== Forbidden Fantasies ==

by Ayngel

Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers or any of the characters or concepts within. I make no money from this or any other story about Transformers

Many thanks to all who have reviewed this story. It's much appreciated. And thank you especially Illusion 224 for all your enlightening conversations!

Apologies to TC/Skywarp together forever devotees. I love the concept of bonds – but I've always had reservations about Transformer bonds lasting eternally or monogamy being the order of the day. I always envisaged possible affairs and bonds going wrong sometimes or just coming to an end or the parties turning out not to be truly right for each other - just as it is with our own relationships. In fact, even more so – given the length of lifespan and complications in the lives of Transformers.

Besides - it makes for good drama!

That's what's happening here – and some pretty sappy stuff as Skywarp - who has a vivid imagination - thinks about other possibilities besides TC ...

But first: bit of Starscream POV!

Warning: Adult themes; Slash; romantic rather than smutty but slash nevertheless

Chapter 3: Longings

Author Designation: Starscream

Wing Commander, Elite Air Command, Decepticon Earth Contingent.

(Flashback to before the Transformers left for Earth)

...

So Megatron was going to follow Prime to Earth! What a glorious opportunity it was ….

I could, I thought, stay here and make sure things were 'all right' while he was away. And then, when he failed to reappear - which with any luck would be a - permanent - state of affairs - I could do what he had failed so abysmally to do and take Cybertron properly. No more bands of roving rebels, no more swat attacks and raids. With the Autobots out of the way it would be a piece of oilcake.

And I had something else - I could release the Combaticons. Oh yes - unbeknown to him I had the codes for that 'Detention Centre.' Then we could carry out an assessment of who else was in that dismal institution and get them out. Shockwave would be easily overpowered and - ohhh yes - I could see a most welcome turn of events coming my way.

But it was not to be.

Megatron summoned me. "You, of course, will be coming with me, " he said. "As my second in command, actually!" He gave me a wry smile. "I want you to round up your trine, and be ready for launch in five thousand astroseconds. I sincerely hope you do not have a problem with that, Starscream!"

...

"Megatron - it's not that easy!" I was saying.

I had not seen Thundercracker or Skywarp for at least half a vorn. And I had no confidence, even if I did, that they would join me. Not after - well - what had happened last time we were together.

Megatron was not amused. "Oh? And what is the problem, Starscream?" he enquired.

Well I could hardly tell him the truth, could I? That Skywarp and I had once more given into our urges and had a thoroughly interesting time during the sacking of Praxus! But that Skywarp had wanted more – despite me making it clear in the first place that there would not be more, and had taken off in a huff and Thundercracker, when he found out about it had vowed never to fly in a trine again?

"They had – a busy agenda," I said. " And some 'issues' to sort."

Our leader smiled. "What sort of issues, Starscream?"

"Errr - parts shortages type issues. Oh and they're - uh - bond. You know how you've always said, Megatron, that sparkbonds are far too much an Autobot type thing for Cons to participate in? And how they're not all they're cracked up to be anyway - you know, how they're supposed to bind their components for life but that doesn't mean jack pit - well, you were right, of course, Megatron!"

His optics flared. Yes – as usual I'd probably overdone it. He knew I rarely meant anything approaching a compliment. " I see," he said. "In other words – your philanderings with Skywarp 'fragged up' their sparkbond."

"No! " I said. "I'm sure that's not it!" Well – it was hardly as though I was the only one on Skywarp's 'list' of infidelities. And I was not the most controversial, by far. "They're going through a 'rough patch!" I said.

I saw the fury gather within him. "Well you will find them and have them here out of their rough patch, and functional!" he roared. "And I have never heard such a pathetic excuse in my life! I know the real reason. You want to stay here, and take over Cybertron!"

"Megatron – how could you say that?" I protested. "I just thought Shockwave could do with a hand! He's going to be very short staffed here, and besides …." I raised an optic ridge. "To be honest, Megatron, I'm not a hundred per cent certain we can trust him!"

The next thing I knew, a black hand was around my throat and squeezing tightly. "Get them here! " he roared. "Otherwise - You know what I have said!"

Oh yes, I knew. I will arrange for your incarceration with the Combaticons. And he may well do that. Even if it did mean fraternizing with Bombshell, who had invented the mind-body separation process in the first place, but whom I knew Megatron really did not want to be involved with just now.

"On second thoughts," a grin spread over his faceplates, letting me go so that I had to stagger to keep my footing. " I know what I'll do. I'll get Thrust and Dirge in to take their places."

Now that was more horrendous even than being incarcerated with the Combaticons. "Ill see what I can do!" I said.

...

Oh well, I thought, as I awaited their arrival, at least I knew more about this 'planet' we were going to than I dared divulge to Megatron. In fact, he had no idea that I'd 'been there' before, or of the extent of the resources the place offered. The only problem was, it was a heck of a long way away and, when I was there last, rather 'difficult' being beset by Earthquakes, volcanoes, huge, unsavory forests and creatures which could swallow you whole.

Not to mention the unpredictable weather which had been my partner's downfall ….

Yes, Skyfire. Poor Skyfire. I wondered if he was still there ….

My trine mates arrived, then. Skywarp, who I'd tracked down with a load of femmes in the ruins of Praxus, and Thundercracker, who had been at the ruined temple city of Simfur, attempting to 'meditate his way out of the bond. None of it augured well for our 'reunion.'. Dealing with it, however, did mean I was able to put the Skyfire episode - and whether I even wanted him to be still there – out of my mind.

…

Skywarp looked as though he'd rather be anywhere but here. He hovered, impatiently, and kept glancing at the door. Thundercracker, meanwhile, sat with his arms solidly folded, not looking at Skywarp. Hwy, I wondered, did the command of my troops always have to resemble something out of a soap opera?

Well, I had to make an effort. I decided to break the silence. "Well – here we all are!" I said.

Thundercracker grunted. "Starscream –" Skywarp said, "I told ya – I kinda - got things on" in a way which made me think that any passions for me had, at this time, been entirely forgotten. And Thundercracker grunted again then, knowing as well as I did that this meant the femmes in Praxus."

"Oh come on, guys!" I said. "It's gonna be fun! We're gonna chase the Ark! We'll probably have at least one mid space skirmish and then, this Earth – it's full of resources. If we can get rid of the Autobots on the way then just think how much we can take for ourselves. We'll be back here and Cybertron revitalized within half a vorn. Victory will be assured!"

Skywarp looked more enthusiastic, but Thundercracker didn't. "How?" he muttered, "do we get all that stuff back here?"

"Well – uh …" I had to think fast. "A space bridge, of course! We'll build a space bridge."

His optics lingered on me and then away again. "You don't know how," he said. "That's Shockwave's specialty."

Skywarp looked a little more enthusiastic. "Oh come on, TC!" he said. "Shockwave can do it from here. And Screamer may not know how to build 'em but he sure can do repairs! Remember that time on Itopis?"

"I guess." Thundercracker mumbled. I was quite impressed with Skywarp. I had almost forgotten myself that time I had to extricate them from the Cybertronian moon and Shockwave was 'disabled'.

Perhaps, I thought, I could be a little more 'persuasive.' "You realize," I said, "that if you won't go, Megatron wants to take Thrust and Dirge? Now, much as I would far prefer it to be you two …" I noted with satisfaction that they had both looked up sharply, "Should it come to that, I'm sure they will put up a more than satisfactory performance."

That appeared to decide the matter for Skywarp. "Oh well, stuff that!" he said. "I'm in!"

Thundercracker, however, looked up enraged. "Oh yeah!" he said, getting up. He glared at Skywarp. "As if that's gonna make me change my mind!"

Skywarp looked confused, and I must say I did not fully understand where he was coming from. He glared at his bond mate. "The moment he mentions fragging, you're in on it, aren't you?" he bawled. "Well you can count me out! Go and add another conehead to the list! And I hope you all have a darned good time without me!"

…..

Skywarp was still smirking. "He didn't mean – that! TC"I he said. "No," I agreed. "Good performance can refer to activities besides fragging, Thundercracker!"

"Yeah, c'mon TC! You're paranoid!" And now, it appeared, Skywarp had actually warmed to the idea of this trip. That was how quickly my black and purple lookalike's moods could shift. "Hey, TC!" he was saying. "The thing with Ramjet. It's over! Was never anything more than a legover anyway. I told ya that at the time!"

I had no idea that Ramjet was also on Skywarp's 'list.' It was – amusing – to say the least. But not really the point.

"If you come," I said to Thundercracker, " there'll be no need for him to be there. He'll be left here on Cybertron – and may well starve if we don't get any energy back in time.

"There – told ya!" said Skywarp.

Thundercracker glowered. 'There's bound to be others," he growled, his optics flickering in my direction.

"There won't, honest!" his bondmate responded. "There'll be too much fighting and stuff for there to be time for all that and anyway, things are gonna be different. Ain't they, Starscream?"

Thundercracker still looked angry. He grunted. "I've heard all this before!' he said. But he was looking at Skywarp quite softly, and with more than a little affection in his red optics. And Skywarp was looking fondly back.

I seized the opportunity. "Guys!" I said, putting my arms around their shoulders and drawing them together. "C'mon now! You're bonded! Remember what that means? Oh I know the likes of Megatron are always saying it's too Autobottish and doesn't last, but hey – I've never seen anything but 'eternity' written all over you guys!"

"And besides," I felt a sense of relief as Skywarp suddenly moved forward, kissing Thundercracker who responded enthusiastically. "We're a trine!"

….

(Present time:)

So here we all were! And and I got us all flying together in enough of a functional way that Megatron didn't carp on too much. Whatever else, we still loved flying and were still an A1 team. And I thought, perhaps, that the whole situation would reinvigorate their relationship – so I kept my own desires for Skywarp very strictly at bay and kept our relationship strictly professional – even to the point of being quite hard on him.

Except that it made no difference - because suddenly there was Mirage D'Ligier and – yes, well, I'd forgotten about Skywarp's 'preoccupation' on that score.

Not that I blamed him. There weren't many Alpha Castes left on Cybertron after our wholesale destruction of the Alpha Districts, and they were beautiful, and superior, and it was natural for other castes to want to interface with them. And Mirage was - let's just say – without going into details at this stage – particularly appealing.

And it was not just that Skywarp had this 'thing' for him which gave me the jitters. He was still an assassin, and he still hated Seekers. I could not see, after what we did to the Towers, that it could ever be any other way.

For that reason I spoke to Soundwave about keeping a close watch on our Alpha friend – whilst I, in turn, resolved to keep a close watch upon Soundwave. There were, after all, these strage ties between Soundwave, Mirage and Ravage. And just for good measure, I strongly recommended the possibility that Soundwave might 'take out' Mirage should he find himself with the opportunity.

Whether he did so or not would, I surmised, be a very good test of his loyalty to me.

Should I have need - for whatever reason - to assume leadership of the Decepticons.

Author Designation: Skywarp

Seeker, Elite Air Command, Decepticon Earth Contingent

After I sent the transmission, I sat there in front of the console like a lovesick fool. On the screen was an image of Mirage's mech form and his Earth alt form, a profile print which I had retrieved from our records and brought up because I had felt I just had to look at him and memorize every detail. I sat there for ages, not able to tear myself away. I could not look at anything but the image and I could not think of anything except him.

What Screamer had just said was parsecs away, in another universe. He might as well not have said it at all.

It was like my mind circuits had been taken over by Mirage. All I could do was stare at his picture, and think how beautiful his face was, and how perfectly in proportion all of him was, and how smooth and flawless his skin was, all that specially crafted, smooth high quality metal. And how when you looked closely you could see he had far more complicated joints and seams than other mechs but all the little components looked like they fitted together perfectly. I thought then of how he moved and I groaned. That was perfect as well. In fact, he seemed to flow around. Like liquid mercury.

And his alt mode. That was sleek and beautiful too. And he could move really fast - faster than most of the others. And he was much flashier about the way he did it.

And His colours! That was just the most perfect shade of blue. I looked at my own violet hues and then back at the blue and then mine again and imagined what they would look like next to each other. Perfect, I decided. Yet another thing which was just perfect. My intakes let out a great sigh at the thought.

Then I was studying his mech form again. I enlarged the image. Oh, the intricacy of him – all those perfect parts ! The sight of them was making me feel weak! And when I imagined what it would be like to touch them ... well, that just sent my core temperature soaring and a whole load of other changes happening to my configurations that only ever happened when I needed to do one thing ...

But then, I looked at the image again and a great ache went suddenly right through my spark. Because I didn't want it to be just that with Mirage, I wanted it to be ... well - much more. And I thought of how with Screamer for all those vorns it had really only been just that and how sick and empty that had sometimes made me feel. And I thought how it had been - if I was honest about it - like that with every other mechanoid I'd ever been with except for TC, and I thought, guiltily, that they must have felt all empty too and how I could not bear for Mirage to feel sick and empty. Of course, it wasn't just that with TC. But that was different. Like - familiar. And I didn't want it to be like that either with Mirage.

No. With Mirage it was going to be special and beautiful; and mutual ...

It was going to be ...

I stared at his image and allowed my mind to wander, then, and I imagined a scene amid the battlefield; flashes and blasts and gunfire and yells and cries went on all around, and the smell of smoke and burnt circuitry was everywhere. But then, like magic, Mirage and me were suddenly away from that scene and in a space all of our own, and the noises of fighting and the smells faded away and then eventually it was like it was just us and there was a sweet scent in the air and we had the whole universe to ourselves.

He stood there gazing at me with those incredible blue optics, and there was a far away look in them, and he said: "Skywarp? Is it true ..." and I said: "yes, Mirage, it's true ...'" and I looked straight into those optics and then the look in them got more intense and he said: "you meant ... what you said...?" and I said: "I meant every word ..." and it was like we were in a dream. Then he started to walk towards me and he said: "I can't believe this. All these vorns I've felt the same way but never been able to say it and now this ... I don't know what to say ..." and as he came he looked at me imploringly and I held out my arms and said: "there's no need for words, Mirage ..."

Leaning back in the chair, I shuttered my optics and basked in the vision. It was amazingly real. Like it was actually happening.

Then he stopped and he just looked at me with great love and wonder, and he said: "Oh, Skywarp ..." and I said: "Mirage ..." and then he came up to me and we joined hands and he was gazing into my optics and I into his and he said: "all my life I've waited for this moment ..." and I said: "me too ..." and as I was thinking of this I could feel my spark pulsing in my chest with longing and his was doing the same.

And my spark really was pulsing, right there in real life ... in fact I let out a little moan because it hurt ...

Then he came fully to me and was melting into me and he moaned, softly; and I took him in my arms and held him tightly and he wrapped himself around me, and I could feel all of his body against mine and his spark was pulsing against my chest; then I brought my wings around and folded him right into me and we stood there just holding each other and our sparks pulsed together

Oh Primus, it was exquisite! I was right there, and it was as though time stood still. The console, the room, the base, all that had ceased to exist. There was just me, and him, and our sparks. And they would bind together in the universe forever ...

He pulled back a little and suddenly I was looking at his beautiful face; and I gazed into his optics and they were like magical blue pools and full of desire, and it was like all around us were beautiful colours and scents; then his lips opened slightly and he whispered: "kiss me ..." and I murmured "oh Mirage ..." and I leaned down and I ...

"WARP!"

My optics snapped open and I nearly jumped out of my exoskeleton, I had not had the slightest inkling that anyone had come in. Had not heard the doors go or anything - so lost was I in beauty and blue optics. Now I had to suddenly think hard to remember where I was and my pump was beating forcefully as I struggled back into the real world.

"Warp?" It was TC.

Now I looked in the direction of the voice and saw my bondmate coming towards me. Instinctively, I hit the exit button on the computer and the image of the new love of my life faded and dissolved. Then it had gone, and TC was there, and - well, I felt really annoyed because his timing was abominable. Had he had to come in right at that moment? I felt like getting up and landing him one. But I didn't. Instead, I snapped:

"There's such a thing as not sneaking up y'know ..."

I could feel the energon flowing fast through my conduits, and I could still feel my spark pulsing.

He stopped, looking puzzled and a bit hurt: "Well - Warp - I called out several times, but you were parsecs away ...," Then he was behind my chair and he was looking at the screen, which still had the file list on it in which the image of Mirage was located.

"What you up to?" he asked.

I wanted to say "Mind your own slagging business ..." and tell him to frag off and leave me alone so I could get back to the important thing I had just been doing, but his voice was all tired and, besides, I knew if I did that we would only get into an argument, and that would just be so much worse. So I just muttered "Nothing ... nothing really at all TC ..." and I leaned forward and switched off the machine, and then then we were both silent as it shut down. I continued to stare at the screen after it had, even though there was nothing to stare at, and my thoughts were going back to the racer and my spark was still aching, and now - I could not help it - the vision was coming back.

... I cupped his face in my hands and he sighed and closed his optics; and then I bent to him and I closed my optics and my lips brushed his just ever so gently and they felt as soft as fine platinum and they were the most beautiful lips I had ever kissed in my life ...

TC moved off across the room and started to engage in his usual pre recharge tasks - just as he always did - talking as he did so. He was saying something like: "it's been a long day Warp..." and his voice sounded all weary and fed up, and then he was over the other side and I could hear a clanking sound as he removed canons and bits of armour, and he was going on all this stuff :- The failure of the spare parts raid. Soundwave getting caught up in some wire. Screamer lording it around until Megatron got back on the scene. Screamer going off his face about the antimatter gun - as if I wanted to hear about that again - and it was Prime this, and Megatron that and Soundwave this - blah, blah, blah, – on and on ...

I shuttered my optics and let my mind wander again.

... and I kissed him fully then and I took him in my arms again and he moaned and kissed me back and he wrapped his arms around me and sighed and I held him and it was like everything in the universe was perfect ...

In the distance, TC's voice: " ... I dunno where Sunstreaker gets the energy. I swear that golden afthole gets more energy every time he gets ahold of me..."

and I kissed him again, deeper, stronger, and our intakes were sighing and he reached up and was stroking mine, and I could feel the heat from him .and my spark was in a steady rhythm now and I could feel his pulsing in time and one of my hands clasped one of his ... and we were starting to merge ...

It was so strong! My spark gave a great lurch and spasm and I know I let out a noise of pain and longing. For the second time I jolted back to reality. TC was still on about Sunstreaker. He obviously hadn't heard me. He was going on something about how it seemed like Sunstreaker just let him go today and how maybe we were all getting too old ... But I was drifting away again ...

I love you, Skywarp ... this is meant to be ... give yourself to me ...

There was silence then and I felt us just holding each other, too lost for words. But then I felt hands - real hands - on my intakes, and my spark gave a jolt, and I flinched physically and now the illusion really did shatter completely.

The hands moved. I felt myself stiffen. I didn't want them there. They felt like alien things on me. rough and cold and it felt like my spark yelled out for them to please be gone so it could get back to merging with Mirage again - at least in fantasy. Then the hands were stroking my intakes, trying to be gentle, and it wasn't unpleasant. But I couldn't respond, and after a few moments, the hands gave up and were gone. My bondmate let out a sigh. Then he was just standing there.

I felt weak and faint. And weary myself now. I did not want to talk about today and I did not think I could face hearing anything more about the twins. Especially them. And I did not feel like having him touch me again - on my intakes or anywhere else. I had a strong urge to go and curl up and offline in the hope that the dream would return and that in an offlined state it would be even more real and not have any interruptions. So I said: "you're right, TC, it has been a long day ... I think I'll turn in..." and I leaned forward and clicked the data file out from the computer. I didn't want TC deciding to investigate that more closely. Then I got up slowly and stretched.

He was still talking, addressing me directly now: "Megatron says Prime's got these humans onside. He says they're making weapons against us ..."

I stole a glance around the room and saw that he had tidied up the myriad of datapads which had been lying around as a result of me not being able to think earlier about anything except the subject matter of the dream and totally failing to get my act together. Good old TC. Always picking up after me. I suddenly felt guilty.

"Lazerbeak's going in tonight to see what the score is ..."I looked at him and could tell what he was saying was important - or, at least, he thought it was important. And I should be listening and answering and then talking to him about it. Except that I didn't want to. Right all I wanted to do was get out of there. I needed recharge and, as another vision of kissing Mirage fitted briefly across my awareness and his voice said I just – want to give you my spark ... take me somewhere we can connect ..." my spark gave out another spasm and I knew I needed - just had to - go away and think about this some more.

"Warp, are you listening to me?"

My thoughts had strayed again! I think it was then that I came to my senses a bit and I thought something like: Oh by Primus I 've fallen for a fraggin' Autobot ... what in Kell am I going to do? And what that meant was suddenly so scary in so many ways that I just shut my optics hard and hung on to the console ...

"Warp Are you all right?" Now he was round beside me, and his arm went around my shoulder.

He must not even get a smidgeon of what was in my processor. And then I froze. What if Screamer says something?and I suddenly felt sick inside at the thought of him somehow knowing everything that had just been going through my processor and telling Soundwave who would say "interesting ... this corresponds with the increased levels of emotion I have been detecting" - or something like that - and, worse, megatron glaring down at me and saying "explain yourself!" whilst TC looked on all hurt and horrified.

But no. I was letting my imagination run riot. I hadn't done anything ...

Well - not yet ...

I took a few deep intakes. I'm all right TC I said. Just tired - like you.

He removed his arm. "Warp," he said, " we're gonna have to talk, you know. At some stage .." I could feel him looking at me, but I could not look at him.

I said "well – yeah! Sure TC. Now just ain't a very good time, is it?" and I started gathering up the remaining few datapads and putting them on the desk.

"Warp, it's never a good time, is it?"

I knew he was still looking at me and in the end I couldn't help looking at him again, even though I didn't want to. When I did I could see the hurt in his deep crimson optics and suddenly felt awful Real awful. And helpless. because I knew things weren't like they used to be between us and they never would be again and he didn't get it and there was nothing I could do about it.

I sighed. I said "Aw heck, I'm sorry TC. It's just – well like ya said, that stuff with the twins, it's exhausting ..."

"Warp, d'you know how long it's been since we ...?"

Now I really had to get out of there. I said: "there ain't really a lot of time for that sort of thing down here now is there TC?" because - well - what else could I say? I don't want to because there's this Autobot I'm getting really into thinking about doing it with and I think I'm falling in love with him and and I'd rather think about doing it with him than doing it with you?. Without wishing to hang around longer, I moved towards the doorway.

He sighed. He said: "I take it you're recharging in the control room annexe again then?"

I had been recharging in there most nights since we were on Earth. I said: "yeah – well, someone's gotta keep an optic on things don't they TC ..."

Which was rubbish, because Ravage would be actually in the control room keeping an optic on things and I would be in recharge, and TC knew that and I knew TC knew that, but I still said it just the same.

As I got near the door, he said: "sweet dreams, Warp. I love you, you know ..."

And I paused, feeling real bad again. Cos he did love me. That was the trouble. And it wasn't like he meant nothing to me. he was still my bond make, for Primus' sake. It was just that ...

I crossed back over to where he was standing and I gave him a little peck on the cheek, and I whispered:"I love ya too, TC ..."

And I really didn't know any more whether that was rubbish or not, but he looked a lot happier and that made me feel a bit better and then I left.

TC sympathisers - It all gets quite a lot more traumatic – but then it does get better for everyone – trust me!

Next chapter soon - back to the Autobots. And some other perspectives on all this. A.