Just Wanted You to Know
Betaread by StopTalkingAtMe
Chapter Three
Rimmer looked out of the shuttle window at the Red Dwarf. It felt like he was leaving for his doom and that he'd never see the place he considered home again. It seemed like he was heading for his own funeral and not his father's. It would be the first time he had seen his family in many years and it wasn't exactly something he was looking forward to. He had a love-hate relationship with his family. He did everything for them to love him and they hated him anyway, which in turn ended with him hating them back over time, while still trying to make them love him.
He turned to the woman sitting next to him, unable to figure out why she was with him. She hated him, and he didn't like her. He had to spend hours listening to Lister tell him about how wonderful she was. He'd already been jealous of her before Lister started talking about her all the time. She had the job that he wanted and had scored perfect marks, going straight into an officer's role from the academy she'd attended six or seven years earlier and had steadily worked her way higher up the ranks until she was working in the drive room itself with the first officers.
"Why are you with me?" Rimmer asked. He hadn't been game to ask while still on the ship, afraid that if he did the captain would send someone worse.
"It's not like I wanted to be here," the woman snapped. The feeling was mutual; she didn't want to be with him either. "If Captain Hollister didn't order me to accompany you, I wouldn't be here."
"I'm not a child, Officer Kochanski." He crossed his arms and glared at the woman who outranked him. "I am capable of travelling by myself." Normally he wouldn't dare speaking out of turn to an officer.
"The captain doesn't exactly think you're mentally stable, especially after you painted him a couple of weeks ago."
"He was wearing a chicken costume, I figured I was still hallucinating after Lister fed me Titan mushrooms, especially after what I'd seen earlier that day," Rimmer defended himself. He'd seen multiple version of himself, Lister and Officer Kochanski earlier that day. He'd assumed Hollister was just a continuation of that hallucination.
Kochanski raised an eyebrow. "That is not the only incident, Rimmer. Look, I won't be with you the whole time. I'll make sure that you get to your family home. I will then spend a few days enjoying this unexpected planet leave to go shopping and catch the next shuttle back to the Red Dwarf at the end of the week. Io's a lovely settlement. I used to come here for holidays with my family. You're lucky you got to grow up here."
Rimmer scoffed. It was a pleasant moon if you didn't have his family. "So Captain Hollister's not sending you to keep me guard and make sure I return."
"You and I both know Captain Hollister would prefer it if you never returned. This is to make sure you don't do anything stupid that represents the JMC in a poor light while we're still on company time."
Rimmer just sighed. It was true that no one would miss him if he died. He had no one. No one on the ship and no one at home. If he disappeared no one would notice, and if they did notice they wouldn't care. Lister had been kind to him the past couple of days, but that didn't make up for the months of pranks and insubordination from the other man. He was probably faking being nice to get rid of him sooner.
- Red Dwarf -
Rimmer gulped as he stood in front of the funeral home. Kochanski had escorted him to the family estate, which was empty. He was running late for the funeral and had assumed he'd missed it. He dropped his bags in his old room and then caught a taxi to the venue. He was so nervous and was starting to think that he would pass out, it took a lot of effort to walk into the parlour and not just get on the next shuttle back to the Red Dwarf.
He walked in and took a seat at the back. Everyone was milling around and talking. The actual service hadn't started yet despite the fact that he'd been late. Glancing around, he caught sight of Mother, Frank and Janine, and Howard with a woman and three children he didn't know. He couldn't see John anywhere. His Uncle Frank's family were in the row behind his mother with Janine's parents. He saw many people that he knew, distant relatives, past employees of the family, teachers from the school his father taught at, family friends, including a few he knew for a fact his mother had slept with. There were also many people that he didn't know.
He watched his family as his mother scolded Frank. Probably because his children were getting fussy. He wished so much to be able to sit with them and be included as part of the family. He didn't belong even with his own family. His mother would tell him to leave if she knew he was here, or at the very least pretend in front of everyone else that he was a wanted member of the family before sending him away. Why couldn't he find somewhere he belonged? Why was he an outcast even in his own family?
A woman he didn't know who was sitting with Howard picked up a crying child and moved to the back row, his row. He hoped that she would ignore him, but sadly she was in a chatty mood.
"Friend or family?" the woman asked.
"Family," Rimmer replied.
"Same. I don't believe we've met before. You must be one of the distant cousins. I'm Karen, Henry was my father-in-law, so sad what happened to him. He was still young. This is my daughter Cassie." She introduced the crying child.
"Arnold," he replied, not elaborating on how he was related. She didn't react like she recognised his name at all. Rimmer felt insulted that Howard had got married without even telling him. That his sister-in-law didn't even know he existed, that he didn't know she existed before today.
His father had been a mess after his attempted suicide and several strokes; his death itself wasn't unexpected. Having a heart attack, however, had been unexpected.
"I wish they would start already. Cassie is due for a sleep and doesn't like all these strangers," Karen complained. "All because John hasn't shown up yet, the funeral was already delayed because of him, he didn't even help at all, leaving everything up to his poor mother, my Howie, Frank, Janine and I."
He wanted to tell the woman to take her crying kid outside until the service started so she didn't disturb everyone.
"I highly doubt that she would've been that upset about his passing," Rimmer replied, looking in his mother's direction. He could tell she was faking being upset. He'd seen her upset enough times to know when his mother was pretending.
"How could you say that? Elaine just lost her husband. She is devastated," Karen shrieked at him. Several people looked his way. Arnold gave his second cousin a short wave, his cousin waved back, and everyone went back to their previous conversations when they realised who he was. No one coming over to talk to him, ignoring him like they always did. "You obviously don't know the family that well at all if you could say that."
"You're the one that doesn't know the family. I know them better than I would like. They didn't love each other. It was a marriage of convenience. If they did love each other, she wouldn't sleep around and he wasn't exactly faithful either." His father's affairs weren't common knowledge or as frequent as his mother's, but he did have a few over the years.
"How dare you! I've been married into the family for eight years and have known them even longer," Karen shouted. She picked up her crying baby and stalked off, insulted.
Rimmer was somewhat happy he could brood on his own again. Sadly that wasn't to be the case for long. A couple around his father's age arrived late and sat next to him.
"We thought we'd missed it, have they started yet?" the wife asked.
"The family is waiting for John to turn up before they start," Rimmer replied. Why was everyone in a chatty mood today? He just wanted to be left alone to brood.
"Karen is staring daggers at you, what did you do?" The woman's husband chuckled.
"Oh, I just mentioned that her mother-in-law doesn't miss her father-in-law because she has a string of men on the side. She took offence," Rimmer replied.
"Ah yes, Elaine's ways aren't spoken about even if we know what she is like. I tried telling Karen, but she wouldn't listen," the woman agreed.
Arnold was talking happily with the older couple. He was surprised to actually get along with them and that they agreed with several of the things he'd said.
"I don't remember if I know you or not. Have you known the family long?" Rimmer asked.
"We're Karen's parents, Keith and Sandra Bell." Keith held out his hand which Arnold shook. "Known the family for years, longer than Karen's been with Howard. We actually weren't happy with her marrying into the family; they keep far too many secrets."
"Arnold Rimmer. I don't blame you for not liking them. I don't like them either, I left the family as soon as I could. I hated him."
"If you hated him, why turn up to his funeral?" Sandra asked, an eyebrow raised.
"Make sure he is actually dead. Not like the time he tried to commit suicide. Janine asked me to come, wants me to meet her kids," Rimmer replied.
"So he really did try to commit suicide? Elaine told me he had surgery because of a stroke," Karen replied.
Rimmer nodded. "I was in the room at the time Father shot himself. Gave me a lecture about how you could survive anything with a good crew cut. Mother told everyone the surgery was the result of a stroke since he'd already had two or three by that point." Karen's parents didn't seem to be surprised by his identity.
Rimmer's conversation was interrupted when John came rushing in. His oldest brother walked to his mother and was talking to her, Frank and Janine in a hushed tone. Howard was now at the back with Karen on the other side of the hall, trying to keep her calm. Karen was either trying to get her parents to come over to her or indicating that Arnold should go away. Howard hadn't noticed him. After a hushed discussion, John stood at the microphone.
"Sorry to interrupt. Before we start, I need to know if Arnold is here," John announced. "Not you, Mr. Benet," John said to the man that stood up. "Arnold Rimmer. Not you either, Uncle Arn," John said to their great uncle, who was near the front. He was close in age to Rimmer's father and Uncle Frank.
"Do they mean you?" Sandra asked him in a hushed tone.
Rimmer nodded. He hated being singled out. Was his family going to kick him out of the service? Rimmer stood up slowly, shaking nervously, having no clue what this was about. May as well get it over and done with. Maybe they were going to humiliate him in front of everyone and actually kick him out.
"Oh thank goodness," John said, running off the stage to the back of the hall. He pulled Arnold into a hug. "I need to talk to you outside," John told him in a quiet voice. Janine and Frank were both making their way to the back, their children staying with her parents.
"We'll be starting shortly," he heard his mother saying. "Just a small family emergency we need to sort out first."
His mother walked out with Howard and Karen, who was still holding baby Cassie.
- Red Dwarf -
"You don't want me here do you," Arnold assumed. He still wasn't sure why John asked for him and then hugged him. It had to be a trick, to make him feel loved and missed, and then kick him out. Giving him false hope that they actually did care about him.
Mother had that look of disapproval and for once it was aimed at John instead of Rimmer. Mother demanded, "John, what is this about? Did you really need to make that type of display? Whatever you need to say to your brother, couldn't it wait till after the service?"
John still hadn't let go of Arnold. It was like he was trying to stop him from running away which Rimmer wanted to do.
"Brother?" Karen asked in confusion, looking between Arnold and his brothers, taking in the family resemblance.
"I for one am glad you could make it, Arnold," Janine greeted him. She didn't sound like she actually meant it and was just being polite.
"Thank you, Janine. You are looking even better in person then you looked over the video link," Rimmer replied.
"What, you talked to him? When?" Frank asked his wife.
"I had to make sure someone told him that his father is dead. It turned out that you hadn't told him, Mother." Janine turned to her mother in law.
"I did tell him, I sent him a letter," his mother replied.
"A letter," Arnold exclaimed. "Do you have any idea how long it takes to get mail? Christmas will have come and gone before I get my next lot of mail."
"You sent him a letter!" John and Frank said together.
"I assumed you called him," Frank continued. Howard nodded in agreement.
"What is going on? Who is he?" Karen yelled.
A few people were loitering in the doorway. They could hear excited whispering about Arnold and wondering where he had been from those who did know him or knew of him.
"The black sheep of the family," Rimmer replied.
"You're not the... well, I guess you are, aren't you," Howard responded, sending sheepish looks towards his wife.
"Howard," Karen said in a firm voice.
"Arnold is our brother," John replied. "Our youngest brother."
"Then how come I've never heard of him?" Karen asked.
"To be fair, I've never heard of you either," Rimmer noted.
There was silence from the Rimmer family.
"Well?" Karen demanded.
"It's a really long story," Howard told his wife.
"Short version. Long version after the funeral," Karen insisted.
"Short version, they hated me, I didn't fit in so I left," Rimmer explained. That was the shortest version possible. The full version really was long.
"Howard," Karen glared at her husband. "Why did you never mention another brother to me?"
"Well, you see Arnold got himself legally emancipated when he was only fourteen. It really upset Mother and Father that he left the family on his own accord," Howard told her.
"Not to mention that the courts agreed and he won the case," John added. "Arnold's legal team was pushing for child abuse charges. He probably would've won too if he wasn't just happy with leaving." John glared at his mother who was looking ill. She pressed her lips together, wishing her children would shut up, especially since they were in public.
"Because of how much it upset Mother and Father we stopped talking about him, and it became such a habit that I never even gave him a thought," Howard admitted.
"Mother and Father didn't want anyone to know that something was wrong and start questioning why Arnold won the case in the first place," Frank told her. "Mother would cry anytime anyone would mention him."
"What are we all doing out here, causing a scene? Everyone will be wondering what is going on. You know how much Mother hates to cause scenes," Rimmer reminded his family.
"Arnold," John said to him in a stern voice. Rimmer turned and looked at his brother, scared about what he was going to say. He didn't like that look and it gave him the feeling his whole life was going to get turned upside down, inside out and chewed up and spat out like one of Lister's toe nails. "Yesterday afternoon the mining ship belonging to the Jupiter Mining Corporation known as the Red Dwarf suffered a radiation leak. There was only one survivor, who is in stasis. The radiation is so high that no one can get him out. Everyone else who was on board at the time is dead."
"Everyone that I know and have worked with for the past fifteen years is dead," Rimmer said slowly. "Except for Miss Kochanski who is on planet leave." He didn't mention that Officer Kochanski was only off the ship because she was escorting him. "What about Lister, is he still alive? It was only yesterday morning that I saw them putting him in stasis for smuggling a cat, just before I left to come to Father's funeral." He'd left the ship yesterday around lunch time. He'd missed dying with the rest of the crew by mere hours.
"Dave Lister survived, not that it will do him any good. By the time it is safe enough to release him from stasis, everyone her knew will be long dead. John confirmed.
" Everyone else is really dead?" Rimmer asked. John sighed and nodded before Rimmer passed out.
- Red Dwarf -
His mother was crying and holding him when he woke up. John was holding his hand, Frank was holding Janine's shoulder, and Howard was having a fight with Karen. He could hear hushed whispers from the doorway.
"Oh, my baby, I almost lost you. You were always my favourite. You needed me more than your brothers, made me feel like a real mother," his mother told him through sobs. She was patting his hair which she hadn't done since he was a small child. He wasn't sure he believed what she was saying.
"Sorry to dump this on you now, Arnie. I thought it was best you hear it from me, it's why I was late today. Word is already starting to spread about what happened," John told him in a quiet voice.
"It's real, I didn't dream it?" Arnold asked in a heartbroken voice.
John nodded. "I saw the video footage myself."
"We've held everyone up long enough. We'll get your father's funeral out the way and then talk," Mrs Rimmer told her children.
- Red Dwarf -
Arnold sat between John and Janine during the service. They insisted that he was family and should sit up the front. In a daze, he listened as his mother, John, Frank, Uncle Frank and other close family and friends got up and spoke about the man he called Father. Howard didn't speak and Arnold was told not to talk, not that he could even if he wanted to. He was still in shock from finding out everyone he knew was now dead.
"Arnold, ever heard the saying if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all?" John said to him.
"Of course," Rimmer whispered.
"Can you think of anything nice to say about Father?" John whispered.
Rimmer's silence was all they needed to hear to know that he couldn't.
Arnold was surprised that the slideshow had pictures and family portraits with himself. There was even one with just him and his father at the piano that he'd never seen before. His father was smiling and even looked proud. He seemed to be three in that picture, before his parents learnt he couldn't read music and could only play by ear.
- Red Dwarf -
Before they knew it, the funeral was over. People came up, wishing the family all the best. The ones that knew Arnold were asking what he'd been up to since he wasn't around anymore.
"I work for the Jupiter Mining Corporation," Rimmer replied. "Have done for the past fifteen years." He never elaborated what ship, department or rank or duties he performed. He didn't need sympathy if they knew about the accident already. He'd already heard a couple talking about it, working out who from Io were on the ship. It was mostly people from the families who worked for families like his own. Or those who could not get into the Space Corps like himself but still wanted to be in space.
- Red Dwarf -
He answered his phone just as his mother was saying her last goodbyes to the few remaining relatives.
"Rimmer, have you heard?" Kochanski asked in a panic. "About the Red Dwarf."
"Yes, I've heard," he replied, relieved to be talking to someone from the ship, even if it was the snooty console officer.
"What are you going to do now?" she asked. "I'm planning to catch a shuttle home after the enquiry has finished. Time to change jobs I think. If I didn't go with you, I'd be dead. Everyone is dead."
"Not everyone. My brother John said it didn't affect the stasis chambers. Lister is still alive," Rimmer told her.
"You can't tell anyone that," John scolded him, snatching his phone. "It is meant to be a secret."
"She'd guess that he is still alive. Officer Kochanski is from the Red Dwarf, she knows Lister is in stasis," Rimmer replied.
"Officer Kochanski?" John said into the phone.
"Yes. Who's this?"
"I'm Commander John Rimmer from the special forces of the Space Corps. You must understand that the fact that David Lister is still alive is to be kept secret."
"I'm not allowed to talk about what goes on aboard the Red Dwarf outside of JMC staff," Kristine replied. "I wouldn't tell anyone."
John handed the phone back to Rimmer, but he wasn't actually sure what to say. He just listened as she reminisced about her friends. She needed to talk to someone who would understand, and he was that person for the first time in his life. He didn't have any friends on the ship, but he'd lost everyone as well.
- Red Dwarf -
It felt awkward being in the family home again. His room was also exactly as he left it. A child's room, not his. Everything that he considered his was in his room aboard Red Dwarf. He could not go back there without dying of radiation exposure. All his items had been exposed to radiation and even if the scutters survived the radiation leak and could get his stuff out the ship, he still wouldn't be able to go near it for a few hundred years. He had nothing and didn't want to live with his mother, Howard, Karen and their daughter Cassie in the old family home. He didn't want to live with Frank, Janine and their family either because he felt like he was imposing, plus Frank knew how he felt about Janine.
"You can live with me," John offered. "I have a little house on Calypso. I'm not there very often, being in the special forces and all. Plus it would deter squatters, and I know you'd take care of the place, you're tidier than both Howard, Frank and me."
"I don't need your charity," Rimmer pouted. "I can afford to buy my own house if I wanted to."
"It can even be until you decided what you want to do. No point in buying a house when you don't know what you're going to do yet. You still have to attend the investigation meetings with Officer Kochanski about the Red Dwarf disaster."
"Don't remind me." Rimmer sighed.
Sandra, Karen's mother, walked over to him.
"Arnold, I've just heard about your workplace," Sandra said to him with sympathy. "I'm sorry to hear about your friends."
Rimmer nodded. He didn't want to correct her and tell her that he didn't have any friends. How could he explain that he worked in the same location for just under fifteen years and had nobody? Maybe this was the new start he needed; he had become stagnant in a dead-end career. It was obvious to anyone who knew him that he wasn't going anywhere. Sandra was lovely and meant what she said.