Big shout out to Stacy who I could not do this without or at least it would it multiple different tenses so it would be nowhere near as good. Love you Stacy 3 I don't own this show or we would have at least found out the name of C.J.'s child. Chapter 3.
As Josh parked himself on C. J.'s couch, he can't help but be disappointed in himself for not doing this yesterday morning.
He could tell as soon as she arrived that something was wrong. It was mixture of the bags under her eyes, and the way she dragged her feet that set him off. At first, he thought it was just a late night, but C. J. always had late night and never did she come into the office looking like she'd spent all night outside in the cold. Josh knows that he can be obtuse, that usually he's the last person to realize anything like this with anyone until Donna hits him over the head with information like a mallet; this isn't anyone though, this is C. J. and he can tell that something is dreadfully wrong. No one faints for just any reason.
He is determined now to find out what it is, so he can be there for her. He knows that C. J. doesn't have many people in her life. She has brothers, a niece and an aging father, but she doesn't have someone to go to if she really needs help. Then again knowing C. J. she doesn't have anyone to notice something is wrong, and then force her to come clean. So, that's what he is doing. He's sitting in her office until she arrives, and he's going to make her tell him what the doctor that she must have seen yesterday said.
/ / / /
C. J. had experienced an awful night.
Vomit. Vomit. Vomit.
Whenever she seemed to begin to doze off her stomach turned and she regurgitated what little food she had eaten for dinner the previous night. She would have loved to take the day off and just sleep, but she also knew that she was going to be needed in the office that day and could not afford the luxury.
She had hoped, though, that when she arrived at her office she could close her blinds and take a quick half hour nap. That way, people wouldn't be suspicious of her arriving late and she could get in a quick power nap to get her through. Unfortunately for her though when she arrived she found Josh waiting impatiently in her chair.
"Joshua, what can I do for you? Make it fast. I have that PBS meeting with Toby and then the Lydell's are coming in." Without her usual double shot of coffee she was completely underprepared to face a morning banter session with the Deputy COS.
"What's wrong with you?"
"Do you want to tell me what's going on Josh? I don't remember killing someone last night," C. J. asked, looking up at her friend. She was taken aback by the stricken look on his face. He couldn't know that she was pregnant, and there really wasn't anything she could think of that she'd done to piss him off like this.
"You look like shit," he said, his voice being raised.
"Well, thank you, kind sir."
"You know what I mean. You're tired and clammy. You look like you need to vomit and sleep for a week. Yesterday, you passed out. I know all the signs of being sick, and I saw Dr. Bartlet whisk you away yesterday, which she would only do if she were concerned. Now tell me what is wrong?" By the time he ended his tirade, Josh's voice had gone up about ten octaves. Much louder than C. J. appreciated whilst she's trying to keep her pregnancy under wraps.
"I'm not sick, Josh." And she wasn't. Not really. She had a small creature living in her womb, who was taking all her nutrients whilst making her regurgitate all foods, but she isn't technically ill.
"I know sickness when I see it Claudia Jean. My dad had that same look in his eye…"
"I'm not sick." Despite her attempt he still kept going.
"…The week leading up to telling me about his cancer. Now whatever it is, we can fix it. I promise that…"
"I'm not sick, and could you please keep it down?"
"…I will be there for whatever you need, whenever you need. You don't need to be so strong for us…"
"I'm pregnant, you idiot."
"…We'll have the best doctors at your disposa- wait what?" He could nto have just heard what he thought he had heard.
"I'm pregnant. I found out yesterday when Abbey whisked me away. I was going to tell you but I needed some more time and I thought I should tell Leo first as he is my boss." Apparently, she had just said what he thought she said. Pregnant. C.J. The words didn't seem to make sense together.
"Woah."
"That's all you have to say. A second ago you were telling me that you would be there for me in my time of need and that you'll find me world-class doctors. Now you are silent?" C. J. wasn't sure how Josh was digesting the new of her impending motherhood but she hoped it was well. After all the things that Abbey had told her last night she had realized how much she was truly going to need her best friends. Not just for logistical reasons but for moral support. People to hold her hand when single motherhood got hard.
"Well, I'm just… very shocked. I'm mean… you're pregnant." C. J.'s face fell at his answer and tears began to well up in her eyes. She'd never really been a crier, but with the hormones that are racing through her body she couldn't help but get emotional. "I can't wait to see you get fat." Josh added.
"What?" That was not what she had expected him to say.
"Yeah, I mean this is great news. I thought you were going to be dying or something. I was think brain tumor or breast cancer or something awful. This is certainly not awful." In fact, Josh was rather happy for her. She deserved something good in her life and although it would be time consuming he knew that they would figure it out. "I didn't realize you were even seeing someone though."
"I'm not."
"I don't get it. You're pregnant."
"Yeah, you see it was a one-night stand and that's all I'm gonna say on the matter." If the President was like a second father then Josh was like another brother and one of the last things she wanted to discuss with him was her sex life.
"More than enough said." They had both fallen into a comfortable silence as C.J. joined her co-worker on the couch. She felt better after she told him. She was still scared and she still didn't know how she was going to tell everyone else, but at least she had shared the weight on her shoulders with Josh. "Do you want a hug?"
"Alright," C. J. replied, falling sideways into one of her closest friends. She enjoyed it for a second, the fear of everything to come subsiding for a mere second, but then she realized that she had been lying on her couch hugging Joshua Lyman.
"Does this feel good to you?" He could clearly feel the awkwardness that, as two people who have never been and probably never would be huggers, enveloped them.
C. J. pushed herself back up and on her original side of the couch. "Let's not do that for a long time, Joshua."
She felt him nodding in agreement. "Got it," he said as he stood up and got ready to leave, but not without a special spring in his step. He was going to be an uncle and sure maybe he couldn't tell anyone, but he knows and for now that's be enough. Plus, his competitive hackles were always ready to be raised and he would always be glad that he was the first senior staffer to know. "See you at Senior Staff in 10."
He gave her one last smile and wink before making his way back to his office.
/ / / / / / / /
As Josh barged into his office, he was probably more surprised than he should've been to see Sam waiting there. He tried to wipe the smile of his face, but even he can tell that he's not being very successful. Whilst he's generally a happy guy he could only expect Sam to be confused as to why he's got an almost manic glint in his eye.
"What's up with you?" Sam questioned him.
"Nothing. Why would you think there's something wrong?" He answered entirely too quickly and with an edge of paranoia for anyone, let alone his best friend to believe him.
"Something is up? You are much too happy for a Tuesday morning and especially seeing as you just left C.J.'s office. Usually if you are with her this early in the morning you've done something wrong and she's chewing you out for it," Sam argued back. It was clear that something was going on and he was determined to find out what it was. "Come on. You can tell me."
"It's classified." It seemed to Josh like the perfect line. C. J. would consider it currently classified and surely Sam wouldn't question the idea that he was speaking to the Press Secretary about some sort of military action. "We should get going," he added looking at his watch and stood up. "We have Senior Staff in a few."
"We basically have the same level of clearance," Sam pointed out as he followed Josh to Leo's office. Clearly he was not buying what Josh was selling. Not that Josh was giving up the secret any time soon. He'd seen C. J. angry before, hell he'd had C. J. be angry at him before, and he had no wish to have that happen again.
"Basically the same level is not the same level."
"Never does C. J. find something out before I do. If she has to speak about it then I'll be needed to write a speech about it." It was times like these that Josh wished he worked with bigger idiots.
"Well, I don't know what to say other than that it-"
"-it's classified," cut in Sam stopping Josh at the door to Leo's office.
"Look, we have bigger fish to fry today than whatever C.J. was blabbing to me about. I need you to be focused so that you can save my ass in front of Bruno today." And with that last comment Josh hurried them into the daily senior staff meeting.
/ / / / / /
C. J. tried to listen during the Senior Staff meeting, she really did, but she felt herself zoning out almost constantly. Her stomach had begun the unpleasant sensation of rolling just ten minutes ago, and she was afraid that she might actually vomit in front of everyone. She had already passed out on national television just 24 hours previously and she had no plans to put herself up for show again this soon.
"Anything else?" Leo asked.
C. J. forced herself to pay attention when she realized the meeting about to come to an end, and she hadn't heard a word of what anyone was saying.
"Josh has a classified secret that he won't tell me about, but whatever… it's not like I wanted to be kept in the loop," complained Sam.
C. J. wasn't sure if she should feel surprised or not that Josh had yet to blow her secret. It'd been only about 15 minutes since he was told, but, on the other hand, it was Josh and secret keeping that didn't involve bomb and international warfare, had never been his strong suit.
"It is classified." It was only really classified for her doctor, but C.J. appreciated Josh's lie.
"All right, everyone get out and squabble somewhere that isn't my office. Except you, C.J., I need to talk to you," Leo complained, sending everyone out of the room.
Once everyone left, C.J. turned to Leo. "What is it Boss?" she asked him trying to not to show him that she was at all worried. She knew the time had come to tell him, but after only having digested this herself for one night, she really wasn't ready to tell him. "What did you need?"
Leo removed his reading glasses and sighed, "You passed out yesterday, spent the day with Abbey, and then she asked me not to overwork you, so I need answers."
"I don't know what you mean?" Denial had always been C.J.'s first response.
"I mean, that I need to know whatever Abbey and Josh know. You clearly aren't deathly ill, or Abbey would have you in hospital, and Josh would be in shock and we've all seen him in shock. This isn't what he looks like."
"There isn't anything wrong." And there wasn't really. Her baby might be unplanned and she might be unprepared, but her baby wasn't bad.
"C.J." he said with a slightly sharper edge to his voice. "Do I seem like a man who was born yesterday? Give me the damn information."
"I'm pregnant." C.J. blurted out without much of a warning.
She didn't remember the last time a room felt so quiet. Leo's face began to form an expression that was clearly of disbelief of what he was hearing and quite possibly disappointment. She knew that he wouldn't be please. After all, he was never a man who allowed personal business in the office. But, after speaking to the Bartlets and speaking to Josh, she had hoped differently.
"What do you mean you're pregnant?" He demanded when he regained coherent speaking skills.
She expected him to blow up and she might have found that more comforting. She could do battle or she could receive comfort, but this no-man's-land that his silence lived in was more uncomfortable than anything else. C.J. sighed, "After I collapsed yesterday, Abbey made me go to the doctor and we found out that… I am with child."
"I knew he'd be trouble. I knew that you wouldn't be able to control it," Leo muttered, almost to himself. It was at that comment that C.J. felt genuine anger rising
"I know what you are talking about but you are wrong. Nothing has happened between Danny and myself." She already knew what the press would say about her. They'd point out that she's unwed, that it was unplanned and that, as the face of the administration, she should know better and whilst she'd swallow that because she has no other choice, she refused to allow the people in her office to call her unprofessional. Not after the long days and lonely nights, and how she's done nothing but given Danny the rare kiss.
"He's not the father. This child will have no father." C.J. snapped at her boss.
Deep down, in a place that was almost hidden from her, she kind of wished that Danny was the father. She loved the President and wanted to work hard for this administration, but her heart had been hurting lately and she's almost sure that Danny could be the antidote. She'd never know though, because as she could see by the look on Leo's face, that a relationship between the two would end in nothing but terminated employment.
"Pretending for a second that I believe you why would you think that, that option is any better. An unwed mother? Are you working for the Republicans now?"
At that point it was all she could do not to pick up the closest object to her and throw it at him. She could hear 'don't let your blood pressure get too high' ring thorough her head in a voice that sounded suspiciously like Abbey and she knew that she needed a break. So without listening to her boss anymore she left his office and headed for the peaceful sanctuary that was her own.
/ / / / / /
It turned out her office was anything but a peaceful option. As soon as she stepped inside Toby and Sam accosted her about why she had stormed out of Leo's office and why Josh was being so odd.
"We're just worried about you is all," Sam told her, "you look pale and like you want to throw up."
"Funny how, when I'm looking at your face, Samuel, I suddenly feel the need to vomit, isn't it?" C.J. shot back.
If this was how they treating her when they assumed she had the flu, then she really did not want to tell them about the baby. She refused to be treated with kid gloves, like she was some sort of invalid. "Now seeing as there is nothing going on, can you both please kindly leave my office so I can go brief?"
"You look like shit, C. J.," Toby told her truthfully.
She was sure she didn't look great. A mixture of not washing her hair, a lack of sleep and the near constant state of nausea definitely wasn't giving her a supermodel complexion but she still took offence at Toby's comment, and her sarcastic response showed it, "Thank you Tobias. The girls love to hear that."
"You know what I mean. Just tell us what's wrong?"
"Nothing is wrong. Why does everyone assume that because I could look better that I am dying?" She asked rhetorically, her voice getting louder and louder to the point where she was basically yelling. "And even if something was wrong stop treating me like porcelain and let me figure it out on my own!"
"I'm not treating you like porcelain, you just look like you are dying…"
"…And we're worried," Sam tried to add quickly, but it was covered over by C.J. yelling.
"WHY DO PEOPLE KEEP SAYING THAT?" she screamed in frustration. It wasn't like her to lose her cool like that. She was usually, generally somewhat level headed. However between everyone telling her how awful she looked, and the way Leo looked at her, she was beginning to crack. "I'm not dying, I'm just goddamn pregnant!"
Shocked that she had just screamed that for the entire West Wing to hear that she grabbed her briefing folder and made a hasty exit with nothing but a quick, "I have to brief, I don't have fucking time for this" as she departed.
This was not turning out to be a brilliant day.
/ / / / /
Despite her best effort to keep her cool she blows up in the morning briefing. It's nothing calamitous. She doesn't tell the press to go fuck themselves, although she'd like to today, but she was clearly on edge and they can clearly feel the tension. She'd always been good at compartmentalizing; at walking onto this stage of hers and forgetting what was going on in her life long enough to give them the news.
Not today though.
When everyone in the press room is appropriately scared off, she ended the briefing and marched back to her office. What she really needed was to lock her office door and lay down on her couch, take a short break. To finally have a chance to catch her breath and figure this all out on her own.
That's why when she saw that Danny was in her office, she was less than pleased. "Why does no one seem to see my office is private? This is not some communal hang out space for any one, let alone the press."
"Are you okay, C.J.?" She could see the worry in his eyes and for a split second, she considered telling him the truth. That she wass pregnant, scared and that Abbey had promised her that the Senior Staff would be there for her. She can't though, because he was still the press and everyone would actually kill her.
"I'm fine."
"You don't seem it," he disagreed, taking a couple of steps close to her.
She needed him to not come any closer though or she couldn't be held responsible for what would happen. She's always so in control, but around him she seemed to just unravel. "Well, I am."
"You might want to say it like you mean it when talking to everyone else," he suggested, taking another few closer, this time clearly violating any personal space rules.
She could feel his breath on her face and she knew what was going to happen a second before it did. Danny's lips were soft and warm on her own and before he can pull away she dropped her briefing folder and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him closer. The kiss that started off slow and exploratory had become frantic and needy. Like she was trying to kiss away all the unhappiness she had been feeling and replace it with Danny's sheer happiness.
It took her another minute and a lack of oxygen before she pulled away and realized what she'd done. Sure, before yesterday kissing Danny occasionally was one thing, but kissing him now was totally another. With a panicked look in her eyes and the memory that she was pregnant and he's not the father running through her mind… C.J. took off, running out of her own office and leaving behind a stunned Danny.
God, she really needed to find Abbey.
I hope you liked that! Sorry, it took so long but I was finishing uni for the year and moving house and it was utter chaos. Anyway send me a review and I'll get starting on the next chapter.