I do not own Pretty Little Liars.

Should probably mention. The entire fanfic will be told through Spencer. She's the narrator of the entire thing. Except sometimes Spencer's retelling the story. Like in the italics, it's Spencer speaking but like future Spencer? Like non-italics is her in the past, and italics is her speaking in the future. Future Spencer is the Spencer that just graduated high school.

Chapter 3 - Passion

When I walked downstairs to open the door, I found Toby sitting down on my couch. "Hey, you're alive."

Toby smiled shyly as he heard me say that same phrase again. He's going to hear me say it over and over again. Sometimes in a different context, sometimes I'm joking around, sometime's I'm furious with him, and sometime's I'm grateful I can say that line to him again. My mood and attitude when I say it varies as the situations differentiate.

"So what did you have in mind for the project?"

I scratched my head, trying to think. "You know, normally I would want to get on with the project as soon as possible, but I was thinking we should get to know each other a little more." I flopped down on the couch he was currently seated on.

"Why?" Toby asked. He looked almost afraid, like he didn't want to do anything extra. Nothing personal, just business. Little did I know then, he didn't want to get close to me. He didn't want me to get to know him, but I did.

"Well, we are going to have to spend some time with each other," I started to say. "and I don't really know a lot about you."

He looked as if he was about to reject my statement, and try to get us back on track but something changed in him. I guessed he was tired of the dullness that school gave the both of us. "What do you want to know?"

I furrowed my eyebrows, and moved my head around trying to think. I wanted so badly to ask him about Noel and what happened between the two of them, but curiosity did not get the best of me. I thought to give him some space, no matter how much it killed me to try and get the answers Noel needed to get closure. Maybe, he'll talk when he's ready. After all, nobody does anything without a reason. Instead, I started off with something basic, simple. "Favorite color?"

He answered without thought or hesitation. "Dark blue." Others might not have found this odd, but I did. It seemed out of the blue, from such a care free person. Which brings me back to the thought that he could be depressed, or something.

"Why?"

His lips curled up in a smile. "It's the color of the sky at night," he said. "People say the color of the sky is gray or black, but I don't think it is. If you look at it better, the stars almost illuminate the sky to make the night bright. Make the night seem a whole lot less dark, and scary." There was admiration in his tone of voice, it was written on his face too. He turned a basic question, and made it sound almost meaningful. There wasn't a whole lot of people who appreciated the colors, or night for that matter.

People looked at night as something scary. They're often told stories of monsters, dark sprits, or murderers. All these incidents, or accidents seem to always happen at night. We fear the night or the darkness, but it's rare to find someone to appreciate the beauty of something so mysterious.

Colors are beautiful. It's almost amusing that someone could appreciate the beauty of one of the most simple things we see in life. We don't see people go into detail of how a simple color can be so complex. Red, orange, yellow, green, blue, or purple. They're just colors. Doesn't seem too special, but we should treat it as if it were. Enjoy the simple things in life, something so simple as color. There are the less fortunate people who would want to enjoy something so simple as to being able to see the color green, and how it compliments the color brown on a tree. Or blue, the color of the sky, ocean, and as Toby said, the dark night sky.

"The night sky has always fascinated me, you know," I said. Then, I didn't really understand or find the beauty of the simple ways of life. Not like Toby did. "I always loved watching the stars at night, trying to see if I can count them all."

"Maybe, one night we could watch the sunset fade into a beautiful, starry night."

I liked the idea of that, although, maybe not with him. I decided to joke around with him. "Where? In the middle of the road?"

I gave him a semblance of a laugh, but he didn't chuckle. He grinned kind of evilly. "That's the best part of everything."

"I don't think-" I started to object, but then again. Nobody was really forcing me to do this, it was completely optional.

"What's wrong with being in the middle of the road?" I stared at him as he asked the question dumbly. "It's not like we're going to get run over."

"Actually, that is exactly what it's like."

He looked down at himself, holding his arms up in the air as if he were presenting his body to me. "I'm still here."

"Why do you even do that?"

He shrugged, a boyish grin entering his face. "It's fun."

"Yeah because everyone thinks almost dying is fun."

Toby thought for a moment. "You haven't truly lived until you've had your near death experience." He grinned while I simply rolled my eyes.

"Can I ask you something?"

He leaned his back against the couch, sighing. "Depends on what it is."

"Why did you have that prescription bottle?"

"They were just some Advil pills. I had a bad headache last night. Relax, Spencer." He smiled like it was no big deal, but I knew. I knew he was hiding something. He wasn't telling the truth. One minute he's telling me to leave it alone, and the next he's answering me without hesitation. No argument, nothing.

He simply answered the question. As if it were rehearsed. Like he knew I was going to ask.

"If it was just a headache, why was it prescribed to you?" I pressed on. "Advil is an over the counter drug. You don't need a prescription. Especially if it's only a headache."

"I needed to hold the pills in something." He shrugged. "I'm fine Spencer. Let it go." I crossed my arms, exhaling slowly. "And I'm not suicidal, either." He added on with a small grin as if he were joking about something so serious. Although, it faded away quickly.

"So, the project. Which topic do you want to do?"

"I was kind of thinking about studying Franklin D. Roosevelt's speech, if that's okay with you." I smiled. The class was assigned to do a topic based on the 1930's as we were going to read To Kill a Mockingbird.

"I'd like that. He was actually one of my favorite presidents." I informed him. "The only thing we have to fear-"

"-is fear itself." He finished the quote from Roosevelt's inauguration speech.

I smiled widely. "That's one of my favorite quotes of his."

"It might be, but it doesn't seem like you're living up to that." It was like he wanted to challenge me.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing-"

"No, not nothing. What do you mean?"

"I'm not judging you or anything, but from my point of view. You look like the kind of person that would back down, or give in."

"That's not true."

"Really? Would you have been for or against the U.S. going into World War 2?"

"World War 2 has nothing to do with me."

"You probably would have been the one to go against bringing the U.S. into the war. Probably would have wanted to stay away from fighting for something right."

"That's not true, but in my defense. The U.S. wasn't even fit to fight a war. They were in a depression, and there was no money to pay for war funds-" The small chuckle that escaped his lips interrupted my rant. "What?"

"You like to play it safe, Hastings."

"So what if I do?" I huffed in defense. "There's nothing wrong with trying to keep it safe."

He shook his head, changing the subject. "What do you plan on doing after high school?" He asked.

"I planned on going to U-Penn. I've always wanted to be a writer. Marry a good guy. Hopefully have children-"

"That's so boring." He laughed. I crossed my arms. "You've got everything planned out, don't you? What's your back up?"

"Well, if being a writer doesn't work out. I was hoping to become a teacher-" His laugh stopped me once again. "What?"

"You're just further proving my point." He smiled. "You play if way too safe."

"Again I ask, what is wrong with safe?"

"Nothing. It's just- Just that-" He sighed, trying to form his sentence. "You can play it as safe as you want, but not all plans go the way you want it to."

"That's true, but that's why I have a back up plan."

"And if the back up plan doesn't work?" He smirked when he realized I didn't have a come back. "This is what I mean."

"So what? You're just going to lay back while life throws obstacles at your face?"

"That's what I intend on doing."

"College?"

"Never liked school."

"Career?"

"I'm not really good at anything."

"What are you going to do if you have a family? How will you provide for them?"

He answered my last two questions slowly. "I don't plan on having a family."

"Why not?" I asked softly. He answered me with silence. There were just so many things I didn't know about him. He was always so secretive, so locked up and isolated from the world. I wanted to know everything about him. The more time spent with him was intriguing, but I didn't know how. I just wanted to keep talking to him, know more. And I was determined to find out what he's hiding.

"Can we just go back to the project?" The way he asked the question surprised me. He lost his voice. He always sounded confident in what he says, like he was always right. As he asked the question, he sounded almost broken. Like he was falling apart.

"So how was the project with Toby?" Noel asks. I was currently at his house, resting my head on his chest as we lie on the hammock outside.

"It was okay." I answered vaguely. "We chose to research about Franklin D. Roosevelt's speech."

He smiled at me. "Your favorite president."

"You remember." I grinned, lifting my head up to face him.

"How could I forget?" Noel asked, laughing a little bit. "It was probably one of our first ever conversations." I leaned up to kiss his lips slowly.

"The first of many." I whispered. I was laying on my side, with my hand leaning on his chest. I looked him in the eyes, and kissed him again. My hands slowly moved down towards the hem of his t-shirt, tugging it softly. He stopped the kiss abruptly, grabbing my hand.

"Spencer-"

"I want to do this." I whispered. He gulped.

"Are you sure?" He sighed when I nodded. "I don't want you to regret this."

"And I won't." I smiled. "I love you." I climbed on top of him, capturing his lips again.

I remember when he carried me back inside to his bedroom. At the time, I knew something was missing. I didn't know what it was then. Noel and I were together for 3 years at the time. I was ready, and I felt ready. Except it wasn't right.

I don't regret it. I couldn't have asked for a better first time. Noel was the type of guy every girl wanted. Good looking, charming, funny, sweet, caring. Maybe one day I'll come back to him, but for now it's just going to be me. I do love him, but it wasn't real love. It was almost like puppy love.

We were freshman's in high school when we first said we loved each other. It was in this moment when I questioned if our relationship was truly real. Something that will last forever. At first I thought it was, but there's always one thing missing. And in this case.

It was passion.

Okay, I am so so so so so sorry to those who actually read this. I'll try to update more often! And the Noel and Spencer scene, yeah I'm sorry. It escalated kind of quickly, huh? lol I'm sorry. This is still Spoby based! And the World War stuff and FDR speeches. Those aren't my views of the 1930-1940's. It's just for this FF.

Anyways, thank you so much for reading this! I really hope you enjoyed it! And I'm happy to know if you're still reading this, even after 5 months waiting for an update! You're awesome! -ThatKidFromSchool

prettylittlespobyshipper: lol thank you for reading. You'll find out soon! :)

Guest: I've never watched Keith, but I've heard of it. :)

choose joy xox: Thank you for reading! :)

Siretha Elaine: lol I love you :) #TeamJarzria