Understanding Humans
Part III - Candles

"Are you preparing for an emergency?"

"Hu? What?"

"You bought candles; But you don't need to worry, my auxiliary lighting is lot more useful than candles."

"Oh, no... no ... well, I thought about asking Mikaela out on a date... And..."

"Oooooh, I understand ... vincilagnia?"

"What?"

"- involves people being tied up or otherwise restrained -"

"NO! No no no!! Hey! Listen, listen, listen, okay? I'm not into that stuff, alright? ... Boy... you really shouldn't spend that much time in the net... I was just thinking about – maybe – she'd like... a romantic candle light dinner ..."

"Sorry, my bad... So a dinner it is? But what do you need the candles for? Humans can not process alkanes, esters, polyesters or hydroxy esters - you would seriously harm your cycle by adding those components to your body!"

"Uhm, Bee, actually, no - romantic candle light dinner actually means use the candles as a illumination. Not as food."

"I see – but lux provided by candles is very low, wouldn't electric lights be way more efficient? If you want to, I could also switch on my upper beam for the two of you..."

"Well... Bumblebee, thats – nice, really nice of you... but I'd rather stick to candles, okay? It's ... more romantic, you see?"

"Romantic? What is this? I don't understand; You will barely be able to see each other in this poor illumination, and the bad lights may cause permanent damage to your optics."

"Uhm... how do I explain... Humans think candle light is – prettier than normal light, you see?"

"No. This is illogical. Why do humans prefer poor illumination? You do not possess night sight."

"Well, sometimes seeing less is like... seeing more? Like, if you don't look at the outside, you see more of the actual person?"

"I'm confused – do humans have a special sensor which only works in the dark?"

"Nooooo... oh... common... Okay, it's better for... -cough- getting in the mood."

"The mood?"

"Uh... you know ... the mood..."

"Ah – fertilization."

"... Bee..."

"Hu? What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I'm just fine... really... just fine... oh my..."

"Sam, are you feeling well? Your life readings are worrisome – your blood pressure is way to high, and your face is getting red -"

"I'm fine Bee, okay? This is just – let's drop this, okay? Just, forget about it..."

"Okay..."

-Bright as the stars we're under Oh, is it any wonder-

"... You're doing this on purpose, ain't you? Haha, very funny... Switch the stations..."

"Sorry Sam."

"Forget it... oh man... why always me..."