Author's Note:
There was a review left for the last chapter regarding Addison. You're absolutely right. That was a part added in the original version, and it was needed for something in the plot, plus back then I wasn't a true Addison fan so I didn't pay much attention to her character. So yes, it was out of character for her. Sorry about that!
I think you might be angry with me in the early part of this chapter. Or, maybe for the whole chapter. This chapter operates off the principle of what I would call a "trigger". If someone has had a traumatic event happened, those feelings and those memories are brought back by "triggers"…much like Owen's choking episode when he saw the fan in Cristina's room. So, please understand, that a certain character's actions come from that.
Baby Makes Three
Chapter Three
"Are you sure you're okay to go to work?" Derek's skepticism was written all over his face, though he'd already resolved himself to lose that argument as he finished buttoning his shirt.
Meredith smiled, pulling her shirt on over her head. "I'm fine, Derek. Not great. A little sick to my stomach. But not puking, and not passing out. So I'm okay. And I'll be okay at work. If not, I'll go home."
"No exceptions, Meredith. I don't want a repeat of what happened yesterday."
"There isn't going to be a repeat. I'm going to take care of myself, Derek. I will. This baby is just as important to me as it is to you."
"I know." He sighed, hating that his desire to protect her was only making her become defensive. "I know, Mer. I'm just nervous."
"We're both scared." She pulled her hair back into a ponytail just as his pager went off.
"We have to go. Motor vehicle accident." Derek glanced at her after looking down at it. "Or, I need to go. Do you want to meet me there?" He was already heading downstairs.
She followed him, shaking her head though there was no way for him to see as he walked in front of her. "Nope. I'm ready too." Her voice had a cheery tone to it, matching the smile on her face. "If the emergency department paged you 911, that means there's something good. And if there's something good, I want in on it."
"Are you even on my service today?" Despite the abrupt end to their conversation and the lack of closure he felt he had, Derek chuckled. He couldn't help his amusement at how eager she was to operate.
"Cristina is. She's avoiding Hunt, or whatever, so we traded. She's with you. I'm with him. He wants to get married. And have babies."
"Cristina's babies?" Derek laughed, glancing back at her when they got to the back door. "Cristina? And Owen?" Again, he laughed, shaking his head.
"She could get married." Meredith made a face. "And she could have babies." She followed him out to the car. "Little Cristina babies."
"Cristina can't have babies, Meredith. She doesn't even have…"
"She could do it." Meredith insisted.
"The little robot kind. The kind that grow up to be.."
"Cristina. And that's not so bad." She pointed out. "I mean, she did save your life. So maybe that isn't so bad."
"Point taken." He smiled and opened her car door for her before quickly getting in the driver's seat.
** GA ** GA ** GA **
"Eat something, soon. When we get done assessing this patient, I want you to eat something." Derek glanced over to her when they pulled up at the hospital, wanting to be sure that she didn't let some fancy surgery to get in the way of remembering her promises to him.
"I'm going to eat, Derek. It's not even seven in the morning." She almost rolled her eyes a bit as she followed him inside. "But if this is a good case, I want in on the surgery."
"I'm not your boss today." He reminded her. "If you want in on the surgery, you have to take that up with Hunt. And we don't even know there is a surgery. Since when did you get all…cut-happy?"
"I'm not." She made a face. "But I have limited time now. I don't get to stay late, or for days, if something good comes in. You're babysitting me, remember?"
Derek sensed the frustration in her voice, and he glanced back at her. "I'm making sure you're okay, Meredith." Suddenly the gentle tone in his voice was gone, replaced by something that she was rarely on the receiving end of. "You almost died. Six months ago, I almost lost you. We lost our son. You spent months before that under lock and key because you weren't so great, pregnant. So don't tell me I'm babysitting you. I'm doing what I have to do to keep you healthy, and to make sure this baby lives."
Meredith frowned, but there wasn't a chance for her to say anything.
"Twenty-eight year-old female. Thirty weeks pregnant. Drunk driver. She's got a pretty bad head injury." Owen Hunt looked over just before disappearing into a trauma room.
Twenty-eight…thirty weeks pregnant. Derek stood there for a minute, glancing over at his wife. No. His feet were frozen. No. You can't. You can't go in there. The last one died. She died. Her baby died, and she died. And Meredith almost died. Grayson, he's dead too.
"Derek?" She had moved. When Owen mentioned the patient, she'd moved. She'd been there, on that table, where that woman was, and she wanted to be a part of saving her life.
He glanced at her, briefly, before walking past her and to the patient's bedside. Instantly, he was checking her pupils. "Does she have family here?"
"A husband. In the waiting room." Owen could tell something was off.
"Someone needs to let him know we're taking her up to surgery. We're taking her now. And page OB. They're going to need to be there." He was already moving. As he made quick and necessary decisions for that patient, he was wheeling her bed out of the room.
Meredith sort of just stood there, looking at him with a disapproving and unsure look on her face. He didn't seem okay. He'd snapped at her and barely looked at her and he was shaky, nervous, and agitated. "Doctor Hunt..."
"No." Derek stopped and glanced back at the two of them. "We're out of time already, and extra hands will just slow us down. So no, you can't scrub in."
"I'm not on your service today." Meredith reminded him, suddenly matching his tone. "I'm with doctor Hunt."
"I said no, Meredith!"
Owen Hunt wasn't phased by the yelling. The last thing he wanted to do was piss Derek Shepherd off, but he opened his mouth anyway. "Go scrub in, Grey. It's something you should see. We won't get it very often. And I'll just take Cristina back for the day. She's supposed to be with me anyway."
Meredith shot Derek a look before following him onto the elevator. "You're treating me like I did something wrong. I didn't do anything wrong." When the doors shut, she started rambling.
"How dare you step on my toes in front of another attending." Derek's voice was empty, cold, and uncaring that she looked like she might actually cry. He was falling apart. Even if he was there, taking that woman up to the operating room, he was crumbling into pieces.
"You're being an ass." She stepped off the elevator, following him into the operating room.
** GA ** GA ** GA **
"It looks like we've hit a bit of a problem, here." Addison glanced over at Mark and Lexie with obvious sympathy before pointing to the screen on the ultrasound machine. "Baby's tumor is growing, quickly."
"Ella."
The red-headed doctor offered a confused look.
Mark spoke up. "We're naming her Ella."
Addison smiled, nodding. "Ella's tumor is, unfortunately, growing much faster than I ever thought it would. If I'd known we were going to have such a rapid change, I would have made sure Derek was here today."
"So I'm not going to make it to twenty-six weeks." Lexie sounded defeated. "I'm not going to make it to twenty-six weeks before you operate."
"I'm afraid not. We need to do this by the end of the week."
"She'll be right at twenty-three weeks. The baby won't even be viable." Mark was already panicking. As much as he wanted to be strong for his girlfriend, he was panicking.
"There is some viability at twenty-three weeks. I would prefer to avoid that battle though, so we'll just have to make sure that she doesn't deliver." Addison's voice was softer, more calm than it had been before, an effort to reassure them both.
"But you said…" Tears were streaming down the expectant mother's face, and a protective hand moved to rest just above her belly. "You said the chances were high, of premature delivery. You said we should worry about that. You told us..."
"I know, Lexie." Addison sighed, putting the wand on the ultrasound machine down. "I know what I said, and I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I don't have better news for you. But at this point, I think our best chance at saving Ella's life is to do this surgery tomorrow."
"Tomorrow." Mark repeated the unexpected word back as if hadn't heard her correctly.
"In less than a week, this tumor has grown as much as we expected it to in a month." Addison explained again, trying to be as gentle as she could be with the news that she knew was a shock to their systems. "I'm going to get in touch with Derek and make sure he clears his schedule for the morning."
"No," Lexie was shaking her head as she sat up, arm wrapped around her belly. "No. We can't. I can't. Because she could die. You said she could die. You said it wasn't safe. Twenty-three weeks, that's not safe. It's too early. It's too early, and she could die. She could die, and I don't want her to die. I don't want my baby to die."
"Lexie." Mark reached over and wiped her tears away. "We're going to make it through night, we're going to celebrate. You and me. We're going to celebrate Ella being tumor free. And then we'll buy a crib. You and I, we'll buy a crib. And we'll have a nursery and buy pink blankets and those tiny little pink socks, and…" His voice was breaking.
Knowing they needed some time, Addison got up just as her pager went off. "I'm going to go talk to Derek and make sure we're all on the same page here. Why don't you two take the rest of the day off? I may want to admit you tonight, depending on what we decide to do and what Derek thinks. So sit tight. In the hospital, I mean. Just don't leave here." She was struggling to keep it together herself, even if it wasn't her baby that was in question. It was exhausting, though, and painful to watch her ex-husband lose his son and now to watch Mark go through something that could cost him the life of his daughter.
"She's going to die." Lexie crumbled into his arms as soon as the door shut behind Addison "We just picked her name out, and now she's going to die."
Mark held her as they both cried. He was scared out of his mind, but he knew they couldn't just throw in the towel yet. There was still a chance this would work. Even if Addison had never had success with it before, there was still a chance. He wasn't willing to give up, even if he was a mess. "This baby is going to live, Lexie." Finally, he pulled himself together enough to offer some reassurance. "Our daughter, is going to live."
** GA ** GA ** GA **
"What happened?" Addison was still tying her mask off as she walked into the operating room and over to the table, ending up across from Meredith who had a noticeably miserable look on her face. "You okay?"
The second question, the question aimed at his wife, was what got Derek's attention. For the first time since they'd been in the operating room, he took his eyes off his patient and let them wander to her. Had she been standing there sick for two hours without him knowing it? She looked fine, though. Physically, anyway.
"Fine." Meredith answered quickly. "Patient came in after a motor vehicle accident. Severe head trauma. Doctor Hunt didn't see any other major injuries. She's thirty weeks pregnant. Baby's been having some decels. We've paged OB a couple of times but they've apparently got a lot going on up there." She took over for what she knew was Derek's job, and enjoyed the satisfaction it gave her.
"This day just keeps getting better." Addison sighed, glancing at the monitor. She looked back through the print-outs of the last two hours, shaking her head. "What about trauma to the abdomen?"
"Don't know. Derek sort of brought her up here as soon as we walked in."
"She was bleeding into her brain. Figured it was important not to waste time."
"...Right." Addison frowned at his sarcasm. The tension between the two of them was something she hadn't seen before, and she instantly hated the incredible awkwardness it caused. "These are pretty severe, Derek. I mean, I think we're okay for the moment, but we may need to consider a c-section."
Derek thought back to the last patient he'd had on that table with her brain open and baby's heart rate dropping. She'd died and his life had fallen apart. Meredith's ring had ended up connecting with a baseball bat, and he'd yelled at her. Sighing, his eyes left his patient and looked to his wife again. He'd yelled at her, like he was yelling at her today. He hated himself for that. "No." Then it was over. He was surgery-focused again. "We're not cutting this woman open, Addison. Not this time. I'm not killing this woman."
"Derek," She sighed, deciding to just let it go for the moment. "Where are we at? I mean, on your end?"
"She's had a lot of heart rate issues, so we've been slower than I thought we would be. I haven't had any unexpected complications though, so if we can just keep her going for another half hour or so, I should be able to finish up."
"We may not have half an hour." Meredith spoke up. She was starting to freak out. It had seemed like a good idea, at first, to be there for the surgery. But now she was ready to admit he was right. She couldn't handle it. She didn't want to be there to watch that woman die. It was too much, way too much. Suddenly aware just how hungry she was, and how exhausted she was standing there with no place to sit, even for a second.
Derek could hear the change in her voice, and his worry was instant. "If you need to scrub out, doctor Shepherd, go ahead. I can handle things from here."
But she wasn't going to give up. She'd already been labeled as the pregnant McWife who fainted. She wasn't about to walk out on a surgery too. "I'm fine. I'm talking about her."
He knew better.
"Lets just, focus on trying to get them through this." Addison was watching the monitor, ready to step in if she needed to.
Derek took a step back, trying to gather his thoughts. And his emotions. He was determined to make this work. Even if the odds were stacked against this patient, he wasn't going to give another man the news that his wife and baby were gone. "Bleeder." He cursed under his breath, eyes quickly turning back to the surgical field.
Meredith stepped closer to him, scared that he was going to fall apart. "Derek."
"I need everyone to just shut up!"
"Derek, the baby's really not liking this," Addison frowned when he yelled, glancing at Meredith to make sure she was holding up okay.
"You're not doing this again, Addison, so forget it! I'm going to give that man out there good news, and in order for me to do that, the two of you are going to have to shut up!"
They backed off. Both of the women there, backed off. Even if they both had things to say, they didn't say them. They could be said later, when a woman's life wasn't in question, when Derek Shepherd wasn't in the process of having some sort of mental break-down.
Meredith forced tears back from her eyes. She'd never really been one to cry a lot. Not in front of people. Pregnancy changed that. Hormones changed that. And she was mad. She was mad, and she was hurt. He was standing there yelling at her, in front of everyone. He'd yelled at her all morning, and she had more than one thing to say to him. But she kept her mouth shut, unwilling to hash out their problems there in the middle of the operating room. She wasn't about to give the staff anything else to whisper about.
** GA ** GA ** GA **
"Meredith."
"I'm going to sleep, Derek." She pulled her scrub top off, tossing it onto the floor in the corner of their room before crawling into bed.
"Meredith," Derek sighed and sat down next to her, running a hand through his hair. "I screwed up. I screwed up, and I'm sorry. I know I hurt you."
"You were an ass, Derek. All because you refused to just say that you were scared, that Lucy Carter brought back memories that freaked out you. And you yelled at me. You yelled at me and treated me like I was some horrible person. People heard you yell at me, Derek. They heard you, and you didn't even care." Tears were sliding down her cheeks. She hated pregnancy hormones.
"I never meant to hurt you, Mer. You…" He laid down next to her, slowly pulling her into his arms when he saw her tears.
She pulled away. "Don't.'
"Let me hold you." He whispered, relieved when she stopped fighting him. "I'm so sorry, Meredith." His voice was a soft whisper in her ear. "You deserve, so much more than what I gave you today. And I'm sorry."
"Is it going to be like this every time someone like that comes in? Because.."
"Lucy Carter lived. She lived, and she's stable. She's stable, and pregnant. I got to sit down and tell a man that his wife and baby were going to be okay. But that was this time. It isn't always that easy. Do you have any idea what it was like for me, Meredith, to tell a man his wife and baby had died?"
"Years ago." She pointed out.
"It changed me, Meredith." Derek gently ran his hand over her arm. "Do you have any idea what it was like for Owen to walk out the day you were in the accident and tell me that he didn't know if you were going to live? And Addison, she told me about our son. She sat with me, while I tried to figure out how to breathe. Because I couldn't. I couldn't breathe, Meredith. We'd lost Grayson, and I was losing you too. I was…"
"You're not the only one who lost something," She reminded him.
"I hurt you today, and I'm sorry. I am, Mer. I'm sorry. You mean everything to me. And I just, I freaked out today."
"You should get some sleep." She mumbled. "You have Lexie's surgery tomorrow." It was weighing heavily on her. Knowing that her sister was going to be operated on, knowing she could end up losing her daughter in the morning was enough to send Meredith over the edge. She tried to stay strong, but as the hours went on, she only panicked more. Emotionally, she was starting to fall apart much like her husband, but she managed to hold it together a bit more than he did.
"I need to know, Mer, that you and I are okay."
Her eyes met his, and she took his hand, forcing a small smile to her lips. "We're okay."
He wiped the tears from her face. "I love you, Meredith Shepherd."
"I love you too." With his thumb brushing gently across her cheek, she finally allowed herself to relax there with him, to really forgive him for how he'd treated her. Life was just too short to stay mad over the little things. After everything they'd been through, she knew that.
"Lexie's surgery is going to be fine." Derek knew it was on her mind. He'd been able to hear it in her voice when she mentioned it, and he'd seen her earlier that day when Addison had given him the news that they couldn't wait any longer.
"You don't know that. You said it yourself, and so did Addison. It's a huge risk. She said it was too dangerous to do it this soon, and now…"
"Meredith, look at me." Derek put a hand to her cheek, refusing to continue until his gaze met hers. "Miracles do happen. Sometimes, they do. And we're going to have one tomorrow. That surgery is going to be perfect, and Lexie's baby…"
"Ella. Lexie told me. Her name is Ella."
He smiled. "Ella is going to stay right where she is."
"Lexie's scared."
"We're all scared. But we can do this. Addison and I, we can do this. I believe that."
"I hope you're right."
* Revised 6/2017