School stresses me out.
Despite the fact that I enjoy learning, I have a few really good friends (and a few not so good), and I have really great courses this semester there are some aspects of it that just make my poor short black hair go gray. The main thing being Stan.
Even though Stan and I are "cool" at the moment, seeing him just makes me go insane. Usually, when the two of us hang out, one of us gets hurt, and most of the time that person is me.
Like right now.
It's a Monday, and Stan and I are hanging out at the playground behind our school. It is an oddly hot day, and I have stripped down from my heavy red coat from Forever 21 but I am still wearing blue jeans and a purple t-shirt. Normally, on days like today I would feel a sense of hope, maybe motivation to work extra hard on an assignment or to ask someone to go get Starbucks, but today I feel oddly grounded. I watch as Stan goes back and forth on his swing, as I rock slightly on mine. He is going on about he is planning on meeting up with the girl he met at summer camp, even though I have mentioned a few times that I'd rather not know about her or any of their plans. As he goes on and on, I feel my heart sink further and further into my stomach. I know it is killing me being around him like this, but he is a drug, and sometimes I swear I am addicted to the pain he brings me.
"I wrote a bucket list you know," I say out loud, trying to change the subject. My voice remains at one tone and I notice my hands are clutching the cold hard metal chain links that are holding up the swing.
"Oh that's neat, so anyways Gypsy and I…"
"Stan I don't think you understand how serious this is!" I crack, and leap up from my swing to face him. "This isn't a fucking cold, if it is what it is, I might die!"
Stan stops swinging and allows his feet to scrape against the ground. "Wendy, you'll be fine. If you have cancer, you'll be fine. The survival rate is going up."
"You just don't understand,"
Stan looks at me eye to eye and shrugs. "You're right I don't." he replies before starting to swing again.
Usually after failed interactions that get my hopes up, I go home and cry for a few hours about this kind of thing. Sometimes I annoy my friends about it, but lately since my friends have been getting sick of it, I suffer alone. However, tonight I don't have time to cry or worry about my love life with Stan. My online course for English begins and my parents and I have to drive into Denver to meet the teacher and get any questions we have about online courses answered. Since I have already done an online course before, I don't really have any questions. However, it is always nice to go and get a proper introduction.
I slam the door when I arrive home, feeling a bit sour. My Mom is in the kitchen eating an Activia yogurt, her favorite. A pile of papers sits in front of her paper clipped together all neatly, order is one of my Mother's favorite things as well. "Hey sweetie, how was your day?"
"It was all right Mom," I say trying to avoid looking at her face to face, I head towards the fridge and open it searching for a snack. I see a package of cheesestrings and grab myself one.
"Your teacher sent us these papers to print out for you to read, you're in for a very long semester." Mother informs me with a smile.
I turn to face her with the sweetest fake smile I can muster. "I know mother, but it beats the English teacher at South Park High."
After Mother leaves the room, I take a look at the papers on our kitchen table. The first one explains the course; the next has a calendar of due dates, and the last one of individual study books. It says on the top that we must choose just one to read, and to inform the teacher of our choice as soon as possible. I take a look at the list, and notice that it is about three pages long. As I begin to read it, I have to sit down in shock by the amount of books that are on it.
The choices are just incredible; I don't know how I am going to choose just one single book. Some of them are personal favorites of mine like My Sister's Keeper, A Long Way Gone, Perks of Being a Wallflower. Others are books that my friends are absolutely obsessed with like Looking for Alaska, Green Mile and The Fault in Our Stars. A lot of the other books are books that I have been meaning to read for years such as Fight Club, Frankenstein, and Dracula. As I sit there gaping at all the books I have to choose from, one book in particular stands out the most for me, Into the Wild.
The thing about this book is I have been meaning to read this one for years and years. My father is absolutely obsessed with this book, and he has been recommending it to me for quite some time. However, other books always seemed to get in the way and this one just kept on being pushed back. Reading it is actually one of the things I wrote on the bucket list, taking it as fate, I decide that is the one I am destined to read for this course.
Leaving behind the papers and my backpack in the kitchen, I head upstairs into my Father's office. It is a relatively dark room, with dark brown paint, hardwood floors, and a large bookshelf on the wall with my Father's collection of books. Many are Stephen King's and Farley Mowat's works. Right beside Dad's copy of Animal Farm I spot the book sitting there, waiting to be read and enjoyed. I slip it off of the shelf and hold the book in my hands. It has been read a few times, but it is still in pretty good condition. I smile as I stare at the half white, and half gray cover, this is the first thing I can cross off of my bucket list. It may be a small thing, but it is a start.