Lutie: A Christmas Story

By: Xenos Kadmia

Disclaimer: I do not own Ragnarok Online, or any of the scenes or cities mentioned here.

I'd like to thank Agista Sin, Fireyflames, and gooba for their reviews. Helped me out a lot! Thanks, guys!

Satsu woke up, his mouth dry and his head a little sore, but otherwise okay. The last thing he could remember was a Garm and its pack, and an Alchemist rescuing him from them.

He was in a comfortable bed that smelled like it had been freshly washed, quite unlike the one at home, which had never even been acquainted with a good soaping.

Something bounced on his chest that felt like cold doodoo.

"Jello, get off him!"

That voice. Satsu remembered that voice. Okay, it was a little hard to distinguish it from the barks of a pack of bloodthirsty wolves, but it was nonetheless familiar.

"Hey, how are you feeling?"

Satsu blinked at the Alchemist standing over him. She was pretty, just not his type.

"No hablo ingles," he replied. "I don't speak English."

Kalista was no fool, the accent was too bad, and she was pretty clever.

"Es muy bien, yo hablo español, y puedo hero tu mucho mal," she replied. "That's okay, I speak Spanish, and I can hurt you bad."

Satsu lay there dazed.

"Hi, my name's Satsu, what's yours?"

Kalista smiled, for a handicapped goofball, he was pretty funny.

"Kalista Thebes. That's my Vanilmirth, Jello."

"Hello, Jello," Satsu addressed the Vanilmirth. Jello replied with a fart, nice and loud.

Kalista, rather embarrassed, quickly picked up Jello and put him on the floor next to her, where he bounced around like the nuisance he was.

"I'm sorry about that," she apologized, "he does that sometimes."

"That's okay. I speak Vanilmirth, he was just saying hi," Satsu said, then he chuckled.

Kalista smiled, then said, "Do you need anything?"

"A glass of water or something would be peachy. And I have to pee," Satsu replied.

"Alright, a glass of something coming up."

Kalista pulled a potion from her belt, gave it a good shake, then handed it to Satsu. It was sparkly, translucent and it looked very inviting. I could describe it more but Satsu was dying of thirst and anymore descriptions would result in an overuse of adjectives.

He gulped it all down, feeling it tingle down his throat, and all the way down to his stomach.

"This is some good stuff," Satsu said, draining the vial.

"It's a special potion I made. I would give you more if you want, but your health is fine, and you don't need it," Kalista said. "So, how about that pee?"

"I don't have to go anymore. I already went," Satsu said, putting on his mischievous face, and grinning broadly.

Yes, folks, Satsu was back.

Kalista looked slightly alarmed then seeing his face, started laughing.

"If you weren't so funny, I would slice your head off," she said. "Anyway, if you're feeling any better, you can give me the okay and you can go."

"Were you headed to Lutie?" Satsu asked.

"Yes, I was. At least, until I saw someone getting owned by a Garm."

"Well, thank you very much for rubbing that in."

"You're welcome."

"Well, I live in Lutie, so maybe I could go with you. I just learned that I don't do very well in snow," Satsu said.

Kalista looked at him with mild surprise.

"You don't look like a Lutie native," she said, examining his dirty blonde hair and fairly tanned complexion.

"That's because I'm not. It's a long story, but point is, that's where I live," Satsu replied bluntly.

"Makes sense. When do you want to leave?"

"Now is okay," Satsu said, bounding out of bed in a jiffy. In my opinion, that potion cured him too quickly. Had Kalista known him better, she wouldn't have given it to him, or at least, given him a smaller vial.

"Gosh," Kalista said, running a hand through her raven hair, recently chopped short. The Bard was already out the door, so she had no choice but to follow with her cart and Jello bounding at her heels.

They walked across Al de Baran, then hopped on Santa's sleigh to go to Lutie.

At the fateful field where Satsu was nearly killed, the two of them paused warily.

"Now, here are the rules, Satsu. Walk slowly, and if anything tries to kill us, run, don't look back, and leave it to me. Is that clear?"

"Crystal."

Then Satsu ran off, chasing a Marin. Kalista sighed.

Men, she thought.

"HELP!!"

Kalista's senses heightened. It was Satsu, and he had gotten himself into trouble again. She grabbed a Fire Bottle from her belt, and got ready to fight a bloody fight.

In her head, she pictured mobs of Garm Babies wanting revenge for his escape.

She pictured him bloody, on the floor, this time not having a chance to escape Death.

But no. Reality is a sad thing.

"HELP!"

There was a Marin sucking up Satsu's foot, while there he was, running around like maniac, doing a very good imitation of a woman's scream.

Kalista sighed. He screamed better than she did.

"Come here, you." She pulled his ear, Marin and all, and dragged him through the snow until they were in front of Lutie's gates.

Her dragging had left a trail, but by now Kalista had ceased to care. If the Garm came, it could have him. Now, she really wished she had given him a smaller vial.

"Well, miss Kalista, thanks for the lift," Satsu said, brushing the snow off his pants, "but I'm afraid I must go. I have urgent matters to attend to, and they are all prettier than you."

"Hey-!"

But it was too late, he teleported. Kalista didn't know if she was more mad over the fact that he had indirectly called her ugly, or that he had teleported in her face, after he had slept in her house, drank her potions and made her use her precious Fire Bottles!

And not slept in that sense, I know what you're thinking but it's not like that. Really.

But what could she do? He was a jerk, and he was gone.

"Let's go, Jello," she said finally, waiting for the Vanilmirth to appear randomly and jump into her cart, like it always did.

It didn't, but in small consolation, a speck of dust jumped in his place.

"Jello?"

Kalista looked for the blob under her cart, behind a rock, and even going as far as proverbially upturning stones.

He wasn't there.

Satsu chuckled. He managed to freeload off that loser Alchemist for a couple of nights, and he got free security for the trip back. Sometimes getting beaten up wasn't all that bad.

Then, he felt something familiar, like cold doodoo, on his head.

"Jello?" he asked in surprise.

Jello responded with a fart, nice and loud.

A/N: Hope you enjoyed that! I think I'll be able to get the rest of this up before Christmas. Feel free to leave comments, criticism or praise.