Elsewhere in space, a blue box was floating through the cold, starry void…
And inside the aforementioned box, which was bigger on the inside (what?), there was a man in a ridiculous bowtie who answered to one title… The Doctor.
Doowowoo Wowoo Doodoodoo doodoodilladoo Wowowoo theme music theme muuuuuusiiiiic Bowow wowooo!
"Oh hell no," gasped the Doctor, snapping his fingers all over the place, "According to this flashing button on my screen, the TARDIS is detecting a paradigm shift in the fundamental nature of the universe."
No-one responded because the Doctor was alone, sobbing in the dark.
"Hey asl?" asked the Doctor to the empty room. No-one responded with an age, sex or location.
"Haha forever alone," smiled the Doctor, before turning back to the paradigm shift thing.
The paradigm shift, which was more of a meta-portal really, tore space a new one. It was huge, dark and throbbing.
"Huge, dark and throbbing? Sounds like your heart," laughed the Doctor once more before realising that he was indeed completely alone, "Haha."
He became so depressed by this realisation that he saddled up the TARDIS and rode it into meta-portal, waving a cowboy hat in his right hand as he did so.
"Soup's on everypony!" he screamed as he vanished in a flash of white.
Two months later…
"Cybersex?" suggested Castiel tentatively, as he and the boys drifted through the cage still locked in the DeLorean.
"Yogscast," babbled Dean incoherently, "No. Just no."
"Again?" asked Castiel?
"Yes," laughed Dean and soon Castiel was laughing with him.
Sam looked on confused from the side.
Castiel and Dean interlocked arms around each other's shoulders and raised their hands in declaration, "Soup to everypony!"
"What the fuck are you guys talking about?" asked Sam, an incredulous look dripping from his face, like melted ice-cream.
"Well, it depends," shrugged Castiel wearily, "I like to talk about computers."
"Hi Stranger!" said Dean, "What computer?"
"I use a MacBook Pro," smirked Castiel, "because I'm cooler than you."
"Whatever nerd, I use an Asus g73jw," scoffed Dean angrily, "End of conversation."
Dean and Castiel both folded their arms and turned away from each other shrugging angrily.
Sam face palmed heavily and repeatedly.
Suddenly, the Doctor (Doctor Who?) slammed his TARDIS into the DeLorean at 88 miles per hour, merging the two vessels.
"Excellent," smiled the Doctor as he surveyed the shocked trio, "Hey. Sorry about your car, but well you seem to have run down so to speak. Maybe I can help you out," he smiled as he peered out of the windscreen at Lucifer, who was wiping his angel dick across the windscreen.
"… Charming," he scoffed with a wiggle of his eye brow.
"Who the hell are you?" inquired Dean, pulling a handgun from his jacket.
The Doctor leapt forward, snatched the gun and tossed it out the window.
"Sorry but I don't really like guns. Bit of a pacificist really, except for that time when I destroyed my own race… and the Daleks… more than once…"
He sort of lost his trail of thought and wandered back up to the TARDIS control panel. Dean, Sam and Castiel followed him up.
"So who the hell are you? A leprechaun or something? Is this another Fairy posing as an alien thing?" asked Dean, nervously remembering his last encounter with fairies.
"Fairies? Oh my, that sounds excellent," marvelled the Doctor with a twinkle in his eye, "but no, I'm not a fairy. I'm a Time Lord."
"How does one kill a Time Lord?" asked Castiel bluntly.
"With great difficulty," The Doctor muttered under his breath, as he fiddled with his knobs.
"What is a Time Lord exactly," probed Sam. The use of the verb 'probe' made Dean feel a little uncomfortable.
"Well, we're sort of… Lords… who control Time… sort of. It's a big wibbly wobbly timey wimey thing, but it's flexible enough to manipulate where appropriate."
"You can change the past?" asked Dean hopefully.
"Most of it, there are certain fixed points I can't change. But shut up about that, I'm getting us out of here before Lucifer shoots us with the gun I so carelessly tossed out into his reach."
And sure enough Lucifer had taken up the gun to shoot through and break the window.
"I believe this calls for one of your human fucks," noted Castiel wryly.
"Save your reproduction for later," cackled Doctor as he stroked a particularly large knob all the way up to the tip, releasing the time energies needed to blast off.
And with that, the TARDeLorean hybrid they had created whizzed away to an unknown point in space… and time…
"Here we are, safe and sound back in good old England," smiled the Doctor.
He turned to say something else when Castiel touched him, sending a shockwave of energy and apparently killing the Doctor. He fell to the ground, slumping back. Blood a shade lighter than usual gushed from all of his orifices, even the ones that didn't really count.
"My God Cas, you've crossed a line," gasped Sam, "You're still evil aren't you? You didn't learn a thing from the thing with the Leviathans."
"I did what I had to. There was no other choice. I needed him to shut up."
"Cas," choked Dean, "you're breaking my heart."
Castiel's gaze narrowed angrily, "Fuck you guys, I'm going to open Purgatory again."
Dean pulled out his dick.
"That is the worst weapon choice ever," noted Sam, "You won't do any damage with that pathetic limp piece of cock."
"That's not what your mom said last night."
"STFU."
Eventually the boys put aside their differences and dealt with the question posed to them, by their situation rather than the feature of a chat site: What were they going to do with Doctor Who's corpse?
In the end, they buried him in the woods after his brutal murder. Then, they fled for the hill's to regroup and plan to take out Castiel once and for all.
Meanwhile, the woods were silent. Suddenly there was a lot of glowing and the Doctor crawled out of his shallow grave, having regenerated into yet another lovely British actor.
Huzzah!
To be continued…