Episode 3 — Tick... Tock... Boom!

Notes: Players must tread carefully to defuse the tensions in their relationships — as well as defusing a bomb that's set to destroy their potential winnings. But all the caution in the world can't prevent a third person from falling victim to the mole.

…

Donovan's departure leaves a wave of accusations in its wake.

Mrs. Hudson turns to Mary, Irene, and Moriarty, who are grouped together on one side of the sitting room. "What were the three of you thinking? You can't all be the mole, but Sally was right — you've all been behaving very badly."

"Are you our mother, now?" Moriarty sneers. "Scolding us for our naughty ways? I thought recreational scoldings were supposed to be Irene's department."

"Don't speak to Mrs. Hudson like that!" Sherlock snaps.

"Oooh… What's the matter? Mummy's boy doesn't like it when the big kids use mean words?"

"Shut up, Moriarty," John says coldly.

"Or what?"

"Or I'll make you." The ice in John's voice freezes everyone in the room. Suddenly he seems much less like a mild-mannered doctor, and much more like a combat veteran.

Moriarty shakes off his momentary paralysis. He turns to Irene and Mary. "The people here are so dreadfully dull. Come on — let's find something more interesting to do."

The three of them leave the room, to the evident relief of the rest of the players.

…

Over breakfast the next morning, Mycroft announces, "For today's challenge, you'll be heading to West Cockplay Farm, near the village of Simonburn, home of the medieval parish church of Saint Mungo."

"Is it really called that?" Molly asks. "I thought J K Rowling made up Saint Mungo's."

"You think Saint Mungo's was the most interesting place name Mycroft just mentioned?" Irene asks. "You really are quite charmingly innocent, aren't you?"

Molly blushes and stammers something unintelligible.

Mycroft clears his throat. "I assure you that all of the places to which I am sending you are quite real, although I may have to speak with the producers about some of their creative choices of location. However, that is neither here nor there. What you need to know is that you must drive from here, in Sodom, to there, at West Cockplay Farm, for your next challenge.

"This time, you'll be travelling in style in brand new Porche 911 coupes. As each car only has two seats, you'll have to to pair off. I need two players who believe life is but a dream, two who believe you have to step on people on your way to the top, two who believe you never forget how to ride a bicycle, and two who believe life is like a treadmill."

"I believe life is but a dream," Mrs. Hudson says.

"Me too," Molly chips in.

"I know you have to step on people on your way to the top," Moriarty says.

"Oh, yes," Irene agrees. "And when I do it in stilettos, they often enjoy it."

"I'll never forget how to ride a bike," says John.

"Nor will I," Sherlock says immediately.

"I don't know about life, but this game is certainly starting to seem like a treadmill," Mary says resentfully. "No matter how fast any of us run, no one could possibly get close to John, with Sherlock always jumping in."

John shoots her a surprised look.

"Well, my life is like a treadmill at times," Lestrade says. "So I guess you and I are together, Mary."

Mary sighs, and looks resigned.

"It shouldn't take you more than four hours to make it to West Cockplay," Mycroft tells them. "You don't need to arrive until 4:00, so you'll have plenty of time to stop for lunch along the way. However, don't be late, because £10,000 will be deducted from the group's kitty for any car that is not on time."

…

By 10:00, the four pairs of contestants set off in their fancy sports cars. Molly looks both thrilled and terrified to be behind the wheel of the Porche 911. Moriarty has somehow convinced Irene to let him drive, and seems quite pleased with himself. Mary has gotten over her ill-humour, and is grinning at Lestrade as she shifts their car into gear. Sherlock and John are giggling at some private joke as they pull away from Sodom Hall.

"You know," John says, a few minutes later, "I've never been to Northumberland, although I served with the 5th Northumberland Fusiliers."

"So, you never saw Cockplay during your time in the army?" Sherlock asks.

"Well, I didn't say that…"

The Porche swerves as both men break into fresh fits of giggles.

Once they've pulled themselves together, John says, "Actually, there's a Fusiliers Museum of Northumberland that I've always wanted to visit. Do you think we have time?"

"Put it in the GPS and see."

John does.

"It should be fine. We just have to take the A1 instead of the M6. Do you mind?"

"Not at all."

…

Shortly after 2:00, Sherlock pulls into the car park in front of Alnwick Castle, where the Fusiliers Museum is located. He and John get out and stretch, then make their way to the gate. John grumbles a bit when told they have to pay the regular castle admission price, even though they only want to see the Fusiliers Museum, but Sherlock points out that their tickets are good for a year's worth of visits, and proposes that they might come back when they have more time. John brightens at this.

As they enter the castle grounds, they pass the Stables Fryery, and John suggests they stop for fish and chips. Sherlock looks at his watch, and says he's not hungry, but John insists they have plenty of time, and cajoles him into eating.

Once they've licked the grease from their fingers, John and Sherlock make their way to the Abbott's Tower, which houses the Fusiliers Museum. They examine the collection of uniforms, medals, weapons, paintings, and memorabilia from various historical campaigns on display on the lower level, and then head up to the top floor to watch a film about the history of the Regiment, dating back to 1674. It's clearly an emotional experience for John.

By the time they finally leave, they're way behind schedule. John keeps apologising, but Sherlock shrugs him off.

"I know this was important to you, John, and I'm glad we came. If we're late, I'll take the flack from the group."

John squeezes his shoulder, and they drive off in silence.

…

Sherlock pulls the Porche up in front of West Cockplay Farm at 4:21. Two identical cars are already there, but the fourth is conspicuously absent.

John looks at Sherlock. "Ten quid says we beat Moriarty here."

"I'm not foolish enough to take that wager."

…

When Moriarty and Irene finally do arrive, 20 minutes later, with a tale of having been pulled over for speeding, there are several schools of thought amongst the other players. Some believe that Moriarty must be purposely sabotaging the challenges because he is the mole. Some think he's only pretending to be the mole, to throw them off. And some say there's no reason for his behavior other than the fact that he's crazy as fuck.

Mary stands up for him. "Why is everyone blaming Moriarty? Yes, he was driving, and yes, he was late, but at least he was speeding in an attempt to make it on time. Sherlock lost us £10,000, too, and he waltzed in here with no better excuse than that he and John 'lost track of the time'. That's pretty suspicious, if you ask me."

Further bickering is cut short by Mycroft. "Due to the tardiness of some contestants, your next challenge has been postponed until tomorrow. I suggest that you make use of this free evening to gather as much information about each other as you can, in preparation for your next quiz."

…

The following day, the four pairs of players — two who believe life is but a dream, two who believe you have to step on people on your way to the top, two who believe you never forget how to ride a bicycle, and two who believe life is like a treadmill — are taken to a large, dark cellar, lit by a single overhead bulb. Mycroft explains the challenge:

"In a moment, I will be locking you into the four rooms behind you. Your first task will be to find the keys to escape. For every door that you unlock within half an hour, £10,000 will be added to the group's kitty. Once all eight players have been freed, you will use the four keys to unlock this fifth door, behind me. Inside, you will find a cheque for £100,000. Unfortunately, opening the door will arm a bomb to which the cheque is attached. You must defuse the bomb before the timer sets it off, or your potential earnings will be destroyed."

Mycroft then instructs each pair to stand in front of one of the doors before he switches off the light, plunging the cellar into darkness. There is the sound of a key turning in a lock, the opening of a door, stumbling footsteps, the closing of a door, and then a key turning in a lock once more. This sequence of sounds is repeated three more times. When the light comes back on in the main cellar room, all of the players have vanished behind the locked doors.

In the first pitch black room, Lestrade curses as he bangs into something.

"What is it?" Mary asks.

"I think it's a treadmill."

"Great. Life is like a treadmill. Feel around and see if there's a key attached."

Next door, Molly and Mrs. Hudson are cautiously exploring their cell.

"There's something on the floor, here," Molly says. "Some kind of contraption."

Mrs. Hudson joins her. "There's a handle, but it's really hard to pull. Help me."

"Oh! It's a rowing machine. You know — row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream…"

Mrs. Hudson chimes in, "Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, life is but a dream."

"Maybe we have to sing it in rounds to get the key," Molly suggests.

The darkness is soon filled with the cheerful sound of the repetitive children's song.

In the next room, Moriarty and Irene have discovered a stepper machine, and are arguing over which one of them should do the stepping, and which one should get stepped on.

In the final room, John and Sherlock are standing in the doorway, very close together.

"I know we're supposed to be looking for the key," John says, "but this room is giving me other ideas."

There is a beat of silence before Sherlock weaves his fingers through John's. "Let's stay focused on our goal," he says.

John sighs and mutters, "I'm trying…"

Sherlock pulls him further into the room, where they find an exercise bike.

"Ah ha!" Sherlock says. "You said you'd never forget how to ride a bicycle, John. Hop on."

John mounts the bike and begins to pedal. As he does so, a bare bulb in the ceiling lights up. John stops in surprise, and the room is once again plunged into darkness.

"The bike powers the light. Keep going," Sherlock says.

With the room illuminated, Sherlock and John can see that it is empty except for the exercise bike and a large bookcase standing against the far wall. On the door there is a sign: HP HOLDS THE KEY.

Meanwhile, the other pairs have also discovered how to light up their rooms by using their exercise equipment. Each room contains the same message. Molly is the first to figure out the clue.

"HP is Harry Potter! Find it on the shelf."

Mrs. Hudson searches the titles, finally coming up with Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. When she opens it up, a key falls out.

Moriarty locates a key in Harry Potter and the Prizoner of Azkaban, Mary discovers one in Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone, and Sherlock finds one in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. Soon, all eight players have reassembled in the main cellar room, with 6 minutes to spare.

"I'm glad you mentioned J K Rowling last night," Lestrade tells Molly. "Otherwise, I would've been thinking of Hewlett Packard rather than Harry Potter."

"Everyone bring your keys over here," Mary commands.

Working together, the players are able to unlock the final door. They step through, into a well-lit room. In the centre is a bulletproof glass box with a combination lock. Inside the box is a a ticking bomb, with a digital timer counting down from 30 minutes. Next to the bomb is a copy of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, as well as a rolled up piece of parchment and a pair of wire cutters.

"How do we figure out the code to get to the bomb?" Mrs. Hudson wonders aloud.

"Look on the back of the door," Sherlock says.

Lestrade closes the door, and they see a sign: REMEMBER, REMEMBER, HARRY POTTER THOUGHT THE PHOENIX WAS A GREAT GUY.

"What does that mean?" John asks.

"I know!" Molly says, excitedly. "The phoenix in the Harry Potter books is named Fawkes."

"Ah," Sherlock says. "Guy Fawkes. Remember, remember, the fifth of November."

He sets the combination to 511, and opens the box.

Mrs. Hudson takes out the parchment. "It's a list with eleven pairs of numbers," she says.

Mary examines the bomb. "There are eleven wires. All of them are different colors, but I don't see any numbers on them."

Sherlock is also inspecting the bomb. He looks disgruntled. "Proper bomb-makers would have included a switch to turn this thing off. There isn't one. I doubt this is a real bomb."

John pats him affectionately. "Of course it's not a real bomb. Mycroft isn't going to risk actually blowing us up."

Sherlock huffs.

"Real or not," Lestrade says, "if we don't disarm it in the next 24 minutes and 17 seconds, we're going to lose £100,000."

Moriarty snatches up the wire cutters. "I'm feeling lucky," he says, with a mad gleam in his eyes.

"No!" the others yell.

"Give those to me now!" Irene snaps.

To everyone else's relief, Moriarty does.

"I see why you're good at your job," Mary says admiringly.

Irene winks at her.

The players search the room for other clues, but can find nothing. Molly picks up Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix and begins leafing through it.

"Is that the only book where the name of the phoenix is mentioned?" Sherlock asks her.

"No, he plays a major role in Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, as well."

"Hmm… So why is this particular book here, next to the bomb? It's not just to help us get the combination to the glass box… No, I believe we're meant to use it to decipher the code on the parchment. Perhaps each pair of numbers refers to a page number followed by a word number. Mrs. Hudson, what is the first pair?"

Mrs. Hudson reads it out, and Molly turns to the page listed and counts words until she gets to the correct one. "Cut," she says.

"Yes!" Sherlock pumps his fist in triumph. "What's next?"

Mrs. Hudson reads out the pairs of numbers one at a time, and Molly looks them up. The final message reads: cut one wire not red or blue but red and blue.

"Purple!" Irene says, and snips the wire.

The timer stops with less than a minute to spare.

…

A triumphant group returns to West Cockplay Farm. One amongst them, however, must secretly be disappointed. The mole did not manage to sabotage that challenge.

Later that evening, the players once again take a quiz to test their knowledge about the identity of the mole. Once they've each had a turn, they gather around Mycroft so that he can reveal the results. He reads out each contestant's name as he enters it into his laptop.

"Greg." A green thumbprint indicates that he is safe.

"Irene." Green.

"Sherlock." Green.

"Martha." Green.

"Jim." Green.

"John." Green.

"Molly." Red.

Molly hugs Mrs. Hudson tearfully before waving to the rest of the group and departing.

"Oh, I'll miss that sweet girl," Mrs. Hudson says.

"We all will," John tells her.

The other players look around at each other, wondering if that's true.

…

End Notes: The next episode will air in two weeks. While you're waiting, you might enjoy a quirky little series of twisted nursery rhymes — Mother Goose Ships Johnlock.

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