Walking with Shepard through the presidium was surreal. Just like old times. A year ago, Kaidan would have given anything to be with her one last time. Now that his longing was fulfilled, Kaidan relished the few minutes he had with her. Greedily, Kaidan studied her gait, her stride, the way she moved. He listened to her footfalls and the soft rustle of her armor. For a few precious minutes, Kaidan didn't worry about the future, all that mattered was the present. Their walk ended as they stood in front of the elevator that lead to the Citadel Tower and the Council Chambers above.
Riding the elevator, Kaidan studied Shepard. The soft curl of her midnight black hair reminded him of the night skies back home. He could still feel the softness of her skin on his. Smiling, Kaidan memorized her profile. He wanted to make the time with her last. In the months to come, this moment would bring him comfort when he was alone or unsure. Shepard was his strength and he would hold her memory close until he could hold her again. Hope against hope. Stupid.
The elevator reached the Council Chamber floor with a soft jolt. The movement broke Kaidan's reverie. Kaidan met Shepard gaze before she stepped out of the elevator. Breathing deeply, Kaidan followed her to the Council Chambers. The atrium was crowded with people milling before the Council meeting. Light conversation floated in the air as Shepard and Kaidan wove their way through the crowd to climb the stairs to the speaker's podium. Ascending the last step, Kaidan glanced back to see Garrus and Thane following closely.
Stopping at the top step, Kaidan watched as Garrus and Thane begin speaking with Shepard. Seeing Kaidan, Garrus nodded but Kaidan's eyes were focused on the drell. He studied Thane Krios as he stood next to Shepard. Kaidan could hear Thane's deep resonating voice as he spoke quietly to Shepard. He wondered how Shepard could stand the reverberation, the sound made Kaidan want to clear his throat.
As Shepard and Thane spoke, Kaidan noted Thane's clothing. His apparent lack of armor and the way he held himself created the impression of defenselessness. Kaidan knew from his contacts that the drell was anything but defenseless. Thane appeared calm, controlled and Kaidan hated the drell. He hated feeling jealous but the thought of Shepard with Thane made him angry. Thoughts of hurting Thane began to form in Kaidan's mind. Just a quick biotic slam and he would... The image of Thane flying through the air and hitting the wall across the atrium made Kaidan smile.
Taking a deep breath, Kaidan tried to calm himself. Causing a fight wouldn't help Shepard. Chances were good, Shepard would hit him with her biotics. Looking away, he reminded himself of his promise to her. Instead of trying to think of ways of hurting Thane, Kaidan studied him to see what Shepard loved about him. The drell appeared focused, his back was straight, his wide black eyes seemed to take in every movement. The way he stood told Kaidan he was prepared for anything. The sniper rifle at this back appeared to be well worn. Kaidan had to ruefully admit to himself that he may not be able to stand up to Thane in a fight.
Switching his attention to Shepard, Kaidan could see that she loved Thane. Watching Shepard, Kaidan could see her expression was soft and tender. Her focus was on him. She looked vulnerable but Kaidan also knew that Sheaprd could be deceiving. She could turn from kind and caring to dangerous in a heartbeat. She was never cruel. Kaidan had yelled at her, threatened her with his biotics yet, she held firm. I can't believe I almost called her a... He couldn't bring himself to thing of the word. Looking at Thane, Kaidan could see he cared for her, his expression was adoring. His love laid bare and Kaidan hated him for it. Clenching his teeth, Kaidan again thought of throwing Thane across the council chamber. It was the sound of Garrus' voice that broke into Kaidan's thoughts.
"The rest of the team is waiting. Admiral Anderson is with them." Garrus motioned toward the Council prompting Shepard to join her team. Kaidan stood back as Garrus and Thane flanked Shepard, following her. Kaidan walked behind them. Feeling disconnected from her, he walked and stood next to Admiral Anderson. Anderson nodded in greeting.
Glancing toward Shepard, Kaidan watched Thane and Garrus as they stood next to her. He could see Shepard and Thane standing shoulder to shoulder, their bodies touching. The thought of Shepard with Thane, holding him, kissing him, loving him was more than what he could stand. The green snake of jealousy hissed in his ear as his skin began to tingle and his hands began to shimmer with a soft blue aura.
"Alenko." Admiral Anderson's harsh whisper interrupted his thoughts. Breathing deeply, Kaidan concentrated on controlling his feelings. Slowly the tingle of his skin began to fade. Looking at Anderson, Kaidan saw a look of sympathy cross the admiral's usually stoic face. Lowering his head, Kaidan fought for control.
Kaidan listened to the Councils review of the information Shepard presented and grimaced at the questions they asked her and her crew. Feeling restless, Kaidan again glanced at Shepard. She spoke confidently, her head was held high, her voice calm and even. She gave information about the Collector base without wavering. As Shepard relayed the information on her mission, audible gasps could be heard. Despite the growing tension, her team stood solid. If I had gone with her, I would be standing at her side. Guilt tore at his soul leaving emptiness in its wake. Kaidan hung his head as he tried to listen. She went through hell. Looking at Admiral Anderson, he watched as he bent to whisper to him.
"Commander. The Alliance will be petitioning for another Spectre. Councilor Udina will be addressing the assembly shortly. He will be nominating you. Shepard will be giving you her recommendation. You need to be ready." Kaidan met Anderson's gaze and nodded. The news shocked him. No one mentioned it to him prior to this moment. She must have known. Suddenly Shepard words rang through his ears. The Council, the Alliance, they need you. Kaidan searched for Shepard and found her watching him. As their eyes met, she nodded. Kaidan then understood how different their paths were. The ties that bound him to Shepard were breaking one by one.
Kaidan listened as Council Udina made the formal request. The three other council members informed the assembly that Kaidan's nomination would be under review. He would be undergoing a formal review by a Spectre to judge is qualifications. If the Spectre approved, Kaidan would be approved and offered a place among the Spectres. The Council called Shepard and requested her recommendation. Shepard stepped forward. Kaidan watched and wondered what she would say.
"Council members, I am honored to give my recommendation for Alliance Staff Commander Kaidan Alenko to join the Spectres. Commander Alenko is a well trained Sentinal with an honorable service record. His advancement would benefit not only humanity, but the galaxy as a whole. I had the opportunity to serve with Staff Commander Alenko. He fulfilled his duties admirably and without hesitation. I fully endorse his candidacy for the Spectres." Shepard gave a small bow before returning to her team. The Council thanked her for her recommendation. Kaidan knew that the recommendation of the first human Spectre was highly regarded and would carry weight with the Council. He felt humbled, he walked away from her yet here she was, pushing him to become something more. Hanging his head, he breathed deeply knowing he lost her but he wouldn't give up hope. Kaidan knew he would have a briefing with Councilor Udina and Admiral Anderson as soon as the Council meeting was over. Hopefully, she would be the one doing the review.
The Council formally thanked Shepard and announced that she, the Normandy and her crew were now under the jurisdiction of the Council. Her next assignment was classified. The Council then adjourned.
Kaidan turned to Admiral Anderson. "Sir." Anderson nodded.
"Wait here, the Councilor will be here in a few minutes. We'll brief you on your review and give you information for your upcoming mission." Anderson turned to leave. "Sir. Will I be reviewed by Commander Shepard?" Stopping, Anderson turned back to Kaidan.
"No, CAPTAIN Shepard has been given her assignment. She and her crew will remain on the Citadel for a short time before leaving. Wait here." He turned and left. Captain? Kaidan was shocked. In a span of an hour, everything changed. Turning quickly he searched for Shepard.
He saw her speaking with the Turian Councilor as her team waited. Kaidan had to speak with her. Walking quickly he caught up with her just as the Councilor was leaving.
"Shepard." He grabbed her shoulder. Turning she met his gaze with a smile.
"Congratulations Kaidan." He searched her face trying to find answers to his questions.
"You knew and you didn't tell me." Shepard looked down and sighed.
"I'd been in contact with Councilor Udina and Admiral Anderson since returning to Citadel space. It wasn't my place to tell you. It was his decision for you to be told before your nomination was announced." Kaidan reached for her hand but stopped himself.
"Captain, huh?" Shepard smiled and shrugged.
"I've been reinstated with the Alliance. They promoted me. The Normandy is now a Council ship and my crew are now under the Council." Kaidan knew his time with her was short.
"You were given your mission?" Shepard nodded. "It's classified but when you join the Spectre's you'll find out." Kaidan searched her face.
"Your going down a path I can't follow. That's what you said." Shepard's expression softened.
"I can't hold you back. I was able to give you this chance. I did it for you." Hanging his head, Kaidan felt his heart breaking.
"Shepard..." Grabbing his hands, Shepard squeezed them.
"If you ever need me, I'll be there. Take care of yourself. Be careful." Shepard released his hands then turned and left. Kaidan watched as she descended the stairs, Garrus and Thane falling into line behind her.
Kaidan stood and waited, watching her until he lost her to the crowds. She's gone.