"Follow your heart, because if you always trust your mind, you'll always act on logic, and logic doesn't always lead to happiness."
A month later…
Now this is where shit hits the fan. I remember it so clearly. It was a Tuesday morning that I found myself puking my guts out in the school bathroom. It was the most disgusting thing ever, to say the least.
I got out of the stall, rinsed my mouth and walked out.
"Hey babe, what's wrong," Beck asked me.
"I don't know, I literally just puked my guts out," I replied.
"Gross, are you getting sick?" he asked.
"I don't know, I guess, it's just weird because it doesn't feel like I'm sick , I just can't keep anything down," I replied, taking his hand and dragging him to class.
"Oh that sucks," was all my goofy boyfriend responded.
"Yeah, no shit," I barked at him.
We went to class and sat down. I placed my head on the desk and instantly I was out. I had fallen asleep, something I never do even if I am extremely tired.
"Babe, wake up class is over," I felt Beck nudge me.
"Huh what," I said all confused.
"Yeah, you fell asleep, are you sure you're ok?" he sounded worried.
"Yeah, I'm fine, I guess I'm just tired," I answered him.
We went off to second and third and by the time lunch time rolled around I was starving.
I grabbed some pizza and a coke and walked over to our usual table. Beck was already there and so was everyone else. I was looking forward to my lunch, but the minute I smelled Tori's burrito, I felt like I was going to puke again.
"Babe, you ok, you look pale," he asked me.
All I could do was nod, otherwise I would have puked all over Beck. I didn't eat my lunch and I just put my head on the table trying so hard to shake off the wanting to puke feeling.
The rest of the day I found myself impatient, I couldn't wait for school to end. And finally the damn bell rang. Beck and I went to our lockers and then we left.
"Your house or mine?" he asked.
"Yours, duh," I spat back.
We pulled up to his RV and went inside. I threw myself on his bed and fell asleep. I didn't wake up until midnight.
"Well good morning sunshine," Beck greeted me.
"Shut it," I huffed.
"Do you feel better," he's so cute when he's concerned.
"Yeah, I do," it was a total miracle I felt as if nothing.
"Good, but now I'm going to bed," he smirked.
"Fine," I said. He kissed me and within minutes he was out.
The rest of the week I felt fine. Then the following week I started feeling cramps, so I figured I was going to start my period. Boy was I wrong!
I felt those cramps for two more weeks before the idea of me being pregnant crossed my mind. The more I thought about it, the more It all made sense. The way sometimes out of the blue I'd crave something I usually wouldn't eat. Or my mood swings, like the other day when I snapped at Beck simply because I couldn't find my necklace. I remember wishing really bad that it wasn't true, so that night, a Friday, I decided to take a test just to be sure.
Sure enough as the three minutes were done I looked at the test and there it was, that mother fucking stupid ass, plus sign. The first thing I thought was, "why me?"
After that I took five more tests, they all read the same. I didn't cry, I showed no emotions whatsoever. All I wanted was for this to be some night mare I could wake up from, but it wasn't.
I hid this for about another two weeks. It was one of those, "if I don't talk about it, maybe it'll go away."
So I figured by this time I was two months maybe more and I was already starting to show. Honestly, I did not want to be a mother at sixteen, but I also didn't know if I had the heart to get rid of it.
The next day at school, Beck told me I was being distant, A.K.A we hadn't had sex since I found out. I wanted to , but I couldn't risk Beck finding out. I mean I was going to tell him, I just didn't know when. I thought about it all day at school and decided I would tell him as soon as school was over.
After school we drove to his RV and just chilled as usual. We were watching tv, when I decided to tell him.
"Beck, we need to talk," I started.
"What about, is something wrong?" he replied.
"Beck, I'm pre…pregnant," I stuttered.
"You're what," he exclaimed.
"Yea, you know those two times we didn't use a condom, well now there's this," I told him, lifting up my shirt and pointing to my belly.
Beck came up to me and felt my belly. I guess he had to make sure I wasn't lying.
He cleared his throat, "Umm, so how far along are you ?"
"I'm about two months maybe more, I haven't gone to get checked out," I answered.
He was really nervous and in complete shock.
"Jade, I love you, but a baby, were so young," he said, stroking his hair.
"Dido, I don't want to be a mom at sixteen, I'm not ready," I responded, letting him know I felt the same way.
We walked over to the bed and sat down.
"So what do we do?" he asked.
"I don't know, I mean if you're not ready and I'm not ready, there's only one thing to do," I replied.
"A…a…abortion," he stuttered.
"Yeah, it's not fair to bring this kid into the world if we don't want it, plus how are we going to provide for it," I told him. I just couldn't be a mom yet, I had too many things to do before that ever happened, and I'm sure Beck has a lot of things to do as well before he becomes a dad.
"Babe, why not adoption?" he questioned.
"Because I don't want to be pregnant and it'll hurt me more to know someone else is raising our baby," I know I sounded selfish, but it's how I felt at that time.
"So no one knows," Beck asked, taking my hand in his.
"No, I've been really good about hiding it," I replied.
"Well babe, I'm behind you a hundred percent , whatever your choice is," he told me looking into my eyes.
"Beck, if you want to keep it , it'll be hard , but we can," I replied. I wanted to make sure we both wanted this, before we decided.
"Honestly, you're right that is the best choice for us," he said, confirming our decision.
That night I felt relieved that this would soon be over . Call me whatever name you want, but at that point in time I felt that this was the best way to go.
XXXR&R thanks and enjoyXXX