Pirates of the Caribbean
An Officer and a Gentleman
Chapter 3: Coming Out
Jack Sparrow, Sr., was in jail, which was exactly where he didn't want to be at. He wasn't going to be there for all to long, though. Therefore he had already developed a plan to think of a way out. Now he was executing that plan and thing about myriads of ways out.
"Dearie me, indeed," thought Jack silently in his head where nobody could hear him. "A gentleman would not be escaping from out of prison, so I most likely probably must be a pirate!" This made him despair an eensy bit, because he did not want to be a pirate because pirates are bad because they shoot people and steal their buried treasure because they're selfish and greedy and mean.
Then the captain decided to look around. He did. The cell was a perfect cube because all of the walls and ceilings were the same dimensions, except one of them was made out of bars. The floor was the same size too. It isn't anymore because this story takes place a long time ago and the prison has been demolished since then to make room for a Burger King. It's called Burger Rey because Rey is Spanish for king.
Jack did not feel like a king though. The walls were figuratively closing in on him like a box that can shrink. He pondered about what he had done to deserve this, why the Rey of Spain saw it necessary to put Jack in the box, when suddenly a thought occurred to his mind. "Perhaps I drank some of the rum out of those barrels and got drunk and forgot what happened to the gunpowder, quite so!" he didn't say out loud, because he thought it instead. "That is an especially piratey thing to do." His confidence in his gentlemanliness sank. He became kinda sad.
That was when Captain Sparrow escaped. But it wasn't that simple. This is how Captain Sparrow escaped:
Suddenly, a prison guard finished walking up next to the front of the prison cell where Jack Sparrow was. The prison guard tried to feed Jack his lunch (it was lunchtime) but he accidentally tripped over something and fell and his gun pocket hit the ground and fired his gun and the bullet hit the lock on the cell box and Jack opened the prison door and Jack ran away. The diligent prison guard tried to chase Captain Jack Sparrow, but he couldn't because he was still stuck to the prison floor.
He repeated this masterful technique on the next six sets of prison guards but not the seventh. Instead of two more prison guards for a seventh set, Jack saw that he reached the prison stairs. Also the reason his trick kept working was that all the prison guards went to the same prison employee training sessions. Jack climbed almost all of the stairs out of the castle basement prison, then he climbed the rest of them. But he wasn't free yet! Above the basement was the rest of the castle.
Fortunately, he escaped from there too.
After he got out, Jackie-boy stormed as quickly as a horse (they didn't have cars) to his boat to go get some of the money. He needed to buy lunch, because the prison guard dropped his jail-lunch. Then he traversed to the nearest inn because hotels weren't invented yet. Back then, inns didn't have cable either, so he had to do without. That was when he saw the sign: "Happy hour, 6-8pm" just like Starbucks. He was tempted to go to the inn bar and have some beer or alcohol. He couldn't go to his AA sponsor for help, because Jack was in Spain and his sponsor was in England and there were no phones or Skype.
Captain Jack eventually decided right away that he would go to the inn bar bu only indulge in water. The water there was kind of gross, but it was non-alcoholic so he was allowed to drink it. AA meant that he couldn't have booze.
But at the bar, he ran into a familiar face, belonging to a familiar body...