Hey , back with another chapter. I hope you guys like it , let me know . :) Based on the events of 6x14 through 6x18
I didn't know much about Emily's past except for the years I was in it , but after five years of her being my partner in the workplace I knew when something was wrong. When I saw her from the mirrors in the taxi cab and she looked back at me I knew , I knew something was going to go down. What I didn't know is the magnitude of the event , the shattering "death" that would hit the team, the family , with a painful blow like we had never imagined. I can't say I didn't see it coming and I don't have any excuses. It was just trust , the trust I had in her , that caused pain like I had never experienced before . I can say it wasn't my fault , but I don't believe that to be true.
I should have seen Emily walk out that door when we were briefed on Doyle , I should have known she was too attached to the case and I should have made her take down her façade , but somehow I didn't and I set myself up for a goodbye. Another goodbye with spilled blood like my father's , and another goodbye made for the sake of others. Along the way Emily had made difficult choices, choice she felt ashamed of and I fueled the fire with anger about Doyle. When she hiding the mistakes of her past , I saw them and didn't do anything. I set myself up for goodbye and Emily did too.
Our team searched for her and dug deep into her past , a past that haunted her for a long time. When we finally found her she was lying on the floor , blood circling around her. Emily had a stake in her stomach and she was ready to give up.
"Let me go." She whispered in a voice that was too quiet
Those words replay in my mind and I haven't forgotten them after a very long time. Emily had given up , up on life , up on the team , up on us , and up on me. The only words I remember more than her's are these
" She never made it off the table." JJ said with tears shining in her eyes
Those words crushed me. They ruined my life , and they sent me into a depression like I had never experienced. I bounced around six of the seven stages of grief for what felt like forever. Depression and anger were the two I spent the most in. Anger became my go to , and I targeted Doyle . He needed to understand how Emily felt , lying on the floor about to die. Except he wouldn't have a friend because he did that to her , and to me. I didn't want to rest until I trusted Emily's soul could be at peace.
I couldn't get over the fact that I had been the one with Emily in the last few moments she could've probaly remembered. I had held her hand , and she had held on. I wondered if she was finally happy , wherever she was; if she was the carefree Emily from Chicago or the burdened one with the weight of Lauren besides her. Most of all I wondered if she knew that my feelings had never changed or died , that they hadn't fled or forgotten. I wondered in her last moments did she feel the same for me or if I was just a close friend.