True to her word Eva sent round an officer to drive us to work, we hadn't told any one about us yet so it was going to be difficult to explain, thankfully we didn't have to as Eva was already there and she had already informed Jack Meadows that she was going to being using the station as her office to run this investigation. There was already a hoard of press out there so we were able to sneak in the back way. I dumped my stuff on my desk then I headed towards Neil's office, he was at the door beckoning me in. After he closed the door he held me tight and kissed me, this wasn't the first tryst we had had during to working day.
"It's going be ok" he whispered, I could hear that he wished his words were true, or that he could guarantee they would be.
"Neil, I've been thinking" I started, he looked worried
"Uh-oh" he murmured, running his finger down my cheek.
"If he wants me…why don't we use that to our advantage, he doesn't know I'm a copper and he wont be expecting it" I started trying to phrase my plan rationally, the problem was it was anything but rational, even I knew that. He pulled away from me.
"You're suggestion we use you as bait?" he spat furious that I had even considered it. "No way, I'm not going to let you be put at risk, you can't" his voice changed from angry to pleading at the end and I felt really guilty. "I love you, please promise me, for today, you won't leave the office." He pleaded. I could hear a note of urgency in his voice.
"I promise" I murmured, "But I still think we should give my idea a shot"
"No! I can't lose you, not like…" he trailed off and my eyebrows knitted together, "Like who?" I demanded, "Like Phillipa?" I couldn't believe this. I didn't know if my heart was still beating or not, but I could feel the blood rush to my head as my anger grew as he still refused to answer.
"I can't believe you, you tell me you love me and all this time you've been thinking about her?"
"No, that's not it" he protested reaching out towards me but I stepped back and he let his hand drop to his side, the look on his face was pained.
"What is it like then? Did she ask you to get back together and now you wish you had accepted, tried again?"
"No–" he sighed, "She did ask me to give it another go yes, but I said no, I said I loved someone else, you. And I still do, but…before we got together…" he trailed off turned to face the window, "Before we got together there was someone else, even though I was with Phillipa, I didn't love her, not like I love you, but I did care for her"
My throat felt constricted, "And you lost her?"
He nodded, "She died" he said simply. I wanted to know who it was but I could see it hurt him to talk about it so I didn't push it, he would tell me if and when he was ready. I stepped over to where he was standing, still facing the window and I circled my arms around his waist, leaning my head on his back and breathing in the scent of his cologne. He twisted in my arms and wrapped his arms around me, holding me close. "I'm sorry" I whispered.
"It's ok, you didn't know" he murmured. I decided I could push my idea another time, maybe I could take it up with Eva, though he would hate me for it I didn't want this hanging over our heads. We were still locked in our embrace when the door opened and we jumped apart like guilty teenagers.
"It's ok, it's only me" Eva laughed. It seemed, once she had gotten used to the idea, she liked knowing something that no one else did. I smiled back at her, kissed Neil goodbye then headed back out to the office, it was clear she wanted to talk to him about something.
I was working a robbery case with Suzie and Zain so I thought I should go and do that. Suzie filled me in on what they had learnt so far and I nodded, pleased. "Ok, Suzie you go and talk to Malcolm McKenna again. Zain, you chase up associates of Calvin Glen"
They nodded and were about to leave when Zain asked me, "What are you going to do Sarge?"
I looked over to see Neil standing at the door of his office, listening to our conversation, I raised my voice slightly to make sure he heard me, "I'm going to be a good girl and stay in the office, probably catch up on some paperwork"
Zain grinned, "Rather you than me" he smirked and hurried off after Suzie. Neil walked over as she sat down at her desk, standing behind her me murmured, "Thankyou"
"I'm not going to drop it though, I don't want this hanging over us, always having to look over our shoulders" I maintained
"I know, I don't want this anymore than you do, but I don't want to lose you either" Neil muttered laying his hand comfortingly on my shoulder, my head inclined towards his hand instinctively but I stopped it, he applied a bit of pressure for comfort then withdrew his hand and headed back to his office. I got up immediately and tried to find Eva. I found her in the largest briefing room, her team assembling their case and pinning victims pictures up on white boards, I swallowed hard seeing what damage he had done but I steeled myself and walked over to Eva who had a corner of the office to herself.
She saw me coming and sighed, "Before you start Sam Neil outlined your plan for me and, as much as I detest him, he is right, it's too dangerous."
"So you want to just wait and hope you catching him before he gives up on me?" I asked, my anger rising, why had Neil told her, he had no right, he was probably trying to stop me going over his head. Maybe he ordered Eva not to involve me more than I already was, that wasn't fair. "Neil really cares about you Sam, you're lucky to have someone who loves you that much. And even if he hadn't talked to me my answer would still have been no" I sighed and stalked out of the office. The next few days were going to be unbearable, after that I suppose I'll get into some sort of routine.
"He likes you, you know that right?" Phil asked me, God the jealousy complex this man can harbour is amazing. I didn't say anything and he took that as conformation, "You are using that aren't you?" he accused, "You using that so you don't have to leave the station" he is unbelievable.
"Firstly, Neil does not have a crush on me, and secondly, you think I want to stay in the station, frankly I'd rather be out there nicking crims. But bloody MIT have a bee in their bonnet and they believe that I should stay within a stones throw of one of their officers at all times. Do you think I like my home being invaded?" I spat, he looked surprised, the stupid Muppet.
"Why?" he asked, damn good question, I decided to have a little fun. He had been hounding me for months anyway, I'm amazed that Neil has been able to abstain from punching him in the gob.
"Last night I was out clubbing" I started, I could see his eyes light up and his brain cogs shake off the rust and kick into gear, he was wondering what I was wearing, I waited for him to ask.
"What were you wearing?" bingo.
"Black dress, spaghetti straps, came down to here," I made the dress about an inch or two shorter than it really was. "Has silver threads woven through it, skin tight, low cut, front and back" I could see Phil mentally kicking himself for not being there, this was just too easy. When I thought he couldn't take any more without drooling I went back to my story, "Anyway, I was there with my boyfriend–" I stopped as his face changed, I was smiling slightly, but hiding it well.
"Boyfriend –what?" he demanded
"My boyfriend" I repeated, "And, as far as we worked out, we were kissing when someone slipped something into my drink, they think it's the same guy that MIT's trying to catch, and I drank a bit of my drink then we swapped drinks and he drank the rest of it. A few minutes later he keeled over on me and I ended up spending the rest of the night in the hospital. They think he's going to come after me again, hence all the extra protection." I finished, I stopped, he was frowning.
"Boyfriend –what?" he asked and I laughed.
"You really are priceless Phil" I said as I patted him on the head and got up to leave. I passed Gina on my way out and she raised her eyebrows at me, "First I've heard of a Boyfriend" she muttered and I could tell that she felt slightly hurt I hadn't told her yet. I admit I felt a small twinge of guilt and I ushered her into her office.
"Yeah, I was meaning to talk to you about that, do you mind if I bring a date to your wedding, I know it's only a small do and you didn't want anyone from here to know but–" I realised my mistake a moment too late and stopped what I was saying. Crap.
"So it's someone from here?" Gina asked delighted, she knew I hadn't meant to divulge that piece of information.
I bit my lip "Yeah" I nodded flushing slightly.
"Oh God, you're blushing" Gina crowed and I glared at her.
"Well, we both know I can keep a secret, I haven't told anyone about your wedding yet –not even him"
"And who is he?" Gina demanded
"Can you keep a secret?" I asked, I really didn't want this spread around the station, not yet.
"Of course I can" Gina retorted incensed.
"Just checking" I muttered smirking.
"Well, who is he?" Gina demanded
I sighed and took a deep breath, "It's Neil" I blurted out before I lost my nerve.
"Neil?" Gina frowned confused, "Neil Manson?"
I nodded, "Yeah"
Gina shook her head and burst out laughing, "You've got to be kidding" she said trying to calm herself down. "Good one, but who is it really?" she was still laughing after failing to calm down. I just stood there till she realised I wasn't joking. She stopped laughing for a moment, "You're serious?" she asked incredulously. I'm sure my face was a brilliant shade of red my now. For some reason she seemed to find it even funnier when I was telling the truth and she started laughing again. "You gotta keep this under your hat, yeah?" I warned her and she grinned.
"I'll have to borrow one from Sheelagh first" she muttered and I laughed.
"That's mean" I muttered just before the door opened and Phil poked his head in. Gina was still laughing and I put my head in my hands in shame.
"Care to share the joke?' he asked guessing what it was about, I'm sure. The look on his face was a mixture of jealousy and amusement.
"Not allowed to" Gina answered and started giggling again. I decided it was better to get out of here while I still had some dignity left. I knew it would be all around the station that I had a boyfriend by lunchtime. And that was only half an hour away.
I was right, this last week had been unbearable, and yet I'm finding myself complacent with it, and that terrifies me to death, what if they never catching him. From what I've heard he is very patient and he never makes mistakes, that's what makes him so good, they have no idea who he is have no idea for anything about him. His age, hair colour, height, build, race. He could be anyone. Those are all points I've used in my arguments against Eva and Neil and they have finally agreed to let me do this, the only problem I can see is that Neil wants to be observing possible targets so I'm stuck with Phil as my date. He hadn't spoken to me since I told him I had a boyfriend, I think he's jealous. Sarcastic in case you didn't pick up on that. I'm wearing a deep purple top, not nearly as revealing as the one I was wearing last Saturday, it has a simple round cut neck, with short sleeves and I'm wearing the shortest black skirt I own. It has to be at least an inch shorter than the black dress. Phil came over –uninvited I might add– to help me pick out an outfit and I showed him the black dress I had worn before, I could see him picturing it in his mind and allowed myself a small smile. I don't want to admit it but I'm scared, scared that I'll fail. Phil and I are sitting at my kitchen table waiting for eight o'clock to roll around, everyone will be in position by then.
"I'm sorry Sam" Phil murmurs so quietly for a moment I'm not sure he even spoke.
"What for?" I ask
"For this week, when you told me about your boyfriend, I admit I was jealous, stupid isn't it? But I am sorry, I don't know why I even thought you might be interested in me, jerk that I am"
I felt a pang of guilt, I felt sorry for him, "Hey, you're not that bad" I try to comfort him, "You used to be I admit, but you're different now, if circumstances were different–"
Phil chuckled again, "You mean if I knock off your boyfriend you might have me?" he joked. I smiled a little but shook my head, "Don't even joke about that, I almost lost him last week"
"How come he's not coming out with you tonight? Surely it would be better if you were seen with the same bloke?"
I hesitated not sure how to answer that, "MIT think it will be better if he thinks I'm a player, and he wants me to be safe so he's doing his best to make sure of that" I answered, hoping Phil would think that he wanted me to be with a copper so that he might be able to save me if and when I needed saving, rather than he wanted to be on scene to check that security arrangements were up to scratch. He didn't say anything more so I assumed he did.