the folds of the silk slithered loose and she dropped the gown abruptly back onto the bed as a letter fluttered to the floor.
She bent and picked it up wondering why she had kept it. She knew every hurtful word of it by heart. Five years ago she would have read it a thousand times, searching for a reason, an explanation hidden in the cold polite words. Searching for at least a small conviction that Darien Haldane had loved her a little. Her mouth twisted. He had not even the decency to tell me in person that he was engaged to Lady Beryl – instead he had sent her this letter – a note of regretting that he would not be able to call upon her in the future. Call upon me – she gave a choked laugh. He had held her, kissed her, laughed with her, and let her think that he loved her – she crumpled the letter and flung it into the empty black iron grate.
Picking up the ball gown, she folded it and dropped it into the battered and scratched blanket box. It was only as she shook out of her blue velvet folds that she realised that she did have one choice left. If she had to sell herself, it did not have to be Diamond. If she found herself a protector, a wealthy one, then she would at least be free of Diamond. Utterly shaken by her own thought, she sat down upon her bed, clutching her clothes as if her life depended on it.
When Serena entered the small shabby livery yard some two hours later, it was deserted except for a lithe young man, with unruly brown hair and an impish face, with a scar running down his left cheek, which proclaimed him to be an ex-cavalry mount.
"Well, haven't seen you for a bit," Seiya said glancing at her from his feeding with his horse. "I've been busy, looking for work," she replied. "But you haven't had any luck." It was a statement rather than a question as his green eyes studied her too thin face. "No, Diamond has put word out against me. Seiya, I hate to ask but I need some help…."
"There's not much I can do against Diamond, Serena he knows too much about me. If he chose to put the finger on me, I'd be turned off quicker than I can blink. And if it's money you need –" he shrugged "– I'm out of funds myself at the moment. This devil eats money faster than I can make it," he sighed giving the glossy bay an affectionate slap upon the shoulder. "Aye, and faster than I can drink it," he said wryly as he caught the lift of Serena's brows.
"He looks very well," Serena said glancing at the bay that had begun to paw at the cobbler with an impatient foreleg. "Aye, and just as well in my trade – my neck depends upon his speed and soundness." Serena sighed. "I'd hardly call highway robbery a trade Seiya. Why don't you give it up before you kill someone or they kill you?"
"Because I'd rather be hung for a sheep than a lamb." He grinned at her, "But don't look so prissy, I'm no murderer and they have never caught me yet. Now tell me how can I help you?" Serena cleared her throat. "I was wondering if you'd lend me your horse, just for an hour or two tomorrow."
"You! On this lad! He'd kill you." Seiya threw his head back and laughed. "Please Seiya, I'll manage him, please," she begged him. "Where did you want to take him?" he asked curiously. "The Row," she said flatly after a moment's hesitation. Seiya was silent for a moment and his green eyes slid away from her face. "Decided to find yourself a rich protector then?" he said after a moment. "Yes." Her voice was barely audible. "I have to get away from here."
"It's all right. I'm not judging you," Seiya said quietly, running his hand down the restive bay's neck. "I know you don't belong here Serena – and if you can do better for yourself than Diamond, then I wish you luck."
"You'll loan him to me then?" Seiya replied wearily, "Maybe. You'd better give him a try this afternoon; though what this devil will think of a side-saddle I hate to think. Come on; let's see what we got in the harness room."
"Oh stop it!" Serena groaned beneath her thick veil the following day, as Seiya's horse threw up his head for what seemed like the hundredth time that day. The bay paid her no attention and continued to toss its head incessantly, paw at the ground and lash its tail irritably at the flies brought out by the sun, She grimaced as the animal danced skittishly, jarring her head. Tightening her grip upon the reins, she brought the horse back from a fretful jog to a standstill and tried to find a more comfortable position upon the saddle which has been made for just for a lady.
Still stiff and bruised from her efforts to side saddle the bay the previous afternoon, she found the effort of holding him in check harder by the minute. It had been four years since her riding horses had been sold, and she lacked the stamina that came from riding daily. She had been exhausted long before she reached the Row.
It had been madness to borrow it. If Seiya had not been so drunk this morning, she knew he would have changed his mind and refused to allow taking the animal out of the yard. But beggars can't be choosers, she thought grimly, as the bay tried to sidle away from the flies.
"Oh, be still!" she snapped at the bay as it regained her attention by snaking its head round and nipping at the blue velvet skirt of her clothes. She pulled its head back straight, muttering beneath her breath as it danced upon the spot. It then surged forward almost taking her arms from her sockets. Somehow she kept her seat and circled it back to a fidgeting halt.
"Oh, well sat" a male voice drawled from her left. She turned her head and found herself being scrutinised by heavy-lidded brown eyes belonging to a man riding a flaxen-mane chestnut. The man's small and rather feminine mouth curved into a smile. "I've been admiring your skills for this last half hour," he said lazily, "But they are wasted upon such beast. If you cared to accompany me to my house, I am sure I could provide a better mount. Riding should be a pleasurable experience, if one is to profit by it, should it not?"
She stared at him shocked in total silence by the blunt invitation. This is what she had come for, to find a wealthy protector who would enable her to get away from Diamond – but she could not do it, not for fifty pounds or even for fifty thousand. The self-knowledge hit her like a blow, leaving her with a mixture of despair and relief.
"Well shall we go?" he mistook her silence as a yes and he smiled confidently showing small very white teeth beneath his moist upper lip. "I think not," she replied with all the impassive haughtier she had learnt to hide behind when her father made her go with him to the gaming halls. "You disappoint me." his tone was acid as he looked straight at her. "And I do not care for disappointments. Another day would be more convenient perhaps?"
"No." she replied. "Oh, come now, if it is a matter of price -" she looked at him coldly, "All the money in England would not persuade me to call upon you sir, now I should count it a great favour if you would go away." He laughed, his sensual Italianate features contorting into an unpleasant mask. "If you change your mind, my name is Allan, The marquis of Corton. Perhaps you have heard of me?"
She had in fact – when she had accompanied her father to the gaming halls. Allan had a reputation for duelling and killing his opponents. There had been a scandal about a young man, barely out of school. "Yes, and none of it is good."
"But being good is so very tedious, as I am sure you know." He inclined his head to her before riding away. His parting insult left her unmoved. She had heard much worse in the gaming halls and she had more pressing things to think about, such as how she were to get away from Diamond.
The bay's fretfulness intensified as a horsefly buzzed about its ears. It is no use even trying to think clearly here, she decided as she fought to keep the bay from throwing its head back. She had better go back to her lodgings. She drew down her veil and turned the bay for home.
Thank-you for all the reviews! love you guys! :)
Sorry i would have posted this up last nite but i had some school work to do, sorry!
Btw to Shurudra, sorry that i confused you with the Selene and Serena thing, what i was trying say is that Darien thought Serena was Selene, Serena's widowed cousin. sorry about that.
well leave a review and tell me what you think of this.