Pieces

Chapter 3 – Untitled

The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

Somehow, it felt like they have been staying like that forever, and in the same time, it was like it was just a second. The truth was 15 minutes have passed since Brooke asked Lucas to stay there, holding her. They both remained silent, many thoughts running through each other's head.

Brooke felt so… crushed when she learned she lost her child. She never expected that she would feel like that. But when the doctor told her that they couldn't save the baby she didn't even know existed, suddenly, everything just fell apart. Pain and guilt overwhelmed her and it was just hard to breathe from that moment on. And right now, she was there, in Lucas' arms. What was she supposed to do? Should she tell him, or should she keep it secret. She couldn't even look him in the eyes. After everything they've been through, especially in the last 24 hours, she just didn't have any idea what was the right thing to do. But now, in his arms, she felt somehow… safer and it helped her a bit and all she wanted was to stay like this forever.

Lucas was holding her in his arms and he would stay like this whole day if this would help her. He never realized how much he cared about Brooke before he got so close to losing her. She meant more to him that he thought and this surprised him, but if he could change how he felt about her, he wouldn't. Because she was worth it. She has such energy, and this amazing heart and carrying soul. Seeing her break down like she did a while ago bothered him more than he expected. He felt like he would do anything just to take it away. He wanted to know what happened to crush her like this, but he was afraid that by asking, he would cause her even more pain. That's why he remained silent, still laying next to her, one of his arms around her shoulders and her head on his chest, and the other one put above on of her on her abdomen.

Brooke and Lucas were still laying next to each other when Lucas' cell rang. He decided to pick up, so he had to let go of her for a second. He saw Keith's number.
"Hey, what's up?"

"Hi, Luke. Where are you?"
"I'm in the hospital with Brooke."

"How is she? And I do not only physically."

Lucas doubted what to say and he didn't want Brooke to feel uncomfortable, so he just said:

"I'm not sure."

"Tell her I said 'Hi!'. Listen, can you come to the garage some time today?"

"I'll try, but I can't promise you anything."

"Ok. Bye Luke."

"Bye."

They hung up and he now faced Brooke and smiled.

"Hey."
She smiled back a little, but he could see her smile was mostly fake, because she was still hurting.

"Better now?"

"Yeah, a little. And it's because of you."

"I'm glad I helped."

He smiled at her again. He wanted to know what was bothering her. So, he thought it was the appropriate moment to ask.

"Brooke, just talk to me. Tell me what is bothering you, please."
She was thinking over her options, but she couldn't figure it out so fast. So that's why she told him the other thing that was breaking her.

"My mom called this morning for the first time after everything happened. And it was just to tell me that since my life is not in danger anymore, they won't quit their trip in California and won't come back in the next three weeks."

Lucas was shocked from what Brooke told him. How could they not come, leave her like this? He was angry with them, because even thou they weren't much in Brooke's life, he knew how much she loved them, no matter she didn't show it, and she needed them more than ever, but they apparently didn't care. But he wasn't going to think of them now, he needed to focus on Brooke.

"I'm sorry, Pretty Girl."

He took her hand in his and looked at her. She was not looking him in the eyes, which made him think there is something more.

"I'm fine, Luke. I guess I shouldn't be surprised. But it's ok. Really."

"It's not. Brooke, you don't have to put a brave face. You went through something terrible and the people who are supposed to be here for you are not. So don't tell me you are fine, cause you are not. And it's ok. I'm here, Brooke, and I'm not going anywhere. If you want to cry, then it's ok – I'll comfort you the best I can. If you wanna scream, scream – I'll be there to help you. If you wanna talk, talk to me – I'll always be here. Just please, don't hide behind that mask, cause this will brake you, and I can't let that happen. You mean too much to me stand even the thought of that."

During his little speech, Brooke started to look at him again. Listening to him, telling her all those things, she felt even more vulnerable than before. Something inside her needed to tell him right then.

"Luke, I have to tell you something…"
Just when she started talking, the door opened and someone who Brooke has hoped would come was standing there.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt. I'm gonna come later."

"No, Peyton, it's ok. Stay."

Brooke looking at her blonde best friend and seeing her there made her feel better.

"You sure?"

"Yeah."

Lucas smiled. He hoped that the two of them could get through what he has done to their friendship and maybe this was the moment. He wanted to know what Brooke wanted to talk about, he had the feeling it was the reason for her break down, but after they way he screwed Brooke and Peyton's friendship, he knew he had to let them figure it all out. So he just looked at Brooke and smiled at her.

"I'll leave you two now. You have a lot to talk about. But I'll come by later, ok? Then you can tell me everything, ok?"
She simply nodded, knowing that maybe she wouldn't be able to tell him. Still, he agreed to put in on hold, because when she saw Peyton there, she knew it was time.

Lucas kissed Brooke's forehead and started walking to the door, and smiled at Peyton. She smiled back and then he left the two girls to do all the catching up they needed.

Brooke felt a bit strange when she saw Lucas leave. Since she saw him in the library, she got used to having him around and what she felt for him was now stronger than ever, so she felt bad that he wouldn't be around, but in the same time she felt good he left, because she wasn't sure how would he take it when she told him about the baby, and plus he had his life with his family and friends and she felt like she was taking all of this away from him. And there was Peyton too.

Brooke looked at the blonde girl she knew her whole life and who has been her family ever since they turned eight. Peyton sat on Brooke's bed, looking sad, happy, guilty and worried in the same time. Brooke hasn't forgotten what happened between them, but she has forgiven Peyton. And it was time to let her know.

"P. Sawyer, brooding is Lucas' job. You are a cheerleader, you're supposed to cheer me up and smile."

Peyton's full of tears green eyes met Brooke's hazel ones. They two girls hugged and to anyone who didn't know what happened between them, it would look like they have never been on such terms as they were in the last month.

"I had to make sure you are next to me before I went out of that school. I shouldn't have left without you. God, if something had happened to you… I'm so sorry, Brooke."

"Peyton, when I saw Jimmy holding this gun turned in our direction, before I could even think of anything else, I told you to run, remember? And when Lucas came, the first thing I asked him was if you're alright. And when he told me you are fine, I felt so much better and so relieved, because my best friend was safe. So stop that bullshit about guilt."

Peyton smiled a bit. And looked at Brooke, who was now smiling too.

"How could you care about me and worry about me after what I did?"

Brooke sighed. Yes, what Peyton and Lucas did was still painful, but it was in the past and now more than ever, Brooke just wanted her best friend back.

"You are my best friend, Peyton. You have been like a sister to me all those years. And as I told you, no boy could come between us. Even Lucas."

"I love you, B. Davis."

"I love you too, P. Sawyer."

They hugged again and Brooke felt better after making up with her. Like she found one of the pieces her heart was shattered into in the last 24 hours.

"I'm sorry for everything, Brooke. I can never tell you how much I regret what I've done…"
"Stop here. It's all in the past."

The girl smiled again at each other and Peyton started talking again.

"So, how is your leg?"

"It's gonna be ok."

"And what about you?"

Brooke wanted to tell Peyton how she felt, tell her everything, but wasn't sure if it was the right thing to do. Still, she couldn't pretend she was ok.

"I'm a mess. It's just so damn hard. I still see it. His frightened face, the shattered glass, me bleeding. I still hear the sound of the shot and remember the feeling that I was just slipping away. And today mo mother just told me that since I'm out of danger, she and dad are staying in California and are coming home in three weeks, like nothing happened. And I… I just need them here, need to feel that it's gonna be ok."

Her eyes started to fill with tears again, but she forced herself to stop them. She didn't want to cry, because if she started, she was probably not going to stop, because of the of the other thing that was eating her, the thing that hurt the most, the one she hasn't told anyone about.

Peyton put her hands around Brooke's and said:

"I'm here, Brooke. And so are Lucas, Nathan, Haley, my dad and Karen. We are here. It's gonna be ok."

When she heard Lucas' name, Brooke's heart broke one again. She had to tell Peyton, she just couldn't hold it in her anymore, especially when she was once again not sure if she had to tell Lucas or not.

"There is something else, Peyton. But before I tell you I want you to swear that you won't tell anyone, least Lucas."

Peyton looked worried and surprised, but nodded.

"Don't interrupt, cause if I have to stop, I won't be able to say t."

Peyton nodded again, then Brooke took a deep breathe and started.

"The night of the Boy-toy auction I went to see Lucas, because I was late, like really late, almost a month. At first I thought it was because of the stress. You know, the car accident, the break-up, the webcam… But when this continued, I started to thin I might be pregnant. I was scared, so I tried to convince myself it wasn't possible. But after that night, I decided I had to stop with the denial and I went to see him and I told him about my fears. We got a test and it was positive. We wanted to know for sure, so the next day we went to the hospital. Later the same day, we had a big fight and I accused him of being like Dan, and he got pissed off, so he practically called me a whore. Just then, the doctor called for the results and told me I was not pregnant. And I did something horrible in my anger. I told Lucas I was pregnant. Later that night, he came to see me and told me how he felt and that he was going to be there for me no matter what I decide to do and that if I decide to keep the baby, he would do his best to be a good father. Then I told him the truth. I hated myself for lying to him from the moment I did it, but after what he told me, after what I saw in his eyes, I just couldn't do it anymore. And the next day I was shot in the leg and was there. And after all of that today when the doctor came to talk to me, he told me that they run some test when I got here and it turns out I was pregnant, there was some mistake the day before. But I have lost too much blood and during the surgery, they weren't able to save the baby."

Peyton looked at Brooke in disbelieve, shocked from what her friend just told her.

It was a bit relieving to say all of that till the last sentence. When she said out loud that she lost her child, it felt even more real and painful. She couldn't stop the tears anymore, not that she was trying to

"When I thought I was pregnant, I was so scared. I didn't feel like I was ready to be a mother, I am still a junior. And especially after everything that happened lately. But now, when the doctor told me I lost the baby, it was like my world fell apart. I never thought I could miss something I never wanted, but now I feel like the biggest part of me is missing. I feel so… empty and incomplete and broken. I picture the baby. With tiny fingers and blue eyes…"

Peyton hugged Brooke and she started crying even more.

"Why? I just can't understand. I lost it, Peyton. My baby is gone…"

Peyton held Brooke in her arms, not knowing what else to do. She has never imagined something like that. And she has never seen her best friend like that.

"It's my fault."

That was what Brooke has thought all the time. That she wasn't able to save her child. It was her fault. That's why she couldn't look Lucas in the eyes. Because she was responsible for their child's death.

"Brooke! It's not your fault. You were shot, you almost died. There was nothing you could do. It's not your fault."

Brooke looked at Peyton. She appreciated her concern, but she just couldn't understand. Nobody could.

"And I'm just lost. What I am supposed to do? Move on like nothing's wrong. Like… that baby never existed… I just can't. How I'm gonna look Lucas in the eyes?'

"Nobody could expect you to do that. Have you told Lucas?"

"No. I don't know if I should."

They stayed silent for a few more moments, then Peyton spoke again.

"I think you should."

Brooke looked at her, listening carefully, cause now she could't think herself, so maybe it was for the best to hear what the others thought.

"If there is anyone who can help you, that's him. Because it was his child as well, because he was there with you in that school. Because he's Lucas. You need to tell him."

"But how? How am I supposed to tell him that after I lied to him before? After everything he has done for me those two days? How am I supposed to tell him I lost his baby?"

Brooke was afraid what the truth could cause. What if he blamed her like she blamed herself? But mostly, what if he felt the same pain she felt? She could never put him through that…

"Brooke, I'm sure he doesn't care about the lei anymore. You should have seen his face when I told him I lost you. He was terrified. He cares about you so much. It would be hard, I'm not saying it would be easy. But won't hiding be even harder? Will you be able to look at him every day and keep that a secret? He has the right to know, Brooke. It was his baby too. And you will get through this together."

Brooke looked at her best friend and was thankful she cared so much, but she just couldn't talk about it anymore. It was a decision she had to make herself after all. It was something between her and Lucas. So she would decide when he was there. Now, she couldn't talk about it anymore.

"Let's not talk about it anymore. I just can't do this anymore. Please!"

The pleading in her eyes and voice made Peyton see how much pain this was causing her, so she just nodded.

"So, how is everyone else holding up?"

The conversation about the others would probably make her feel better. But even thou she tried to look what she was all into what she and Peyton were talking, Brooke's mind was into something else. She was thinking about a blue-eyed boy she loved very much and she missed and about the baby she and that same boy lost.