Thank you so much for the kind reviews!

As you have probably figured out by now I am not a native English speaker and therefore feel the need to apologise for strange phrases, odd word choice and all the other mistakes in my texts. Feel free to help me out :)

After this short statement - and if you're not discouraged to read on - I hope you enjoy the next chapter.

I hadn't slept one minute that night. At least I felt like it.

The whole time I had thought about what I could tell Deanna to convince her to let me make that trip. I had pictured the conversation in my mind, phrasing arguments, formulating answers to possible questions. And then all of a sudden it was morning and the sun beamed into my windows.

Of course it was still way too early to go to Deanna immediately. So I sat at the kitchen table, a cup of coffee in front of me and stared at the hand of the clock turning agonizingly slowly towards nine. The moment it passed the twelve, I was out of the door and on my way to the former congress woman. I was damn excited and rushed my step along the quiet streets of the city. A few minutes later I reached Deanna's house and tentatively knocked at the door.

The door swung open and my breath caught as my eyes fell on Aiden.

"Hello. What a warm surprise on such a cold morning." Aiden's smile made me wanna punch him.

"I'm here for your mother. Is she there?" My voice was cold.

"She is with Maggie right now… why don't you come inside and we wait together in my room?"

"I have an urgent request to make. Maybe you could ask her?" Ignoring his awfully disgusting offer.

"Wait – this is not about…?" he suddenly seemed alarmed.

"No. This has nothing to do with your stupidity the other night!" I lowered my voice.

"Ok – then wait, I'll ask."

I took a step inside and waited in the little hall next to the living room. I realized that I haven't been here since my arrival in Alexandria and my first conversation with Deanna. Maybe that was the reason for my nervousness. She had tried to delegate tasks to me. First she asked me to teach the children – which I refused. Then she asked me to play the piano in the Sunday services – which I refused. At last she wanted me to take over some watches on the guard tower – which I refused because I couldn't handle a weapon. Finally she gave up. So I was in for laundry and gate watch from time to time. I was fine with that. The last conversation we had was a very unpleasant one on my porch about me participating more in the community live. I think I disappointed her. Well, her son disappointed me more than once. Guess we were even.

Aiden returned and waved me in. Nervously I entered the living room. Deanna sat on an armchair. She wasn't alone, on the couch sat a girl with brunet hair falling down to her shoulders. She smiled at me, must be one of Daryl's group since I hadn't seen her before.

"Emilia." Deanna wasn't smiling. "What an unusual appearance. You haven't met Maggie Green yet?"

I shook my head and nodded shortly to the unknown woman.

"Maggie, Emilia was brought into the community by Aaron and Eric just like you and your group." Deanna explained. "But I couldn't be more surprised by her visit since she hasn't agreed to participate in any task I offered her."

I blushed and looked down.

"So, Emilia, tell me? What can I do for you?" She didn't offer me a seat.

"I…" my voice was trembling. "I started a garden next to my house. I thought growing plants could help with the food supplies. But I need seeds and maybe also fertilizer and other stuff which isn't available here in town."

"You checked with Olivia?"

"Yes I did." I threw a short glance towards Maggie who listened intensively and smiled encouraging. I took a deep breath and went on. "Aaron and Eric did some research and found a hardware store and garden market in a town near Alexandria where I could restock all what's lacking."

Deanna said nothing. From the corner of my eye I could see Aidan smiling.

I took a step closer to the table and started to unfold the map.

"It's not exactly around the corner but also not very far. If I could take a car I'll make a trip and bring the stuff I need back. Could take three to four days. I wouldn't be gone too long." I placed the map on the couch table in front of Deanna.

"Why don't you let the supply runners take that trip?"

"They wouldn't know what I need and what else could be useful." My hands were playing nervously with the rim of my shirt. "I've done some research about gardening lately. Read a lot."

Deanna looked down on the map. She didn't seem convinced. My heart fell. Maggie cleared her throat.

"I think it's a good idea." She said. "We should consider running short on supplies in the future, especially when the community keeps growing. Being self-sufficient would help a lot."

I threw her a surprised glance, I didn't count on any support.

Before Deanna could react there was another knock on the door. Aiden sighted and left the room. I heard him open the door, then there were voices in the hall. I looked towards the door, frowning. A few seconds later Aiden returned followed by Aaron and Daryl.

"Good morning." Aaron smiled. "Deanna, Maggie."

Daryl just nodded.

"Hello Aaron. You came up with this map?" Deanna cut to the point without further ado.

"Yes, and I think it's a good idea. I am here to support Emilia's plan." He winked at me. I really had been too harsh to him and Eric the past months. They never stopped supporting me despite all my repellent behaviour.

"Really?" Deanna raised an eyebrow.

"You always said Emilia wasn't participating enough. Now she offers to take her share."

"I offered her loads of tasks, which she could have accepted without risking her neck on a road trip."

"Why rebuke her now, when she finally found something she likes to do?"

Um, hello? I am right here. I can hear you.

"She is not going alone. The supply runners can accompany her."

"Um," my voice wasn't as firm as I wanted it to be, "when we all get in one car, there is no space left for the seeds and other stuff."

Deanna fixed her gaze on me again.

"I just need a car. It won't take long. I can do that." I tried to convince her.

"You're not going alone." Deanna repeated. "Aiden, you go with her."

My mouth gaped open. From all the people living in this town. I was sure my face was white as a wall – but what could I do? What should I say? Sorry but your son tried to rape me I'd rather not be trapped with him in a car? I was frozen into place while Aaron went over to Deanna to show her something on the map. I could feel Aiden looking at me. My hands clenched into fists again, my fingertips pressing against the small cuts inside my palm.

"I could go with her." a raspy voice suddenly said.

My eyes searched for Daryl's face. He was watching me, but when our eyes met, he quickly looked away and his gaze fixed on Deanna. Had he seen the fear in my face?

"Excuse me?" Deanna said. Aaron looked up as well. I saw Maggie eying me, frowning. Her eyes went from my face to my hands. Her mind was working, I could tell. Could anybody read my thoughts now? Or had Daryl or Carol told her what had happened at the evening of the welcome party?

"Yes," Maggie said slowly. "Daryl is very skilled and has a lot of experience. He was making runs for our group all the time."

"You want to go with her on that trip?" Deanna eyed Daryl suspiciously.

"Done that often." Daryl nodded.

Deanna thought about the options for a moment.

"Well," she finally said. "I like the idea. I think it's better when Aiden and Nicholas stay with Glenn, Tara and Noah for the moment. Making small runs around town. Learn to work together. You agree to go with Daryl instead of Aiden, Emilia?"

Maybe I was nodding way too eagerly, but the relief I felt was enormous. Nobody seemed to notice my easement, how the tension slowly left my body and my muscles relaxed. Nobody but Daryl, who was watching me from the corner of his eyes.

"Well, it's settled then." Deanna folded the map. "You can take the old pick up. It's big enough. Don't forget do take enough fuel. You should leave as soon as possible. The earlier you'll be back."

I nodded again. She handed me the map.

"Be careful." For the first time, Deanna smiled at me.

I didn't know what to say. With a short last glance at Maggie and ignoring Aiden completely I left the living room – followed by Aaron and Daryl.

"But Emilia," Deanna called me back when I was at the door. I turned round nervously.

"One last condition," the politician raised a finger, "when you're back from that trip, we'll have a talk about the tasks again. Agreed?"

Slowly I nodded, still too happy and too relieved to protest.

Outside the house Aaron offered me to pack some stuff together which I would need on the trip. Daryl mumbled something about taking a look at the pick up and left without any other word. I looked after him unsure if I should thank him. This was the second time he saved me. Was it possible to feel relieved and afraid at the same time? I better got my confusing feelings under control since I was very soon spending a lot of time alone with Daryl Dixon.

Aaron left around noon after hours of planning and packing. He explained the best route as far as he could tell from his trips. I was thankful to him for so many things and yet I couldn't tell him. Most of the time he was talking and I was just nodding.

I hadn't seen Daryl since the morning in front of Deanna's house. I had no idea if it was up to me to walk over to his home and make the last arrangements. If so, I couldn't bring myself to do it. As it turned dark my nervousness took over control and I walked back and force in my living room. I was of course still glad that it wasn't Aiden who accompanied me but when I started to make plans yesterday evening and the night I was always picturing me alone in the car. Now I tried to get used to the thought that I was about to spend the next days close to an almost stranger with disturbing blue eyes. I sighed.

To avoid unpleasant conversations I had dug out my old phone, which – except for missing reception and a broken display – was still working. I couldn't care less how Daryl would feel about me putting my earphones in the moment we got in the car together. My eyes fixed on the folder in which I kept pictures, almost tentatively my fingers slit over the display. There were so many memories in there, some welcomed, some not.

I was so lost in my thoughts that the knock at the door made me jump. Must be Daryl I thought and was again surprised when I opened the door and looked into Carol's face.

"Hey." She smiled.

"Hey." I answered warily.

"I'm here for the gratin dish."

"Of course. Just a second…" I mumbled distracted. As if…

I went into the kitchen, took the dish from the counter. As I turned I saw that Carol had invited herself in again. I handed her the bowl.

"Thank you." Carol smiled. "You have some tea?"

So she had no intention to leave again. I nodded slowly.

"Great. I'll take a cup."

I put a pot on the stove and she sat down in the living room. While the water was heating I tried to figure out what her visit was about. Couldn't be only for the dish. Maybe she wanted to make some reproaches for bringing Daryl into danger. Still bewildered by her behaviour I handed her a cup and sat down in the armchair facing her.

"So, you are going on a trip with Daryl." She said after taking a small sip from the cup.

"Seems so."

"Guess you're glad you don't have to go with Aiden."

"I'd rather go on my own."

Carol took another sip from her tea, then placed the cup on the table. She looked at me for a moment in silence. Nervously I was wringing my hands in my lap. I felt like she was looking right into me, like she could read my thoughts, like she knew about my hidden secrets. I felt exposed.

"I didn't ask him to come along." I whispered.

"I know." Carol smiled.

"You two are close."

"We all are."

I felt the need to explain myself to her. The urge to tell her that I wouldn't let him get hurt. But I knew it would be a lie. I couldn't promise that.

"You wanna see the route?" I offered instead.

"Sure."

I picked up the map and unfolded it in front of her.

"We're going to take this road." My finger came down on one if the lines. "Aaron and me worked it out. We should reach this little settlement by the evening and could rest there if it's save."

Carol followed my finger and nodded.

"If we continue travel by first light the next day we should reach the market by late afternoon." I went on. "Depending on what we'll find there we are on our way back the same evening or the next morning. Won't take too long."

"Sounds like a good plan."

I felt relived because she seemingly approved.

"He'll be back in no time." I tried to smile. I switched seat to the armchair again. "I was out there on my own for quite a while and even before the world went down I was camping and fishing with my Dad often, so I can handle that. You don't need to worry." As if camping had been the same back then, but I needed to tell her something.

"You try to convince me or yourself?" Carol took another sip from her tea and gave me a long look over the rim of the cup.

Ouch!

"Maybe both." I whispered.

Why I had the weird feeling I had to defend myself for going on that trip with Daryl?

"Look, I didn't ask him to do this, I could still go to Deanna and ask for Aiden to come with me." Even the thought of spending the whole trip with Aiden in one car made me sick but the way Carol locked at me wasn't supporting either. I felt trapped. And I hadn't done nothing. I hadn't provoked Aiden in jumping on me nor had I asked for Daryl's help. This situation was exactly why I was avoiding people in the first place.

"Why would you do that?" Carol seemed confused.

I shrugged.

"I think you got wrong why I came here."

Now it was me blinking confused.

"You think I disapprove that you go out with Daryl. Why would you think that?"

"I thought you might fear for him to get hurt."

"I do, but strangely, I have the feeling, you blame yourself…"

"No, no…" I interrupted her quickly.

Carol frowned. I could tell she waited for another explanation. But I couldn't give her one.

"I will leave you to your preparations now." She stood up. "But when you return, we'll have a talk about what you are afraid of."

I said nothing and followed her to the door. Suddenly everybody made plans for my return, pushing me into tasks or conversations I didn't want to be part of.

"Um, could you tell Daryl to meet me at Deanna's at nine? She said we should check on her before we leave."

"I will." She gave me one last intense look. "Maybe you should remember, that we all had to do… things… to come this far." Then she was out the door.

I looked after her as she went down the street, waving and smiling at other people passing by.

How could I even begin to explain, that it was never about what I had done but what I hadn't been able to do?

The sun was shining brightly the next morning, the weather was warm and friendly – the exact opposite to the chaos ruling inside of me as I entered the passenger's side of the old, rusty pick up. Carol, Aaron and Eric were quietly talking to Daryl while Deanna and Aiden watched them from the porch. I pulled a book from my knapsack but when I opened up its cover I realized my fingers were trembling.

Seven month.

For seven month I hadn't been outside of these walls. I avoided thinking about the time before Alexandria. Shaking my head I tried to banish the unwelcome pictures from my inner eye.

The sound of the driver's door slammed close interrupted my dreadful reflections. Daryl jumped inside and gave me one of these incomprehensible looks again. On the seat between us he placed a crossbow. I frowned, eying the weapon suspiciously. I only had a knife. Deanna made me take a revolver as well, but I wasn't good at aiming and shooting. I left it in one of the bags on the rack body.

"Ready?" Daryl asked

I nodded and he started the car. I was glad he had to concentrate on the road now and couldn't watch me any closer.

We left Alexandria heading north. In the rear mirror I observed the front gates becoming smaller and smaller till the road made a turn and they disappeared. I unfolded the map looking at the route again. On a map distances seemed so little. I sighted.

"Staying on this road?" Daryl asked.

I nodded and looked out of the window. The landscape outside rushed by. There was nothing out there. Not even an undead. The world had turned quiet. Quiet and empty. I leaned my head back against the headrest. Maybe I could try to get some sleep. But Daryl hadn't seen the route so far, I had to keep an eye on the map or we would end up in Canada. I sighted again.

"You've been inside the walls since they took you in?" Daryl's eyes were fixed on the road.

"Jep." I turned my head and eyed him. It felt safe as long as he wasn't returning the gaze.

"How long?"

"Seven month."

"Long time."

"Jep." My head turned towards the window again. Maybe this was the perfect moment to pull out my phone. But Daryl didn't speak anymore. So we continued our journey in silence.