more dialogue
my apologies for not knowing how to write a decent fic.
i own nothing.

lyrics: please don't say you love me - gabrielle aplin

Heavy words are hard to take

Under pressure precious things can break

How we feel is hard to fake

So let's not give the game away

"Liv."

"No, by all means, say it." Olivia argued. "Say it, Brian. You're only with me now because you feel sorry for me."

"You've got to be kidding me…" Brian sighed, running a hand through his hair he picked up the dinner dishes and proceeded to the kitchen.

"Then what do you mean?" She followed him, watching as he started washing up, clearly trying to avoid the conversation.

"You need to talk to me Olivia." He turned "You don't tell me anything. Everything is always 'I'm fine' or 'Work was the usual' you never actually tell me how you're feeling. Especially not now! You didn't even want anyone to know that we were together for god's sake!" His voice got louder. "I would never stay with you, just because I feel sorry for you. I am not that kind of guy, Liv. I'm not that desperate for a girlfriend that I would take advantage of you and string you along, thinking we were fine when we're not. No matter what you think."

"Then how do you feel about me?" She question, her voice quiet, the nervous feeling setting in her stomach.

"How do you feel about me?" He retaliated.

/

"So Brian didn't come with you today?"

"No"

"Did you ask him?"

"We had a fight." Olivia stated, already feeling nauseous and emotional.

"What about?"

"He said he didn't know where we were going, or what we were doing, something like that. And he wouldn't tell me how he felt about me."

"What did he say to you, when you asked him, did you ask him how he felt?" The doctor questioned, leaning forward in his chair.

"Yeah, he asked me how I felt about him." She said "I didn't say anything."

"And what happened after that?"

"He left." Olivia grabbed a tissue from the side table. "I didn't say anything, and he grabbed his coat and walked out."

/

Brian sipped his beer and shut the world out. He watched a couple in the far away booth, laughing, holding hands, sneaking sly kisses here and there. They looked so happy and at one point so did he and Olivia. He thought back to the random nights in her apartment, or his. Laying on the couch, watching re-runs of crappy TV shows after a rough day's work, sharing a bottle of wine, that usually ended up the two of them making love on the floor because neither of them could wait long enough to make the seven steps it took to get to the bedroom. The days where they would drive to the middle of nowhere, where nobody knew them, and walk around aimlessly, holding hands, stealing kisses, finding out random pieces of information about each other, casual nights at the movies making out like a couple of teenagers in the back row. Now he sat, in a bar, drowning his sorrows, while his girlfriend, although she'd never admit to it, sat at home, terrified of being by herself in the apartment. He knew this. He knew she hated being by herself right now, yet he still sat, drinking his feelings, hiding from the world.

"So, I just got a call from your very worried girlfriend, asking if I'd seen you or heard from you today…because she hasn't. Turns out she's quite worried about you."

Brian turned to his left to see none other than John Munch sit down on the barstool next to him.

"Well here I am."

"What are you doing here, Cassidy? You should be with Liv."

"I know."

"You're lucky it's me that's sitting here. If it were Fin, he'd have already hauled your drunk ass outside, beat the crap out of you and driven you home by now."

Brian laughed "I'm not drunk." He started peeling the label from the beer bottle in front of him

"You need to go home." Munch stated.

"I know." Brian nodded "I can't though, I've been drinking. Can you go, check on Liv for me?" He asked, the guilt pouring from every syllable.

"Brian…"

"Lewis made her drunk, he kept pouring drink down her throat…she still has nightmares about it. I can't go to her when I've been drinking."

John sat silent as he watched Brian, his frame riddled with shame. "God, I am the worst human being on the planet." He laughed. "My girlfriend…god, John, I love her so much. She was held for four days…four days that bastard had her, tortured her, taunted her and what did I do? Nothing. I stood around, made a few phone calls."

"You did what you could. You know that you couldn't have done any more. We wouldn't let you."

"I love her John." Brian stated proudly "I love her more than anything."

"Have you told her this?" John asked "Maybe she needs to hear it. She needs to know that you aren't going to up and leave every time the going gets tough."

"I haven't left yet. Besides, she doesn't need me pouring my heart out to her. If she doesn't feel the same about me, she's just gonna feel bad when I tell her how I feel. She doesn't need that. She's already going through the worst time of her life. She doesn't need me adding to it."

"Oh you stupid, stupid idiot." Munch muttered "You know nothing about women."

"Coming from Mr-I've-Been-Divorced-Four-Times? Really?"

"Get up, I'm driving your stupid ass home."

/

When he arrived home, Brian instantly jumped into overdrive. Every light in the apartment was on, a duvet cover on the floor and retching sounds coming from the bathroom.

"Liv? Babe?"

He hurried into the bathroom to find Olivia hunched over the toilet. He grabbed a wash cloth from the shelf above the tub, drowned it in cold water and rinsed it out before carefully reaching over to place it on the back of her neck.

"You okay, babe?"

She just nodded before spitting and laying back against the edge of the bathtub, she grabbed the cold cloth and buried her face in it. She looked up at him with worry in her eyes, he stood at the door of the bathroom, just about as far as he could get without leaving her sight. She didn't even have to ask him what was wrong, her eyes were already asking the question.

"I've been drinking" He whispered, looking at the ground "I'm sorry."

"Don't be." She replied, her voice quiet.

"I'll go make some tea?"

She just nodded as she sorted herself out, mouthwash, splash of water to the face, same routine as she had done for the last week. Walking back through to the front room, Olivia heard him messing around with the washing machine.

"What are you doing?" She smiled at the sight. Brian Cassidy, standing in his boxers, trying to load his clothes into the machine.

"They smell like the bar" He said, messing with the buttons "I didn't want you to have a flashback because of it or anything…not that I'm saying you would. I just was worried that you would get scared and I don't want you to be."

"It's okay. Don't worry about it. I'm just glad you're home."

Brian smiled at the sight of her, wearing his clothes, at midnight, in his kitchen. He couldn't help staring at the most beautiful woman in the world.

"All the lights are on…" He questioned.

"I'm not too keen on the dark right now."

"You're sleeping on the couch…"

"You're not in the bed."

"You're still being sick…"

"Nightmares."

Brian smiled "Thank you."

"For what?" Olivia took a sip of her tea.

"Being honest with me."

Olivia smiled at him, walking out of the kitchen and climbing back onto the couch.

"I'm gonna go shower"

"Okay."

/

Lying on his couch, curled up under the covers, her boyfriend's heart beating under her ear, his hand running through the ends of her hair, Olivia hadn't felt more content in a while. She turned her head towards the TV and glanced at the DVR clock.

02:39

In this very moment, she didn't feel scared, she didn't feel nervous or anxious.

She felt loved.

/

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comments and criticism welcome!