Authors Note:
I ws honestly trying to get Rachel some revenge here, and figured the low blow was best. So here is such.
Review, please, and I'll kill Santana.
( I keed, I keed.)
Disclaimer:
Do NOT want.
So, like, he's screwed. In all kinds of positions. Because A) his mom hasn't seen Rachel in forever and is super freakin' excited about dinner and B) because Hannah is going to embarrass him and like... The end is certainly fucking neigh.
He tries to play it cool but when he looks at the clock and it's 10 minutes to seven, his hands are sweaty and his heart is racing like some fucking premature teenager on a first date.
Didn't she say she was telling on him? Like last week? Did they speak without him knowing? What the hell was he going to do?
His keys are in his hand and he's walking to the door with a grumble. "I'm going to pick Rachel up" he calls over his shoulder. His mom's smile goes from creepy to epically creepy in like, two seconds flat.
"Rachel's nice" she says softly, and turns back to the oven humming... Don't Rain on My Parade?
Oh dear fucking God on a stick.
When he rocks up, he thinks what a true gentleman would do. He would go to the door with her neighbours roses, ring the doorbell and wait for her father (or fathers, for that matter) to show up, and invite him in while he waits for her and speaks to the fathers about football, and how nice and pretty Rachel is. Then she'd come out of nowhere and he'd smile pleasantly and take her hand, lead her to the car with promises of her being home before 9.
He just honks the horn and waits for her to come out.
(Come on, he still needs his dignity, folks.)
After what seems like forever, she finally opens the door and waves at him, turning to speak to her dads. They scare him—don't get him wrong, he wasn't a homophobic or whatever—it was just the way they looked at him, like he was a fresh piece of meat they were willing to tenderise if he hurt Rachel.
Maybe he could have knocked.
But whatever.
She's wearing this creamy sweater over a black singlet, and jeans. He stares, mouth agape.
Seriously? He didn't know she was packing that much under all that crazy.
"Hey, gorgeous" he greets when she opens the door to the cab of the truck and uses the roof for leverage to get herself in. Her hair smells nice. And her eyes are kind of awesome.
(He notices things like that, okay?)
"Let's get the fuck out of here" he says when he glances over, watches one of her dads twirling a baseball bat absentmindedly.
"Rachel!" his mom cries as soon as they're in the door, and fusses over everything.
"Are you cold, honey? Do you need a glass of water? Oh, you look stunning."
Puck clears his throat. Loudly.
"Pork is burnin', ma."
She shoots him a glare, but runs back to the kitchen all the same.
Rachel glances up at him, all doe eyed and just fucking tasty when Hannah comes flying down the hallway. "Rachel!" she cries, just like his mom. "Catch me!" and Rachel braces herself, and when his sister goes flying he nearly has a heart attack.
But Rachel catches her all the same.
"Jesus H, kid you almost gave me a heart attack!" he says with a sigh.
"Hey Puck" Hannah says with an eye roll. Then grins at Rachel and her front loose tooth makes him want to turn around and gag.
"You want to come see my new dolls?"
"No time for that, come on, dinners ready!" his mom says.
She even breaks out the fine china.
Fucking... Rachel Berry.
So, it goes like this.
They sit, talk softly, eat and then Rachel bursts into tears.
Just like that. And under like, 20 seconds, his mom and sister are comforting her and glaring at him.
What. The. Fuck.
She just sits there, her shoulders heaving. "I saw the messages he sent to Santana, after she brutally made it clear in my line of sight and... I'm sorry I'm not a nice pretty girl like her, and I'm an ugly Jewish girl, Noah, I wish I could be someone your mom wants you to bring home." she sobs and she's just dropped the biggest shit on him ever.
And out of the corner of his eye (avoiding the death threats written across his family's features, of course) he watches her smirk for a second and then it's gone and she cries louder.
What a crazy little clusterfuck. Oh, it was so on.