Yamato: Soo... Um, Ultimo?
Ultimo: Yes, Yamato Sama?
Yamato: I've got a bunch of questions I want to tell you.
Ultimo: Ask away, Master!
Yamato: Ok, have you ever wet your-
Jealousy: *Flies back up to Yamato's apartment. Is seriously beaten up and one of his/her eyes has grown 20 times its original size* Grr, I'm gonna kill you! *Cuts open Yamato's arm.*
Yamato: AAAAAAHHHHHHH! I'M BLEEDING SO BAD! AAAAHHHHHHHHHH MAKE IT STOP, ULTIMO! *Squirts blood all over the apartment and runs around in circles, screaming.*
Ultimo: Karakuri Henge! Mouth of the Lion! *Gauntlet transforms into a giant lion head* Karakuri Henge! Dance of the Lion! *Hits Jealousy and the giant lion head tries to eat him/her.*
Yamato: Um, Ultimo? Why bother saying all that when you could just go ahead and-
Ultimo: Sorry Master, I've got a robot to kill.
Yamato: Robots can't die, they're not even alive-
Jealousy: I'm alive, you son of a-
Ultimo: *Flies down and proceeds to bash the f*** out of Jealousy.*
Jealousy: Hahaha! You're gonna be a Shara! Mwahaha! Why am I laughing? Mwahaha! Help, I can't stop! Mwahaha! Help! Hahaha!
Yamato: Hey, Ultimo?
Ultimo: *Still bashing up Jealousy* Ngh? I'm listening.
Yamato: Can you... Um, stop doing that?
Ultimo: Yeah, I'll just finish killing Jealousy first and then I'll get round to doing that...
Yamato: No, Ulti!
Ultimo: *Looks up and starts crying* Master... Called me... Ulti?
Jealousy: (Aha! Now that that good guy is distracted, I can defeat him even though he's way more powerful than me and I've just been bashed up really badly!) Yaaah!
Creepy Bald Karakuridoji That's Really Short and is Dressed Like Some Sort of Monk (CBKTRSDLSSM): Ah, ah, ah! That's a big no-no, Jealousy!
Jealousy: Ok, who invited him here?
Ultimo: Not me.
Yamato: Not me.
*Big, fat guy drives up on a tiny little motorcycle that wobbles and makes loud noises that indicate that it's passed its use-by date.*
Big, fat guy: I did! He's Regula, my Karakuridoji! He is the guy who symbolises discipline!
Yamato: Regula? As in, I'd like to order a regular sized coffee?
Regula: Gawd, you sure need some disciplining! Can I spank him, Eco?
Eco (Big, fat guy): Hahaha, you're so funny, Regula! Of course not!
Yamato: Eco? As in eco-friendly?
Eco: Yup, that's me! Eco Friendly! I'm the one who owns the eco-friendly sushi shop across the road!
Jealousy: Hello? I'm still here or did anyone forget?
Ultimo: Go away! We've got fully awesome stuff to discuss because we're good and evil sucks! *Hits Jealousy*
Jealousy: Waah! You're mean! *Flies away, accidently sets fire to his/her clothes/dress thanks to his/her booster rocket hidden in his/her clothes/dress and ends up having to walk through the street looking like the complete idiot he/her looks like 24/7 (seriously, if he/she actually wanted to prove he/she is a guy, he/she'd better start dressing like one! And by the way, both girls and guys can wear suits! I'm not leaving any loopholes to prove that he/she is a guy!).*
Yamato: Why has his eye swollen 20 times its original size? Isn't he a robot, so he can't have his body parts swell-
Regula: Ultimo! Control yourself! *Slaps Ultimo*
Yamato: Hey, aren't you supposed to be good?
Regula: I am. I symbolise discipline so I can't stop disciplining people.
Yamato: Oh, I understand, now.
Eco: I thought you were bleeding heavily from one of your veins?
Yamato: I am.
Eco: Then why haven't you died yet or at least fainted?
Yamato: I dunno.
Regula: *Knocks Yamato out.* He has now.
Ultimo: Grr!
*Later, in the middle of nowhere.*
Yamato: Uh... Ow, my head... Wait a second... *Looks down at himself and sees he's wearing a dress- I mean, a robe sort of thing.* I'm naked underneath this... That pervert!
Eco: *Walks out of convenience shop that isn't supposed to be there because it's the middle of nowhere.* Hey, Yamato!
Yamato: How do you know my name? And did you see me naked when you put these clothes on me?
Eco: Yup!
Yamato: You foul animal!
Eco: Never mind about that! Here! *Throws sandals at Yamato's head.*
Yamato: Ow. *Puts sandals on.*
Eco: And here, I wasted my money on buying you food!
Yamato: I already ate...
Eco: EAT THIS!
Yamato: I already-
Eco: *Eyes glow red.*
Yamato: *Ulp* Ok... *Starts stuffing his face.* OMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOM!
Eco: Don't you get ingestion eating like that? And I thought you already ate-
Yamato: SHUT UP, FATTY! *Punches Eco and continues to stuff his face.* Hey, where's Ultimo?
Eco: 'Cleaning up'.
Yamato: 0.0
Eco: I meant cleaning up the apartment, you made a mess of it when you squirted your blood all over the walls.
Yamato: First you know my name, now you know what's happened to me before you arrived! How do you do it?
Eco: Oh, simple. We've been stalking you for the past few months now.
Yamato: WHAT? And wait a second- *Looks down at his arm.* My wound's healed? How is that even possible?
Regula: *Flies up to them.* I'm none 'cleaning up'.
Eco: Great! Let's go to b-
Regula: *Shoves his gauntlet into Eco's mouth.*
Eco: Let's go to... The strip club!
Regula and Yamato: 0.0
Eco: Ssh, people can hear us if we say it out loud!
Yamato: Ooh, so are we actually going to some secret base-
Regula: *Knocks Yamato out again.*
*Later.*
Yamato: *Wakes up in a dirty hospital bed.* What? Where am I?
Pardoner: You are at the Good Karakuridoji HQ.
Yamato: The HQ is a dirty abandoned hospital? No offense, but if I was setting up a HQ, I'd put it somewhere cooler, like an underground hideout or-
Regula: Don't make me knock you out again.
Yamato: I'm more scared of the creepy girl standing right there.
Pardoner: I'm not a girl!
Yamato: Fine, the creepy hermaphrodite.
Pardoner: Hey! Ok, we all look like girls, ok? I admit it!
Yamato: Regula doesn't.
Eco: *Walks in.* Ah, hello, Yamato! So you've woken up!
Yamato: HOW DARE YOU LOCK ME IN THIS JUNKYARD WITH A CREEPY CROSSDRESSING WEIRDO AND A SCARY BALD GUY DRESSED AS A MONK! *Punches Eco.*
Eco: Hahaha! You're funny!
Yamato: *Punches Eco.*
Pardoner: Remind me why he's a good guy.
Eco: He isn't.
Yamato: Hey!
Eco: Hahaha! Just kidding!
Yamato: *Punches Eco.*
Eco: Come on, we're gonna show you the other good guys! *Grabs Yamato and drags him out of the room.*
Regula: Sigh. *Flies after them.*
Yamato: Hey, Eco?
Eco: Yeah?
Yamato: What do you mean by 'clean up'? You've used that phrase several times.
Eco: *Turns around and the light goes in such a way that his face is shadowed by something that isn't his hair because he doesn't have a lot of it. Says in creepy voice-* Every Karakuridoji has a power. Regula can edit memories. That's his 'cleaning up'.
Yamato: Why are you speaking in really short sentences? Haven't you ever heard of commas?
Eco: No. We. Are. Going. To. Erase. Your. Memories. Now. Because. You. Are. Unworthy. Of. Being. Our. Leader.
Yamato: Wait, I'm going to be your leader?
Regula: Ultimo is the Karakuridoji of Ultimate Good! What did you expect? You need some disciplining!
Eco: No. He. Needs. His. Memories. To. Be. Erased.
Regula: Yes, Eco. *Crash tackles Yamato, which is hard because Yamato is three times his size.*
Yamato: NO! ULITMO!
Ultimo: *Appears out of nowhere.* Yes, master?
Yamato: Since you're the Karakuriwhatsit of Ultimate Good, you're stronger than Regula! I want you to beat the f*** out of them like what you did to Jealousy!
Eco: No, seriously, it was just a joke-
*Twenty minutes later...*
*Eco and Regula have been seriously bashed up. They must of been able to convince Ultimo and Yamato that they were just playing a joke on them because Ultimo had finally stopped beating them up enough to let them take them to the other good Karakuridoji and their masters.*
Eco: Right, here we are!
Yamato: *Looks around.* Were just in a dark room.
Scary old man that looks like a bulldog (I can't remember his name, so I'll just call him BM for Bulldog-Man): We are here.
Hiroshi (Aka- Complete delinquent that I'm surprised is good): Sup b*tch?
FT (fortune teller woman who I can't be bothered to look up her name): Hello.
Yamato: *Looks at her chest and drools.* You've got big... Jiggly wiggly breastucusses!
FT: 0.0
BM: This is no time for perverted thinking! Let me introduce ourselves... I am Shakujii. I am Pardoner's master. Pardoner is he who symbolises patience.
Yamato: Well, he sure didn't seem very patient when I woke up.
Pardoner: Shut up.
Hiroshi: I'm Hiroshi, don't mess with me, punk! My Karakuridoji is Goge. He Symbolises Meditation. Much better than your stupid Ultimate Ultimo c***.
FT: Ignore him, Yamato.
Yamato: How do you know my- Oh great, does everyone here stalk me?
Everyone: Yes.
Yamato: Sigh...
FT: I'm Shina! My Karakuridoji is Slow, he (or maybe she) symbolises Energy. Don't mind Hiroshi, he's a total douchebag.
Hiroshi: Who are you calling a douchebag, you big-boobed buttocks!
Shina: Haha, is that the best insult you can throw at me?
Hiroshi: Oh, I can do much worse!
Yamato: What the hell? You're supposed to be good!
Hiroshi: Shut up, no one likes you!
Yamato: Why are they fighting?
Eco: Uh, because we don't have a leader to lead us?
Yamato: I thought that bulldog-man was the leader!
Shakujii: Hey!
Salesman dude: This is no time for your squabledidledidledidle! Shut the f*** up right now before I use my Karakuridoji to whup your asses!
Yamato: How did he get here? And are you a door-to-door salesman?
Salesman dude: Yep.
Hiroshi: WHAT? I NEVER KNEW THAT! GET THE HELL OUT!
Shina: You've known him for ages, Hiroshi, how could you not know?
Hiroshi: What? You... You called my Hiroshi? HOW DARE YOU?
Shina: I thought that's your name?
Hiroshi: It is.
Shina: Then why don't you want me to call you by your-
Salesman dude: I'm Oizumi! My Karakuridoji is Service and she-
Service: Ahem!
Oizumi: Seriously, only an idiot would say you're a guy.
Service: Well, I am a guy, alright?
Me: FOR F***'S SAKE! HOW THE F*** ARE YOU A GUY? YOU'RE WEARING A F*** BOW IN YOUR HAIR AND YOU'RE WEARING A DRESS! A DRESS! SERIOUSLY, IS STAN LEE ON ACID? IS HE?
Yamato: Woah, how did she get here?
Me: BECAUSE I'M SO F*** PISSED OFF AT THIS MANGA I HAVE THE POWER TO TRAVEL INTO MY FANFICS WHEN I WANT TO AND SHOUT OUT MY FEELINGS FOR THE WHOLE WORLD TO SEE!
Service: I am a guy.
Me: NO YOU'RE NOT! AND NEITHER IS PARDONER OR JEALOUSY OR SLOW AND HAVE ANY OF YOU NOTICED HOW GIRLY ULTIMO LOOKS? WHY ARE ALL OF YOU WEARING DRESSES? AND ALL THE KARAKURIDOJI HAVE WOMEN BODIES AND BIG EYELASHES! IT'S LIKE SAYING NiGHTS IS A GUY! AND HEY, I BET SOPHIA'S A GUY TOO, AREN'T YOU, SOPHIA?
Sophia: *Blushes.*
Yamato: Wait, who's Sophia?
Me: Crap, gotta go! *Teleports away.*
Yamato: Who was she?
Ultimo: I have no idea...
Yamato: So... Am I your leader now?
?: Yeah, and you'd better be good!
Yamato: What? *Turns to see a teenager sitting in the corner, reading a playboy magazine.*
?: I'm Mush. My Karakuridoji is Sophia who symbolises Wisdom. I know he looks like a girl, but really, he isn't.
Yamato: I thought Sophia is a girl's name?
Mush: It is. Now go take The Pledge of Complete Sexuality- I mean, The Pledge so you and Ultimo will be more powerful and we can win the 100 Machine Funeral.
Yamato: Wait, the 100 Machine what?
Shakujii: One of the reasons Dr Dustbin created the Karakuridoji in the first place. You see, he first made just Ultimo and Vice, but then he decided to change the plot of the manga suddenly without editing out the beginning to make it all fit. So he created the Seven Deadly Sins and the Six Perfections.
Yamato: That's nowhere near 100 machines. That's only 15 if you include Ultimo and Vice.
Shina: Yeah, I pointed that out before, but something tells me Dustbin won't ever change the name to the 15 machine funeral. It won't sound as cool.
Yamato: Wait, how come we only get 7 Karakuridoji on our side and the evil dudes get to have 8?
Hiroshi: Life's unfair, punk.
Shakujii: So go take The Pledge so you'll be more stronger.
Mush: Yeah, we need a leader to lead us because no offense, but Shakujii is a great big-
Pardoner: Excuse me, but do you want to die?
Sophia: Don't you dare threaten my boyfriend!
Pardoner: You're a guy.
Sophia: But my name's Sophia and Sophia's a girl's name. Thus, I am a girl.
Pardoner: Yes, but Karakuridouji means 'Mechanical Boy'. Thus, you are a GUY.
Ultimo: Let's go, Master! *Grabs Yamato's hand and drags him outside.*
Yamato: How are we supposed to take this 'Pledge'?
Ultimo: *Undoes his/her bra- I mean, shirt thing that looks like some sort of bra but totally isn't. I mean, why would it be?*
Yamato: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! RAPIST!
Ultimo: Sorry? You have to touch my spirit sphere for The Pledge to take place.
Yamato: 0.0 Creepy... Rapist... I thought you were my friend...
Ultimo: Ulti isn't going to rape Master. This is my spirit sphere. *Takes off bra- I mean shirt thing that doesn't look like a shirt. Glowing little sphere at his heart.* See?
Yamato: Oh... I thought you were talking about your di... Never mind.
Ultimo: Go on, touch it!
Yamato: Ok... *Touches spirit sphere.* AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH! THE PAIN! IT REALLY, REALLY HURTS! OW!
Ultimo: Sorry, Master.
*Meanwhile...*
Jealousy: *Stands on top of building looking down at Rune who is walking through a dark alley where no one can hear him scream. Gez, and I thought he was supposed to be smart.*
Rune: Where's Yamato? I thought he was going to Sayama's party... *Reaches a dead end.* Oh crud, a dead end. *Turns around to see Jealousy fly down and loom over him.*
Jealousy: I can see your past and future... And the swirling envy in your heart...
Rune: AAAAAAHHHHH! PAEDOPHILE!
Jealousy: I have you cornered now.
Rune: *Tries to run but crashes into a wall because he's at a dead end.*
Jealousy: You're cornered, where are you trying to run to, idiot?
Rune: *Shivering.* Paedophile... No one can hear me scream...
Jealousy: I'm a guy, you idiot, and a robot! How can I rape-
Rune: If you're a robot, how come your eye's all swollen?
Jealousy: Never mind that. I'm Jealousy, he who symbolises Envy in the Seven Deadly Sins. I want you to become my evil master and we along with Vice and the other of the Seven Deadly Sins we shall dominate the world!
Rune: You're evil?
Jealousy: Yes, I am.
Rune: If you're evil, why would I want to join you? No one wants to be evil!
Jealousy: We have hot girls!
Rune: Eww, no.
Jealousy: We have both Yaori and Yuri!
Rune: Hm, tempting.
Jealousy: We have lollies with whipped cream on top!
Rune: I'LL JOIN YOU! Just give me my lollies and whipped cream.
Jealousy: Yeah suer, here's the money. *Gives Rune some money.* I can't be seen in public like this because apparently no one dresses like this these days and everyone laughs at me and calls me a cross dresser.
Rune: Kay, I'll meet up with you and help you do your evil bidding after I get the lollies and whipped cream. How about we meet in the graveyard? That's the most evil place I can think of and we can use the tombstones for target practise!
Jealousy: I think we can become fast friends...
*The next day.*
Yamato: *Walking to school.* Dum de dum de dah!
Midget Friend : Hiya! *Punches Yamato in the d*ck*
Yamato: Ow...
Nerdy Friend: Hello, what's up?
Violent Friend: *Chases after Midget Friend with a big stick.*
Sayama: Hello, Yamato.
Yamato: *Drools.*
Nerdy Friend: Where's Rune? It's not like him to be late.
Violent Friend: And he's never been sick before...
Midget Friend: Maybe he died in the bus explosion yesterday!
Yamato: Huh?
Midget Friend: Don't you remember? You were in a bus explosion yesterday! And there was this kid who was either a guy or a girl I'm not sure, but they were holding up the bus and then this green guy turned up and stabbed him or her in the d*ck and then the guy/girl cut him in half and then the bus exploded and the green guy flew off and then-
Violent Friend: She tried to explain this to us yesterday. I think she's still having a major hangover.
Yamato: Um... (This really happened! Oh my gosh, I'm such a terrible actor even though I'm supposed to be really cool and badass even though I'm friends with a bunch of weirdos... Except Sayama, she's so hot...)
Rune: Hello, everyone.
Violent Friend: I told you he didn't die in the bus explosion! But would you listen? Nooo!
Midget Friend: Well...
Rune: It's ok, Yamato and I weren't there when it happened.
Midget Friend: But I saw you there-
Rune: WE WEREN'T THERE!
Midget Friend: 0.0
*Bell rings.*
Nerdy Friend: Let's go to class!
Yamato: (Wow, even though Rune's hardly spoken, I can tell that he's acting really weird.) Hey, Rune, can I talk to you in private?
Rune: Yep.
Yamato: You didn't tell anyone about the Kar- The robotic people?
Rune: Nope, I think that the Karakuridoji would be a good secret to keep.
Yamato: *Doesn't wonder how Rune found out the name for the robot freaks.* Ok, let's go to class!
*A while later...*
5 year old girl called Hana: Dum de dum de dah! *Skipping through the streets with absolutely no parental guidance to stop her from being raped, kidnapped or hit by a car. Walks up to the school's front gate.* Hi!
Old security guard- wait, I thought this was a public school?: Oh, hello there.
Hana: Have you seen a kid called Yamato Agari? He's really tall and he looks really stupid and he's always hanging out with a midget girl, a nerd girl, a nerd guy, a violent girl and a hot girl!
Old SG: Eh? Oh yeah, he's come by. Say, what's a young girl like you doing here alone? Where are your parents?
Hana: Hana's teacher told Hana that Mummy and Daddy are gone!
Me: You look rather happy about that. *Teleports away.*
Old SG: Oh... That's... *Starts crying even though security guards aren't allowed to show any emotion or they'll get fired. This is a true fact. Seriously, my mother's father's granddaughter told me.*
Hana: Hana's going in! *Walks past Old SG.*
Old SG: WAIT! *Starts chasing after Hana.* You can't go in alone!
Hana: Hana's not alone, He's coming with me! *Points to something behind Old SG.*
Old SG: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHH! *Runs away.*
*Meanwhile...*
Yamato: So... Boring... Uh... *Rests his head against his desk and tries to fall asleep.*
Hana: Hey, Yamato!
Nerdy Friend: Hey Yamato? There's a little kid right outside the window who wants to talk to you.
Yamato: I can't talk, I'm asleep.
Hana: People who are asleep can't talk, dumb-dumb!
Yamato: Well I am- *Looks up.* Oh my f***ing gosh, what the hell is that? **Points at huge, fat Karakuridoji that Hana's standing on.*
Hana: That's Eater! He who represents Gluttony in the Seven Deadly Sins!
Yamato: By the way you're talking, I wouldn't guess you're 5.
Hana: Are you laughing at me because I'm a little kid?
Yamato: Yes.
Hana:: HAHA! TAKE A LOOK AT THIS! EATER, ATTACK!
Eater: YAAAAAARRRRRRR! *Smashes Gym.*
Class: YAAAY!
Hana: You'll be next, Yamato!
Yamato: Ultimo?
Ultimo: *Appears out of nowhere.* Yes, Master?
Class: What the f***?
Yamato: Let's beat the hell out of this little kid.
Ultimo: Yes Master. Your wish is my command.
*Somewhere else in the school.*
Jealousy: Gawd, why does Ultimo look like an idiot now?
Rune: You look quite stupid with that pink stuff on your face.
Jealousy: Are you kidding me? I look cool! Dustbin made me like this because he knew that in a few millennia, everyone will fear the colour pink and I'll be the terrifying creature with pink stuff on my face that everyone will be afraid to speak the name of because-
Rune: Shut up.
Jealousy: Yes Master. Your wish is my command.
AN: Please review!
Yeah, I'm doing one chapter = One book, I bet you intelligent people have noticed that already.
Oh yeah, and at the parts that annoy me, I'll be appearing to shout at the characters because that's what I sometimes feel like doing when I read the series.