Author's Note: It is Father's Day in Australia today, so I thought I would finally finish this chapter in honour of my favourite fictional father (Anakin, of course, even though he is not yet a father in this chapter).

So far this story is taking place alongside the canon scenes in the Attack of the Clones film. When you are reading this story you can assume that the events not clearly described or referenced happened the same way as it did in the film. The story will start to diverge more from the canon story later on.

Chapter 2: Pains

Anakin and Padme kept their identities secret while travelling to Naboo. Official records classed them as refugees, but under the influence of the Jedi Council, the crew of the large passenger carrier treated them with the upmost respect. Upon boarding the crowded ship, they received a private and spacious quarter to themselves.

While R2-D2 guarded the entrance, Anakin sat near a small circular window staring into literal space and wiped his sleeve across his forehead to remove the beads of sweat forming on it.

Padme, who was pacing back and forth, stopped next to Anakin and laid a gentle hand upon his scalp. "You look worried," she said.

"So do you," he said, his eyes still focused on the world beyond.

"I have an assassin after me. What's your excuse?"

Anakin took a deep breath. "Well, aside from the fact that it's my job to protect you from this mysterious assassin, I'm anxious about the future of the Republic."

"You sense it coming, don't you Annie?"

"Sense what?"

"A war between the Separatists and the Republic."

"I sense danger, but your optimism is admirable. It must be difficult reasoning with traitors, but I'm glad you're making the effort. The Chancellor is a wise man who's prepared to do what is necessary to preserve the Republic, but he…"

"He relies too much on aggression," said Padme.

"You can't fault him for that. He doesn't have your charm."

Padme sniggered. "You don't need charm to be an effective negotiator, Annie, you just need to see the good in people. I'm sure the Separatists aspire towards peace as much as we do, but they have other demands too. Perhaps if they had the chance to voice them, we could find a common solution."

"You would compromise with them?"

"If that's what it took to prevent more bloodshed. I don't want the galaxy to be divided but perhaps there are other options. For instance, we could grant the systems that belong to the movement more control over their own affairs, more freedom within the Republic."

"The Separatists are too ambitious and greedy to accept that offer. Even if they did, it would weaken the Republic by destroying the unity that exists among its members."

"Yes, but at least the Republic, as well as the liberty, democracy and safety it provided, would still exist. I'm willing to make sacrifices to keep those values alive. We each need to be prepared to sacrifice something. If everyone pursued whatever they wanted, without regard for others, there would be violence without end. Few can survive in such a galaxy."

"I suppose that's why the Jedi Order expects me to control my desires and emotions, but it's not easy. Sometimes I want to stop fighting and give into it."

"Give into what?"

Anakin rose to his feet and faced her, his expression intense. "Do you really want to know?"

"Yes," said Padme, running her fingers along his back, "Tell me everything. Whatever it is, I'll keep it secret, I swear."

"I'm not sure where to begin." Since their journey began, Anakin had wanted to tell her about his nightmares, the difficulties of living as a Jedi and his feelings for her. Now he was plagued by yet another set of concerns. Obi-wan, he thought, why did you force another burden onto me? "The problem is," he said, "I have abilities most only dream of and I am not doing enough with them. I should be using them to change the galaxy for the better, but I'm not. I believe in the Jedi ideal, but I can't live up to it."

Padme rested her hand on the back of his neck. "Such responsibilities are tough to handle, but at least you have someone to lead you. We politicians are isolated by our power."

"So am I," said Anakin, turning towards the window once more, "Obi-wan can't help me anymore."

"Why not? He understands what it means to be a Jedi far more than I do and he's taken on the role of training you. It's his duty to support and guide you along this path."

"I wish he could, but things are different between us now. I can't trust him. He's hidden things from me and restricted me, without sound reason. Now I have no one to turn to in the Order."

"What do you mean things are different? What did he do? Did he hurt you?"

"Not on purpose." For a few moments, Anakin stayed silent, his chin pressed against his fist. He wanted to reveal what had happened, but he sure if he understood it himself. In the end, he opted for a more neutral statement and awaited her response. "He's going to let me take the trails."

"That's you wanted, isn't it, Annie? Now you can become a true Jedi Knight and live out your dreams. You don't need to be nervous. If what I've heard about you is true, you'll do well."

"I'm not nervous," he said, his gaze focused on the stars outside. "I will pass the trials, but I'm concerned that Obi-wan is only giving me permission to move on because he wants me to owe him a debt, so he'll get what he wants afterwards."

"What are you talking about? What does he want?"

"Something I fear he'll never get from me."

Padme sat down beside Anakin on the floor of the dim garage that belonged to the Lars family. "To be angry is to be human," she said, leaning in towards him.

"I'm a Jedi," he said, trembling, "I know I'm better than this." He sniffled and lowered his head, his eyes screwed shut to hide his tears.

Padme stroked the back of his neck and his cheek. "Annie, relax, you've gone through something terrible and you're only human. Your mother was the only parent you had and she died far too soon, in a brutal way. I can't imagine losing those I loved at such a young age, nor can I imagine having your power. Anyone with your abilities could've done the same thing in such circumstances."

"I am no ordinary man, Padme," said Anakin, raising his head, "I can't afford to have such weaknesses. A Jedi must control their anger, that's the only way we can be worthy of the power given to us by the Force. It exists to be used for the right purpose, to maintain peace in the galaxy, and I used it to bring more suffering and death. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for what I did, but I don't know how to stop myself from doing it again, if anyone else is killed. I don't want to be ruled by rage. There must be something I can do, there must be."

Padme wrapped her arms around Anakin and pressed her chest against his. "You should tell Obi-wan what happened," she said, as he nuzzled her shoulder, "Even if you're mad at him, I'm sure he doesn't want you to be in such pain. Maybe he can teach you to manage your emotions."

Anakin snarled. "He can't even manage his own. He only pretends to."

"Even if that's truth, you can't blame him. The Jedi have high expectations. If you ask me they're too high and I doubt anyone in the Order meets them. You're the same as the others, Annie." She held him close and ran her hand along his rib cage.

"I try to be," he said. "The Jedi are peacekeepers. They don't seek revenge or kill innocents. Obi-wan would be horrified if he found out the man he loved was a murderer."

"He'll be disappointed and he might make you wait longer before taking the trails, but after sticking with you for ten years, he will not abandon you. He's your friend, your mentor."

"He's like my father," said Anakin, "but that only makes everything worse." He breathed in to stop himself from shouting. His chest ached. "How can he feel that way?"

"You can't be angry at Obi-wan for getting attached to you, even if the Jedi forbid it. The two of you travel the galaxy together and risk your lives for each other. Of course, he cares for you."

"I wish that were all he felt."

Padme pulled back from him and cupped his cheeks. "What happened, Anakin?"

"Obi-wan has fallen in love with me. He wants to court me and marry me or that's what he told me. I don't know what he really wants, but whatever it is, it's not right."

After a moment of silence, Padme returned her hands to her lap, "It must be shocking, hearing that from a fellow Jedi. I understand why you're frightened. He's older and he has power over you, but just because you see him as a father, doesn't mean he sees you as a son. Maybe he has realised that you're an adult, like you wanted him to and that's why he is so critical, because he expects so much."

"Well, I haven't lived up to those expectations. Whatever he thinks I am, I'm not it. I can't prevent myself from forming attachments, as he told me I should, before he decided he was in love with me. Why can't he pick one set of rules and follow them?"

"He probably can't help himself, Annie, the same way you can't help how you feel towards me."

"He told me he could. He thinks love is a choice that can be learned and controlled. If he's right, how can he pick such a destructive path? How can he be so selfish?"

"I realise that you're bothered by his desires. They go against what is typical for both men and Jedi, but they aren't wrong, whether he chose them or not. By the laws of the Republic he has as much right to marry you as I do, once you're no longer his student. You may never return his feelings, but you must accept that he has them and they don't make him an evil person."

Anakin pressed his forehead against his bent knees. "You don't understand. His desire to keep me helpless, which he calls love, is the reason my mother is dead. He didn't let me face the trails, because the more my power grows, the less I need him and he hates that. If he had never loved me, I would've been strong enough to save her."

"Annie, no Jedi, not even a Jedi Master, has ever stopped a death while it happened and you were too far away to stop her from being taken."

"I wasn't too far away to sense her pain," said Anakin, his chest constricting at the memory of his nightmares. "To a true master of the Force, space means nothing. The Force is everywhere and connects everything. Obi-wan taught me that, so either he lied about its power or he limited mine."

"Even if his aim is to keep you weak, he'll never succeed," said Padme, smiling. "The Force is mysterious, but you've shown me that it's real and you can use it. Nobody in the Order can take away your connection. I wish you luck in the trials and I hope you are granted the rank of Jedi Knight, but you're strong without it. It's only a label and so is the position of senator."

Anakin reflected on her words, his heartbeat slowing. "Yet, you're as powerful as you are brilliant."

"My power comes from the people of Naboo. They trust me. That's why the Queen chose me for the role of senator. I'm proud to have that responsibility, but I don't need a title to influence the galaxy and neither do you. You can learn more about the Force and use it in new ways without permission from Obi-wan or anyone on the Jedi Council."

"They wouldn't be pleased to hear that," said Anakin, raising his head and sniggering, "Still, you're right. If we both have power they can't control, it doesn't make sense to be afraid."

"I try not to be, but my power isn't limitless. Sometimes I worry that nothing I do matters and I find myself wanting to do more, but that very wish is the reason we're heading for war. I've seen leaders, on both sides, pursue power, only to have their ambition build until it overshadowed any other concern. Now any hope of a peaceful resolution is fading."

"I can't imagine you failing, Padme. Once we're off this cursed planet, your clever, diplomatic mind will find a last minute solution to this mess. Then everything will be put right, except what happened here. It's too late for me to save her or change what I did."

"What you did was wrong, but at least you recognise that. In my years as a politician, I've encountered tyrants whose aggression far outweighs yours, yet they think nothing of it. Violence is normal to them. You're not like that, Annie. You're a kind and caring man, who can learn from the past, even if you can't change it. It's not too late to choose a better future."

Anakin breathed out. His eyes watered once more. "You're right, I must not allow my anger to turn me into a monster. I must stay strong. I just need to figure out how. If you know what I must do, tell me, I beg you."

"You know what I will say and you're not going to like it. I can't always be your personal advisor. As soon as the threat against my life passes I must return to my civil duties, but there is someone else. You have a loyal companion, who would spend his whole life with you if let him and I think that's wonderful, regardless of the rules of the Jedi. You're not required to marry him, regardless of how much he loves you, but you shouldn't be dishonest with him. It may be difficult, but anyone that devoted to you deserves to hear the truth."

"Obi-wan must never find out," said Anakin, "If he does he'll turn me into the Jedi Council. I'll have to leave the Order. Then any chance to repay my debt to the galaxy will be lost."

"You owe no such debt, not a legal one, in any case. The Tusken Raiders are not recognised as beings with rights. They are ruthless and without compassion, so their relative intelligence only makes them crueller. Your crime was against your own moral principles, not the Republic. Even if you're forced out of the Order, you will not lose your liberties. You'll be able to start over."

Anakin scowled. "I didn't become a Jedi to avoid imprisonment, or slavery for that matter. I want to stay. I can't let my abilities go to waste or else I would be responsible for more misery."

"If being a Jedi means that much to you, Obi-wan will respect your decision not to tell the Council, just as I will. Don't forget, I'm a politician, Annie, I can destroy your reputation far more than any Jedi. It's what we do best. If you trust me, why not trust a truthful man who loves you?"

"He isn't like you, Padme. On the day I met you, as a young boy, you told me you cared for me and you meant it. I sensed your love. Obi-wan spent the early years of my apprenticeship treating me like a burden and wishing Qui-gon were alive to train me instead. Even as I grew stronger, nothing I did impressed him. No other Padawan ever got held to such standards."

"High standards give us something to aspire to. He was fulfilling his duty as your master, motivating you to improve. You wouldn't be where you are today without his training."

"Whatever his aims, he didn't act as if he loved me. He never praised me or showed me any warmth. He only gave me orders. How can such coldness be called love?"

"Feelings can change, Anakin."

"That is why I can't tell him what happened. I don't want his feelings to change."

Padme raised an eyebrow. A slight smile crept across her face. "You mean you want his love?"

"No, I don't. I wish everything would go back to how it was, when my mother wasn't dead, Obi-wan was only my Jedi Master and the worst crime he could accuse me of stubbornness. We had a strong connection and worked well together. He ruined that."

"He didn't, Annie. Your friendship isn't over and besides you weren't happy then either. You longed for his approval and it sound as if you wanted his affection too."

"I didn't want anything from him. Qui-gon should've been my master. He respected me from the start, valued me and understood me. If he were here, I could ask him for help. He would be patient and forgiving. He would teach me himself instead of relying on the Council. Obi-wan can't do that. He would only judge me and despise me. I don't need his love and I don't need him as my master, but I don't want him to hate me."

"You can't know how he'll react unless you tell him and then his feelings will become clear and you can decide what kind of relationship to have. Whatever path you choose, I'll always respect you and he will too."

Anakin stretched his legs out and sat in silence, holding back fresh tears. He tried to imagine what would happen if confessed his misdemeanours. Though he did not envision a single positive outcome, he foresaw how painful it would be to hold in his guilt. "I understand. I can't condemn Obi-wan for misleading me if I refuse to reveal my own secrets to him. Even if he does tell the Council he would only be doing what he is supposed to. Besides, the Order wouldn't dare expel someone as powerful and important as me."

Padme placed her hand upon his knee. "So you'll tell him?" she said.

"I'll try to, but I don't expect it to be easy."

"The sooner you tell him the easier it will be and waiting will only make it harder."

"It's hard enough already," he said, looking straight into her eyes, "but I can't let that stop me."

Padme hugged him once more. "That is the courageous Anakin that Obi-wan fell in love with," she said, patting his shoulder, "I hope he gets to see more of him."

"I just hope neither of you ever has to face the less pleasant side of me."

"You must face it for us, Annie. Can you?"

"Yes," he said, "for those I love, I'll do anything."

The two of them remained on the floor of the garage for several hours and did not let go of each other until the time came to bury the kind woman who once gave birth to Anakin. As her body was lowered into the earth, the young man arrived at a comforting truth. No matter how heavy his heart became, there would always be somebody to help him carry it.

In case this is not clear the line, about Obi-wan being like a father to Anakin is a reference to the same dialogue from the film (which occurred on the ship after Anakin and Padme learn that Obi-wan has been captured). In my story that particular piece of dialogue happens earlier and is not repeated on board the ship later. As for what happens after, well you will just have to wait until I am finished with the next chapter of the story to find out.

Sorry I took so long to write this. I have been busy with university stuff and this is not my favourite chapter, but it is a necessary part of the story (as all of you will hopefully see once I have written more of it). I have working on the fun stuff in the meantime (and am looking forward to uploading it), but I hope you enjoyed this chapter anyway.