Chapter 3: Down to a Heartbeat

(My gratitude to MissLilly2012 (Oh yes! And pride is going to well up all over the place in this chapter!), Moegi (Ah yes, I love teasing the heartstrings, and keeping the colder weather from chilling by heating things up as winter draws nears!), KarenaAngel11986 (This will play out between sweet and angsty, right where I seem to live!), Purple Light Snow (I think there's healing going on in both of them, and that will affect how things change between them.), and Alabirdie (Oh, Renji has a surprise for that naughty little kiss-stealer!). Enjoy the new chapter! Love, Spunky)

"Captain?"

The fact of hearing Renji speak after he had been silent so long should have been a good thing, but there was a weakness, an odd shaking in the younger man's voice that jolted Byakuya's insides. He kept his eyes in motion, holding his injured vice captain against his chest, and scanning the area for any sign of remaining sternritters.

"What is it, Renji?" he whispered, not daring to look down at him, but gently squeezing his hand.

A chill went through him as the hand did not tighten in return, but remained limp in his.

"Can you tell me something?"

"Hmmm?"

"Usually, in a case like this, you would use a reiatsu concealing cage to hide us until reinforcements arrived."

"Yes."

"But you didn't do that this time."

"No, I did not."

"Why?"

"Two reasons," the noble explained, still watching carefully for enemies, "First, the quincies flooded this area with dense reiatsu. And while our training in the royal realm allowed us to fight in areas dense with reiatsu, if I used a negative reiatsu barrier, it would be like a beacon to lead them to us. They could sense that subtraction of reiatsu."

"I...guess that makes sense," the redhead said drowsily, "So, what's the other reason?"

Byakuya was silent for a time, his eyes pausing in their movements for a moment and closing briefly at the assault on his pride that came with answering honestly.

"My reiatsu is too low right now. It needs to be restored."

But unlike the quincies, he reasoned, his reiatsu would restore itself slowly, unless a healer intervened.

"Here, let me..."

Byakuya stared in surprise and dismay as Renji tried to move his hand and couldn't. The redhead's eyes widened in distress and his voice shook harder.

"F-fuck! Captain...C-captain, I can't...I can't move! Kami, I can't move...anything!" he exclaimed.

"Shh," Byakuya soothed him, covering his mouth and looking around more intently, "Renji, you must remain still. Be calm."

"Be calm, hell!" the redhead objected, tears leaking onto his face, "I can't fucking feel anything! Not a damned thing!"

Byakuya's jaw clenched tightly and he realized with frightening clarity that first, Renji was devastatingly injured, and second, that a panic could send his body into shock strong enough to finish the job of killing him.

"Shh," he hissed again, bringing his lips close to Renji's ear, "Do you have a death wish, you fool! We are still in enemy territory. Be quiet, Renji. Just...just..."

He swallowed hard and closed his burning eyes for a moment, remembering suddenly how his father had soothed him to sleep as a small child. Opening his eyes again, he calmed them and gazed down at the redhead, then shifted and brought Renji's head to rest on his breast, over his heart.

"Do you hear that?" he breathed into Renji's ear as comfortingly as he could under the extreme circumstances, "Do you hear it, Renji?"

Renji went quiet, tears still leaking down his filthy face, but the faintest of smiles touching his lips.

"You mean...your heartbeat?" he asked softly.

"Yes."

"Yeah, I hear it," Renji confirmed, "And from the way it's trying to beat a hole through your chest, I'd say that you were scared shitless, sir."

"Shut up, Abarai," the noble said dryly, "Close your eyes. Listen to that sound. And remember this...as long as that sound continues, everything will be all right. I will be here with you. I will protect you. Do you understand?"

"Yeah, Captain," the redhead yawned sleepily, closing his eyes, "Sorry I freaked out."

"It's fine," Byakuya answered softly, resting his face against the top of Renji's head and staring intently into the darkness in front of them, "Just be still now."

For a time, nothing happened. He watched the fading fires from the battle crackle and burn down into nothing, leaving them under a sullen, black, night sky, devoid of stars. Byakuya kept his hands positioned so that he could feel Renji's fluttering heartbeat under one set of fingertips, and so that the redhead's slow breaths tickled his arm. He listened for any sound of someone approaching and stiffened when a harsh, grating sound rose up in front of them.

"Impossible..." Byakuya murmured, holding Renji more tightly against him and staring in dismay as the foul enemy he had killed only a short time before, threw aside the debris that had toppled down to cover him, then he closed in on the two, cackling insanely as blood ran down his ruined face, torso and arms.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, Byakuya realized that he must be dreaming, because although the events up to that point were all as they had happened, As Nodt was dead. The quincy hadn't, in fact, stood again after being defeated.

"You are dead!" he exclaimed, tightening his hold on Renji and turning aside to better shield him, "You cannot hurt us!"

As Nodt's shrill, maniacal laughter filled his ears as Byakuya reached back and drew Senbonzakura, still holding Renji against him as he spoke the words of release.

"Bankai, Scatter Senbonzakura Kageyoshi!"

The petals rose up in front of them and wrapped around the two protectively as As Nodt unleashed his thorns. And although they shouldn't have passed through, he felt them pierce his body, as they had in the first battle.

"This is not happening!" he cried, shaking all over as intense fear raked his body from end to end, "Wake up! Wake up!"

"Byakuya!"

Renji's worried cry brought Byakuya instantly awake, and he found himself kneeling on the bed with his clenched hands tearing at the bedding and sweat beading on his face. Realizing quickly that he had simply suffered from a flashback and accompanying nightmare, he lowered his head and slowed his breathing, not daring to look at the younger man while in such a vulnerable state.

But I know Renji understands what is happening. If anyone can understand, it is Renji. He was there. He was next to me that whole time while we waited in the wreckage of the battles for someone to come and evacuate us.

"Hey."

Byakuya blinked in surprise as a warm, calloused hand brushed against his face, curving lightly around his pale cheek and caressing lightly.

"You all right?"

"I am fine," Byakuya said shortly, starting to pull away, then making a sound of surprise as Renji's hand took hold of his yukata and pulled him down so that he fell onto the redhead's even warmer chest.

His pleasant, masculine scent drifted over Byakuya's senses, stilling any attempt to move and making Renji yield a pained chuckle. The noble froze anew as Renji's hand guided his head, bringing it to rest over the redhead's steadily beating heart.

"You hear that?" he asked, smirking.

"You mean, your heartbeat?" Byakuya whispered, closing his eyes and breathing in the redhead's soothing scent.

"Yeah."

"Yes, I hear it."

He wasn't quite sure what to make of the soft jolt that went through him as Renji's hand rubbed against his cheek and his fingers teased the fine strands of the noble's riled hair.

"Listen to that," Renji mumbled more sleepily, "And remember that, as long as you hear that sound, everything will be all right. I'm still with you."

"Are you delirious, Renji?" Byakuya asked wearily, letting out a long, shuddering breath and relaxing against his injured comrade's chest.

"Sorta, yeah..." Renji mumbled, "But I kinda feel like not having all of my marbles right now might be a good thing. I don't think I really want to know what's happening to my damned body right now, you know?"

"What's happening to your body is just that it is healing," Byakuya said, his hand finding the redhead's again, "While it does, you simply need to focus your mind on other things so that you remain calm and do not become too distressed. Panic is not going to help you, but being calm and working with your healing body will."

"Ah...you're right," Renji sighed, letting his eyes slide shut, "But I guess you'd know a thing or two about that. You've been pretty banged up a couple of times recently."

"Yes," the noble agreed, bristling slightly at the reminder of his moments of weakness, "And while I was, I did find it helpful to focus on a few very basic things."

"Like what?" Renji asked, his fingers moving slowly through the noble's silken lengths of hair.

"Well, first, I remembered that I hadn't always been strong. I started out, weak and unskilled, and I worked my way along, improving little by little until my skills and my strength were enough to protect what mattered to me. So, it made sense that if I could rise out of weakness and become strong, once before, it was just a matter of doing that again."

"That does make sense," Renji commented, his body relaxing slightly, "I mean, if you were able to get strong before...but my body's so fucked up right now that I don't even know if it can get better."

"Just as, when I was barely conscious and recovering from my injuries, I did not know if I could get better. But let me ask you something, Renji. When I took Rukia as my sister, and you lost contact with her, did you stop to ask yourself if you could become strong enough to be my equal?"

"Heh, uh, no," the redhead confessed, "I mostly just dreamed of taking you apart, then taking Rukia back."

"Yes," Byakuya agreed, seeming strangely unruffled at his subordinate's confession, "And when I stood between you and your goal of protecting Rukia from execution, did you stop to think about whether or not it was possible to defeat me?"

"Um...no. And I got my ass handed to me, remember, Captain?"

"I have not forgotten. But...even in losing to me, you achieved the goal of seeing to Rukia's protection."

Renji frowned and gave him a confused look.

"Huh?"

"In giving everything to me in our battle, you drove home the point that you were completely devoted to my sister's protection, and that you would even die to protect her. That force of will that had seen you through and helped you to become stronger and to achieve bankai was passed on to me."

"How do you mean?"

"It reminded me of how much I was denying that part of myself, that wanted desperately to protect Rukia also. And later, when you were lying on the ground in a pool of blood, and Rukia's life was threatened, it wasn't just my will to defend her that made me move so fast. It was that, between my battles with Ichigo and with you, the chains of duty and tradition that were fueling my behavior, broke and fell away. It was your will and Ichigo's, as much as my own, that I should use everything in me to protect her."

He sighed softly, looking out the open doors, into the dark, but sweetly fragrant gardens.

"And when I woke afterwards and found that I had survived, I was grateful for the opportunity to continue protecting her with all of my strength, even though doing that meant an uphill battle to regain what I had lost when I was struck down."

"So you are telling me..."

"I am telling you three very simple things," Byakuya informed him quietly, "First, you made yourself stronger before, so you can do so again. Secondly, you have the power of, not only your will, but that of all of your friends to help you recover. And finally, you shouldn't worry about the future right now. Only focus on the unspoken promise that, as you are still living and breathing, you will find a way to protect what matters to you, even if you must do so, crawling on your hands and knees. That is the strength of your dedication, is it not?"

Renji paused, forcing down the sudden ache of despair that passed through him.

"Yeah," he managed, "that's right."

Byakuya caught a soft, surprised breath as Renji's arms tightened around him, and he felt the beginnings of the man's strength returning.

"And I have even more to protect now than I ever did," Renji went on, holding him tightly, "So, I'm just going to have to get better."

Byakuya let out his breath and closed his eyes again, content to remain there, listening to the redhead's heartbeat and anchored warmly in those determined arms.

This is what made me truly come to respect Renji...this unbreakable will that seems able to make him defy the odds at every turn. This is what raised him above the other street children of Inuzuri, what brought him to the Seireitei and earned him a place in the shinigami academy. It made him determined to grow stronger, even through all of his failures, and it made him refuse to give in to my own will, even if that meant dying. Yes, this is the powerful, indomitable will that can overcome even such devastating hurts as those done to him in the battle with that quincy.

"Thank you, Captain."

Byakuya opened his eyes and met Renji's gaze for a moment.

"If you want to thank me, then do so by pouring your gratitude into your recovery."

"I will," Renji yawned, his hold on the noble remaining firm, even as he drifted towards sleep, "G'night Captain."

"Goodnight, Renji."

Byakuya remained rested on the redhead's muscular chest, listening to the steady, strong beat of his heart, breathing in his attractive scent and slowly, but surely, being mesmerized by the bold pattern of black tattoos that peeked out from the opening in the front of his yukata. And before he quite knew what he was doing, his fingertips had begun to lightly trace them, first, the bolder, thicker ones that decorated the redhead's shoulders and pectorals, then the finer, almost feathery, fang shaped markings that ran down onto his ribs and soft abdomen. He had to nudge Renji's yukata open wider and tilt his head slightly to see them more clearly. The scent of his body was warmer, down beneath the folds of cloth, and it teased his senses mercilessly, igniting his curiosity and making him want to see and touch every inch of Renji's lovely tribal markings.

He felt Renji's heart quicken and felt the redhead's fingers move, where they were still entangled in his hair. Byakuya froze, made breathless at his carelessness in becoming so involved and overstepping the very obvious boundaries of both propriety and friendship.

"Why did you stop?" Renji asked sleepily.

Byakuya pulled away, swallowing hard and sliding out of the bed. He kept his eyes turned away so that he wouldn't feel the almost inevitable moment of rejection.

"That felt good," Renji went on, the words stunning the noble so that he couldn't move.

"Go back to sleep," Byakuya said sternly, "It is still the middle of the night."

He forced his leaden legs into motion, beginning his retreat from the room, but was soundly shocked again as Renji's hand grasped at his, stopping him in his tracks. He glared down at the offending hand, trying to make his words icy to make the redhead let go. But what words came to him flew away as Renji brought the noble's slender, pale hand up higher to study it in the darkness.

"You touch me with these hands all of the time, Captain."

"F-for training," Byakuya said, blinking in confusion, "or in the work we share. But...I should have asked permission to touch you in this way, Renji. I apologize."

"Don't," Renji answered, bringing Byakuya's captured hand to his lips and kissing it very gently, "I'm glad you did that. Now, I know."

It reached the noble suddenly that Renji's voice sounded choked, and tears had returned to his eyes.

"Renji..."

"I wasn't sure, you know? After you got hurt saving Rukia and I stayed with you during your recovery, I thought that something was changing between us. I figured that it was that we were beginning to respect each other in a way we hadn't before. But the truth is that, that was only part of it."

"What do you mean?" Byakuya asked, closing his eyes.

"We started to respect each other, and you began to train me in the use of my bankai, and whenever you would touch me, I would feel something different, something that hadn't been there before. But it was there, all of a sudden, and every day, it seemed to show itself in different ways."

"Abarai, what are you talking about? You are not making sense," Byakuya said, trying to make his feet move, but remaining rooted to the spot.

"I was afraid when I woke up in the fourth...not because I'd been hurt, but because I was thinking that if I was hurt too badly, if my strength was gone, that what I sensed before, between us, would disappear too. That was even more scary than the idea of never walking again."

"Renji, what are you going on about?" Byakuya complained, sensing that something was about to happen and feeling uncharacteristically frightened at what it could be, "You are not..."

"Look at me, Captain."

Byakuya froze, staring intently at the hand that held his.

"Please, look at me," Renji pleaded softly, "I have to see it to be sure. Because, if it's gone, then I want to know that...and if it's not, then..."

He started to pull away, but was halted at Renji's next words.

"Please...Byakuya."

He wasn't sure if it was the abandonment of protocol...the more intimate use of his name, or just that he had grown tired of holding that particular part of himself away from anyone. His eyes lifted cautiously and met Renji's, watching the redhead carefully as a shiver went through him and Byakuya could almost hear his heart pounding against that handsome, tattooed breast.

"I thought that it was because I was strong, and that made you proud," Renji said, staring at him as though hypnotized and not seeming to notice more tears were leaking onto his face, "But if that was all it was, then you wouldn't be able to look at me with those eyes anymore."

"Baka!" the noble scolded him instantly, scowling, "Did you pay no attention to what I told you about where strength comes from?"

"I didn't forget," Renji said, still smiling tremulously, "You said that it comes from the heart, and that when we get scared in battle, and it beats harder, that just means it's working to keep us strong against our enemies. I guess I thought that maybe you were just saying that. But if that was true, then you wouldn't want to look at me all over..."

"Renji!" Byakuya said, blushing.

"You wouldn't want to touch my tattoos like you were before."

"Renji, stop."

"And you wouldn't have kissed me like you did."

Byakuya's eyes widened and he went as still as a deer and perfectly silent. He stiffened in protest as Renji let out a nervous laugh.

"Wh-what is so funny?" he asked, still staring.

"It's just really ironic," the redhead said, pulling Byakuya down and laughing again as he tried to disentangle himself, but couldn't quite tear himself away.

"I don't know what you're talking about!" the noble huffed angrily, trying again to pull away, "Go back to..."

"It's damned ironic that you're making me be the one to make the first move when I can't fucking move, hardly at all!"

"M-make the first move?" Byakuya repeated, struggling to grasp the words as he was yanked closer to the redhead, and those wonderfully warm, rough lips took his.

He lost the ability to argue, to reason, even to move, himself, as Renji's lips nipped at his and slowly began to devour them. He remained, half-stunned and liplocked with his suddenly amorous vice captain until Renji coaxed his head back down onto his breast, and Byakuya's flushed lips smiled at how fast the redhead's heart was racing.

"See?" Renji said breathlessly, "That's a whole hell of a lot of strength you just poured back into me! That's how I know I'm going to get well."