Recap: Kate can't move, can't breathe, can't believe what this man has just shared with her. Before she can react to his heartbreaking confession, she hears him quietly whisper, "Why Vaughn, Kate?
The question rushes through her ears like wind through a tunnel. Her words are far away as she begins to explain, "Vaughn was, Vaughn was a mistake, Castle." "Although nothing happened, the situation was still a mistake."
His eyes search her face, searching for the real reasoning behind her words. "A mistake Kate, or a lapse in your belief of what we had?" She stiffens at the word "had".
He continues, "I know nothing happened but I can't get over the fact the situation presented itself enough that you had to step back or doubt in the first place." "I've spent the better part of five years breaking down your walls, trying to find my way in. It was less than a day for Vaughn." "Why, Kate?"
She hangs her head as she struggles to find the words to convey her regret but more importantly explain her actions. "I did doubt you, I doubted us." "I let my insecurities take hold before I realized what I was doing." She searched out his eyes, needing him to see her words as well as hear them. "I'm so sorry I doubted you Castle, I'm so sorry."
He surprises her with his response, "I'm sorry too Kate, for ever having placed those doubts in your heart." "I'm still hurt but I am beginning to understand your actions a little more."
She watches him and although she wants to move towards him, to be closer to him she remains just on the outside of the doorframe. The last few days have taken their toll on both of them. She is exhausted and can tell that he is too. They've made some progress today and she is hopeful it's enough for now. It's not.
"Are your doubts the reason you kept the job offer and the interview from me?" Kate takes a deep breath. She wishes they could stop for today but she knows she promised him that she was ready to deal.
"Maybe initially the doubts were the reason to hide it from you." "However, I really thought it wouldn't go anywhere and I didn't want to upset you." "I shouldn't have kept secrets, not from you." "I just, I've never had to consider anyone but myself for so long, I fell back into bad habits."
"I would have supported you Kate, in whatever way you wanted." "I still support you, I'm so proud that you are up for such a prestigious position. I just wish it was something we could have shared together, I wish you had trusted us enough to let me share in the decision."
Kate cuts in, "Castle, I know and I'm sorry." "My handling of the opportunity was poor but it helped me realize that I wanted more." "I do want more Castle and not just the job." "The last few days have made me understand how much I love you, how much I love our life and how much our relationship means to me."
He jumps out of his chair and moves towards her, "If that's the case Kate, then why turn down my marriage proposal."
Her composure is beginning to crumble. "Castle, I didn't turn down your proposal, I told you I couldn't say yes right then." "I needed time to think."
He is losing patience. Two quick strides and he is directly in front of her. He tilts her face up to meet his eyes. "Kate, you've had nothing but time." "I've been patient, complacent even, never pushing and allowing you the time you needed to put both feet in this."
She takes a deep breath, reveling in his touch even if he's angry with her. "I know Rick, I know." "After you left me at the swings, I did some thinking." "I took some time to get my thoughts in order and then, I came here."
He moves past her through the door and towards the kitchen. She breathes in his scent that lingers from his brush past and she follows him out of the room. She watches as he grabs a bottle of water from the fridge, tilting it towards her in a silent question. She shakes her head; he shrugs and uncaps the bottle taking a large swig of the cold liquid.
Placing the bottle on the counter he turns to her, "What do you want Kate?" There is no anger or animosity in his words just straight curiosity.
She crosses the room, circles his waist and tilts her head up so she can look directly in his eyes and simply states, "I was hoping we could talk about D.C. and marriage and more."