DISCLAIMER: F4 and all its characters belong to Marvel. This story is just for shits and giggles and all that jazz.
November 2, 2007
Invisible Red Thread: Transfiguration
By Ina-chan
"An invisible red thread connects those who are destined to meet, regardless of time, place or circumstance. The thread may stretch or tangle, but will never break.""
-Chinese Legend
When did it all change?
I remember the first time I saw you. I was twelve, still a few months shy from becoming an official teen-ager. I was a little upset at my parents for sending Johnny and me away to spend the summer with Aunt Jewel so they can gallivant around the world without our childish interruptions. I didn't have any idea at all that particular summer of my ill spent youth would contain the day that would change my life forever.
"Reed, this is my niece, Susan. Jonathan is… where is that boy? JONATHAN SPENCER STORM ! GET DOWN HERE RIGHT THIS INSTANT! That boy has the attention span of… anyway, Reed, like I mentioned last week, they'll be staying here for the summer. Susan, this is Mr. Reed Richards…"
You were barely twenty, but you already had accomplishments under your belt that were normally achieved by adults twice your age. You were so handsome, tall though a tad bit lanky, with your warm whiskey eyes, your bashful smile, and that dignified adult-like air around you that none of the boys my age can ever compare to. Then again, it was love at first sight in the eyes of a young naïve schoolgirl. You couldn't have done anything wrong.
"It's nice to meet you, Mr. Richards."
"Hi."
You were so shy that you couldn't even meet my eyes. You mumbled an inaudible hello before excusing yourself and retreating to your room. It took a few days before you managed to speak to me in more than just monosyllabic answers, a week or two before I saw your real smile, and almost a month before I heard you laugh.
Of course, it probably didn't help ease matters between us when I abruptly announced shortly after I met you that I've decided that I was going to be your wife.
"… … …"
"Reed and Suzie, sitting on a tree… K-I-S-S-I-N---"
"SHUT UP JOHNNY!"
"SUSAN! Watch your language… I'm so sorry, Reed. Children these days…"
"… … …"
Johnny's relentless teasing probably made things worse. Nonetheless, no matter how embarrassing it must have been for you to have a persistent underage stalker, you took everything in stride… in that patient, polite and dignified manner that I've always known you for.
When did it all change?
When did you cross the invisible boundary between polite stranger and friend?
Was it the time when Emily Jones (who I swore also had a huge crush on you) broke her ankle that one Friday evening when Aunt Jewel had to attend her Women's Church Auxiliary meeting with no last minute replacement babysitter in sight?
I remember it clearly. I was upset that Aunt Jewel still didn't feel that I was responsible enough to look after Johnny. But you came to the rescue and offered to watch us (since you were staying home to watch the meteor shower anyway).
It was that evening when it became clear that despite your adult-like demeanour, you had no idea how to deal with children. You were, more or less, still a child yourself. I remember your fascinated expression as you watched Johnny and me playing Cat's Cradle. I remember the exciting tingle I felt whenever my fingers brushed against your hands when the cradle passed between us as we taught you how to play. I remember the exasperated look on Johnny's face when we realized you didn't know how to play a lot of our childhood games.
"Hello Mr. President?"
"No."
"Forty-forty?"
"What?"
"Kill the Carrier."
"I'm not even going to ask what that is…"
"So what exactly did you do for fun when you were a kid?"
"Well… once in a while I'll pick up a science fiction book and try to see if I can recreate or prove the theories the writers made up in it. When I was twelve I tried to see if Isaac Asminov's ideas about…"
"Boring! Reed, you're really weird."
"JOHNNY!"
"Sue, reading a book is like doing homework. Homework isn't fun!"
As much as I hated to admit it, Johnny made a point. I remember feeling completely astonished, when you admitted that you never played games with other kids when you were my age, or even Johnny's age. Or maybe it was the revelation that you didn't have any childhood friends at all. There was also the twinge of envious admiration when you said didn't have to go to school until you were fourteen.
I remember the dinner you made after we all voted that Shadow, the neighborhood stray cat, was more likely to appreciate the dinner Aunt Jewel left us.
"What is that supposed to be?"
"Tuna Casserole Surprise… I think."
"Yuck! It definitely smells like tuna… but what are those weird looking bits?"
"I think it's supposed to be broccoli."
"Surprise."
You made something that was supposed to be macaroni and cheese, the instant Kraft Dinner kind. The only thing you admitted knowing how to cook (aside from boiling eggs and making toast). There were no charm points for presentation. They were glops of golden overcooked pasta underneath a dry slightly burnt crust. Not that different from the unidentifiable substance that my Dad tried to feed us when Mom caught the flu once. (Then again, Storms were not well known for their culinary expertise. Fortunately, Johnny and I got our skills from Mom). Yet for some reason, it was still the best-tasting macaroni and cheese I've ever had.
I remember how Johnny tried to take advantage of your lack of babysitting skills to stay up later than his usual bedtime. He insisted on wanting to stay up to watch the meteor shower too. Though in the end, he curled beside you, fast as asleep on his bedtime before the shower even started I remember how the three of us lay quietly together on the lawn, waiting for the stars to fall from the warm summer night skies.
The skies were beautifully clear that night. It was the perfect night to go stargazing. It was the first time we had a real conversation. You talked about the stars and the constellations. I didn't understand half of the things you said. But it didn't really matter since at that time, I was content to simply listen to the sound of your warm baritone.
"Reed?"
"Hmm…"
"You really like the stars, huh?"
"I've been dreaming of going out to space since I was five."
"Like an astronaut?"
"Something like that."
"… … …"
"… … …"
"You will."
"Hmmm?"
"Go to space. You're the smartest person in the world. Maybe even the entire universe!"
"… … … uh… thanks."
To be quite honest I don't remember much about the meteor shower. I remember seeing the streaks of light across the sky from the corner of my eye. I suppose I was too busy watching you. I remember the expression on your face. How your warm whiskey eyes lit up and widened with silent awe as if you were witnessing the most miraculous event in the universe.
When did it all change?
When did you discard the role of friend in exchange of big brother and protector?
Was it when my mother died? It wasn't long after that magical summer we first met. I remember that it was that winter. We were staying over at Aunt Jewel's for the weekend while Mom and Dad went to one of Dad's functions. You weren't there when we arrived. Aunt Jewel said that you flew home to California to visit your family or something like that. I remember the feeling of disappointment when I found out that you weren't returning anytime soon.
But as you already know, there was a change of plans. The police officers that knocked at Aunt Jewel's door at 2 AM of that tragic day told us the news of how my father's car crashed. Dad was alive and unhurt, but Mom… We received a call later on that Mom didn't make it though surgery.
I remember not crying when they told us the news. I didn't cry when Aunt Jewel held me in her arms. I didn't cry during the service or when I watched them lower Mom six feet under the ground. I wanted to, but I didn't. I realized that I had to be strong for Dad and for Johnny.
Especially for Johnny. Johnny likes to act tough, but he was really a big crybaby who gets scared of things easily. He needed his big sister for comfort especially now that Mom was no longer going to be around to give it to him. He was going to be okay as long as he didn't see me cry.
That's why I couldn't cry, even though I desperately wanted to.
So didn't.
The events that followed happened so fast. Dad fell apart after Mom died. It didn't take long for him to fall apart and get himself into a lot of trouble. So it was decided that Johnny and I were to stay with Aunt Jewel for an indefinite period of time.
That was when you came home.
I remember that it was in the middle of the night because your flight was delayed. Your friend, Ben, dropped you off the front of the house. You were moving quietly, as to not wake up the house. You were travel-weary tired, disheveled, and in need of a shave. You looked at me in surprise when you saw me coming down the stairs. And then…
"Hi."
One simple word, the sight of you looking at me with those warm whiskey eyes, and smiling at me with such fond affection... that was all it took. Before I knew it, you were cradling me in your arms, trying to comfort me, not minding a single bit that instead of an early morning hot shower you ended up being drenched by a thirteen-year-old girl's torrent of snot and tears.
When did it all change?
When did I stop being the annoying kid sister you never had?
Was it when we first kissed? That bittersweet accidental moment on that day you were supposed to be leaving my life forever? I was fourteen and you were twenty-one. From any angle you look, we were never meant to be.
I was a child and you were already a man. My world was composed of getting good grades in school, making sure my little brother stayed out of trouble, and coping with... being a teen. Your world was science, physics, inventions, and other things that I can barely wrap my head around.
Yet still… in that one accidental, breath taking, magical moment… when you were trying to comfort me from the idea that we'll probably never see each other again, and you held me in your arms, and you kissed me… it only confirmed what I already knew from the very moment I saw you.
Or was it on that day when we saw each other again after six years?
In those six years, as much as I hated to admit it, I faltered a few times. Several times. All right, quite a number of times. Between the pressures of raising Johnny, working part time, being the captain of the girls swim team, and not flunking out of school, it only natural for me to desire the life of a normal teenager one way or another. None of them lasted long. None of them even got serious. None of those boys really measured up to you.
I suppose, in the end… It was only you. Nobody else. Just you.
When Johnny got in high school and was able to take care of himself (more or less), with a fledgling acting and modeling career in tow, an admission to the Theatre Arts department in UCLA, and a great deal of hope in my heart, I set off to Los Angeles in search of a multitude of dreams. It was one of the scariest moments in my life.
It wasn't easy, you know. After Harvard, you stopped writing. And you disappeared from the face of the Earth. I almost lost hope until that one day when I was helping Johnny with prospective colleges for a school project when I stumbled upon information that a certain Dr. Reed Richards was hired as a new fellow in the aerospace engineering department at UCLA. Needless to say, I was motivated to go back to school in an instant!
Do you remember that letter I wrote you? I was so nervous that it wouldn't get to you. So, I was ecstatic when you replied to my letter and said that you remembered me. I was scared of what you would think when you saw me again. I knew I was going to be heart-broken, if you still saw the little girl you left behind.
"Hello. I'm looking for a certain Reed Richards. Do you happen to know where I could find him?"
When you looked up, I could tell that you didn't recognize me. But for some strange reason, I didn't feel disappointed. The expression on your face, perhaps, as my image registered in your mind… was something I recognized. It wasn't different from how you looked when you watched the stars fall from the sky that one night, a lifetime ago. How your warm whiskey eyes lit up and widened with silent awe as if you were witnessing the most miraculous event in the universe. Only this time, you were looking at me.
"Hi."
Did your heart skip a little like mine? I saw that our years of separation changed you as well. All leftover traces of the boyish features you still had possessed back then had disappeared in the lines of your now chiseled jaw. The thin lanky frame that Aunt Jewel worked hard to 'stick some meat into' had filled out into the lean swimmer's build I used to secretly ogle at boy's swim team back in high school.
The premature strands of gray that used to hide inconspicuously in between your chocolate locks since you were a teen-ager now prominently sat on the sides of your temples, making you look older and more dignified. There were a few more lines etched on your forehead and the corners of your eyes… yes, your eyes. There was something different about them. They were still the same warm whiskey eyes I remembered as a child, but they seemed to possess a fragment more of wisdom. I suppose they were all testaments of the experiences you learned from the passing of time.
The look of awe turned to complete amusement the moment I mischievously raised the back of my hand to show you the piece of red string tied meticulously around my ring finger. And when I heard you laugh in that warm melodious baritone that loved to hear… I instantly knew. I knew that it was worth the gamble.
When did it all change?
When did we realize that what we had was more than mutual attraction? When did we realize that we could no longer live without each other?
Was it after the first time we made love? I remember that day as clearly as if it happened yesterday. It was summer. In all means no different from any hot, humid, sunny, summer day in Central City, California. The government approved the rocket engine project you proposed many months back. Everything was going well. There was even promising news that first experiments on the prototype might go ahead of schedule.
And yet another year passed since Nathaniel Richards, the man who simply disappeared from your life and was presumed dead three years before, didn't fail to disappoint. You never said it out loud back then, but I knew. I knew you always secretly hoped that with each anniversary, your father would miraculously walk through the door.
There you were, quietly and childishly ignoring the fact that your father made arrangements to prevent the premature legal declaration of his death thus indicating that he didn't expect to return soon, if at all. Then again, on hindsight, knowing your father, it seemed more comforting to believe that he had died than to accept the more realistic notion that he merely completed his abandonment of you.
Despite all your good points, you could also be an infuriating, stubborn, pigheaded little…
Fortunately for you, I could be just as stubborn and pigheaded when I wanted to. Especially, when it really counted. Though I hoped, I didn't expect that I would succeed in getting through your walls. Though I wished, I didn't expect that I would succeed in coaxing you to come out of your private little world. Though I dreamed, imagined and fantasized I didn't expect… well… I didn't expect that we would go that far.
But in those moments of vulnerability, kind words meant to lift one's spirits could easily turn into moans of passion as comforting hugs and reassuring kisses awakened more primitive innate needs.
I remember, as I lay beside you, enjoying the warmth of your nearness as we tried to catch our breaths. You sat up, buried your face in your hands, and started to cry. I remember feeling a bit frightened. Until that moment, I've never seen you cry.
Then again, you've always had this aversion to having people see you when you're in pain, or when you're angry. When your emotions start to get overwhelming, you would literally disappear within the invisible walls you built around you. You would shrink back and lock yourself in your that private world inside your head.
It was frustrating sometimes, you know. How you refused to burden others with your grief making it easy for people to misunderstand you. One of your stupid paradoxical traits, I suppose. Sometimes, I can't help feeling frustrated with your hypocrisy. On how you refused to ask help when you need it, but you wouldn't hesitate taking on the weight of the world on your shoulders even when you didn't to.
"I'm so sorry, Susan… I sorry."
"I'm not. I don't regret this. I wanted it to happen."
"It doesn't change the fact that it shouldn't have happened. We were both emotionally vulnerable and I took advantage…"
"You silly. For someone who's supposed to be a genius, you're not very smart, are you? If you think about it, it's actually the other way around."
"Susan…"
"Reed, I'm a grown woman now. I'm capable of deciding what is appropriate or not. Unless after all this time, you still see me as that 12-year-old little girl you met years ago."
"If I did, this wouldn't be so hard."
"Then why? I can see in your eyes that you want me as much as I want you. Do you love me?"
"You know that I do."
"Then what's the problem? I love you and you love me and you know… things inevitably happen between two people when they love each other. So tell me truthfully, what exactly are you so insecure about?"
"… … … Sometimes you scare me."
"I scare you?"
"You're the only person who can lay me bare like this."
"And?"
"So far, every person I love… and loved has either died or left me. The idea of loosing you… it's more than just scary. I think… if I ever lost you… It'll kill me."
Reed… my Reed, my darling, my beloved… Through all the early years we've been together, you were the centre of my world. You were perfect in my eyes. You always knew what to do. I would never hesitate to follow you to the ends of the earth and even walk through hell as long as I knew that you were in front of me to lead the way.
I didn't hesitate to follow you that fateful day. I wanted to be by your side when you pursued your dream to go up in space. I wanted to see what you saw, feel what you feel… The thrill of getting caught… The excitement of embarking into the unknown… The fear when something went wrong…
I didn't blame you for any of it, even though you took all the blame upon yourself. For the accident, for the fact that Ben, Johnny and I would never have normal lives, for not being able to find the answer to reverse our conditions. I never blamed you. I never saw it as a curse. None of it really mattered. As long as you were by my side, that was all that mattered to me.
So on that day, when we pledged to have and to hold, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness or in health, to love and to cherish 'till death do us part… that day was the happiest day of my life.
So tell me, Reed…
When did it all change?
When did my picture perfect image of you start to tarnish? When did the seeds of doubt start to take root?
Was it when I started to realize that even though you were married to me, you would callously, even though unintentionally, cast me aside to answer the call of your mistress? Of course, it was just my luck that the "other woman" you returned to again and again was not a person I could confront and demand to leave us alone (let alone slap around once in a while). Then again, sometimes I often found myself wondering.
Perhaps, in reality, you had always been married to science and the "other woman" was really me.
Was it the realization that no matter I do to prove what I'm capable of, there was always a part of you that would continue to see me as that fragile thirteen-year-old girl you comforted years ago. That there would still be times when you would push me in the sidelines and treat me like a fragile china doll like that time after our son was born or when… when I miscarried our baby girl.
I knew why you did what you did back then. I understood your reasons perfectly. It was one of the awkward ways you show how much you love me, by wanting to protect me and our family. That was why, no matter how hurt or angry or frustrated I was, I endured it.
But Reed, my darling… with all your genius, why couldn't you comprehend the true meaning of that vow we made almost a lifetime ago. When we promised to have and to hold, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness or in health, to love and to cherish 'till death do us part, we became more than just husband and wife, more than parents, bestfriends and lovers… we were supposed to be partners, Reed.
So tell me, my love. Tell me, when did it all change?
When did you stop trusting me? What gave you the idea that hiding secrets within these convoluted secrets was for my own good? Did you think that I wouldn't understand? Did you think that I wouldn't notice? Did you even consider what you had to sacrifice in order to save the greater good? Did you think of what this would do to us?
Did you trust me at all?
I didn't want to think like this, Reed. But was happening all over again, wasn't it? Your amazing ability to see the big picture far ahead of anyone else was causing you to miss out on what was happening from right under your nose. You did this exact same thing when you decided on that drastic solution to save all life on earth from our son's uncontrollable powers. You did this exact same thing with that nefarious plan to invade Latveria in order to put Doom away for good. And now you're doing the exact same thing by joining sides with Tony in this disgraceful government Act.
Why couldn't you see? All these times when you acted on your own in our behalf, without involving me and Ben and Johnny in your decisions… it always ended badly… horribly… tragically.
I didn't know how else I could prod you to open your eyes before was too late. This whole thing was as much about our children, about Johnny, about Ben, about you and me… about 'US'… than it were about the principles of freedom and law. I didn't know how else I could wake you up short of destroying you. I didn't know how else I could save 'us' without hurting you. I'm no longer young and naïve as to think that we were going to survive this unscathed like we had before. I could only hope that when this ends… there would be something left of 'us' to save…
Susan Richards paused as her husband shifted in his sleep and slung an arm over her, his warm breath whispering against her sensitive neck and effectively pulling her out of her thoughts. She turned to face him and allowed herself to sink in his instinctive embrace despite all the thoughts circling through her mind.
It had been very difficult the past couple of weeks. Most if not all her recent encounters with her husband resolved in yet another fight. Most if not all their nights were spent apart, with Reed locking himself yet again in his lab, and her lying alone in bed restlessly if she wasn't in the hospital looking after Johnny.
Things didn't change much after Johnny was discharged from the hospital either. The rare random nights when Reed joined her in bed had them seeking silent refuge on their opposite sides, facing back to back with a figurative invisible wall between them, and always with one of them departing for their daily routines before the other woke up the next morning without a word to the other.
The recent battle only firmed her resolve. She knew that Reed was fighting this stupid war in his own way. But she also had to fight in her own way, before the damned thing irrevocably tore them apart. Of course, just because she made up her mind, didn't necessarily mean that it made things any easier.
Not when faced by the thought of being separated from her children, or the possibility of facing the love of her life in battle. Not when he was finally holding her after what still felt like an eternity of disconnection, or when the musky scent of their lovemaking still hung heavily in the air and clung to their skin.
Across the bed, her husband's digital clock flashed a number, and Sue knew that the time for such sentiments, no matter how much she wanted them, had run out.
"I love you."
She whispered in his ear and he mumbled an incoherent reply. She then slowly detangled herself from her husband's unresisting limbs and made her way through the room, summoning her clothes and overnight bag. When she fished out the letter she wrote earlier, she felt a twinge of hesitation. She was angry when she wrote it. She still was, but the intensity of her anger diminished in time and now she wondered if the words she wrote still accurately reflected what she truly felt.
Outside in the hallway, she heard her brother's footsteps, reminding her of their task at hand. The cab would be arriving in a few minutes, and she still needed to tend to her children before she goes. Without another thought, she left the letter on her husband's bedside table, before walking out and soundlessly closing her bedroom door behind her… effectively disappearing into the night.
FIN
Author's squawk:
I wanted to do a Civil War fic… and this is my response to Sue's letter in Civil War #4.
Man…I had mixed emotions about that letter. I mean its true that a woman has to do what she has to do to stand up for her principles… But the letter is just so twisted! Almost mean! Kinda makes you question if her Malice persona is truly gone, eh?
The sarcastic barbs about making dinner and making love to Reed just before she walked out on him sounded like a plotline from Desperate Housewives. To be quite honest, it seems rather out of character for Sue to actually walk out of her husband and her children… even potentially forever if she got killed in the war.
Well, yeah… this isn't the first time Sue walked out on Reed. There was that time when she temporarily separated from him after the Latveria incident. I mean really! Tricking your family like than and getting Ben killed in the process… She even filed for divorce after the whole incident with Franklin. Geez, if my husband put my kid in a coma to save the world without even letting me know… I would be super pissed too! But bottom line is… those times when Sue left she never left the kids behind. She either took them with her or left them in the care of people she trusts to keep them safe.
Of course, in Millar's defense, the letter could also indicate that its clever manipulation in Sue's part. She still had faith that her husband hasn't completely lost his way, thus she was okay with leaving the kids with him. And since Reed won't listen to her reasoning, she figured actions spoke louder than words… so she put herself in the line of fire to make his see what an $$ he's being about the whole stupid thing. I mean, what would you do if you would be put in the position where you're going to be forced to: a) arrest the love of your life, inevitably going into battle with her, b) send her to prison in the Negative Zone when you succeed in capturing her.
While it didn't get to that point (it might have been really interesting to see what Reed would do if it did came to that point, though… too bad.), I'm sure Reed was conflicted about it. In a way, he was bending the laws quite a bit for not arresting Sue and Johnny on those times that he had the chance. So technically, he was harboring criminals, eh? Ah, Reed and his hypocrisy… what else is new?
It's quite interesting how Reed instinctively avoids problems he can't deal with (also nicely illustrates how much he needs Sue and how Sue is really the one who helps him keeps perspective with his humanity when his OCD traits is trapping him in that little world inside his brain). His inner pathos about it was forcing him to turn off his emotions and effectively turning him into a number-crunching zombie. Then again, he was probably emotionally preparing himself if he was forced to cross that bridge in regards to Sue and Johnny.
While Civil War didn't really live up to its hype, I think it's a pretty good idea to play with. Though I think Millar could have done a better job with the one-sidedness of it. It's almost propaganda-like with the portrayal of how the pro-registration crew was vilified and the anti-registration people were these freedom fighting victimized saints…
Ah… Civil War rants…
As for the pre-Fantastic 4 Sue/Reed stuff, they're all made up. 60's sensibilities aside (from when the series first started), I'm pretty darned sure that Sue and Reed probably were doing it before they were married. Reed's not religious and Sue was known keep a wild party gal double life when she was in high school and on of my co-workers from that generation laughed really really hard when she recounted how her mother thought she was still a virgin when she and her husband finally got married.
And Reed isn't a saint as how his movie version portrayed him either. Even Sue appears to not know the whole story about her husband's wild younger carefree days… how he gallivanted from one adventure to another with Alyssa Moy, where it was hinted that they shared a more intimate relationship than just close friendship (to the point that he even proposed marriage to her!).
Ja!
Ina-chan