CHAPTER THREE

JACOB'S POV

After I finally found my clothes and put the shredded remains on (don't worry I was decent) I looked up to see the most annoying pest in the world….

It was MIKE NEWTON….

Was he really THAT desperate? He knows Bella and Edward are married and have a freaking KID. Yet he still chases her.

lizzy-the-ripper: Wait a minute. Hold up! Last time I checked, Mike wasn't the only one stalking Bella.

Jake: No I-

lizzy-the-ripper: Oh wait, never mind. You just followed Bella around like a lost puppy *pun intended* until you could creepily imprint on her evil demon-spawn minutes after it ripped out of her already tender human flesh. Carry on, carry on.

Jake:….Anyway….

I smirked. What a loser. I can't wait to see Edward kick his ass all the way to Forks and back. As I was imagining Mike flying through the air, screaming like a terrified school girl, I noticed something in his hands…is that a…a…a KAREOKE MACHINE? Wow I never really thought he'd sink so low as to sing cheesy 80's love songs to Bella. Oh well…I think I'm going to let this one be a surprise.

NORMAL POV

Jacob walked out of the woods, dressed and in human form, smirking. Jacob had already known that Edward was reading his thoughts as to why he had a smile as big as a Cheshire cat's. "Don't tell Bella but after I got dressed I saw…well I saw MIKE NEWTON!" Edward laughed a little and nodded as if to say "Okay I won't tell." Jasper sensed Edward and Jacob's humor and quietly sauntered over. Within two seconds he was beside Edward asking "What's so funny?" Edward told him in a hushed tone just exactly who Jacob had spotted in the woods when he was changing. "Okay, but if Bella murders him, I'm not hiding the body" He said and chuckled.

MIKE'S POV

Ohmygosh…I was so nervous! "I knew I should have put more eyeliner on" I thought to myself…Lord knows I don't want to look shabby for my soul mate. I don't care if she's married to Edward. She just doesn't know that I'm so much cooler than him and I could EASILY kick his ass. After all, I AM pretty strong. I caught myself in a mirror and couldn't help but stop and gaze at my perfectly chiseled features: that gorgeous hair, those amazing eyes, oh I could go on forever. Just because people say I'm full of myself doesn't mean I don't have reason to be…ah but enough of my epicness. I must get to Bella, so she can finally see what it's like to not have to deal with that icky Edward Cullen again.

I turned on my Karaoke machine and began practicing, belting out my beautiful heaven-sent voice. Yes, this will have Bella down on her knees, begging me to free her from Edward. After I finished singing, I practiced my signature "sexy eyes" (gets the girls every time) and sauntered out of the woods.

NORMAL POV

After the family had finally calmed down, they decided to sit and talk for a while. Esme and Carlisle had snuck off to dinner earlier but were now looking into each other's eyes lovingly, Carlisle whispering in Esme's ear. Every now and then a soft giggle would be heard from Esme. Alice had finally returned to her "normal" self and both her and Jasper were sitting close, resting their heads on one another. Pete and William were playing guitar, while a soft "hold your head high, heavy heart" could be heard from William.

Everything seemed as if it were perfect, until Pete saw a guy walking out of the woods doing some weird eye twitching thing. "Hey who's that?" He asked. Bella looked up to see who it was and to her horror it was Mike Newton…

BELLA'S POV

Today had been a weird day, but it seemed very peaceful now, with Edward singing sweet, soft melodies into my ear and I singing along with him, my still slightly unusual tinkling voice (just a part of being a vamp) just above a whisper.

Then, despite Edward singing softly to me, I heard Pete stop stroking his guitar strings in the distance. "Hey who's that?" I heard him say. At first I didn't really care who it was, but I heard a twinge of worry in his voice, as if this person could possibly be a threat. I lifted my gaze from the wedding ring on Edward's finger to the direction Pete was looking…

Oh no. Oh please no. Not now. Not when everything was just becoming semi-normal. Not that pest MIKE NEWTON! I felt a hiss escape my lips as he approached me. Does he have EYELINER on?!? GROSS. Just as he was about to approach me he went to do a hair flip and suddenly stopped. What the hell is he looking at now?

MIKE'S POV

From the look on Bella's face my "sexy eyes" must be working. Now to seal the deal with a hair flip . Mid-hair flip I saw the most beautiful person in the world…

The person I saw was the ever so FOINE Punk Prince of Power Pop PETE WENTZ!!!

This was the chance of a lifetime!! Any thirteen year old girl would have basically raped him (I would have done the same). I had to find a way to impress him. OH! I KNOW!!

I'll sing! It's fool-proof! Nobody can resist my heaven-sent voice! Not even Pete!

I sauntered over to Him, with his sexy brown eyes and jet black hair. "Hey sweet thang." I said coating my voice with flirt-ness "Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Are you Jamaican? Cuz you Jamaican me crazy!" Pete opened his mouth to protest but I shushed him with one finger pressed against his velvety-soft lips.

"Don't speak!" I said in my most sultry voice "Your eyes say it all!!!"

PETE'S POV

I was playing my guitar while William sang, relaxing for the first time since I turned that Jasper guy emo. You know, after all that had happened, things had been pretty intense. But everything was fine now. I looked up to take in the beautiful landscape around me when I saw something curious in the distance. I squinted my eyes to see some guy walking towards all of us, swinging his hips like a two month old that can't walk properly. He looked like he had eyeliner on. Ew, it wasn't exactly working for him, in the fact that it basically made him look like somebody punched him in both eyes.

I looked over towards everyone else and asked, "Hey who's that?" Bella was the one to look up. When she saw him, she looked like she was about to rip him to shreds and serve the remnants of his body to the vultures for their very own smorgasbord. For a minute I thought I saw her lips curl into a ferocious snarl, but I'm not sure because a second later she was composed with a somewhat plastic looking smile on her face.

The thing is, that scared me more than the snarl.

The guy who looked like he swung for the other team/had sugar in the tank/drove on the left side of the road/set my gaydar off on flaming homosexual was walking towards Bella and doing what looked like a hairflip but I thought was turrets. Not a good idea, buddy. She's going to fucking MAME you.

As he was doing the poor attempt at a hairflip, he stopped and looked at me. Crap, now he's changed his course to me! Sorry, dude, but I don't swing that way. "Hey sweet thang" he said eyeing me creepily. "Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Are you Jamaican? Cuz you Jamaican me crazy!"

Oh my god. Seriously? Did that word vomit just escape his mouth? Those are the WORST pickup lines I have EVER heard! I opened my mouth to tell him off but he shoved his finger in my face and said in some low crackly voice that sounded like someone was shoving a fork straight into the ear he was whispering in "Don't speak! Your eyes say it all!"

"I wish they'd shut up!" I said from behind his finger that was still shoved all up in my grill, yo. Before I could do anything else he whipped out what looked like a portable karaoke machine…

Oh God. Please don't tell me he's going to sing!! From the sound of that crackly voice he just talked in, I didn't want to find out how ghastly his SINGING would be. Plus, everyone knows only Patrick can serenade me. Ahh, that heaven sent voice. He had the voice of a thousand angels and the vibrato of a shivering orgasm. I sighed. Oh crap I shouldn't be thinking this stuff. I don't swing that way! Pete, you're not gay. You're not gay. You can't help it if Patrick is a sexy piece of man-candy that you want to snog like a rabid woodland creature. Ahhh STOP IT!!! Okay think, dead puppies. Yea that helps. Dead puppies. Dead puppies. There, much better.

Anyway, I didn't even know the creep. Why was he trying to win ME over? Oh yea that's right. I'm the Punk Prince of Power Pop Pete Wentz and I'm irresistible. And I mean, yea, it's cool when I'm trying to pick up chicks, but not weirdo's like THIS.

So he took the poor excuse of savage machinery called a karaoke machine out and started playing….oh god no….not….not….MY GIRL! He can't be shaming The Temptations like that! OH GOD NO!

"I've got sunshiiiiine! On a cloudy day! When it's cold outsiiiiiide. I'm in the month of Maaaay! I….GUESS…..YOU…..SAY…..WHAT-CAN-MAKE-ME-FEEL-THIS-WAY!! PETE WENTZ! *in higher tone background vocals* pete wentz! pete wentz! *back to lead vocals* Talkin' 'bout Peeeeete Weeeentz! PETEWENTZ!" he kept singing so badly, I felt like running away screaming my head off, but the thing is, he was trying to DANCE with me!! He basically had me in a vice grip and was swinging me around like a ragdoll. OH THE HORROR!!! I'M TOO SEXY TO DIE!!!